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WOW Lost The Plot Need Help Fast!!!!!

33 REPLIES 33

Re: WOW Lost The Plot Need Help Fast!!!!!

Teresa,

Glad first one went ok, hope you still feeling ok.

Oh dear, sorry about the weather, hope your place is gonna be ok. Poor people who lost theirs. Lets hope it stops raining soon.

Off to the Lake District this morning, we have a lovely little cottage in Windermere booked for the weekend, within walking distance of shops/pubs/restaurants. Very cold so am wearing thermals, but looking forward to fresh air and change of scenery.

Feeling much better myself now, after first dose took about 3-4 days before I felt ok but this time has taken 7-8. Anyway good now and gonna switch off from cancer for a couple of days (as much as you can with an egg head) and enjoy myself.

Look after yourself and no sliding about in that mud!!!

Speak soon

Anne xx

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Re: WOW Lost The Plot Need Help Fast!!!!!

Hi Richo, Just to keep you updated on our lovely Spanish weather I live close to a lake at the bottom of our mountain, We lost 3 houses in it last night due to land slides!!!! Our beautiful lake now has muddy islands!!!

Chemo went to for the first one today, felt like i had 6 glasses of wine! (nottooo badddd) A little nausea, shortness of breath, but overall AOK,

Take care,

Love Teresa xxx

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Re: WOW Lost The Plot Need Help Fast!!!!!

Hi Richo, not quite sure where the warm weather is! I live on a mountain and the road off it is hanging on by a thread, We are totally flooding here and the rain is still coming down!

As for you dinner set, Just think you have a good excuse to invite two less people around for dinner!

Love Teresa xx

Re: WOW Lost The Plot Need Help Fast!!!!!

Teresa,

Thanks for your words, I suppose it is funny when you look back, problem now is my dinner set it two short :-).

Good Luck for tomorrow, one day at a time is the best mantra, will be thinking of you. I wish I lived in Spain, I think some warmer weather and a bit of sunshine would do me good.

Anne xx

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Re: WOW Lost The Plot Need Help Fast!!!!!

Hi Richo, sorry but I did have a little giggle when I read your thread, don´t worry girl, it´s good to let rip or at least that´s what ivé been told, really your not going mad, your as normal as the rest of us on here!

Don´t be hard on yourself, give OH a big kiss and cuddle when he gets in, say sorry, and if that doesn´t work then tell him to live with it!

We are all full of these horrid emotions at the moment, hey yesterday I just left the hospital and was waiting for a tram with my son´s one of them said something really stupid argueing between themselves aged 21 and 23 yrs, i lost the plot and ended up in tears, thank god I live in Spain at least the onlookers couldn´t understand what I was saying, or at least I hope not!

I start my chemo tomm so a little stressed at the moment!

Keep your chin up Richo, it is normal, honest! I´d be more concerned if you didn´t lose the plot every now and then, lets face it we have a good enough excuse.

Love Teresa xxx

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Re: WOW Lost The Plot Need Help Fast!!!!!

Hi,

Just to say I have just started my chemo and wore the cold cap. I actually found the cold cap fine it didn't bother me, but I do spend at least twice a week on an ice rink - so maybe I'm used to the freeze! But I would say wear lots of layers and drink plenty of hot drinks. I found by keeping my body really hot the cold cap was a bit of relief. Hope this helps anyone wanting to trying the cold cap.

Lots of hugs,

Amanda xx

Re: WOW Lost The Plot Need Help Fast!!!!!

Hi all,

Lost the Plot!!! Well I certainly did last night. We had been to our local for a couple of drinks to celebrate a birthday with a friend. Came home to start tea, already told other half that some beans which had been left in a pan on hob from day before would have to be thrown out. He was just straight in getting the football on the telly (so he does'nt miss his beloved football)and the cat was under his feet miawoing for food (as usual). He kind of booted the cat out of the kitchen and made some sarcastic comment about getting rid of the beans (cannot get through to him I have to be careful about bugs etc). I just picked up 2 dinning plates and smashed them on the floor!!! I have never in my life done anything like that before. It really sounds so petty but what on earth did I do something like that for?? Am I going mad??

