Welcome to everyone starting chemo in January.. we are now the "" January Jems""

[Windysarah]

Well done Morwenna!

[Morwenna]

Thanks Rhonda, hugs right back at ya!!

Was I really the last to finish? That's not fair - I started on Jan 9th!! *stamps foot*

Talking of not fair, I can't believe the boob matching counts as cosmetic in Oz! ..... Really? It's not covered?? Bummer!!!
I'm sure it is here in Canada, and in the UK as well, and so it jolly well should be! Some people seem to think it is just a cosmetic procedure and not really necessary. Well for some women that is the case, and they do not feel they want or need reconstruction, and I guess some have that acceptance forced upon them which sucks! But for many it is an essential part of their psychological recovery and being able to feel "whole" and to move on with the rest of their life. I feel VERY strongly that it should not be considered as an optional extra!!

Oof, I am literally getting hot under the collar here, and need to go cool off! 😉

Take care all of you out there in BC land all over the world! xxx

[rhondacat]

Yay Morwenna, I think now we are all done with the poisoning. Woohooooo to all of us Jems we did it...Joyce good luck with your descision making on what to do, I am taking the chance with my good boob & just had a uplift in it, it's nice to still have one normal one, just have to hope & pray it never comes back, even with our health fund it has not been cheap, as I have gone private , we are out of pocket over $10,000 Au $ with the gaps. As a reduction / uplift is classed as cosmetic, even if its to match in size with the mastectomy one, as if I wanted any of this! Saggy old boobs did me just fine LOL...Yvonne so pleased your scan came back all clear. Sarah glad your also doing well, hope the Tamoxifen doesn't cause any unwanted SE. I'm 6 weeks into taking the Femara which is similar, so far so good I think, a few aches, but don't know if this is left over from Chemo. Hugs to you all, love Rhonda.

[Morwenna]

Just to say, I AM ALL DONE CHEMO!! 😄

There was a slight hiatus when my heart started jumping about just after the nurse inserted the port, but I couldn't go through my last treatment without at least a little drama now could I !!??? 😉

Anyway, it soon settled down, and I think the plan is for fish n chips for supper, once the man has finished mowing the lawn..... 🙂

Onwards and upwards ladies! Karabunga!!!!

[Airlinelady]

Thank you Ladies for your thoughts on this issue, I will let you know what my Cons thinks, I feel quite strongly about it now, so If he doesn't agree, then I would hope that he would have a good reason not to do it. Yikes - I just thought - I hope my Health Insurance would cover this procedure??? Irenee sounds like you have an excellent Surgeon. Well done on feeling 'quite normal' Sarah!! I can't wait for that! Yvonne, did your Surgeon give you a reason for their refusal? Give that little Chico a kiss from me. Yay Morwenna - you are back on track - last Taxol!! Yee haw! Soon you will be able to have a proper full english breakfast, proper beer and all the HP Sauce you can drink! I am feeling better today, as you can tell.. Joyce x

[Morwenna]

I saw my breast surgeon last week and asked her to refer me to a plastics surgeon to discuss my options. I told her I was thinking of risk-reducing. mastectomy right side when I would have my left reconstruction with tissue from my abdomen, and she appeared to think that entirely reasonable.

She told me to concentrate on finishing treatment to my left side first though, and reassured me that she could do the mastectomy at any time once I was fit, and she normally works with the PS she is referring me too.

I have my last Taxol today! YAY!!!

Then I will start my 16 rads July 22.


Moving on!

[chicita]

Hi Joyce - personally if I had the chance I'd go with the double mx. When I was first dx I asked my surgeon for that but he didn't agree so I had a wle instead but I know it will ALWAYS be on my mind that still having breast tissue means the BC can can return.
You have to do what's best for you. If I could afford it I'd have an "Angelina Jolie" but alas that's not a possibility.
X Yvonne

[Windysarah]

Yes I understand you can't have rads with an implant, I can't anyway.
I'm doing well thank you. Feel quite normal at the moment. Have started tamoxifen and having herceptin 3 weekly and don't feel too bad at all.
Hope you are getting over the last chemo now.
X

[Irenee]

