My brother’s wife was diagnosed secondary breast cancer in her bones/liver Sept 2009. Since having the illness she has cut all meats and diary products from her diet. I’m not sure whether this is normal and whether it helps so I will be interested to hear any comments.
She has a 3 year old son and during the last few weeks the illness has gotten worst. She went into hospital on Fri 15th October for a blood transfusion. Since returning home on the Monday her feet has swollen and find it difficult to walk. She has loss her appetite and has constipation for a number of days. So on Saturday my brother took her back to the hosptial. I haven’t seen her for ages and my brother hasn’t really talked about it.
I understand this and although I can’t help much I want to. My sister-in-law is in hospital now and I want to at least send her a text. However, I really don’t know what to say. What should I say?
Can anyone tell me whether these symptoms are signs of the end? This illness is so, so cruel!!!
It does sound as if your SIL is feeling poorly. The constipation could be due to painkilling drugs which have this unfortunate side-effect. It may be that this is a temporary set-back but I’m sure she would appreciate your good wishes. I always think a nice bunch of flowers lift the spirit.
Hi Jimbo, sorry SIL is having a bad time right now. Both constipation and nausea can be caused by many medications and I have just about got my nausea sorted after a spell in hospital on anti-biotics and I havent been so well since I did this. Constipation is awful, you feel rotten while you are bunged up and once you have been you can feel ill for days after it, even sometimes turning into overflow diorrhea which is caused through the constipation.
I am on double double of 2 laxatives every day and still having constipation, this is the only problem I have and need to still be tweaking my meds to get things balanced.
Hope once she has had a rest in the hospital she will feel refreshed and will come out feeling ready to continue with her treatments.
Just tell her you’re thinking of her. A practical thing you could do if you’ve time is to cook some meals for your brother and child, either to eat on the day or to freeze for another time. Your brother is most likely torn between visiting his wife and spending ordinary time with the little boy away from the hospital. Also In your sil’s shoes I’d really appreciate a trusted family member taking my child out for the day while I was feeling ill, just to distract him from the fact his mother isn’t well. I don’t know if this is feasible for you ?
But the bottom line is that good wishes, whether sent by text, email or letter, are never unwelcome. The actual words won’t matter too much.
Thank you everyone for the replies. I have sent my SIL a text to say my family and I are thinking about her and hope to see her back home soon. She retuned a text thanking me for the kind words
Thank you for your advice onestep. I never thought about taking my nephew out. That is very good, I can actually help them in some way now.
Hopefully, my SIL is only in hospital temporary and comes out all refreshed and ready to fight again!!
I think that consistency of contact is more important than anything else. Send regular texts or make regular calls and visits. It’s not so much what you say as the fact that you care and are putting that care into action. I speak from personal experience - as the patient rather than relative! Big gestures are all very well, but it is nice to get a friendly message on a regular basis. It makes one feel wanted and is ALWAYS appreciated. I hope your sister-in-law improves.
She may not have the energy to even reply to a text. I know that towards the end of chemo I was grumpy and tired and feeling very unsociable. BUT I did like getting lovely, thoughtful texts from friends, just letting me know that they were thinking of me.
The meals and taking your nephew out are also excellent ideas.
I always wanted someone just to come around and clean my house too, in the end I got a cleaner!
Commenting as a patient, Alison’s point about consistency gets my vote.
When first diagnosed with a serious illness, patients are often inundated with cards, flowers and good wishes. Probably 80% of the people that initally wished me well have dropped off the radar. With many illnesses, the patient’s condition improves after the initial treatment. With cancer, that’s often not the case, particularly where chemo is needed.
Do let her know you are thinking of her and do this regularly. If you don’t feel able to get into a discussion with her at any point, just send a text, email, Facebook message or flowers. It’s so important to know that you matter to people. Don’t judge her if she doesn’t reply; she WILL be pleased. Be open with your words and specific with offers of help.
This is a time when you need friends and well wishers to be tortoises and not hares.
Regarding your dairy/meat query, I can’t go into that here, but you might want to look at foodforbreastcancer.com.
xx
I received an email update from my brother. he said things do not look promising and in all honesty, time is running out.
Damn, why does it have to spread so quickly? It has only been one year, why don’t God give her a few more years so she can see her son go start primary school.
My brother says we can call or email her. I’m lost for words again. I’m going on holiday this weekend for a month. I hope I can see her when I get back.
