Hello everyone
I never thought I’d have to post anything on a forum to do with bc but here I am starting a path of complete uncertainty.
Having read some some of the threads the huge thing that hits me is how amazing you all are and how will I ever feel as positive as you all because at the moment I feel helpless.
Last night i had had the results of my biopsy which revealed stage 2 bc. The consultant is still waiting to see if positive or negative (??) to decide what plan of action. It’s not in lymph nodes. He said if positive it would possibly be chemo, surgery, chemo. If negative then straight for surgery. I’ve got private health care so everything is happening fast with surgery in a week and a half if negative. Thank god for my sensible husband - I’d have spent the money on shoes and handbags stupidly!
My my gorgeous children are 13 and 9 with my dd turning 10 on Monday ? Could the timing be any worse??!! However her party today is keeping me focused and busy and these two amazing people will get me through this. While sat here now I’m wondering how to get through today but I will.
Since my my biopsy on Monday my left breast has been sore so I’ve only been able to sleep in one position. I woke up Tuesday with a stiff painful neck which has hurt since. Of course my mind is telling me this is more cancer and is really worrying me - please tell me this is normal, irrational behaviour!!! My consultant has booked me a ct scan on Tuesday to put my mind at ease although he doesn’t think it’s necessary.
Another question - how did everyone approach telling their children?
Thank you you for listening. I feel so devastated at the moment. Xxxxxx
Hiya, I’m sorry you find yourself needing to join us but a very warm welcome to you ? As you have already seen it’s not all doom and gloom here and we are all very supportive of each other!
What you are feeling right now is totally normal, it’s a hideous time in the early days of diagnosis and each and every one of us here have felt as you do right now, your not mad just terrified of the unknown! It’s the knowledge you will gain in the coming weeks that will help you, you will go from feeling like your days are up to learning just how treatable BC is for the majority of us and know that you will get through this!
When he talks about positive or negative he is referring to the cancer cells being fed by certain hormones or proteins , some of us are oestrogen or progesterone + or - which are hormone related cancers and some HER2 + or - which is a protein that the cancer cells feed on, if you are + in either of them you will be given long term medication after your initial treatment to help prevent a reacurrance , if - in them all they tend to give more aggressive treatment of Chemo and radiotherapy as there are no follow on medications you can take so they hit it hard with what they have , I know this will make no sense at the minute but you will soon become an expert!
Not all BC requires Chemo , my diagnosis was oestrogen + HER2 - and I had radiotherapy and now take A hormone blocking tablet called Tamoxifen, I had my treatment on the NHS and couldn’t fault them , everything happens quickly there too, I had my op within 2 weeks of diagnosis, I do have private Heath care but I was advised to use the NHS as they excel in this area and I didn’t regret it, a bonus was I had a nice pay out after for NOT using my insurance!!
My children were in their mid 20’s when when I was diagnosed 2 years ago aged 46 but it was still very hard to tell them, younger children only really need to be drip fed bits and there is no immediate rush to tell them anything much , I would suggest waiting until you know your exact plan of action but even then they don’t need at their ages to know too much , I know ladies who have never told their children!
Please keep in touch and let us know how things go xx Jo
benandflo
I really wanted to echo what Jobey has written and just to enforce that very soon everything will make sense to you and you will have your treatment plan which will really help with your anxieties, borne on the fear of the unknown, and strangely I found it reassuring as I knew what was going to happen and when. I was diagnosed in Sept 16, Oct 16 then followed radiotherapy and I am now on 5 years of a hormone blocker because my cancer was oestrogen positive. I am back doing everything that I was doing pre op and enjoying life which did not look likely 10 months.
Lets us know how you get on and just remember we are always here for you. I only wished I had had the courage to join this wonderful forum earlier than I did as I have and get so so much support from the fabulous ladies on here.
I know it was not children I had to tell, but I left telling my mum until after my surgery as I wanted to be able to tell her exactly what was going to happen from there on in, rather than say I am having an op but not sure if I will need more surgery etc., she is eldery and lives quite far from me. She was not happy with me but totally understood why I had done it the way i had.
I would also echo the comment about the wonderful NHS, I can not praise them highly enough, I have had wonderful treatment, follow up conversations with my bcn whenever I have felt unsure about something or had a question.
Sending you a hug
Helena xxx
Hi Benandflo,
Your feelings are totally normal, I promise you! I am a very calm rational person normally but when diagnosed last year I fell apart and rationality went out of the window! Every ache and pain (which I had had for ages) became, in my mind, the cancer spreading, which of course it wasn’t.
Our children were 10 and 14 at the time. I was diagnosed the day before the Feb half term break last year so my husband and I decided to tell them the next day because we thought that the week away from school would help them come to terms with it and also I would be having lots of hospital appts over the next few weeks which would be hard to hide and may have frightened them more.The consultant was very positive that the outcome of my diagnosis would be very good so we sat them down and explained that I had been to the hospital but also explained that the doctors were very confident that it was all treatable and I would be ok. They were both very upset, the oldest asked if I was going to die (no) and would I lose my hair (hopefully not, but I couldn’t say for sure at the moment). The youngest was really angry and said he didn’t want to know and we shouldn’t have told him. We then spent the next few days doing family things and by the end of the half term things were back to normal and they were both ok. When I had hospital appts it was a normal part of conversation, “how was your appt today mum?” became as normal as “what’s for dinner?”! For us it worked well. Had my prognosis not been so good at the start then we would probably have done things differently. You know your children best and how well they handle things and so need to follow your instinct. On a positive note, my treatment (lumpectomy and radiotherapy) all finished in the middle of June last year, we went on our summer holiday as planned and I’ve since had my first clear check up. I take Tamoxifen which is fine and things are good.
Please remember that breast cancer is very treatable with very high success rates. Some people on here have even been told that if you are going to get a cancer then breast is the one to have! You will get through this and before you know it will be out the other side smiling!
Take care
Michelle xx
Hi Benandflo. I didn’t tell my children. It was 2 years ago. They were 29, 24 and 11. I had surgery and rads. The BC nurse said “if you don’t have to tell them don’t…why burden them with the worry”. However, had I had chemo, I would have told them since the treatment would’ve been difficult to hide. I told friends. It’s a very personal thing but I have no regrets. X
Thank you everyone. I’ve had a very busy day celebrating my dd’s birthday which was wonderful and really kept me going. Had my closest friends here all helping to make her day special.
I’m trying so hard to be positive but I know it’s going to be a strange road to travel.
All your comments have been so lovely to read thank you all xxxx
I was diagnosed Fri and even though it’s two.days ago I still can’t believe it. My youngest sister is getting married Thursday and even though I’ve told my parents we are trying to keep it from my sister so as not to spoil her wedding (obviously she is gonna be devastated when she finds out)…I can’t sleep worrying about the future. My 26 year old (only child) is heartbroken but I’m trying to be positive as I can see the impact my diagnosis has had on all my immediate family and new fiancé. This website has been such a comfort, lots if positive encouragement and positive feedback. Good luck to those who have been recently diagnosed and please share your tips to those who have beat this cruel disease’ a x
Gosh that must be very hard for you having to keep the news quiet and put on a happy face for your sisters wedding .Ive said this a few times before but there is never a convenient time to have cancer there is always something going on in family life that needs your time and attention and somehow you have to deal with that alongside all the stress of diagnosis .
Hi Diane,when do you see the nurse the waiting is very hard isn’t it ?