In all the months of cancer diagnosis and treatment I never had such a bad moment as the Monday evening following my diagnosis on a Friday. I work in a library. Most customers are absolutely lovely. One of my colleagues was doing her best to help a man.who wanted a car manual for a 10 year old car but on the catalogue we only had one for a later model, and it wasn't present in our branch. She suggested we could get the one he wanted in from elsewhere but he would have to pay for the reservation and it might take several weeks. She suggested he phone up neighbouring council's libraries. She suggested he might be able to get one on the internet. She called me after about 15 minutes in case I could suggest anything further. I spent another 15 minutes trying to help, but the customer refused all suggestions and complained about every aspect of our service and the Council in general.
It was then 15 minutes before closing time. I had been working for over 10 hours and I just burst into tears and told him I had nothing else to offer, I apologised that it had been a long day and I had just been diagnosed with breast cancer. A colleague and two other customers jumped and looked shocked and pretended they weren't listening.
This customer replied "And my friend just died of cancer. Yesterday." Of course I felt dreadful, thinking If he had recently suffered a bereavement no wonder he was getting things out of proportion. So I apologised for being unprofessional, offered my condolence, and said that we were both having a difficult time and how hard it could be to recognise other people's suffering and while we are here we should all try to help each other, and it was good that he had been there for his friend. And that I REALLY needed now to go and sit down... Expecting that he would apologise too and perhaps leave, a sadder and a wiser man...
But no! Without a pause or acknowlegment, this customer said it was the same every time he visited the library and he'd asked for this book before and we hadn't had it last time. He then started again to complain about other books we had not got and complained that we had no new books. Well we have a lot of new books, what he wanted was not a new book, it was an old book. At that point I felt that either he or I or both were touching insanity. All I could do was tell him the conversation was closed and ask him to leave.
That was my lowest point. By contrast, the kindness and well-meaningness from everybody since then has helped me so much. People can make so much difference to any experience we go through. People are wonderful and most people know deep down that we are here to help each other!
Its all such good dark humour! Breast cancer is so much more than a hair do! its also a great wig and a free pass at the emergency ward. 🙂
I got a text from my mother today after meeting my oncologist for the first time.
I was sittin
g at the pool watching my kiddlets play with their friends and she feels the need to send me this gem after I told her chemo would be tough but doable
"..poor baby, I'll do the crying for you-and hope to the heavens you never find yourself in this position with your beautiful girls... "
I swear I actually dry retched. I nearly burst into tears on the spot, so uncool at the public baths.
My girls are 10 and 11. My stomach is still churning an hour later.
Cos I really needed something else to lie awake thinking
Seriously what the swear word? !
Hugs ladies, cant medicate for well Meaning but thoughtless
I love this thread!
Some of the stuff on here is so funny, but some of it is truly shocking too - some people are such morons!
One of my male directors told me 'You should consider yourself very lucky to have breast cancer, it is much better than bowel cancer.'!!!! I kid you not. Tell that to the 11000 women that die from it every year in the UK you plonker!
Other than that clanger, there are the usual well meaning ones, but one of my faves (said by one of my best friends) so she was forgiven was 'I could lose a boob, but I couldn't bear to lose my hair!' - I soon put her straight that you don't worry too much about losing your hair when you are trying to have treatment to save your life.
Someone said to me today that I was the bravest person she knew - wrong thing -
As you all know if you want to live you just have to get on with it, there is no choice - bravery suggests a choice.
Pahahaha angelina jolie...if only we could afford her plastic surgeon!
My mother suggested maybe I didnt eat well enough, had too much sugar, should eat more lemons and exercise more..
Hmmm I'm an extremely busy self employed gardener, with a mega lemon tree, who cooks all the meals and if I follow her thought(less) train of thought then our whole family is in the gun.
As a woman on another page said, pretty sure if lemons worked without chemo and surgery her insurance company would be sending her fruit baskets instead of paying millions out for treatment...
Pahahaha! Rosemaryanne..laughing 😉 xx lopsided...surgery didnt kill me but removing the sticking plasters might! Lol
Sandie! How are you? Gutted we haven't texted each other, maybe we should have swopped numbers. That would have made it much easier! Hope you're not feeling too fragile, drop me an update when you're ready. much love, Rose xx
My dear friend emailed me and asked me how I got on with the oncoLOLigist and then sent me the complete Breaking Bad boxed set.