Dear Joyce, I can understand where you are coming from...it's a good idea to talk it over with your dr. or surgeon. I haven't been happy with my boobs for years as I was lopsided after childbirth etc. Now after mx and chemo I would like reconstruction and my surgeon said he would do both breasts. Wishing you all the best. Ireneex

[Airlinelady]

Thank you Sarah for your reply. I am seeing my Cons on Saturday and will see what he has to say about this option. It also might mean no rads for me either, which would be a plus! I hate the thought of recurrence and know it will always be hanging around in my head. How are you getting on? Joyce x

[Windysarah]

Hi Joyce,
if it was me I would want rid of all breast tissue. If its not there, it can't get diseased. Or there is a great decrease in chance anyway. I certainly wouldn't want to go thru chemo again and would happily have my healthy breast removed given the chance.
Sarah x

[Airlinelady]

Had some ideas going around my head in the last 24 hours and I would value your opinion.
I am due to have my surgery at the end of July. Initially my Cons and I discussed 'reduction and uplift' on both breasts (no implants needed as I am a 38DD). Sounded good... I would NEVER considered such surgery for vanity, even though I have had 5 kids - I loved my breasts as they were.
However, now that I am emerging from 'chemo hell', I have had thoughts around Masectomies and implants, surely it would be good to get rid of the inside tissue? It might save me from (some) future worries around recurrence in the breasts? Because I know that I will always have that worry... and also now that I am climbing out of the hell hole, I know that I don't want to go there again...
I am due to meet with my Breast Consultant soon and have the chance to change my mind about the type of surgery I will undergo. I would like to talk to him about 'Skin & Nipple saving' MX on both breasts, with a modest implant inserted. I would be very interested in hearing your thoughts and opinions - or am I going chemo brain crazy?
Hope you are having a good day...
Joyce x

[Irenee]

Sooooo...pleased for you Yvonne. You can rerlax now. Yes I have heard about dogs sniffing out cancer and I read a true story in a magazine about how a pet dog saved a womans life when it kept jumping on her lap and sniffing her breast.
She went to the doctors and she had breast cancer. Sorry if I did not make it clear..you drink the coconut water..Sainsburys sell it and most supermarket. The receptionist at the dentist backed it up as well and they both have lovely heads of hair. Anyway it's worth a try. xxx

[chicita]

Irennee - do you drink it or put it on your scalp?
I just had some good news. My Inc 's secretary just phoned to say the CT scan I had last week is all clear
Joyce - yes he's called Chico. He's a rescue dog who was severely mistreated as a pup and also savaged by another dog so he has big problems. He's my hero though as he kept nudging my boob when I first found the lump which I thought was a bit strange. Then a couple of days later I heard an article on the radio about how they are trying to train dogs to sniff out cancer similar to finding drugs, so that made me go to the doctors. Turns out he was right and they caught it at a very early stage. It was a fast growing tumour so if I'd left it I would have needed a MX rather than WLE.
X Yvonne

[Irenee]

A tip from my dentist a lovely Indian lady who asked my husband today how I was doing and he replied 'Ok, just waiting for her hair to grow'. She recommended coconut water to help hair growth. She swears by it. Anyway it's worth a try.

[rhondacat]

Thanks Joyce, I am looking forward so much to my holiday to Bali, just over 3 weeks to go, I can't wait, I had hoped I would have enough hair by then to be wig less, but it doesn't look like it, my adorable 3 yr old granddaughter yelled out in a shop yesterday, as she bounced a toy frog on my head, loudly saying look Gran it's on your wig, haha it turned a few heads...had to laugh. Still a few lingering SE nearly 4 weeks since breast re-construction & breast lift, they are still quite tender, I will be glad when they actually feel normal & a part of me. Great that you found a hospital closer to home Joyce. I feel very lucky that I didn't have to have rads as it is a 2 hour drive to closest hospital, I would not have wanted to do that every day! Hugs to all. Love Rhonda...

