Hi, I read this thread and can only say I do empathise. I was diagnosed 4 years ago and touch wood had a few scares but OK.
When I was diagnosed with cancer, people were saying things they think will make it feel better...but it was really often to make them feel better. Some of the cliches such as 'you are strong, you look well, no-one dies of b cancer do they?' Unbelievable! I tell people even now, theres nothing you can say to make it feel better so please don't try, just sit with me and chat generally. I also found the 'how are you?' question was often too big a question to ask me, and too exhausting too.
I recall a phrase 'Don't try to lead i may not follow, don't walk behind me I may not lead, just walk with me and be my friend' (or something like that).
Love to you all girls ( and guys ) xx
My very sweet BCN ended every sentence with” How are you feeling about that” After a while it was hard not to scream b——— marvellous of course, just look at my face you’ ll see the joy.
Treatment is now finished and I suppose l could now say. “Feeling much better thank you “
The people I have told so far really just don't know what to say but I did struggle a bit yesterday when one of my family started to tell me 1 in 3 get some form and about everyone he could think of that had some kind of cancer and recovered (it was just a little too soon for me even though I know he was trying to help).- I just couldn't get out of the room quick enough.
I was only diagnosed yesterday so I expect I'll have to face lots of the comments you've all had and I'll certainly watch out for the "best type of cancer" comment
I realise it is very hard for people around us to know what to say but here are a few I've had said to me that probably are best unsaid!
the best cancer to have ! Er no the best cancer is none!
you're a tough old bird! - not sure where to start with this one! I thought I was a youthful 56 year old!
After your hair falls out and you stop being sick everything will be ok!- this was said by a retired nurse who should know better!
Good girl- see above. I am 56 years old!
i've only been diagnosed a few weeks so sure there will be more bloomers to come!
I am going for a low maintenance Christmas. It’s just me and my dad, so rather than creating turkey and 52 veg from scratch, I will be ordering stuff from the M&S food to order catalogue. Dad will still love it!
Just after I was diagnosed some idiot said dismissively "it's only a lump"!!!! My sympathy to all you ladies having to undergo treatment at this time of year. Looking back I remember that it hit me particularly hard at Christmas. I was feeling wretched due to the chemo and had lost all my hair but there I was sitting in my woolly hat watching everyone else celebrating, looking happy and glamorous. One day three young girls came into the cafe I was in and they all had long, swishy, glossy hair - I just blubbed. I shed quite a few tears at that time but the good news is that the treatment was worth it, the hair did grow back and now approaching the 5 year mark I feel fighting fit again.
I think a lot of people simply don’t know what to say. I tell people I am more than happy to talk about it and that they should just ask. Some do, some don’t. But you certainly find out who your friends are. A chum at work has insisted on coming over to my house on Friday to hoover, because I am still finding hoovering difficult after my ovary removal op. What a star she is.
Most people I know just ignore it, not addressing it at all. I think that maybe worse! Very few will ask me how I am? I think they're scared of what I might say.....