Anne xx

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Re: WOW Lost The Plot Need Help Fast!!!!!

I have jumped in here to tell you that a friend of mine has just finished chemo, she used the cold cap and still has all of her hair, it's not even thinned.

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Re: WOW Lost The Plot Need Help Fast!!!!!

Hi everyone, im new to this site..been reading a few posts and feel better knowing theres support out there from others going thru the same!!!
I was diagnosed in dec with BC, had mastectomy in jan and im due to start 6 FEC chemo cycles on 2nd march, followed by 5wks rads and hormone therapy!!.. seems such a long road im on.. cant plan too much further ahead...
ive also mentioned to bcn about giving up smoking..but seems they say take one step at a time...enough to be dealing with now without the stress that will come from giving up..lol
Having my hair cut short this week... got long thick hair so going to feel very strange..think i was about 15 when i last had short hair!! thinking of trying the cold cap.. anyone else given this a go?
best wishes Tracey xx

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Re: WOW Lost The Plot Need Help Fast!!!!!

Hi anna, I was willing to give up smoking before surgery, had a smoking plan set out with my doctor, told my surgeon, he nearly had a fit!!! Told me not to stop until after surgery in case I get a bad cough or chest infection,, blah, blah, blah, then after surgery went back to my doctor and asked if I can now start my plan NO she said it could interfere with chemo, no patches or tablets allowed!

So at the moment typing this and still smoking my ciggs!!!!

Luv Teresa xxx

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Re: WOW Lost The Plot Need Help Fast!!!!!

Hi, just wanted to say that although i gave up for surgery, i am still struggling to find the willpower to give up. Whenever i light up at our martial arts club i get comments about still smoking. I remind them that i have seen more articles linking alcohol use to breast cancer than smoking, they dont seem so keen to stop the alcohol use. I will give up, i know i need to, im just way too stressed at the moment, maybe if this cancer thing will give me a break, i can successfully stop the cigarettes.
good luck
anna

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Re: WOW Lost The Plot Need Help Fast!!!!!

Hi All it´s so comforting to know i´m not the only crazy hysterical woman, thanks all!

I purchased my first two bandanas today, this also brought a tear to my eyes, soppy cow i am, it´s stupid you know it´s going to happen, I keep telling myself,nevermind at least the start of accepting what´s to come...

Nice to hear i´m not the only one still smoking it seems to be a bit of a taboo subject on here, When I go out with all of my friends and thare sitting smoking I see them all look in disgust when I light one up! I said shall we have a smoking free night! WOW Anyone would think I told them to jump off a bloody cliff!!!

Take care all and good luck with chemo´s, I see the onc on thurs so should start following week if all goes well, I will keep you all posted.

Luv Teresa xxx

Re: WOW Lost The Plot Need Help Fast!!!!!

hi jan, goin to look at wigs tmoro and monday what makes did u get hav heard th monofibre are th best . we cant use the nhs voucher towards another it has to be just a cheaper range of wig so gona hav to get another 1 . rozita xxxx

Re: WOW Lost The Plot Need Help Fast!!!!!

Terry09

I too had first chemo fec-t on 21st. I think getting stressed for next week and hair starting to go just too much at moment. Nice you sorted for wigs, as mentioned my wig too big for my head and needs refitting once hair gone and cannot get sorted till next Wed but think hair is gonna be gone before weekend out. I quite like my wig and can't wait for it too be ready. Always said could cope with scarves during day and at home but would need wig for nights out. Is hair gonna last me through tomorrow?? No idea, will see how much is on pillow in the morning and if I dare wash it how much is left after shower. Maybe I will stay in.