[Airlinelady]

Good News Morwenna.. yes, Tourettes does seem to fit well with BC. I have found that you do need to become an 'Expert Patient' and that you need to be really on top of things sometimes.
I had a home visit from a Nurse when I had a diabolical neck rash and she attempted to examine me without washing her hands, after she had just driven her car and walked in the house!
I have been travelling into Central London on the tube for everything (exams, chemo etc.) I was not looking forward to my 4 weeks/5 days a week of rads and I asked my Onc if there was anywhere I could have the Rads and he said "No". Now, I have found another Hospital 10 minutes drive from me, which I could have gone to all along! Suffice to say my Onc works for BUPA and the nearby Hospital is owned by BMI ! Grrrrr.....
Rhonda - how are you feeling? You must be going on holiday soon... lucky girl, but you deserve it!
Yvonne - I do envy your boating lifestyle, especially in the summer, I like the idea of you 'moving your boat' to access rads... how very civilised!! Is your little dog called "Chico"? I have two Jack Russels, one is called "Chico" and the other "Jimmy" - they are brothers - 3 years old. Even though I have had a huge amount of 'human' support, those little guys have been with me all day and every day, since diagnosis, giving me comfort, love and companionship. I think they will miss me when I go back to work...
Have a great day Ladies!
Joyce x

[chicita]

Tourettes AND hypocondria.............
Glad your results were good Morwenna. That nurse must have a twin sister who works at my clinic! She wanders round like a tit in a trance doing not a lot. But when she calls your name and takes you into the consultation room she looks through your notes shaking her head and tutting. Then starts asking questions about the state of my health but doesn't know what she's talking about. All she's supposed to do is weigh me and make follow up appointments. In 6 months she's only remembered to weigh me twice which really irritates the doctor who then has to do it himself. And she never manages to make the appointments while I'm there so she posts my card to me , despite being told every time that I live on a boat and only get my mail once a month.....grrrrr
Sorry rant over
X Yvonne

[rhondacat]

Morwenna I am so happy for you, excellent news, Tourettes must be contagious haha I have it bad, must be a SE they forgot to tell us about. Hugs to all xx Rhonda

[Morwenna]

Well I feel better now I've had something to eat, but was steaming out of my ears when I first got home!

I went to pick up my blood req and asked the receptionist to make sure my mammo/ultrasound results were available for when I was to see the doctor 90 minutes later. She told me I would have to ask the doctor about that. Then she said she couldn't give me my req, as I had to see the nurse first.

When the nurse arrived she told me there had been a mistake and I wasn't due to see the doctor until July 8! I asked her to see if my report was available, and told her I wanted a copy. She disappeared once more and came back with my report, telling me "it's fine, all normal, nothing to worry about".

She then went on to tell me I didn't need a blood test today. Erm, yes I do, I told her. I have my treatment on Wednesday, so I need my weekly blood test today! Oh, says she, and hands me the req she has in her hand!

Really. Really?! I'm so not impressed with that nurse. I know part of the problem might be being part of the clinical trial, so the trial nurses normally look after me, but that really is giving her the benefit of the not inconsiderable doubt!!! Every time I have met her, the more duffer-like she appears. Visiting that clinic is enough to give anybody high blood pressure!!


Ok. Deep breath. Rant over. One more chemo to go, and the report does indeed say that there is nothing but fibro-cystic changes and glandular tissue to be seen, with no sign of malignancy, so I am going with that!

(Although I am convinced I am developing Tourette's syndrome. I never used to curse like this!! 😉

[chicita]

Morwenna - hope all goes well today x

Rhonda - I get that weird tingle but it doesn't go to my arm pit. Sometimes it starts where my waist used to be and goes down my legs but usually it starts round my shoulders and goes to my waist. I think it's a shiver but feels really strange. It's definitely nerve related.
Caroline - I really feel for all you ladies who have long/difficult journeys for your rads. I haven't had my planning meeting yet but rads will be at a different hospital to chemo and luckily we can move the boat onto a different canal which will mean only a 15 minute drive to get there.
Joyce - I've had a 5 week gap between FEC 6 & 7 and by the end of the 5th week almost all SE's had gone and I was feeling pretty good. Other ladies I've spoken to also reckon it takes about a month month to get the poison out of your system, but then you've got rads to contend with.
I had FEC 7 on Friday and have decided I've had enough and won't be having no 8. By my reckoning if all goes to plan with rads I should have finished all treatment by the beginning of September. When I was first dx in November my BCN told me to allow a year for treatment and I was horrified! How could it take so long? But she won't be far wrong. I can't wait to be free and go travelling again. I'm going stir-crazy staying in one place for so long.
x Yvonne

