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Who to tell?

6 REPLIES 6
LSM72
Member

Re: Who to tell?

Hi Rosemaryanne, I'm glad your husband took things well and hope he'll be a good support to you should you need it. I wish I didn't have to tell my two boys (had no choice due to the circs below) so they didn't have the month of worry as well. I still had the support of my husband though when I needed it. Glad you've taken charge and made the right decision for you. X
Rosemaryanne
Member

Re: Who to tell?

Well, I did tell my husband and he surprised me (even after 30+ years!). He was calm and actually listened to what I said, though I did not tell him that the consultant seemed convinced that the findings were consistent with malignancy, only that it was a possibility. I really want to tell my kids but after my friend lost her life so recently, I think they will struggle to see that my case is different (much earlier diagnosis, clear lymph nodes so far as could be seen). I will wait till I have the biopsy results and a treatment plan, then talk to them. Thanks, Frances.

Frances1985
Member

Re: Who to tell?

Hi Rosemary. I am 29 years old and have just had a scare myself. Thankfully the lump turned out to be a fibroadenoma. My mum (now 54) was diagnosed with stage 2 BC in 2010. She knew something had been found on the mammogram, but only told us a few days before she was going for diagnostic tests. In a selfish way, I thought this was the best way forward as we didn't have weeks of worrying, but she didn't keep us in the dark over the fact that she had to go to hospital for the day for diagnostic tests. Hope that helps. X PS - 4 years on she is doing really well :-). Touch wood!
Rosemaryanne
Member

Re: Who to tell?

Thank you for your thoughtful response. I think I will just tell my husband there is a possibility, rather than a probability. This sounds bad, but he tends to take everything as happening TO him rather than around him, if that makes sense, and I don't want to have to cope with his melodrama! My son and daughter left home some time ago, and I think you have a very valid point that they may be upset that I didn't feel able to share this with them. I need to think this through carefully.

LSM72
Member

Re: Who to tell?

Hi, I think this is a really personal one that only your gut feeling will know best. It depends as well on whether you can do this alone for the two weeks or whether you'll need the support. Another thing to consider is if you think you are hiding it well, but they know something isn't right and there is communication breakdowns and misunderstandings. Being selfish, all you need to think about is you (my husband gave me lots of rows when I kept saying sorry, worrying about him or the boys etc). How would your husband be afterwards (good or bad news), would he be upset for you that you dealt with it on your own without telling him or would he agree with your reasons. Lots to think about, but whatever is best for you. Me, I told my husband (needed the support) and my boys (against my will but my Gp receptionist and the hospital clinic admin women are both my neighbours and mothers of the boys best friends so I wasn't taking chances they'd hear second hand - despite workplace confidentiality etc etc). I chose not to tell parents or friends to save them the worry, just as you suggested but I couldn't have done it without my husband and he's said to me he wouldn't have wanted me to do it alone. Good luck with whatever you decided and for a positive outcome. Lorrainne. X
Lucy_BCC
Member

Re: Who to tell?

Hi Rosemaryanne and welcome to the BCC forums
Along with the support you will soon find here please do feel free to call our helpliners for some practical and emotional support during this worrying time for you, lines are open during the week 9-5 and Sat 10-2 on 0808 800 6000

Take care
Lucy BCC

Rosemaryanne
Member

Who to tell?

Hi. Just got back from the breast clinic having been referred following a routine mammogram. They found 2 "areas of concern", biopsies done, 2 weeks to wait for the results. I haven't told my husband or my two grown-up children, as I don't want to have to reassure them as well as deal with my own fears. It's a really bad time to deal with this as I lost a close friend to breast cancer 3 months ago so that will panic them. Anyone have any opinion on this? Am I being unfair in not sharing this, or sensible in waiting till i know exactly what I'm dealing with?