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Why do I feel like this ??

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Re: Why do I feel like this ??

Hello ladies, I sometimes look back over the past 18 months and pat myself on the back as to how well i think i have coped with it all so far. We are all only human after all and until you have experienced b/c or any cancer and all that goes with it, then you will receive strange (strange to us!) looks, comments and so-called helpful suggestions from those who have no idea! Apart from the physical intrusions from b/c (the many surgeries, chemo, rads, hormone medicine, other medicine to help with the side effects from the other mediciine!!) we have the mental implications to deal with and apart from us nobody will ever know what goes on in our heads except us!! We have access to all the info and we get leaflets and booklets shoved under our noses left, right and centre but for those around us looking in, they really have no idea what actually happens from that first moment you are diagnosed except for what we tell them. I have learnt to smile and walk away when asked the most weird questions or given a suggestion that i didnt really agree with. I have an issue with my hair for example. I have had (!) long hair since i married 15 years ago and have always made a point of saying to people if i want to cut my hair or change the style then i will do so when i am good and ready and not because somebody tells me to. Unfortunately that was one decision that was taken out of my hands due to the Chemo,but as i had no control over it i was fine with it!! So i guess as long as we have control over own decisions then its all good!!! Cheers, Michele x

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Re: Why do I feel like this ??

Hi Robs1612,
I have complete sympathy with how you are feeling, especially while you wait for results which I found was the most stressful bit. The pressure to also be positive (sorry!) & upbeat for other people gets to me sometimes, especially when I'm told I look really well- what can you say to that really!? I've noticed that people are more likely to make a comment like that than to say "how are you feeling?", I assume they feel awkward around the subject.
I know I've been relatively lucky in that the DCIS was picked up early on a routine mammogram offered early (I'm 48) on a pilot trial, it was small, intermediate & ER+, clear margins on wle 4 weeks ago. Most people, including my husband(!) just focus on this & the fact that if I'd had to wait another 2 years for a mammogram it could have been more advanced. From my point of view, in the last few months, completely out of the blue, I've been told I have breast cancer, had 3 surgeries under GA (biopsy, wle, haemotoma removed), I'm exhausted most of the time, my breast is still sore & I'm coming to terms with what it looks like. I don't think I'll ever be the same person again, & people still say how lucky I am!
Rant over! I hope you don't have to wait much longer for your results, will be thinking of you!
Hugs, Wilsbury
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Re: Why do I feel like this ??

Hi Ladies,

 

I had a WLE 12 days ago, not even had my pathology results yet, and people are starting to give the "that's the worse over with" speeches. I still feel tired, still black & blue, still sore, and still terrified!! I have read how many women have to have more surgery for clear margins, know I will be having raditherapy but obviously don't know when. How can I feel normal? act normal? be normal? Sunday was the first day I ventured out of the house more than just the corner shop, felt good to do normal things with my hubby, but to be honest I didn't feel normal, apart from the discomfort, just didn't feel the same. I want to shout at friends and family that say things like "well that's the worst part over, all plain sailing now" "Radiotherapy is nothing, you'll be fine" "Hey you are a strong person you'll do great" Like hell, I feel anything but strong, it's not plain sailing from where I'm sitting. But I don't say anything, I just try to smile, say thanks and then go off and cry on my own. I want to shove the word "Positive" in room 101. Thank goodness we have this forum where we can get it off our chests (excuse pun). Thank you ladies. Wishing you all good things and will read your rants with the respect they deserve. xx

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Re: Why do I feel like this ??

I found afterwards a very difficult time. People expected it to be all over, they felt I looked good and there was no more treatment so now I would be back to normal. In fact I was tired and lacked concentration and my hair was far from normal (for me, long). I was getting very irritable with people who assumed my ability would be, if anything, better than before, and who kept telling me to keep my hair short.A year on I feel things are settling more. I have learnt to pace myself a bit and am needing that less and less, and have been doing jigsaws which helped with the concentration. Trish

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Re: Why do I feel like this ??

Hi Kar, Keeks and everyone else. It's a while since i went onto the forums and as usual, I'm struck by the fears and feelings that women have after they've had breast cancer. It's so easy for people to tell us to 'look on the bright side' and 'be happy now it's all over' and 'get back to normal'!!! I feel for you and know what you mean about feeling that you'll never be the same woman again. I am moved, as usual, to recommend a book that i came across that has helped me enormously to cope with the fall-out from breast cancer and to allow myself to feel angry and upset. The book is written by a psychologist who's had bc herself, so she knows what she's talking about and I find it great for reminding me that it's normal to feel like I do. It's easy to read and not too long and I go back to it regularly to remind myself that I'm not going crazy, it's the people who expect me to be the same as i was before that are crazy! Someone on another thread said I ought to get commission for recommending it!!!

It's called Emotional support through breast cancer' and it's by a woman called Cordelia Galgut. You can get it on Amazon, either paperback or kindle. If you're at all into reading, do have a look and see if you think it might help.

Let me know what you think,

Kazey x

 

 

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Re: Why do I feel like this ??

Hi keeks,
thanks for your reply, sounds like you've had such a difficult time! This forum has been so helpful, there are so many kind, brave women offering support.
I think I'm maybe expecting too much, I was trying to stay off the pain meds as I thought I shouldn't still need them. I'm probably under-estimating the effects of the stress too, especially as this has happened after 18 months of treatment for anorexia which has been very stressful in itself.
Thanks, I hope you r ok now?
Xx
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Re: Why do I feel like this ??

