Hi all,
First I’ll introduce myself, my name is Eva, I’m 38 years old. I am still in shock saying this bu I am a mum of 3 beautiful children I am 24 weeks pregnant with my 4th and i was diagnosed with breast cancer on Thursday, 2 days ago. To say still in shock is an understatement. I will just let you know now, I have looked at one or 2 posts on this forum and I hold my hands up and say my knowledge around cancer, treatment pathways, drugs and terminology is very low, I’m sad to say I know I will be an expert in a very short time though.
How do I feel at the moment? Totally overwhelmed, inadequate and floundering. We are in the no mans land at the moment of diagnosed privately (I had to do it my head was going to explode waiting)to now moving to what I am sure will be great NHS care but no support, no knowledge, no information (they hadn’t got the full path report when I was diagnosed, they don’ know what stage I am yet or grade (I’m sill unsure what all that means…)
I think I feel angry too, why me, why now? (Why not me. why not now?). But one thing is i can say already the lovely ladies on hre are a source of inspiration for me, I will be taking the time tonight after childrens bedtime to read all the posts.
Thank you for stopping by and reading.
I’m sorry to read of recent diagnosis, its sounds like you’re having a pretty tough time at the moment. I’m sure the users of this site will be along to support you soon.
In the meantime it might help to talk your feelings through with a member of our helpline staff who are there to offer emotional support as well as practical information. The free phone number is 0808 800 6000 and the lines are open Monday to Friday 9.00 to 5.00 and Saturday 10.00 to 2.00.
Hello Eva - so sorry to read of your recent diagnosis. What a worrying time for you all and with another baby on the way. I don’t know how old your other children are, I am guessing quite young. There is a publication called “mummy’s lump” which you can download off this site - it helped me to explain to my grandson what was going to happen to me. But you don’t have your full results yet - you might be lucky and had a low grade tumour that can be dealt with easily.
Mine, unfortunately was a Grade and Stage 3 - and I had to have chemotherapy first to shrink the tumour and then a radical mastectomy as the cancer had spread into the lymph nodes in my arm pit. I also had 15 x rads just to mop up any stray cells that might have still been around. All active treatment finished for me at the end of February this year. Now I am looking forward to reconstruction and getting on with the rest of my life.
You are now in what we all call “the waiting room” - it’s the worst part of all of this. Once you know what you are dealing with there will be a plan. Just stick with the plan and keep going. Eventually you will get through it and be amazed. There is a thread in here called “the dark dark woods” - it is a type of virtual world where everything is possible and inhabited by some lovely (every so slightly wacky) ladies who are all going through their treatments.
I hope when you get the full results back that it isn’t as bad as you feared.
Debbie
Sending you big hugs for yourself, hubby and each child as you absorb this information. Take it one step at a time until you have the exact details of what type and grade of cancer they are treating. SWe will all be thinking of you . Love Tracy xxx
Eva, pleasetry not too worry. I know that is difficult! There is a lot of support on this forum the ladies here have been brillaint helping me along the way so much knowledge, compassion and good advice. Please try not too google too much, many websites, certainly the American ones are full of scary stories that are just not true. I was diagnosed with high grade DCIS clear lymph nodes 3 weeks ago and I am booked in for a mastectomy andreconstruction early January. The waiting for the various stages of diagnosis has neen a nightmare and I can honestly say that it has occupied me 24/7! So I do sympathise with you. I am now deciding which construction is best for me and still undecided, I need to decide this weekend! Enjoy your children’s routine it will help keep you focused. My thoughts are with you, pop back on and keep asking questions. Sending you positive vibes and hugs xxxxxx
So sorry to hear of your diagnosis, all your feelings are totally natural. I’ve found that as I’ve gained more knowledge I’ve become more accepting as there’s then a pathway to getting better. I’m in my first trimester (with my second) but there’s a lady on here Maria, aka Moonandmoon, who I think is about the same number of weeks pregnant as you. People on here are fab so if you have any questions about anything don’t hesitate to ask, hugs coming your way xx
Hi eva. I was diagnosed aged 37 in January this year. It was awful. In fact, I have just finished putting up my christmas tree, reflecting on how different things were this time last year. My wee boy was 2 when i was diagnosed. My world fell to pieces. I had to have a mastectomy then another op as it was in a lymph node. I lost a friend to BC 10 years ago aged 29 so I was paranoid about checking myself for lumps, under my arms etc. As it transpired, I didn;t even have a lump, just sharp pain and that is what made me go and get checked. i could not believe what i was being told that day. Now, I am through the ops, chemo, rads and on tamoxifen and now back to work. My hair is coming in and doesnt have the chemo look anymore. It is a horrible, horrible time and your life had been turned upside down and will never be the same. However, things WILL settle down once treatment is underway and you will get some form of normality back, believe me. you will be able to look at your children without thinking you wont be there for them. You will be able to go to the shops without thiking i have cancer. You have your wee one on the way to concentrate on. There are other ladies here in the same postion as you- you are not alone!!! xxxxx
Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to reply, you are a lovely lot! Yes, this “waiting room” is awful, its getting worse and worse every day (I am in to meet my doctors on Thursday) as I don’t know what I am up against. I overnight had fears about he cancer has spread (I’ve always had a sore lower back from running) but now I think its that and I’ve had a chesty cold for a couple of weeks so quite clearly i think is in my lungs. The radiologist briefly mentioned a lymph node (just the one) had reacted, thay obviously don’t know if it contains cancer until they operate but now I think its gone everywhere…its true what they say about a little knowledge being dangerous (very little in my case). I just worry that I won’t know did tell me decisively if it has spread or not as they can’t CT scan me till I’ve had the baby which is truly demoralising.
