What to say and what not to say!!!

[delly]

Sorry Sue, didn't note that she didn't know you very well. I take back my comments. This cancer's bl**dy rife, isn't it.
Bibi - I'm so sorry about your Dad
Lots of love to everyone
Delly xxxx

[Sue C]

Thanks bibi xx

[Bibi44]

Sue I had several people regaling me with tales like that. Quite odd really. I think, in a weird way, that they’re trying to empathise with us. They haven’t had BC themselves, so use a story about someone else. I had the same thing when phoning round my parents friends to tell them about dad’s funeral. They all wanted a really long conversation about everyone else they knew that had died! I was barely holding it together & had a huge list to get through. It was gruelling. You did the right thing. Don’t signify it with a response. She just didn’t think how that story might impact you. xx

[Sue C]

But that's the thing Delly, she wouldn't have told me. I don't know her that well, and I don't know her family. She just told me, out of the blue, purely because I've had BC. I didn't respond to the message, just couldn't believe it. 

[delly]

Mmmm, Sue. I soo get your reaction, But at the same time, had you NOT had BC, wouldn't you want to hear/know of her cousin?? It IS'NT necessarily that she told you because you also had cancer. She'd probably have told you anyway. It's probably MORE the fact that she knew you'd had cancer, that she told you.? because of your own experience. It's all to easy to defensively jump down someones throat. I've done it myself in the past, but now have a different stance to. That's because I've gotten over my initial "sensitivity" ref and to BC. Have a "gentle" think on, lovey. I think your attitude will also change in time, from aggressive to a calmer one.
Much love to you xxx

[rosietd]

Aah we could write a book, we really could .....

xxx

[Sue C]

Afternoon Ladies

I had a message from an ex work mate, who  i haven't seen for a few years, but does know that I had BC. She told me that her  cousin (who I know nothing about and have never met) has cancer and only has a little while to live. Now......why do I need to know that? Why is it that if someone knows someone who has cancer, they feel that they need to tell me??

Aarrrhhh.....give me strength!!!!

Sue xx

[Jbelle]

Dellywelly.....haven’t spoken to that woman for more than 10years......most probably, won’t speak again for another 10!! Have a lovely Friday. Hugs, Belle xxx

[Jbelle]

Hello Andi,

So pleased to hear that you are feeling fine after your surgery!! Awesome that you have had a good sleep with only one painkiller!!

Hehehe.....it’s the time that we should be waited on....great to be taken care of!

Wishing you well and take good care.

Belle xxx

[Andi]

Hi Delly I came home last night from hospital I probably didn't make that clear!
Had a decent nights sleep and have only taken 1 painkiller since the op.
I really hope that this info encourages and helps other ladies about to undergo surgery

It was a bit surreal drinking tea and eating hot cross buns at 3am but I was starving! OH thinks I'm a bit of a diva asking him for a cuppa at 3 in the morning.......well I can't actually lift a kettle can I?

I've done my arm exercises and I'm going for a short walk soon.

Regards gold hot pants... I've got a batch on order. Standard uniform for post treatment perhaps!

Love to all xxx

[delly]

Coo-eeee Andi
Corr, was a lovely positive early morning (!!!) post-op message. Sooo glad and pleased to hear you're "feeling fine" woman. Have you got some nice ward company to chat with?? I know it's sounds a bit weird and saddo, but I quite enjoy going into hosp, for the company. Guess it's living and spending so much time on my own. Have met some really lovely people during my past stays.
I think we should ALL get a pair of gold hotpants, Andi
Was a bit hung over yesterday, from all the port day before!! xxxxxx

[Andi]

Hello Lovely Ladies

I am 4 hours out of WLE surgery and feeling fine.
No nausea No pain just very emotional and pleased the little rascal has been removed.

My OH just asked why I felt the need to post on here so soon and the answer is that you ladies got me through the last few weeks of waiting.
I have a whole new bunch of sisters now.

Good luck to all of us for the next hurdle.
Praying to God to bless us with good results .
Much Love xxx

PS my daughter in law sent me a pic of a pair of gold Kylie hotpants. I swear I will wear some one day! XX

Anita1 How are you my love? x

[delly]

BelleBelle - Noooooooo. What a dreadful woman. I hope you don't get to see her very often!! xxx.

[Jbelle]

Hiya CK.....am happy to hear that everything is working out great!! 💐❤️

Wishing you well always.

Dellywelly......she absolutely was NOT joking....she waited for my answer and I said entertaining my husband is the least of my worries!!! And she said OHHH......with the next question., almost whispering......are you bald down there too!? 🤪

Belle xxx

[Jbelle]

Hello Krysbe,

Yes, It always best to check on any concern, even how small. 

The waiting part is the hardest...

When is your ultrasound?

Hope that All will be fine.

