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When to give in and stop treatment

ripley
Member

Re: When to give in and stop treatment

I'm really sorry to hear this, Terry. I hope you get some answers soon and that in the meantime Kathy is comfortable.

Thinking of you.
xxx

celeste
Member

Re: When to give in and stop treatment

I'm sending one up for you both. I can understand that this latest development has been very scary indeed. I do hope they've been able to stabilise things enough for Kathy to continue any treatment she may wish to.

Take good care

LesleyLP
Member

Re: When to give in and stop treatment

Thinking of you both and all your family Terry, hope your wife can be made as comfortable as possible.

Lesley xx

teacup
Member

Re: When to give in and stop treatment

I will say a prayer for Kathy. I hope the hospital can make her as comfortable as they can. Thinking of you both.

JaneRA
Member

Re: When to give in and stop treatment

Dear Terry

I hope the hospital can make your wife feel as comfortable as possible. Thoughts with you and your family.

best wishes

Jane

debsincornwall
Member

Re: When to give in and stop treatment

So sorry to read this post, praying for you both.
much love Debsxxx

belinda
Member

Re: When to give in and stop treatment

Thinking of you both and all the family.
Belinda.

Maroke
Member

Re: When to give in and stop treatment

thinking of you both

Peggy

Marilf
Member

Re: When to give in and stop treatment

Dear Terry
I'm so sorry to read that your dear Kathy is now so gravely ill. My thought are with you.
Marilyn x

GrannyScouse
Member

Re: When to give in and stop treatment

Thinking of you all, Terry.

Maureen xx

delivic
Member

Re: When to give in and stop treatment

im praying for you too, you are in my thoughts Vic xx

jaynemh
Member

Re: When to give in and stop treatment

I'm praying

TerryJ
Member

Re: When to give in and stop treatment

Busy time at hospital.

This weekend not so bad, really tired but fairly normal.

Sunday night realy bad pains in left leg again but morphine tablets helped.

This morning due for Onc appointment. Onc said it looked like the latest Chemo was working a bit as her ascetis had not come back so bad, so she sent her off to the chemo ward to have her drain dressing changed.

She felt a little breathless and dizzy, then was sick, almot neat blood, the onc was called who looked grey with worry, she was sick six times in total, all neat blood, needless to say into emergency and they looked inside her ( cannot remember technical names ) one of the veins in her osopegus ( spelling )had broken, not sure why. They put a expanding collar in her throat and that stopped the bleeding, but now she is on no fluids or food.

Talking to her she is feeling a lot better but the Doc said she is now gravely ill and in a serious condition, but the doc on her ward said she is now stabilised, the confusion is the really hard part. It is now 0130 am and we have got most of the family over from the UK but we still do not have any answers. My only guess is that it is a side effect of the Avastin which is well publicised and is very dangerous.
Please pray for her ( Kathy )

XX

Maxmari
Member

Re: When to give in and stop treatment

Hi Terry

Have been popping onto this thread regularly to check on how things are going for you both. You two are amazing - ye are really giving this BC a run for its money. I think its great that Mrs T is eating well and in good form as she will need to stay strong to take the chemo. You will probably still be emailing this site in 5yrs time letting us know how Mrs T is doing - and I hope to still be here reading the updates 🙂 Great photo too xx

Maria

GrannyScouse
Member

Re: When to give in and stop treatment

Hi, Terry and Mrs Terry

Very pleased to meet you, Mrs T :-). What a lovely photo.

Also very pleased that you've spent more quality time with your son and wonderful husband. You make sure you hang on to him, he's quite rare.

Best wishes.
Maureen xx

delivic
Member

Re: When to give in and stop treatment

Pleased to hear shes more comfortable and hope the chemo helps.

Vic x

dippykate
Member

Re: When to give in and stop treatment

Pleased she is more comfortable and hope the new chemo helps and does not have such bad side effects.
Thinking of you both
Katexx

jantharra
Member

Re: When to give in and stop treatment

So glad to read your wife is more comfortable Terry, and there maybe another option. I hope that is is as gentle as can be and it gives you both more quality time together.

Thinking of you both
Nikki

JaneRA
Member

Re: When to give in and stop treatment

Dera Terry

Lovely to see a picture of your wife. I am so pleased for her that she is feeling better than she has been, and that her son was able to visit. Hope the chemotherapy has minimal side effects...and buys some extra time, but if its hard remember that you can chamge your mind about having it.

very best wishes

Jane

HeatherLou
Member

Re: When to give in and stop treatment

What a roller coaster you two are on. Just wanted to add my good wishes to you both and fingers crossed for some success and relieve on the new chemo....

Love and hugs
Heather

celeste
Member

Re: When to give in and stop treatment

Great stuff you two. I'm glad about the chemo and I hope it is successful, without being too arduous. Best wishes to both of you

belinda
Member

Re: When to give in and stop treatment

That sounds better news Terry. Best Wishes to you both. Belinda.