[Airlinelady]

Caroline, how is the Herceptin going? I had my last Tax last Thursday and am in the thick of SE's right now, physically crap, but mentally, I'm good. Morwenna, good luck for today, we are all thinking about you and hope the worst of the flooding is over in your area. Have a good day, all you ladies, we are getting there! Joyce x

[Caroline60]

Hi Ladies, Keep going as the end of chemo is near. Its been a bl**dy tough road for us all. I have had 5 radiotherapy sessions last week. Another 10 sessions to go. The travelling into central london is tiring. Iv met alot of the ladies I talked to in the chemo unit. Im feeling mentally and physically better than I did.

Having herceptin as well.

Keep well and positive.

Caroline xxx

[rhondacat]

Yvonne I m so happy you found a nice flattering swimsuit, i hope you get a holiday real soon, we all deserve one, that's for sure, also glad your chemo went well, even if you we're drunk lol. & glad the cannula went in first go, I always dreaded this. Wondered if anyone else has the sensation, when drinking cold drinks of it travelling & feeling like its going to your underarm? A nerve prob I've read! also late SE from Docetaxel, the end of my toes have gone numb, OH the joy..So over all this crap....Love to all Rhonda xoxo

[chicita]

Rhonda - just thought I'd let you know I found 2 lovely swimsuits in Asda (local supermarket). They have nice big cups and tummy support too to hide my jelly belly. Now all I need is a holiday to wear them

[chicita]

Sorry you're being messed around Morwenna I'm keeping everything crossed for your mammogram on Monday. Come back and tell us how you get on, we're rooting for you
My chemo went surprisingly well on Friday. Onc had given me some lorazepam to take for 12 hours before I went to relax me. Well, they worked so well I staggered into chemo unit looking and sounding like I was drunk. I plugged my earphones in and listened to a relaxation tape and squeezed the hell out of my stress ball and the chemo sister got the cannula in first time! So why couldn't they have done that for the previous six doses?
SE's are starting to kick in now but I've decided I'm not having FEC 8 so I keep telling myself these are the last I'll be having so that makes them more bearable.
Best wishes to you all
X Yvonne

[rhondacat]

Thinking of you Morwenna, it's alright for them to say no cause for concern, they haven't gone through what you have, of course we are damn concerned & worried all the time. Praying all will be OK with the Mammogram, & node, keep us posted.. I Know the feeling to well & how anxious you will be feeling until you get the results. Hugs Rhonda xoxo

[Morwenna]

Sarah, none of the phlebotomists seem to be trained to access the port. Even most nurses here can't, just the nurses at the cancer centre.

Seems daft to me, I'm sure its easier than trying to get a needle into a vein, even sn "easy" vein, if I had such a thing!

[Morwenna]

Hi all,

Well, yesterday started with the drama of actually getting to my appt, as you might have heard, the city of Calgary is in a state of emergency due to severe flooding, and many areas have been evacuated!

I was prepared for them to find just cysts and to be reassured, but the tech found and marked a node in my right axilla. Then hurried off to fetch the doctor, while I tried, unsuccessfully, not to cry!

The radiologist had a go with the ultrasound, and told me he was sure I was just feeling normal breast tissue. "What about the node in my axilla?" I gulped. He turned to the tech, "did you find a node?", "Yes, I marked a node," she said.

So then he decided I should have a mammogram "to be safe".
After that I didn't see him again, but the girl came and told me there was no cause for concern, and they'd try to get my results to my oncologist in time for my appointment on Monday.

So now I'm anxious about the node! 😞

[Irenee]

Hope things are improving for you Yvonne...wishing you all the best. Congratulate your sister for me Sarah for doing the Ipswich bc race. Hope all went well today Morwenna. Wishing all you 'Jems' the best.
Have just come back from a weeks holiday in the Cotswolds. A lovely break and I forgot about bc for a while 🙂
Irenee

[Windysarah]

Sorry you've been having a tough time Chicita and wish you all the best with the results. Hope yesterday went ok too. Thinking of you x
Hope the ultrasound was trouble free Morwenna. Can't they take bloods from your port? They do for me.