Thank you for giving me the hope that one day I will look at my kids and i will think about something else apart from the fact i wont be there for them. Whilst hey are keeping me strong, the fact I mat leave them is eating me up.
Anyway, enough of this, i can already see how it is easy to le this thing consume your every being, which is the very thing we are all trying to not let it do??
Big hugs to all.
Hello Eva,
The feelings you are having about aches and pains in other parts of your body is perfectly normal and most of us on here can understand what you are going through. We can manage to cope with it during the day then as soon as our head hits the pillow we have weird thoughts and our imagination runs riot. I got my GP to send for for all sorts of scans after my mx , bone scan , chest X rays , Mri scan and all the lot, but I became paranoid and my Oncologist referrred me to the clinical psychologist.
So you are right , do not let it consume your every thought. Be Mindful of what you are doing , whether it is having a shower or washing your hair or bathing the children , just simply concentrate on the job in question. Enjoy the moment. One of the worst times for me was when I was in the shower trying to cope with the beginning of the day. I followed some Mindfulness training and gradually learnt to think about the the smell of the shower gel and how nice my hair felt when it was conditioned and soft and silky. It may seem strange to you now as you will be so busy with your little ones.
How old are they ? We are all thinking of you and sending you lots of love and healing thoughts . Tracy xxx
Thank you Tracey, your comments are very reassuring. My mind is a scary place to be of a night. I am such a practical person (as you now sound having overcome your fears and having some mind coaching) the loss of control is frightening. My children are 18 months, 3 and 16 years old, all with such very different needs. I’ve just become a stay at home mum after years of working in the drug industry so I could concentrate on thr childten and hubbie can concentrate on career and…BANG…this happens. Sods law.
Hiya Eva, I’m so sorry to hear about your diagnosis. I know exactly the feelings you are describing, I felt them too and I’m pretty sure most of us have. I was diagnosed in March 2010, aged 36, with two sons aged 2 and 4. I felt so far removed from my normal self, and filled with horror, terror and guilt, at first but it does get a bit easier when you have a treatment plan in place and you do feel like yourself again. There are a few ladies who have been pregnant with breast cancer who pop onto the site every now and then, and I am pretty sure they will say hello when they do. However, there are pregnant ladies on our young women’s Facebook page, plus one lady who was pregnant and diagnosed 7 years ago, had chemo whilst still pregnant and her and her little girl are doing just fine. You are very welcome to join us if you like, but don’t feel obliged to. There is a thread all about it on here which I will bump up, but in case you don’t spot that, the group is called Younger Breast Cancer Network (UK) and has it’s own public page on Facebook, and then if you send a message saying who you are, and that you are a younger lady with a breast cancer diagnosis, I can send you a friend request and, once you accept, I can click you not the private chat group where your posts can only be seen by other group members, not the general public or your other Facebook friends. There’s over 130 younger ladies chatting away and it’s a great way to make you feel less isolated and less alone. Don’t feel obliged at all to join, just wanted to let you know about it in case you think it might help you. All the very best with your pregnancy and treatment, xxx
Hi Eva,
So sorry you had to join this site, I was recently diagnosed in Nov this year and although my kids are now adults I too were like you scared, angry, head like cotton wool. Not knowing what was happening until I got my care plan then things became clearer, I had a Mastectomy a week ago and lymph nodes cancerous to so will be having chemo in about January. I just try to concentrate on positive things to help take my mind of all the thoughts you think about, I thought I was a strong person but this has flawed me. All the help I have received from here has been my rock when I feel tearful or just need a rant people here will listen and not judge you as we are all in the same boat but with many different problems. Eva try to be strong and focus on your lovely family if you need a rant or a chat just jump on here and talk it through it certainly helps ease the head muddle.
Sending hugs n love
Jan x
Hello Eva,
I will be thinking of you this week as you wait to see the Consultant on Thursday. Try and keep busy with your little ones, making things for Christmas and preparing in just the way you usually do. Take a walk to the shops and get some fresh air. I found that a walk really helped me to clear my head and start to feel positive again. I became more in touch with nature seeing the birds, squirrels and insects busy in my garden, even watching the spiders weaving a web.
