Hi, thanks for the very thoughtful comments'feistyflora'. Have just read this, as I haven't looked at the site. yes, you're right as I don't want to rush into things and in fact we are trying to talk things through. Also, I guess I haven't really realised how difficult it has all been for him at times too. I will also try the meditation. Hope things okay for you now also. x
In answer to your first question the answer is yes, for decades and decades! Joking aside however I am very sorry that you are having all these additional problems at such a difficult and emotional time. Without doubt when one partner is diagnosed with cancer it can put a marriage under strain. Try to remember that people often say things they don't really mean in the heat of the moment when arguments arise. You say that you are very 'open' whereas you describe your husband as 'moody and distant' but to be honest I think a lot of men clam up like that, it is just the way they are. Do you think it would help if he talked with an independent third party? For example at the hospital I attended there was a special walk-in centre where patients and their partners could go for informal advice from trained counsellors. Perhaps your hospital could direct you to an organisation that can assist with cancer-related financial problems. I don't think you should act impulsively and make any rash decisions that you may later regret with refernce to the idea of living on your own, simply because it could put you under even more stress and that is the very last thing you need right now. For your own sake try to keep calm, take one day at a time and put yourself first, this is the one time in your life when it is definitely okay to be selfish. I found that meditation was very helpful while I was undergoing treatment, perhaps you could give it a try.