[TaylorJ]

Hi Morwenna I am so pleased that your ultrasound scan has been brought forward to tomorrow. I hope that you will not have to wait too long for your results and that you will get good news. I have also mentioned having a prophylactic mastectomy and my BS said that he would do it but to concentrate on my treatment for the next few months (have only had 1/6 chemos then will have RADS to follow). Take care and let us know how you get on. Xx

[Morwenna]

Yvonne, will be "in your pocket" tomorrow (as the north American ladies put it 🙂 ) Everything's crossed that they will access the vein and the side effects will not be too bad. I was a bit anxious when they were talking about decreasing my dosage the other week when my tum was bad. You just don't want to feel you haven't done everything possible to prevent recurrence!

I am SO glad I got my port fitted as my veins were buggered after just the two treatments I had via my arm. They even struggle to get blood now for my weekly tests, and I reckon those phlebotomists can really get blood out of a stone! They used a vein in my hand twice.

I have ONE MORE TAXOL to go next week, and then no more punctures! ... except that I still have this ongoing blood condition which will require draws .... Poo!

I saw my BS for my routine post-Mx f/u appt today, and she declared my remaining breast feels "normal" to her, but I was still pleased to have a phone call this afternoon to bring my ultrasound appt forward from July 2 to tomorrow morning! I know I can feel lumps, which I'm sure I could not before, but if the ultrasound doesn't show any changes then I'll try not to think about it for the time being.

I asked her to refer me to a plastics surgeon to discuss reconstruction options to the left side, and I told her that my current leaning is to ask for a right prophylactic mastectomy and reconstruction a la Ms Jolie! She did agree that I have an increased risk of developing BC in that breast, and did not appear to think it an unreasonable request. Actually she said we could do thex any time I wanted, but to concentrate on finishing treatment to the current problem first.

And so it goes on ..... feeling happier now, ....I think..... 😉

[chicita]

I went for my CT scan yesterday. I thought it was going to be another lung scan but they did a full abdominal, they're checking my lungs,liver and stomach this time. I'll get the results in a couple of weeks unless they find anything nasty when they'll phone me.
At the same time, I saw the onc consultant who pronounced me fit enough for FEC 7 as my breathlessness has finally settled down. It's 5 weeks since I had no 6 and the side effects have almost worn off and I'm feeling pretty good, even my hair has started growing, so I'm a bit anxious about having another dose as I know how bad it will make me feel for the next week. I keep telling myself that another dose will give me a better chance of not having a recurrence and that's helping me cope. The onc has warned me to be prepared for bad SE's and has also said he thinks this should be my last dose as I've had such bad reactions to the FEC. I keep telling myself that if it's making me feel so bad it must really be kicking the crap out of the cancer.
So keep your fingers crossed tomorrow afternoon for me. OH has promised to stand behind me on the way into the unit so I can't run away in panic and my lovely onc has given me some happy pills so I'll be nice and relaxed and has written in red ink on my file that I have to have a chemo sister fit the cannula. My veins are totally buggered, hard and black and last time it took 5 goes before they got it in which hurt like hell and triggered a panic attack.
I worked it out the other day and if treatment had gone to plan with no delays for low bloods and infections etc then I should have finished chemo and rads by now. Hey Ho, it'll soon be over and I can get my life back.
Hope you all sleep well. Goodnight
X Yvonne

[Morwenna]

Went for planning session for radiotherapy today. Nothing too scary.

I feel a bit ambivalent about everything today. I guess I feel like I am progressing through my treatment, but I really feel quite bad-tempered and irritable just now. Not sure whether to go back to bed or get off my backside and do something constructive! 😉

Glad to hear your nails are doing ok Yvonne! And Sarah, please pass on congratulations to your sister! Well done!!! 🙂

[Windysarah]

My sister ran the Ipswich Race for Life today and raised £460 for Cancer Research! Also she came 11th out of hundreds! Just wanted to share with you as I'm very proud of her.
Hope you're all as side effect free as poss.

