Hi,
I have posted a few times so sorry if my story seems silly. But… I have found a lump on my breast and armpit. Been referred to breast clinic and waiting for my appointment. Due to my family history and my liking to be “organised” I want to talk about everything from the “it may well be nothing” to the “what if it is something wrong”. My fiancé can’t seem to talk about any of it and I don’t want to worry my mum as she seems to stress to much about everything. I am in limbo land and really don’t have anywhere to turn. Even if I don’t get a reply to this at least I’ve had my rant. I absolutely admire all you people on here and only hope that I can cope the same should the matter arise. Sorry to go on I have had a couple of glasses of wine as prescribed by myself ( I am a nurse so I am prescibing myself lol) thank you for listening.
Meliss xxx
Melissa
You’re right - not everything works out well but most do.
Don’t start stressing yourself now if you can help it. Deep breaths and take each minute and hour and day as it comes. Whatever happens you’ll get lots of support here and you’ll find a way to cope.
Good luck
Hi Mellis-so sorry you have the need to come on here, but remember so many people get their appointment and then find the lump is benign.
Know what you mean about the need to keep talking I think most of us on here feel that. I was diagnosed in May last year and finished treatment this week. The support I have had on here has been tremendous and has helped me get through. Keep posting, and everyone on here will tell you no question is a silly question, so ask away and lots of people on here will help you.
But remember it may well be nothing. I am sure there will be lots more come on here soon that understand and can help and give advice.
Val pp
Melissa, I did the same while in The Waiting Room, a glass of wine can have benefits too.
Here is a good place for venting, so you just go right ahead. If you have any specific questions you could do worse than read through the early bits of the Publications section of this site, or if you have any specific questions (or just want to hear a sympathetic and knowledgeable human voice) give the helpline a ring.
General advice is to avoid indiscriminate googling, as there is a lot of out-of-date or even dangerous rubbish out there. Stick to reputable sites such as this one, Macmillan, Cancer Research UK, or even some of the professional American sites (but be aware the US treatment regimes are often not quite the same as over here).
Let’s hope that you leave The Waiting Room via the All Clear door, but if not, you have found the right site to help you through whatever is to come. I know I could not have got through the last year (diag Dec 2010) without the support and friendship of this site and all the lovely ladies and gents who contribute, as well as the BCC staff who have been, without exception, wonderful.
But like I say, we all hope that your visit to this site will be a short one.
Thank you for your replies, I feel like tearing my hair out. My OH is in denial not just to this but to everything. He runs a mile if the kids bump themselves lol. Sometimes I want to shake him and shout because I really want/need to get myself prepared either way. I hate this about myself it drives me mad I wish I could just sit back and put this to the back of my mind but at the moment it just seems impossible. Choccie I think wine is bad for me lol i ramble to much and struggle with vocabulary xxx
I have to disagree, you’re doing fine. Looking at all the possible alternatives isn’t morbid, it’s just rehearsing and being prepared in case you need it. I do the same but not everybody “gets” that approach. As I said, try reading the publications section, there is a big pile of very helpful information on there which might prompt specific questions you want to ask.
THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A SILLY QUESTION. So ask anything and we’ll either respond with an answer or point you elsewhere for an answer.
Now go to bed!
CM
x
Thanks Choccie,
I will have a look at those. I’m sat eating haribos (the best sweets ever) and drinking coffee. Wondering why I can’t sleep lol having a caffine and sugar rush at the same time maybe I should put the sweets back in the cupboard xxx
Melissa I was like you and wanted to prepare myself for every eventuality, especially as my mum was diagnosed he year before me but she ad been in totalmdenial convinced I was a cyst and hadn’t really contemplated (or didnt want to contemplate) the possibility it could be cancer.
Theres no point saying dont worry cos it’s not something you can switch on and off. Some peeopke cope by learning everything they can others cope by sticking their head in the sand but mot people are somewhere in between wanting to know what to expect.
I like to know everything;- worst case scenarios, statistics, prognosis, treatment, etc but I did tend to stick to reliable sites and research information… Anybody can make a web page so avoid ones with adverts as they tend to be unreliable so is wiki… But good ones are .nhs, .gov.uk, .ac.uk and the charity sites cm has mentioned.
Lulu x
Thank you all for your replies, I appreciate it. I have had my appointment for breast clinic through this morning, it’s on Thursday so not much longer to wait. I will let you all know how I get on.
Thanks again
melissa xxx
I can understand your need to talk about all possibilities. I had core biopsies taken on Friday after mammogram recall and scan. Having further biopsies on Friday of another area but that needs to be done using mammogram guide. Dr thinks it looks benign but that hasn’t shut up those demons lurking at the back of my mind! Most of the few people I’ve told have said don’t worry I KNOW you’ll be fine! Well actually I don’t know and I really need to sort it out in my head in case it isn’t! I know they’re only trying to help but its frustrating. DH has been amazing tho and is quite happy to let me ramble on and discuss all eventualities. I hope we both get good results from this and I’m staggered by the amazing strength and compassion of the ladies on this forum! X
You know? I am pleased this has been raised, because I have felt the same, while waiting for results. Conditioned responses such as “You’ll be fine” and “don’t worry”
I was lucky, my dx came back with an FA, which has given me relief, that it is not cancer, but not the relief that I would have felt were the results “nothing”
The talking when waiting and having somewhere to off all our feelings is so important. When we have a cancer scare, I think it does change us, for the rest of our lives, the not knowing, and what ifs, hardly mere little niggles, life changing stuff, that are huge to us…
Then the results, when not cancer, that’s all it is, isn’t it, everybody waiting to see if it is, and then when it is not, everybody (this is all in my experience) states, “Oh am relieved, you must be so relieved” and if it is, then it is “Oh I am so sorry”
My OH is wonderful, although he’s a bloke and I get blokeish responses, like “you’ll be right, stop worrying, and when this is done I will treat you to dinner” which is lovely, and when I was waiting, he went to his cave and wouldn’t talk about it.
