Unsure how to react

[Daltocat74]

Hi kmb. I'm sorry to hear of your diagnosis but think you've been brave to share the info with your son and daughter and definitely shouldn't feel guilty. I'm starting to process the whole situation now and I'm finding that being open was the right decision for me. Like you, I hate the people I love worrying about me but I just keep thinking about how I'd feel if roles were reversed and they didn't share with me. I've been very lucky after some initial problems and I'm just counting my blessings that they found the damn thing! Take care, be kind to yourself and use that emotional support from the people that love you.

[kmb]

Just read your thread, just been diagnose d yesterday...so mixed up....so scary of the sort of "unknown"...I can relate that you don't want to tell anyone, I felt guilty for telling my s on & daughter, putting my worries on them, but then think if u don't tell them they would be upset for not knowing...can't win either way, but did feel a little relieved once I started talking about it, not advertise it, but to talk, makes it sink in but not on your own....does this makes sense?

[Daltocat74]

Spoke to the helpline as recommended and they were just fantastic. Helped me draft a list of questions for tonight when I get the mri results. I'm absolutely terrified. It's all starting to sink in now and I'm processing the fact that this is the start of a long but hopefully worthwhile journey. They offered such great support that it was a little overwhelming but I'm sure once I've made a bit more sense of things I'll take advantage of what's available. I was making plans for my 40th birthday in October just four weeks ago. I can't believe how things have changed but I'm just grateful that they found it. My best case scenario tonight will be that's it's just the small area they initially spotted on ultrasound and there's nothing on the other breast. Today is going to pass do slowly.

[jk7704]

Yes I know exactly what you mean about the attention seeking, I find telling people the hardest part because I don't want to be the one to ruin their day!!  There's nothing anyone can really say either that makes you feel any better. I think Keeks put it brillaintly & I feel just like that, (although for some reason I expected my biopsy to be bad news, I'm not very positive, trying hard to be though)!!  I'm still waiting for further diagnosis as the cancer cells they found were just on 1 of the slices of biopsy tissue they took out of 5/6 samples, so they keep saying it's tiny, but that doesn't give me much information.  I had a breast MRI last Weds and will get the results on Weds.  I'm so scared it's spread and I've now got so many aches & pains that maybe I didn't think about before, but now I'm terrified its elsewhere.  So sorry you're having to post in here, but I have found everyone fab. Good luck xx

[Murphy1963]

Hi Daltcat, I felt the very same as you.  I was diagnosed 2 weeks ago today and to be honest it still hasn't sunk in and I still feel its not happening to me.  The only time I've cried in this process so far was when I was having an ultrasound and I could clearly see a blob, I had a wee cry then, but apart from that I have been fine.  I was diagnosed after a rountine mammogram so it was totally out of the blue for me. 

I also want to tell folk but like you I feel its like I'm seeking attention, which obviously isn;t the case.  This kind of attendtion I could well do without thank you very much!!

I hope everything goes ok for you today with your MRI.

Best wishes xxx

[Robs1612]

Hi Daltcat, I can highly recommend the help line, sometimes it is easier to talk to someone that way, I have had nothing but great support and good advice from them, helps to alleviate that "alone" feeling. I was diagnosed with high grade DCIS, from a breast screening appointment to surgery for me was 6 weeks I am now 5 days post surgery for WLE (wide local excision), now another waiting period for pathology results. Didn't want to keep calling my BCN from the hospital, so the helpline here has been a life saver. Good luck. xx

[June_BCC]

Hello Sula552

Welcome to the forums, this must be very difficult time for you.  I’m sure other users will be along to support you soon. 

In the meantime, maybe you would like to talk things through with a member of our helpline staff who are there to offer practical information as well as emotional support. The free phone number is 0808 800 6000 and the lines are open Monday to Friday 9.00 to 5.00 and Saturday 10.00 to 2.00.

with best wishes

June, moderator

[Sula552]

I'm new to this and my head is completely busted. All the abbreviations, all the treatments, all the varieties of breast cancer, all the decisions to be made, it's crazy. I was diagnosed on 30th June with grade 2 hormone positive tumour.. What I don't understand and can't seem to find out is the following:-
What is the benefit of having chemotherapy to (hopefully) reduce a tumour to enable a lumpectomy? Is this procedure for cosmetic reasons, ie; to avoid a mastectomy? Or is there another medical benefit to it? Help!?

[Daltocat74]

Thank you so much and I'll look out that leaflet Keeks. I have my MRI this afternoon and I'm keeping my fingers crossed it doesn't show anything in the other breast. Should get results on Thursday and then work out where we go from there. Took so long to get the initial tests done it's just great that things are finally moving. 4 week wait for urgent referrals on NHS where I live at the moment. Thank you both very much for your replies. It's good but also very sad to know that there are people out there who know how you're feeling.

[keeks]

Hi Daltocat welcome.

sorry you have recieved the bad news. It's all very surreal isn't it. When I was told a little voice deep inside my head kept saying "they have made a mistake" even though I knew they didn't. 

I had decided I would be very upfront with everyone but as soon as I got the news I was very numb and just shut down for a bit. There is a leaflet on here about telling others and I found it useful.

one of the problems was I felt fine. Good actually and that's not what you expect, people with cancer should feel ill. I didn't.  But when you start to tell people then you have a whole new set of problems. Other people's reactions. From the "oh it's nothing to worry about these days" people to the "it's the end of the world" people. 

You have had a great shock, your emotions take time to adjust.  Some days you want to scream and cry, other days I want to just get on with it, but the waiting is torture.  Unfortunately you just end up spending time reassuring people you are ok. That's a very tiring conversation after a while.

Have a look at the recent diagnosis leaflet. Get a note book and write down questions you want answers to. When you go to appointments your mind goes blank and you tend to forget a lot of stuff. You won't know all your details untill after it is removed,  but when you get your treatment plan you will have something to focus on. I was diagnosed end Jan and my treatment finished weeks ago. Apart from a couple of hidden scars and a slightly smaller boob you would never know I have cancer.

Take care

keeks

[mary32]

Hi Daltocat

Yes, I really didn't expect it and it took a long time to get my head round it. I kept wanting to go back and asking 'are you sure?'. I suppose it's only natural really, cancer is something that happens to other people isn't it.

I understand what you mean about attention seeking too. Just tell your nearest and dearest and leave the rest until you feel more ready. There is the impulse to get on the phone and tell the world and certainly for close family and friends of course you should, their response will be supportive of you and certainly not that you are being a drama queen.

Once you start on treatment it will feel more real I can assure you!

Take care.

Mary

[Jo_BCC]

Hi Daltocat74

Welcome to the BCC discussion forums where I am sure you will get lots of good, honest support from the many informed users of this site.

While you are waiting for replies, I have put for you below the link to one of BCC's publications you might find helpful.  Also our helpline team are just a free phone call away if you need to talk to someone in confidence.  0808 800 6000 lines open weekdays 9-5 and Saturdays 10-2.

http://www2.breastcancercare.org.uk/publications/diagnosed-breast-cancer/breast-cancer-you-diagnosis...

Take care,

Jo, Moderator

[Daltocat74]

I was genuinely not expecting the consultant to say that my biopsy confirmed cancerous cells. I'm not sure I've processed the information even now. I cried a little but I feel numb at the moment and also strangely normal. I feel like I should be experiencing stronger emotions but I feel very detached from the situation. I want to tell everyone but I also feel that would be attention seeking and I feel guilty for that and also don't want to have the conversations I know other people would then need to have. Has anyone had similar feelings?