I love her for it!
Holy wow , you couldnt make this stuff up. Bee thats so appalling.
As for the exercise.....
And making people cry..
When i went for my sentinel node biopsy results. I asked, "how long will it take for this blue stain to go? Its been three weeks already" The consultant, doing a downward hand gesture, replied. "Ooh, it could be months, but it doesn't matter, because it will be coming off soon!!" It did make me laugh in a funny sort of way, but i don't know if that was because i was embarrassed, or just my nerves kicking in at the thought of a mastectomy.
Tactless receptionists.... hmmm, don't get me started
Sorry, but if I'm asked what a GP/nurse appointment is for I don't give an answer, especially if I'm standing in reception at the time where everyone can hear. The receptionist does not need to know.
Last Friday I rang to make an appointment to see my GP's practice nurse and the receptionist wanted to know what it was for. When I told her I needed to have my dressing removed after a bi lateral MX she said 'Oh god, you've got a long, hard road ahead of you'
Lol, was funny rose, people are sweet but slightly oblvious. im sure my face was Huh?!
Text me baby 😉
(Actually now I Really want to know xxx) I shall check the forums .
Well, for heaven's sake, you MUST make sure you text her immediately!!!How selfish would it be to keep the poor woman in ignorance!!!
Seriously though, some people are just stupid. I'm sure she wanted you to feel she cares, but really...
Hope it all goes well for you. I should find out tomorrow what they will be doing and when. Want me to text you?! Rose xx
So yesterday I was talking to a woman I know, quite casually, from scrapbooking, (who invited me to a christmas party on saturday which i had to decline) and she said
.., text me when youre out of surgery on saturday morning....so I know you got through it...
Um wot! ?
1. Thanks for implying I might die...(which I didnt say).
2. I think I wont be texting anyone I'll be recovering from major surgery. (Which I did say )
She was quite insistant I Must text her immediately or she wouldnt be able to concentrate all day.
Oooo yummy! Bee stung, sun kissed, honey lips! Sounds delicious anyway, wine tastes bad now but Whiskey I can do! might have to rush off to the supermarket for honey. Xx
A very dear friend listened to me having a real RANT, tears, snotty nose, the full works. She had been warned months earlier that I didn't want sympathy or advice, just listening ears. She looked a bit nonplussed, and said - as she poured the whisky - well, do you feel better now you've got that off your chest!!!! Cue hysterical laughter, more tears and more whisky. And guess what I DID feel better......bless her!
Cocktails - oh yes Pretty unbrellas - oh yes
In fact, does anyone know of any cocktails involving Manuka honey?? I have just bought a jar of the stuff and cocktails seem a fab way of incorporating it into the diet
Let me start: Honey, whisky, ginger ale and lemon juice - suggestions for a title??
Hi maggie59 I shaved my head a few years ago for the lukemia foundation. Its not so bad, but the back of your neck gets chilly.. You will be lovely. Xxxx my hair was nearly waist length.i absolutely know th6st its not the same as chemo and involuntary loss. Its Ironic that 2 years later Im potentially facing chemo too.
In fact if I had a dollar for every who s said 'at least you have a nice shaped head ' we could all go out for cocktails with pretty umbrellas .
"Chin up"( more than once). What does that even mean?! Oh, and everyone knows someone who had cancer and is fine now. I'm happy for them, but they aren't me. Third is "I'm sure you'll be fine." On what evidence are they so certain?
I guess we all get "how are you?"... I regret how often I used to greet people that way, expecting a positive answer. Now I often just say "how nice to see you".
On my first radiotherapy day, I asked a volunteer for directions to the restaurant. It was her first day as a volunte er. We recognised each other as work colleagues from about 20 years before. She said "How amazing to meet here after all those years. I'm so pleased to see you.". Yes... but I wish I wasn't here.
A bit later she said, "is that your Dad?". Um... no, that's my husband.
We just have to appreciate people's goodwill and kind intentions.
Ive had a bit of those too... you probably didnt need to hear that. ?.. hmmm possibly not..yah think? then thry smile and pat your arm and tell you its totally treatable.
Good grief.no sex after 50! Well why go on! Unbelievable !
I got told boobs get in the way just yesterday by a woman who then told me all about her ovarisn surgery in huge detail. excruitiating detail..kinda tottered out of her office ...
Apparently its all about choosing new boobs and pretty sweaters. Yah. Wot?!