LesleyLP
Member

Re: When to give in and stop treatment

That's good news Terry - hope your wife is able to cope well with the chemo and that it gives her a good while longer, you must both be very pleased given how things were looking a week ago. And agree with everyone else, that's a lovely, happy photo of her.

Lesley x

TerryJ
Member

Re: When to give in and stop treatment

Thank you for the nice comments.

Just got back from the Onc and they have put a permanent drain in, so that should help things. ALSO they are going to try one more chemo, don´t know the name yet but I will find out tomorrow, at least that means things may not be that immement.

XX

delivic
Member

Re: When to give in and stop treatment

what a lovely photo, very very attractive lady.

Vic x

dippykate
Member

Re: When to give in and stop treatment

What a beautiful and happy picture! It's lovely to see that picture. Please tell her that I think she is so lucky to have such a supportive and loving husband and I hope you are enjoying your time with your family.
Katexx

Reanne
Member

Re: When to give in and stop treatment

She looks so happy in the photo - she is a very attractive lady and very, very lucky to have such a supportive husband.

belinda
Member

Re: When to give in and stop treatment

That's a beautiful picture of your wife Terry.

debsincornwall
Member

Re: When to give in and stop treatment

Lovely to meet you Mrs T. Hope you are feeling o.k. and enjoying time with your son and the rest of the family.
Love to you all.
Love Debsxxx
cancer can change our appearance on the outside but it can't steal our soul and I believe beauty comes from within.xxx

TerryJ
Member

Re: When to give in and stop treatment

I just thought I would add a picture so she is a person not just a name. Taken 2 and a half years ago just before this cr---y bug got her.

XX

dippykate
Member

Re: When to give in and stop treatment

Terry - don't know much about permanent drains but the last time I was in the hospice, the lady next to me had one and it all seemed so simple to operate and painfree as well so it may well help with the awful situation you are in.
Glad she is eating better and hope that continues.
Thinking of you both
Katex

TerryJ
Member

Re: When to give in and stop treatment

Busy time in hospital. They drained the ascetis last Thursday but by yesterday she looked 8 months pregnant again, but this time the fluid was in a better place so her breathing was not affected.
They took seven goes at putting the needle in to drain it again
( under anestetic ) but they still could not get the fluid out. So today she had an ultrasound and they marked an X on the spot to drain it. In comes senior Onc and she could not drain it either !!

Anyway we have to go back Thursday and they say they may put a permanent drain in. Funny thing is she is eating better than for the last two months and looks really well ( other than looking 8 months pregnant ) Still very severe pain in her left leg which is stopping her walking but we are getting crutches tommorrow ( no chance of getting her in a wheelchair !! )

XX

SuzanneP
Member

Re: When to give in and stop treatment

Hi Terry,

I hope your wife is happier for having her son visit and that you are all able to spend time just enjoying each other's company and getting love, comfort and support from each other.

Very best wishes to you both.

Suze x

alison100
Member

Re: When to give in and stop treatment

and terry....we too want to be here reading it for the next 5 years
x

TerryJ
Member

Re: When to give in and stop treatment

Her son will be here Saturday, seems funny really but she seems really happy now and is pain free completely.

Best thing I can do is just keep this up dated hopefully for the next 5 years !!!

XX

Kay123
Member

Re: When to give in and stop treatment

Hi Terry

So sorry to hear this news. I do hope that your wife can be kept relatively pain free and comfortable and that you can spend what time is left, together and you bth get some comfort from that.

You have had a lot of advice about your son - my only advice is that you tell him the facts as you know them and let him decide what he feels is best. The trouble is (as always) the fact that cancer is so unpredictable.

Thinking of you both. Kay xx

Maroke
Member

Re: When to give in and stop treatment

Hi Terry,

my heart goes out to you and your wife. You think you are prepared but is anybody ever really? As Louise said, nobody can tell you the time it will happen. Please do get her son over, he should have the opportunity to be with his Mum now and I'm sure your wife needs his company too. I hope they can keep your wife pain free and that you will still have some good days together.

Peggy

jantharra
Member

Re: When to give in and stop treatment

Terry I cannot add anything about the time question as have no direct experience, but I just wanted to say that my heart goes out to you and your wife as these days pass. I hope you get enough good days now and that she feels as little pain and discomfort as possible, which is all any of us can hope for when we get to that point.

Thinking of you both
Nikki

daviel
Member

Re: When to give in and stop treatment

HI Terry

I just wanted to comment on the length of time given left. My mum was told in the middle of November that she only had 6 weeks left. After Christmas day she took to herself to bed and expected to die but after two weeks she got up again and decided to get going again. My point is that each individual is different and nobody knows how long the body can keep going with all that it is thrown at it. I think they give a time frame to prepare you and your family but I would not take it too literally. My mum has organized the funeral and seen everyone that has come and visited to say goodbye (which is weird) but now I am aiming to try and get her out of the house again, no point sitting at home waiting for it to happen! I think now we need to enjoy each day as it comes and try and forget the inevitable that happens to us all in the end.