Hi wilsbury

 

sorry you are feeling down.  Don't be hard on yourself, you will have days when you just feel miserable.  I was back in for a second op ten days after WLE to clear an abscess,  followed by six weeks of visiting the nurse at my GP every day to get my wound packed. Some days I just wanted to give up. But you can't.  

 

if you are sore keep taking pain meds. If they are not working ask for one's that do work, the constant pain brings you down and you need to keep doing the exercises. I got to the stage that when I lifted my arm I could feel stuff leaking out of my wound.

 

if your low mood comes and goes then I would accept it as part of the stress of treatment. If it lasts a while I would speak to someone about it. It's not easy but you will get through this.

 

take care

 

Keeks

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Re: Why do I feel like this ??

Hi all, my first time posting on this thread & I feel better already after reading your posts! I had a wle for intermediate dcis on 30/6, followed by further surgery on 14/7 to remove a large haemotoma. Having a down day today, breast is still sore as i spose it would be, but I feel like I've been like this for ages now. I can't drive again yet & it's my right breast ( I'm right handed) so I can't do much else, either. I've been on tamoxifen for a week now & wondered if it could be affecting my mood so quickly, or am I just being miserable! Sorry to moan, just needed to talk to someone who understands!
Xxxx
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Re: Why do I feel like this ??

Hi kar235.

 

glad to hear your rads have finished. I have to say I felt much worse after I finished mine for a couple of weeks, the tiredness, which I had expected, but also emotional,  down and not nearly as strong and positive as I had been before. Other ladies on here felt the same and they had been warned about it. But it's almost two months later and those feelings seem to have passed. 

 

Just started hormone treatment, I have friends who have had no side effects so I know it is possible, but as for the delightful menopause,  well I have to go through it sometime, might as well be now. 

 

I hope your hormone therapy goes easily and your holiday gives you a good break from all this. 

 

Take care

 

Keeks

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Re: Why do I feel like this ??

Thank you so much for your reassurances. I finished rads yesterday and started my hormone tablets this morning. I to want to scream when people say "all over now then", unless they've been there themselves I don't think they realise how traumatic it can be. I'm also worried about side effects from hormone treatment. One day at a time I suppose. I'm going back to work in a couple of weeks time, and have a holiday booked for the end of august, so am hoping these things will help. Always got support here tho, thanks again ladies, I'm sure to be on here if I get these awful feelings again. Good luck to you all xxx

   

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Re: Why do I feel like this ??

Hi ladies, I have been using this forum since last year (i was diagnosed Oct 2012 and had 2 ops, 6 months chemo, 3 weeks Rads then put on hormone treatment last Sept for 5 years). I worried about what happens when the endless hospital/gp visits slowed down and didnt realise that there was a network of nurses that could help and advise you, although i usually see my GP as they are very good. Especially since starting the hormone treatment which has thrown up endless side effects and resulted in more hospital visits for different things so i feel like i am not yet free of all things medical!!!

At the beginning of the year was pleased that my diary book was relatively empty of appointments and when i look at it now there has been one thing or another each month to deal with right as far as November now!! As long as i can get all the answers i need and sort me out then it will be worth it! I have major wobbles  when i worry and stress about everything under the sun, and i have times when i feel anxious and dont know why. Take care all of you,

Cheers, Michele x

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Re: Why do I feel like this ??

Hello Kar235 and Keeks, how you are both feeling after 'active ' treatment ends is quite normal. I had my WLE in Jan last year and finished rads 4months later. I became quite down, and anxious about anything and everything. Apparently these sorts of feelings are because we've no more concrete things like appointments etc which give our lives structure and we feel we've lost our 'safety net'. I' m glad to report things do get better as time goes on although I do have the odd wobble now and then and annual mammogram time does make me and lots of others anxious. Best wishes to you both Patx
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Re: Why do I feel like this ??

Hi kar235.

 

I am sorry you are feeling down, I too have finished "treatment" surgery and rads, started hormone therapy last week. 

 

People say its great that it's all over and expect you to be "normal" sorry it's not over, five years of hormones is still treatment,  when you are in the middle of it all we are as strong as we can be but when we stop it' a kind of post traumatic stress. You have been through a complete nightmare and your stress levels can't just disappear overnight. 

 

These feelings are not something I want to share with my nearest and dearest.  i want to scream when told i've got through it. It's all over.

 

I have asked my bc nurse for help, I have feelings of anxiety about nothing in particular and just want to feel happy. maybe you could ask your bc nurse about moving forward service. For me life will never be the same and to be honest I don't want it to be. I feel I am a different person after cancer, a better person.  

 

 

I hope you can find some help.

 

take care

 

Keeks

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Re: Why do I feel like this ??

Hi Kar235

I am sure other users will be able to identify with how you are feeling at the moment and will be along with support, in addition, don't forget that our helpliners are on hand with practical and emotional support for you on 0808 800 6000, lines are open weekdays 9-5 and Saturdays 10-2

Whilst you await replies here you may find the following information from BCC helpful, the link will take you to the 'I am moving forward from breast cancer' pages :

http://www.breastcancercare.org.uk/moving-forward

Take care
Lucy BCC

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Why do I feel like this ??

Hi all,

Been a while since I've posted on here. I am now coming to the end of "physical" treatment (chemo and radio) and I feel really down in the dumps. I start hormone treatment on Thurs. I don't know how I'm going to move on and back to normality. Can u move on or is this cancer going to control the rest of my life?. Is it possible to go back to how it was before, probably not. Why do I feel like this? The cancer has been removed, my daughter got married and is now expecting my first grandchild, and my son has found the job of his dreams. There are SO many people who are far worse off than me, so why can't I just be happy with what should be a really happy time ????