This is soooooo crap at moment, hair going, one boob, other half full of flu so we sleeping separately at moment............

Roll on next weekend when 2nd chemo done, wig fitted and back sleeping with OH and maybe weather will be a bit nicer.

Sorry everyone, feeling sorry for myself at mom

Anne xxx

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Re: WOW Lost The Plot Need Help Fast!!!!!

Hi all,just been reading all your posts.Laughed and cried in equal measures.
Teresa you are not the only sad sack.I also smoke and feel guilty smoking every one.The more I try to stop,the harder it becomes.I also agree with all you ladies who are sick and tired of putting on a brave face all the time.I just want to scream out "what about me"but we don,t do we?

Monica I know it is hard for you,and will get worse,but ask your doctor to start you on Venlafaxine when you have cleared the other ADsyou are taking.They worked pretty quick for me.Thinking of you hon.Hope it,s not too bad for you.

Lesley,best wishes to your daughter and fiance.It,s hard when your children are moving on and we are reluctant to make any long term plans.

Rozita and Jan,go for double red wine.Everything will seem better,ha ha.I will never moan about having a bad hair day again.

Keep well all,

Ann xxx

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Re: WOW Lost The Plot Need Help Fast!!!!!

Jan, good luck for tonight. Be thinking of you ...

She xx

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Re: WOW Lost The Plot Need Help Fast!!!!!

Hi Anne

I did wash mine this morning ended up blocking up the plug hole in the shower, and when I dried it handfulls came out everytime I put the brush trough it. Im out tomorrow night so I thought I'll get it off tonight then I'll have all day tomorrow to get used to wig. I must admit the wigs are fab, I used my voucher for an expensive one and bought a cheaper one myself and the Ladies in the shop were great they even trimmed them for me.

Jan x

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Re: WOW Lost The Plot Need Help Fast!!!!!

Hi Rozita

Im on FEC-T, had 1st on 21st Jan and the BCN said it could start coming out in about 2 weeks time but everyones different, but she was spot on. I didnt get the cold cap as I was told it was painful and Im a bit of a chicken. My hair was right down my back so I got it cut to my shoulder (like in photo) hoping I would keep it a bit longer,til my 2nd chemo on the 11th feb. My husband works away and he gets back then, I was going to get him to shave it for me but no way will it last that long!

I feel for you Rozita being a hairdresser but Im sure you will be ok, I got 2 very different wigs, Im blonde but I got 1 red and 1 brown didnt suit the blonde wigs! My husband joked that I'll not take hours getting ready when we go out anymore but it will probably take me ages to decide which 1 to put on lol!

Well Im going to get my glass of wine and the clippers out ready (probably need a few glasses before I can do it!!)

Hope everything goes ok for you next thur Rozita, let me know.
Jan x

Re: WOW Lost The Plot Need Help Fast!!!!!

Terry2009,

I totally understand, I had my first chemo 21st (next one next Thurs). Hair is all over the place, dare not comb it. Going out tomorrow night and was hoping it would last till then, dare I wash it tomorrow?? Not too keen on wearing scarf and wig needs some work on it (too big / too much hair. Getting it sorted but not till next wed). I thought i was gonna be ok with it but feel quite stressed now its happening. Keep trying on scarves but hate how I look in them.

Am on the red wine xxx

Anne x

Re: WOW Lost The Plot Need Help Fast!!!!!

hi jan, u poor thing im starting chemo on thurs n that is my biggest fear im a hairdresser so running my fingers thru other peoples will b torture not sure what il say if they moan about their locks. did u try th cold cap n which r u on that seems so soon wanted to colour mine b4 then not sure if theres much point go get a stiff drink honey g, get every false accesory u can n im sure ul look beautiful . rozita xxxx

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Re: WOW Lost The Plot Need Help Fast!!!!!