Take good care of yourself . Love Tracy xxx
Thank you to all you ladies for your comments. I spoke to my obstetrician today and although he is working wihout full info he was talking about delivering bubs at 28 weeks which is totally at odds with what my initial doc said and the majority of what I have read. I guess on Thursday I’ll know more. I spoke to the breast care nurse at private clinic i attended and she has told me that the path report is all being cc’d to me today which is scary and the oldham team I am under not only have it but already have discussed my case at MDT so at least things feel like they are moving. Terriied though about what Thursday will bring.
xxxxxx
Hi Eva
Sorry you have to join us but really pleased you have found your way to this part of the forum.
Just reading through your posts and see that you don’t have your full results yet but will get them on Thursday - the results, whatever they are, will at least determine your treatment plan which is even more important when you are pregnant because as my surgeon used to say to me ‘I have two patients to look after’.
In your last post I was just a bit concerned that your Obst (even without full info) was talking about delivering baby at 28 weeks. I am not a Doctor but to me that seems pretty early. I was dx at 30 weeks and even though they tried to induce me at 35 weeks baby stayed put until 36 weeks and 6 days! Has your medical team dealt with women who have been dx with breast cancer whilst pregnant? It is still rare to be in this situation but there are hospitals who have more experience and you can get a second opinion. Your onc and obst need to work together with you as a team - you need to have full confidence in them.
Waiting for results is terrifying and that goes for all of us, mind constantly working overtime and thinking the worst. I used to have night time demons in the early hours. Hang on in there. Good luck with your results on Thursday and do keep us posted. Love xxx
Thanks Swiss Miss. At the moment nobody has spoken to anybody else between obs and onc as it is such early days, i am in for histology tomorrow so I’m guessing things will move from then. I did ask obs did they have expeience and they said apart from one lady, they delivered first then started chemo which does go against what i have read and initially told. I am torn by my feelings, I am mum to 3 children and need to survive for them and won’t do anything to compromise that yet I am a nearly mummy to a bean who is frantically kicking inside of me telling me not to forget about him/her. We are in such an unusual position aren’t we, highs and lows. How are you now, how old is your baby? Nobody wants anyone to expeience this nightmare but I am realising so quickly its good to talk and share.xxxx
my name is Oana.First of all I would apologize for any mistakes you might find in this message. I am not a native English speaker.
I am 32 years old now. I found out about my diagnostic in May this year, when I was pregnant - 20 weeks at that time. I also have a 4 years old boy.
How did I felt? Just like you…But happily things settled down and I can assure you that the most difficult part was waiting…for doctors, for results, for a plan. When everything was ready, I knew and I felt that it is going to be just fine.
I had chemo first - 4 round of AC during pregnancy. A delivered Sophia when I was 37 weeks without one day of pregnancy. She was and she is just great - she is now almost 4 months old. She is healthy and she has a lot of hair
Regarding the path to follow (I just read your last post). Usually, as far as I have read, they do a mastectomy during pregnancy and after that chemo. I had them the other way around (the lump was about 2,3cm at that time). Anyway, I also had some difficulties in finding the right doctors (I do not live in England and in our National Cancer Institute they didn’t want to do chemo during pregnancy?!?!!), but I was able to find some great doctors and I had the right and correct treatment (as far as you might have already read, AC treatment is safe during pregnancy - it doesn’t pass the placenta)
Please fell free to ask me anything you would like to know. I am now fine, I just started my radiation part of treatment, I will be on Tamoxifen for 5 years, my CT and my bone scan showed no cancer. I am stage 2A and hopefully everything will be fine from now on.
Please fell free to ask me anything you would like to know.
Best wishes,
Oana
Hi Eva
Forgot to mention this to you, but if you click on the link below it will take you to a publication which may help you. rcog.org.uk/files/rcog-corp/GTG12PregBreastCancer.pdf
I was dx whilst 30 weeks pregnant in May 2006. I had surgery, chemo, rads, herceptin and tamoxifen. Had last mammo in October and there was no evidence of disease (NED). My baby is now 6+ and keeping me very busy!
There is another new user called Stormdancer who has just posted today and she is 20 weeks pregnant. I think there are about 4 or 5 of you now either recently dx or having treatment. Hopefully you can all support each other.
I know that you were due to get your results today. When you are ready you know where we are. Best wishes.
Love xxx
Hiya Eva
just wanted to say am thinking of you and realise what a difficult time this must be for you. I like you have 3 children (15,13 and 6) but unlike you am not expecting another little baby.
i am a midwife and recently read a very positive article about chemo in pregnancy and the very good outcome for the baby, so the delivery at 28 wks doesn’t ring true me up but am obviously no expert.
Good luck
mandy xxx
Hi Oana
Thanks for sharing your story with Eva because this will also help our other newly diagnosed ladies too. Really good news to hear that your baby Sophia is doing well. Hope you both continue to do well in the future and good luck with the rest of your treatment. Best wishes. Love xxx