[chicita]

Sorry Rose, Jenny and Geordix, my nails have become quite thick and strong and are growing really fast which I find strange as I expected them to stop growing at the very least. I've read in other forums that losing your nails or having them discolour and partially detach from the nail bed is very common. I hope they settle down quickly for you.
X Yvonne

[Morwenna]

Irenee, what are you on? 😛

My nails are funky colours, they look like I have jammed them in a door or something, especially the thumbs and first two fingers on each hand. They have been really sore, and opening things can be difficult. They are all still attached at the bases, but appear to be lifting at the tips, and funky shapes with corners that catch.

I've been advised to tape them to stop them catching on things if it becomes a real problem.

I resumed my treatment Wednesday, and today have loose bowel issues again, tummy is gurgling and growling as I write. I am trying to keep drinking but feel really dehydrated!

Two more to go!

[geordiex]

my nails are coming. pff from the nail bed ,not painful but not nice thats with taxotere 1 cycle and 8 weekly paclitxel ,having this week off due to side effects I'm being treated for liver secondaries x

[jenny5931]

Hi
Has anyone had problems with nails mine are falling off and its really upset me. I wore dark nail polish all the while and its now six and a half weeks post chemo.
jenny xx

[Irenee]

Hi ladies...Hope you are all doing well...sorry Joyce to hear your treatment is delayed but 6 FEC's surely is enough. I don't think I could have taken any more.
As for the subject of sex.. thought you might be interested in this story of a man and his dog...
I Called MY Dog .....
Everybody who owns a dog seems to call him names like 'Rover' or 'Spot'. I called my dog SEX.
Now Sex has been very embarrassing to me, when I went to the City Hall to renew his dog license I told the clerk I would like a license for SEX. The clerk said, 'So would I'.
Then I said 'But this is a dog', and he said he didn't care what she looked like, then I said 'You don't understand, I've had SEX since I was nine years old!'. He said 'You must have been quite a kid'.
When I got married and went on honeymoon I took my dog with me. I told the Hotel Receptionist that I wanted a room for my wife and I, and a special room for SEX. He said that every room in the hotel was for sex. I said 'You don't understand SEX keeps me awake at night'. He said 'Me too'.
One day I entered SEX in a contest, but before the competition began the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was standing looking around, I told him that I had planned to have SEX in the competition. He told me I should have sold tickets. 'But you don't understand' I said, 'I had hoped to have SEX on T.V'. He called me a Show Off!.
When my wife and I separated we went to court for custody of the dog. I said, 'Your Honour, I had SEX before I was married'. the Judge said 'Me Too'.
Last night SEX ran off again, I spent hours looking for him. A policeman came over to me and asked 'What are you doing in this alley at 3.00a.m in the morning?'. I told him, 'I'm looking for SEX'.
MY CASE COMES UP NEXT FRIDAY. Nell Dinning

[Jo_BCC]

Hi all,

I've put for you below the link to BCC's publication sexuality, intimacy and bc which I hope you find helpful. Please don't hesitate to give the helpline a ring if you want to talk to someone about this as well.

http://www2.breastcancercare.org.uk/publications/treatment-side-effects/sexuality-intimacy-breast-ca...

Take care,

Jo, Facilitator

[Morwenna]

Sorry to hear you are having a rough time Yvonne! 😞
Hopefully with a short rest your body will rally and you'll be able to finish the course. I missed one week, and resumed yesterday, and today I'm feeling really good, although a bit fluid-overloaded. I've been to deep water workout twice this week, and I have a singing coaching Friday night and Saturday, so expect to have a couch potato day on Sunday. Then just two more weeks to go!

Gay, I think that's an excellent idea to start a New thread devoted to sexual issues, maybe on the "living with Breast cancer" section? Hopefully there are other ladies who would like to contribute who can say what worked for them and what their experiences were if they've managed to get past this.

Hang tough girls! xxx

[Windysarah]

On the subject that Joyce brought up, does anyone know if tamoxifen prolongs the vaginal dryness that a lot of us seem to be experiencing?