Hi Ladies

I had my 1st chemo 2 weeks ago and my hair is coming out in handfulls today. Iv decided it would be best to shave it off as Im leaving it every where I go. Even though Iv been very up beat about it and bought loads of scarves and 2 wigs ready for this time, I keep crying every time I think about it. Dont know how long I can keep the brave front on.

Jan x

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Re: WOW Lost The Plot Need Help Fast!!!!!

Hi Ladies,
Daughter just phoned to tell us she's got engaged,i've been in floods of tears.Why does it feel so bitter sweet? Lots of love Lesleyxx

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Re: WOW Lost The Plot Need Help Fast!!!!!

Hi ladies,
I broke down on my return to work - very professional not! Luckily it was only myself and a close colleague in the room. I work as a med sec at a GP practice and what started me off was a poorly baby whimpering in the waiting room. It sounded so sad and miserable, obviously like I was really feeling and hey presto floods of tears from yours truly!
Tears do come quite easily to me, I've been known to cry at adverts, but lets face it we have had something to cry about and its certainly not a weakness. We don't feel ashamed about a good laugh so why are we embarassed to cry?
Sorry you are so down daisyleaf, I hope you feel more like your old self soon.

Chris xx

Ps I always feel much better after a cry, so perhaps there is some truth in them being healing.

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Re: WOW Lost The Plot Need Help Fast!!!!!

Hello everyone
wow talk about timing - I have been unable even to post on here for a few days because the whole thing just keeps making me weep, but then I read this and feel so much less alone with it all.
Like all of us, been putting on a brave face for everyone, and this week have to wean myself off antidepressants (going on to tamoxifen) and am in pieces. Have a night out with a lovely bunch of friends tonight and can't really face it - am so afraid I'll fall apart in public. Just spent an hour wandering around Sainsbury's wondering why the hell I'm there!
Muffett, hope you start to feel a bit better soon, it does pass, and we'll all get there
love to everyone
monica x

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Re: WOW Lost The Plot Need Help Fast!!!!!

Hi Ladies many thanks for all your lovely advice, sorry to put you all through this but today feeling much better although very hungover, That will teach me!

I live South of Malaga on the Costa Del Sol, it´s beautiful, this i´m very gratefull for, My village is built on a mountain and is very moorish, typically Andulucia, whitewashed buildings, I walk out of my house and have Mount Maroma behind me, full of lovely pine trees, and below a beautiful valley with a massive lake, Strange though somedays like today, walked out of my house into a cloud!!! Now that is weird.

Many thanks to you all!

Love Teresa xx

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Re: WOW Lost The Plot Need Help Fast!!!!!

I was ok until my BCN asked how my family were coping - and then I burst into tears! I felt so upset that I was worrying them, after always being the strong one, the one with whom they share their problems.

Ann x

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Re: WOW Lost The Plot Need Help Fast!!!!!

Hi Teresa,Ladies.

Sorry you're feeling like this, but you can only put a brave face on for so long.BC is life changing,and it's the unknown,i've cried nearly every day since being diagnosed.
As for guilt i think that effects me more than anything.You're not alone Teresa as i'm sure lots of lovely ladies on here will tell you.
Dont be too hard on youreself love Lesleyx

ps i've just got my free prescription card, and that started me crying again.

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Re: WOW Lost The Plot Need Help Fast!!!!!

Hi Teresa..I think a lot of the ladies on here do the same thing you have done. Part of that 'brave face' for me was that the 'shutters' came down, I went onto autopilot and thought mostly of how the family would take it. I felt that I was supporting them...for a long while...months... Then came the 'melt down'...it happens and as 'she' said it is a cleansing, good feeling. All the tension that you put away to the back of your mind..is suddenly released and for a while it can be difficult to stop...but its a natural thing...so dont feel guilty about it Teresa....you'll be ok love.......

Helenxx

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Re: WOW Lost The Plot Need Help Fast!!!!!

Hey Theresa

Just wanted to add that how you're feeling is totally normal. I drank far too much wine after DX (and probably still am!!) I was diagnosed eight months ago when my baby boy was only nine months ago. It's been hellish but you do get through it, promise!!