LouiseX

GrannyScouse
Member

Re: When to give in and stop treatment

Terry

Forgot to say. I have a son who lives abroad. I know that when my time comes I'll want to spend time with him xx

GrannyScouse
Member

Re: When to give in and stop treatment

Terry

Your wife and her son need to spend time together. Get him over there NOW! Hopefully they'll have quality time together.

Literally as I read your post I was on my way out the front door and desperately wanted to respond, but this is the earliest opportunity. Don't want to be negative but he needs to be out there asap so they can spend time together. Can he have compassionate leave??

Thinking of you all.

Good luck to us all.
Maureen xx

jaynemh
Member

Re: When to give in and stop treatment

hi Terry - so sorry to hear your news - i did post a comment which didn't appear so having another go - think son needs all the information - I know my daughter has made me promise not to hide anything from her - and at times this is very hard - and will get harder - hope you are both getting support - thinking of you both , jayne

belinda
Member

Re: When to give in and stop treatment

I'm so sorry to hear your news Terry. My Mum died of ovarian cancer last Spring, she had liver involvement and developed ascites. She died days later. So sorry..I hope your wife will be kept as comfortable and as pain free as possible. Belinda.

alison100
Member

Re: When to give in and stop treatment

Terry,
I'm sorry to hear your news. Like Deb, I would tell her son to get to you as soon as possible. A job is a job and can be replaced. Your mother is precious and is not replacable. He needs to know the full story and book his ticket.
I hope that she is made comfortable, noone deserves to suffer
al

debsincornwall
Member

Re: When to give in and stop treatment

Hi Terry,
really sad reading your post don't know if this will help. A friend who died of this disease was told three weeks and sadly it was. Her liver was like 7 months and then her legs began to swell this was due lymphatic system failing. It is very hard for them to put a time as we all react differently even in the late stages of this disease. When my mum was poorly they sent a Dr, nurse and social worker every day to make sure she was comfortable and that I knew what to do when the end came. I know in this financial climate it is very hard, but I think maybe tell your son how it now and how it could be tomorrow and let him decide. I told my daughters and one chose to fly out and the other one chose not to. A decision that she has had to live with since. Take care of each other and again I am so very sorry.
Love Debsxxx

JaneRA
Member

Re: When to give in and stop treatment

Terry I am so very sorry to hear your latest news. Time frames are so so difficult to predict....I think when medics are talking about weeks they usually know what they are talking but it could be longer...or shorter.

I hope you have some reasonable quality time together and can say the things you need and want to say to each other.

very best wishes

Jane

TerryJ
Member

Re: When to give in and stop treatment

Saw the Onc this morning. They took one and a half litres of ascetic fluid from her abdomen, this was also full of blood.
I did not understand why they did not take more as she still looks like she is 5 months pregnant as opposed to the 6 months when she went in.

I did not get chance for a private word with the Onc but she was quite open and honest and sympathetic.
Basically she said her liver is now too bad and is failing, hence the ascetis, and no further anti cancer treatment is possible. The aim, she said, is to improve QOL and to be pain free. She increased her morphine patches by 25Mg to 175 and some other pain blockers which act on the brains electrical system to block sharpe quick pain, which is what she was getting in her left leg.

The only question I have left is the one of time, the three weeks we have been told was from a medic that has not actually seen Kathy but is a friend in the UK, if anyone else has any time frames I would like to hear them as My wife has a son in the UK and we do not know when to get him here, like everyone else he has to work.

XX

TerryJ
Member

Re: When to give in and stop treatment

Marell, Thank you for your comments, I think I know what you went through, I can only hope that we can look forward too, at this moment it feels difficult.
At least, compared to others on this site our girls are 17 and 18 a lot have children much younger.

XX

marell
Member

Re: When to give in and stop treatment

My wife had her treatment stopped in December as it was having no effect and was making her life difficult, but sadly lost her battle on the 3rd. The end was very quick at home on the 2nd we were asked by the doctor if she wanted to be at the hospital at a hospice or at home, at home was her answer and she was put on Pathway the only problem with that is she then knew she was dying and I think the fight went out of her.I don't think that there is any other way of doing it as they evidently must ask these questions especially if you wish to be at home. The Doctors and all the nurses did their best but it is very hard for both the person dying and the ones left behind.She had fought for nearly eight years and I am sure it was her determination not to give in that kept her going I think that is the best advice to try and focus on living not dying.We did delay the treatment on occasions when it got too much but in the end she always went back for more only each individual can say when enough is enough.I am sure that she found great solice in this site and would wish everyone well.I am sorry if this rambles on but it is still very hard to concentrate on the subject but as my wife always said the only way is forward

celeste
Member

Re: When to give in and stop treatment

I'm so sorry Terry that you've been given this news. I hope when you have chance to talk to the onc he will offer you further clarification.

I cannot imagine how one comes to terms with this, I suspect we don't. I hope that somehow you will both get the help and support you need during this period.

Ver best wishes