[chicita]

Hello ladies,
My chemo has come to a halt .FEC 7 was delayed for a week as bloods were too low, then when I went back this week bloods are OK but onc consultant wouldn't let me have treatment as I'm breathless all the time. He thinks my body is telling me it's had enough poison. Anyway, I now h ave to have another chest CT scan and if breathing is much improved and scan is clear he may let me continue with last 2FEC's . If not, then that's the end of chemo for me. I'll find out one way or the other next weds.
X Yvonne

[GBC]

Joyce thank you so much for bringing the sex subject up - and thank you too to Rhonda, Yvonne, Morwenna et al for talking about what does seem to be a very real issue for lots of us, if not all maybe. Exactly as Joyce said, as we start to try and rebuild ourselves following the ravages of BC treatment you really start to think about getting back to the way we were. Everything that everyone says strikes a massive chord with me.
Hubby and I have only been together for 10 years (5 grown up children who have all left home between us) and we had a fantastic sex life. He is not at all bothered by the lack of it/change in the nature of it as he is so lovely, supportive, caring and takes absolutely everything in his stride. BUT I AM! I feel at the moment as if the attractive, sexy, fun-loving person I was has gone and may never come back. For a start how can you feel good about your body when the huge, lumpy scar where my left breast used to be is such a constant reminder. And that's before you even get to the physical loss of libido and actual pain if you try and have normal, loving sex. I fear I will never feel good about myself again in that way, but maybe I am wrong. I certainly hope so as 55 seems too young to turn into a dried up old prune. I am actually dreading starting Tamoxifen because of the likely side effects but also know I am lucky that I can take it as I know many can't. Like everything else if it is going to help save my life . . . . that is the only way to look at everything we have to cope with from now on.
Thank you Pat for YesYesYes suggestion - love the name of the website - I shall give it a go. Shall we start a new thread just for this issue and try and get even more advice, suggestions, ideas?
Love to all my new friends. Gay x

[Airlinelady]

You are right Morwenna - there is alot of stuff written about 'Vaginal dryness' on this site. I've realised that I wasn't really using Replens properly e.g. every 3 days, sex or not. Once chemo is over, I am going to make a real effort to start that regime properly and see how it goes. I have also ordered the 'Yes' product and will give that a go too. If I find that when I start my Hormone Meds (don't know which one I will be on), that nothing is working, then I will ask about the topical oestrogen, but I guess that will be my last resort.
I hate that I can't / don't want to give my hubby long hot kisses anymore due to a sore mouth and the idea of germs and we make do with a loving 'peck'.
I will be glad when these SE's are over, I really will, but I know deep down, that my life, as I knew it, has changed forever and I will never completely be the person I was. Some people might change for the better and make more of their lives, but to be honest, I was always that person that did make the most of their lives and lived it to the very fullest. I was an incredibly optimistic, cheerful, cheeky, loving, happy and positive person - but by the time I get out of this, I don't know who will be left. I still pretend to others that I'm more or less the same and maybe...one day, I will convince myself.
Don't get me wrong, I am so grateful for my chance to live, but I do feel so much compassion for you all ... we have just taken what life has thrown at us with no choices, so much to deal with, so many changes. I have to believe my life will get better and some sort of normaility return... hope is everything... thank you for sharing your challenges - I don't feel alone!!
Joyce xx

[rhondacat]

SEX what's that??? We have had sex once, purely for the hubby only, we used lots of lubricant, but it was still painful, feels like the skin tissue there is weak & it was ripping me, I didnt let on to hubby quite how bad it felt, I am post Menapause & I didn't have much sex drive before this happened, but now I have Zero libido. thanks for bringing it up Joyce, as these are important SE we all seem to have. thanks Pat I ordered some of the Yes lubricant today, we will give that a try, in the near future, just need to take things very slowly. Let's hope we all get our Mojo back! Maybe on our holiday in 6 weeks time we can re-kindle some loving!

[Morwenna]

Actually, put in s search for "vaginal dryness" in this site, and you will see just how common a problem this is!!

[Morwenna]

Joyce, I think this affects most of us, if not all. My husband has not really touched me in any sexual sense since I was diagnosed, (well, not for a while before if I'm honest!) so we haven't even got anywhere near that point. Being recently menopausal, I think that was an issue, but I didn't do anything about it, and then I had the cancer diagnosis, and now I'm quite scared even to try, although I get the sense that he'd be pleased to!

I didn't really mean to blurt all that out! .... What I set out to say was I read a few posts on the subject recently, and I *think* it arose on the December ladies thread!