Whereabouts in Spain are you? My parents live near Torrevieja on Cotsa Blanca, and we're goin over there at Easter.

hang in there chick!!

She xx

P.S. Something my counsellor told me has stuck with me - she told me that tears are healing, so sometimes that helps me to have a really good cry about it all!

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Re: WOW Lost The Plot Need Help Fast!!!!!

Hi River, thanks for your concern, took myself off to facebook and probably pissed off a few old mates..... but i am feeling a little better now, Downside is now feeling guilty for drinking wine and probably smoking too many ciggs which I think I hate to admit I´m the only sad sack on the forum not able to give up smoking! How selfish is that!

Thanks darling, appreciate this,

Luv Teresa xxx

Re: WOW Lost The Plot Need Help Fast!!!!!

Hi Muffet
I'm up too late too. I think what you're going through is inevitable. I don't have kids, sadly, but I really felt for my OH esp when I was in hospital - everyone asking how I was all the time. And there was me, worrying about him. I haven't really cried since my dx last July, but howled (almost literally) day 5 after my op. I felt much better for it, and wish I could do it again. It gets so tiring putting on a brave face and being told how well I look.
Your men are all worried about you - the strong one. It's all so hard.
Enjoy the wine and sleep well.
River xx

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Re: WOW Lost The Plot Need Help Fast!!!!!

Hi Thanks Debbie, I know it´s early hours of the morning, but OH snoring, kids in bed and me sitting her drinking red wine!!! It´s nice to know someone else is out there.... Much appreciated xxx

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Re: WOW Lost The Plot Need Help Fast!!!!!

Hi Teresa, I know exactly how you feel. I have been putting a brave face on for everyone. I have hardly cried either and am more worried about how this affects everyone else.
I have one chemo left and then radiotherapy. I was terrified before my chemo, more so than I was before my mastectomy.
I also had a bit of a meltdown a couple of weeks ago. It's only natural that this all gets on top of us at some point, we are only human after all.
I hope you feel supported on here, there are lots of people who can give you advice and support.
I hope you feel a bit better soon.
take care.
Debbie. xx

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WOW Lost The Plot Need Help Fast!!!!!

Hi Sorry ladies to burden you with this but I think I need a good talking too!!! I was perfectly ok, well as ok as we all are! Waiting to start chemo etc, etc,

It all started Friday night my son of 21yrs went to a 40th party, I should have gone but didn´t anyway 12 oclock he´. s back home, SOBER!!! 21 yrs old, not known! What´s the problem i asked YOU MUM I am fed up of people asking me every bloody 5 minutes hows your mum doing, he said, i go out to get away from this and all i meet is a wall of questions, ÖH SHIT I felt so guilty, he´s not saying it in a nasty way, infact both my sons who still live me have been bricks.... He´s just had enough of reputition, So ok I told him how would he feel if he went out and nobody asked how I was? He got the just, so to speak!

But the thing is this is how I feel, I live in a very small Spanish community where they all want to know your business...

For 4 months since I was dx I have not shed a tear, well maybe not when sober.... SOS... But today I lost the plot big time I think it just hit me like a baseball in the face, i could not talk because i knew if i did that was it i would break down, but me!!! Ivé told everyone around me don´t you dare cry i´m not so why should you! Oh this big brave face cracked big time! I feel so ashamed and stupid for doing this, I know i´m blabbering on but the truth is I Am Scared Shitless....

I think Ivé spent so long worrying about my OH and kids all grown men I might add that it just had to come...

So why am I feeling so bad for putting them through this? The thing is I have worked all my life, I was the breadwinner until this happend, now my kids are scraping around to make pennies, this makes me feel worse, my business is gone down the pan!

So sorry to mumble just needed to get this off my chest! Excuse the pun ladies....

Luv Teresa xxx