Take good care, Belle xxx

[delly]

Belle - was she JOKING??
Andi - Taaa for the Kylie gold hotpants lucky giggle. Great. I'd just like a backside like hers!!! But C is a major weird thing, so try and learn to appreciate the sympathetics! because they genuinely care. If you read further back into this thread, there are those who amazingly have a b s o l u t e l y no bloody idea - the complete opposite!
Yet, at the same time, I have a 80 odd yr old uncle, who so tragically had to have his whole leg amputated 2 Xmases ago. Made me think Jeez, I'm lucky with 2 masts, I can still walk around etc. I often say "Keep kicking"!! when I end the phone conver, as some loving encouragement, which most would think totally inappropriate, I know. But he "knows" me and my humour so well, he knows that I'm being lovingly teasingly encouraging, making light of, and he giggles at it because it IS so "lovingly" said and meant. At the same time, he knows how it tears my heart apart at what he had to have done, is going through, and at such an age, because I sobbingly told him immediately after. Bless your cotton "sock" as oppo "socks" is another thing I say to him!!  So he just laughs at my japery. Bless his cotton sock!! I do love him to bits and back to a whole again.
S'all very weird really, isn't it. Afraid BC made me question my own mortality, gave me a different attitude to certain things. Other closely following immed. family deaths just compounded that even more so. 
Krysbe - I'm gunning for good results for you, girl.
Pass the flippin port CK and add a few extra glasses for these other lasses xxxxxxxxxx Hic!

[CK]

Gosh, we have some whoppers here! Vets bills in comparison and BC is very common....so we thought we'd get it:)

Delly,
Im still in a daze, cant believe it but very happy. Still have rads to go and tablets for 10 years and need to recover from op but everything seems so surreal but worth going through. I keep thinking back to August when I felt that my life had collapsed and now Im on cloud nine! I just wish for good results for all of us ladies. X

[Krysbe]

Thank you for asking Belle. I had a mx in November last year but a few weeks ago found a lump just below my collar bone so thought it best to get it checked out. Consultant thought it was nothing to worry about but has made me another appointment for an ultrasound so it’s wait and see time again.

[Jbelle]

OHHH gosh, Krysbe.....made me laugh....comparing to the Vet’s bill!!

Pretty insensitive, I must say 😜

How did your appointment go? 

Belle xxx

[Jbelle]

Hello Andi,

Yeah.....people are priceless!! A lot of times, people don’t realise what they are saying or how they are saying it and what kind of impact it has on us!

Guess when the C word is heard, the general reaction is usually of doom and gloom!!!

Had someone who said to me .....Ohhhh, Having bc is pretty common nowadays....like catching a cold!!!

DUH 🙄

Wishing you well, Andi

Belle xxx

[Krysbe]

Had an appointment at the hospital today.  My neighbour came round and asked how I got on before saying more to the point how’s the dog she costs more. I had to laugh as she has cost us nearly £3,000 over the last year in vets bills.

[Andi]

People are priceless Belle. The comment she made has to be laughed at its so ridiculous.
I am new to this and have received numerous cards and text messages from colleagues and friends some of which bewilder me.
All I really want is positive, upbeat and even funny messages but some of them make me so emotional because they seem so downbeat "so sorry for you" "can't believe this has happened to you". Maybe people just don't know what to say and it comes out wrong.
Anyway....if Kylie Minogue can rock some gold hotpants after bc then so can I!
I should be so lucky! xx

[Jbelle]

Hello Lovely Ladies,

Just wanted to share something that happened to me yesterday....

A ex work associate whom I haven’t met or spoken to for more than 10years suddenly contacted me via messenger! Was quite exciting to catch up after all these years.

After exchanging pleasantries, the subject went to my bc......She directly asked me if I removed my breast? and I answered Yes......

Next, her reaction and question is absolutely priceless......She asked.....How are you going to entertain your husband with no Breast!!!

Never ever I was asked in that way......had a good laugh!!! Now I gotta figure that out....LOL

Belle xxx

[delly]

CK - CORR WHAT!!!!! Lets fill up the swimming pool with port - lets swim in it CK!  Oh, hang on a minute, don't know anyone with a swimming pool - oh all right, the bath then?!! Dip your glasses in girls - I did clean it first. 

Thats abso-bloomin-lute-ly  Fab-U-louuus. Lots more Cheshire cat grins from us on here. Yaahoooo.

    (what d'ya mean too many hearts - I don't care, I like red! It's happy, It's "fiery") xxxxxx

[rosietd]

HOORAY!!!! More port!!

[Jill1998]

Great news CK !!!!

[CK]

Hi Delly
Got my results on Tuesday! NO CANCER!!!! No more surgery! Clear margins! Chemo did its job! Still rads to do in March👍👍Im grinning like a Cheshire cat😾😼😼

[delly]

Crikey on the numbers mix up CK. You waiting on results now? or have they already given them?
I'm definitely going to sit at your left at the table - direction of the Port, of course 🙂
Love to everybody, Dellypoos xxxxxx

[CK]

Delly
Port is the answer! Loving it. I had a Porn Sar Martini on Monday night!!! Thanks for that.x

Rosie
Ive had 8 clundelling sessions and 2 with daughter. Deffo helped me. Hope they help you too.xx

Anyway, no bad one liners lately but since my good resylts Im ready for anyone!!!