I am no longer waiting, I had a benign diagnosis and my heartfelt feelings go out to you ladies who are living in no no land, which is where you are, scared, frightened of the unknown and it is not a pleasant place to be. No matter who you talk to and with, how many times you call the helpline, how many times you badger the BCN, nobody is inside your head only you.
Good luck to those who are where I was until 48 hours ago, my thoughts are with you…
It always annoys me when people say I KNOW youll be ok… Why can they just say I HOPE you’ll be ok… That one word makes all the difference.
Fingers crossed sugarplum x
Hi Melissa,
I was just like you. I am a tremendously positive person but also very practical and pragmatic. Part of my dealing with the news was to sort through and analyse all possibilities, and it gave me comfort to know I’d thought things through. Not morbid or pessimistic. I don’t expect it to kill me.
My OH would not talk about it at all, could not mention the cancer word at all and had said ‘it’ll be nothing’ so much that he went to pieces at diagnosis, needing time off work etc. In the hand I had to kick him up the bum and say if I was going into work he blooming well was too lol!
I also grate when people say thing like ‘oh they must have caught it early then’ or, ’ my sister had it but it was worse than yours’ when they no none of the details etc. I am a moody cow though!!! But my pet hate is when they say ’ your positive attitude has really help you to beat cancer’ when 1) I don’t feel out of the woods yet 3 months on from treatment and 2) it insults so many positive, funny and resourceful women who have been beaten by this rotten disease.
Yes I do have PMT just now folks, forgive my rant.
Carolyn xx
You keep being practical, keep asking questions and keep being
Hi Crabbit,
You have summed it up there, excellently. It made me smile. Conditioned responses, as you have described.
I read lots of stories here about the women who are on their journeys’ some of them so wonderfully amusing, it brings a smile to my face. I don’t join in, because I have nothing to contribute, but I follow them closely.
I too am a positive person, I am curious, and have learned so much from here and my experience, the learning to deal with waiting, no matter how patient I considered myself before, nothing could have prepared me for that awful wait, it was the pits and everyone wearing their “oh shitt” faces all the time.
I too also need to know what I’m dealing with… and positive thinking only goes so far! I remember my first ever lump (benign) and someone asking me how I was coping (whilst in The Waiting Room) - I replied that I was choosing to be positive, but every so often, I wondered how my children were going to manage without me. “Oh, you shouldn’t think like that” - sorry? sorry? You asked, and I told you… only I never said any of those things… my kids are grown up now… and I have survived a lump that WASN’T benign, but it’s an unknown journey and until you get some hard information, you’re bound to go to “what if?”… on the other hand, this time round I tried really hard to stay in TODAY, and pull my thoughts back from the future - and that helped too - along with all the available information! Hope all goes well for you… we’re here for you… Jane
Thank you all for your kind and honest replies. It feels good to be able to say how I ACTUALLY feel on here rather than putting on a front. Sometimes I could kick my OH up the bum, it drives me mad to hear him say “it’s probably nothing” - well it’s got to be something because I wouldn’t have a lump if it was nothing now would I my dear??? I know it could be nothing serious but still your mind goes into overdrive worrying about the “what if”. I don’t know if it is just a man thing in general or just my mans thing lol. All I know is he is driving me insane and if I hear him say those words one more time I am quote likely to literally kick him up the you know what. I can’t wait to get Thursday over with, the clinic I am going to is a one stop clinic and it says on the letter that unless they do a core biopsy I should have the results the same day so either way I should have an idea in 3 days and counting.
Melissa xxx
Ah Sommer,
I liked the ‘Oh shit’ face vision. I know we live and learn don’t we. I don’t try to say anything clever when someone is bereaved or poorly because sometimes it’s just about listening isn’t it?
And my apologies for the typos and half finished sentences in the last post ladies!
Carolyn xx
I hope all goes well on Thursday Melissa xxx
Thank you Stirky, I hope all goes well for you too xx
Morning all,
2 days to go until my breast clinic app. I’m getting really nervous but more because if it’s found that I’m worrying about nothing I’m going to feel really stupid. I’ve taken a few days off work as I haven’t been sleeping at all and just keep crying and I don’t know why??? It could be nothing to worry about so why am I getting myself into this state? My OH wants to come with me on Thursday but tbh I don’t really want him to. He came with me for an internal ultrasound a few weeks ago and I felt really embarrassed, silly as I have been with him for 11 years and he was there when I was stripped of all my dignity during childbirth. I am rambling sorry!!! I’m sure I will feel embarrassed whipping out my baps for the breast surgeon in front of him. Sorry if my worries seem trivial compared to what you are all going through. Thanks in advance for reading my moaning post xxxx