Only hiccup was when rhe nurse told me my CT scan was at 15.45om when it eas in rbe morning of op and I sternly told hilm to check. Turns out 15.45 was e tension number for CT dpt!!! Numpty!!!

[delly]

Me thinks PORT may be an answer to lots of things, hey girls?? Soooo glad to hear you're both doing Okay'ish?? Love to you both and all else coming on here xxxxxx

[rosietd]

Getting there slowly. Struggling at the moment with the emotional and psychological effects of a cancer diagnosis, so am about to start some counselling to see me through.

So glad you can have a port again! Little things etc. .....

xxx

[CK]

Hi Rosie
Im grand. Resting, eating and sleeping and a bit of paperwork. Enjoying a glass of Port again! How are you?x

[rosietd]

Hey CK, how are you after your op?

xxx

[CK]

Hiya, can only see 'elly' behind a little icon. Cheeky so and so! Not quite a stone but nearly,lol.
Yes, tou are right! Whoever set up this forum is a godsend!xx

[delly]

Hi everybody
Haven't been on this thread for yonks.

But CK - I've just been having a giggle at your post where the guy said "I thought you'd put on weight". If you were bunged up with your cold, wondered if your saying "and a cough and a cold" came out sounding like "and put on a stone", if he was a bit deaf as well !!
Yeh, you can't beat talking to others who've had. Hence the beauty of this here Forum, hey. An absolute godsend. Who ever thought of it and set it up, ought to be awarded with an official medal M.B.E or O.B.E. Don't you think girls ??
Keep gritting your teeth, biting your tongue, or letting rip and putting 'em straight.
Lotsa love, Dellypoos xxxxxxx

[CK]

Dorabel. We are all going through similar emotions! Come and rant on here😘😘

Well ladies, finished chemo and had my op to clear lymph nodes and margins yesterday. Was thinking its 6 months since my first op! Phew! Well, can remember chatting to a lady on my first op about my fundraising for 'Prevent Breast Cancer' and she replied 'Well, its not done you any good,has it?' I gave her the excuse that she was sad with what shes going through but erm the fundraising we do now is for future generations and helping research! We all have gained from previous fundraising in different fields! MacMillan etc!! Honestly!!!

[rosietd]

Ignored it - not easy, but I am learning that some people just don’t get it. But on a positive note, I had a coffee today with a lady who had breast cancer 8 years ago and she totally understood everything I am currently thinking / feeling / fearing. Reassured me that all my reactions are completely normal. Phew.

xxxx

[littlefairy]

rosietd to right she wouldnt of said that if she had it! i think she would have found herself crying lots and lots if she had it ,what a silly thing to say ,how did ya deal with that one did you choose to ignore it or said something back xxxx little fairy

[littlefairy]

hi ck i have only just read your reply ,no  its not porgie for georgie porgie good one though ,it does really knock your confidence i agree strongly on that,i used to avoid people sometimes because i didnt want to be asked how i was or even mention the word going shopping for me was hard incase i ran into someone i knew and them say silly things ,i wanted to be on my own alot cos i didnt want people to see me upset ,but it does get better and  im  gaining confidence ,if you feel like haveing time on your own thats o.k and i hope your confidence grows too! in your own time! i think you might even surprise yourself how strong you end up ,you will find a inner strength,and the tears will get less and less xxxx big hug for you ck from little fairy 

[Dorabel]

I should have read this thread before posting.  It shows me I’m not alone in finding other people’s reactions difficult to take.

[CK]

Rosietd
Exactly! We wouldnt wish it on anyone! There are some idiots!!!

[ann-m]

Rosie,
...& heart attacks, strokes & dementia are common, so that’s alright then 🙄
Sometimes it’s almost too much energy even to respond to prat remarks like that 🤨🙄
ann x

[Jill1998]

😳 she certainly wouldn't !!!

[rosietd]

Outrageous!!!

Someone told me last week that breast cancer is very common and therefore not a big deal. Bet she wouldn’t say that if she had it!

xxxx

[CK]

Hope we are all coping and moving on with treatment ladies. Not had any one liners lately but had one today. Told someone I was grumpy today because have had chemo and a cough and cold. He said 'I thought you had put on weight!' Thanks mate!! :0 Honestly!!!!

[rosietd]

Hear hear!!!

🎄🎄🎄

[CK]

Yes, lets get 2017 out of the way and look forward to a better, brighter, healthier and happier New Year for all of us lovely ladies! We most certainly deserve it after what we have been rhrough and still will need to go through😘😘😘

[ladybowler]

Jill

Totally second that one xxx

[Jill1998]

Yes ,here's to a better year next year !!