Thanks to all of you for encouragement x Today I feel a little more rational. I guess it's only to be expected that we go through such emotional upheaval. In someways for me it's a bit like facing this huge mountain and I get overwhelmed by the thought of climbing it. I'm grateful for the company of all you fellow travellers.
I got my date to meet oncologist- next thursday dec 13, so it seems as if that's a big day for us! I genuinely hope that you get good news. The SNB result is the worst one to wait for!!! So I understand.....
Today a bit better, got my cards written, and sorted my husbands Christmas pressie. My sister is coming to visit so hopefully we'll have a bit of fun......
I just wish it was all over really, but it helps to have you guys out there for support
I hope today is a better day for you hun... I know what you mean about the boredom and I work from home (foster carer).... it seems that no matter what we try to do to distract ourselves from the irritable little buggers inside of us it doesnt work.... unfortunately I am still being reminded as I now have an infection in one of the wounds... so now on antibiotics ..grrr and soooo painful.... i feel as if I start to feel better then the irritable little buggers comes back to remind me its still there.... what Im finding hard to grasp is that people seem to think cos Ive had the surgery WLE & SLNB that Im ok now... god I wish I was...get my results 13th december @ 3pm.. got everything crossed for positive news....Ive never watched so many DVDS.. puzzle books.. driving me mad... managed to keep myself occupied before the op by going on training sessions for my job...AND ive had lots of PJ days... quite like them... well hun.. today is another day... and Im hoping that its a better one for you and all the ladies going through this... huge hugz xxxxxx
Reality has hit 18 days post surgery. Pain is subsiding and for everyone else the cancer is gone and life is returning to normal........
No way!!! I suppose now surgery is out of the way the next hurdle is looming bright and scary on the horizon and I'm not looking forward to it one little iota! (so so terrified of the chemo that I'm now waking up in the middle of the night worrying about it.)
Also you gals who have been there, how on earth do you fill the days??? If the cancer doesn't nobble me, the sheer boredom will!! I feel so isolated from my friends up in Dublin and all I want to do us get up and go to work....(god I NEVER thought I'd be typing that!!)
Time on my hands is just giving me far too much time to think- think of scary chemo, think of the life I so desperately want back again, think of the horrible drain i STILL have attached to ne (i must hold the record fir the longest drain hold!!)think will I ever be completely cured of this horrible disease????
Sorry for moaning guys.....but today I really think I'm going to go off
my head if I have to look at another soap, magazine, dr Phil, sky news showing the same stuff over and over again.
I go out for walks, I phone friends but I just long for the carefree independent carefree pre cancer life I once had - that all my friends have.....it just sucks.
I know what you mean about feeling disappointed Tuppence. Despite a successful WLE with clear margins it was found in my SN and 3/5 of my LN. I was told prior to my op that they were pretty sure it hadn't spread that far yet.I was expecting Rads and tablets after my op but now I have to go for a CT and PET scan tomorrow and if those scans are clear I go back for a full clearance next week or the following week depending on if they can get the results back in time. I dont even want to think about the scans showing something so I guess I can add Anxious as well as disappointed.
Hang in there Tuppence, We are all here for you
Best of luck to you ladies my thoughts are with you, but you will get through Christmas and we can all look forward to a better 2013 . I am booked in to havemy MX and reconstruction on the 03rd January. My SLN was clear so Ithink even with major surgery planned I am still the lucky one! Have a lovely Christmas, don't let the little "alien" get you down. Big hugs xxxxx
I get the shivers too Carrie35 after Anesthetic and often wake up under a silver blanket in the recovery room. This time I woke up under what looked like a blow up lilo that you lay on in the pool except it was having hot air blown it to it and placed on top of me .( I have only just remembered this 10 days post op lol)
I hope you have a wonderful Christmas and that you can make up for last years angry Christmas
Well done Sandra! I spent the first 4 days post op in jarmas or lounge suits. Felt a whole lot better when I got dressed and made the effort to do my hair and make up.
I'm so glad you have you have your little ones there with you. I know when mine are here even for a flying visit they take my mind off this hell we are in. Whenever I feel low I just look at one of their photos and it brings a smile to my face.
My day got better then went crashing down again when I got in to find the admissions ward had rung to tell me I have another date for surgery to have a full clearance, Its a week Tuesday. I'm completely confused and I was under the impression that they were not going to operate until the results of my bone scan and MRI. I thought that being so close to Christmas that nothing will get done till the new year. I now have a bone scan on the 10th and booked in for the op on the 11th. I still havent got my MRI date yet but it looks like it will have to be on early next week to be done before my op. How on earth are they going to get the results back so quick. By the time I got it the BC clinic was shut so I was unable to get my questions answered and will now have to wait till monday. 😞
You're right though... Tomorrow is another day hey ho
I feel for you ladies as I was you last December when I had my op on the 9th and tried to get through xmas as best as I could although I had to wait for test results and appointments between Xmas and new year which was horrible and then one of my appointments was cancelled and it went on till after Xmas. This year I don't have an appointment till after Xmas so I can make believe that I am normal and make up for the anxiety of last Xmas for me and the family and get on with enjoying this one! Last Xmas I was angry, I threw out all Xmas cards I hadn't written and wrapping paper not uses with a promise that if I was still around for this Xmas I would buy new everything! What I remember about my op is the shivers, I couldn't stop and they wanted to pump me up with drugs to get it under control but I resisted. Anaesthetic does strange things to you and can stay in your system for a while. Consequently tear and associated emotions are not your fault. Best of luck ladies x
Yep I managed to get dressed today..at last...you seem to be thinking the same as me.. worrying about everyone else.. I always have the whole family here xmas day for dinner as well but a new addition of our first grand daughter will be taking pride of place this year.. she is a week old tomorrow so she is taking a lot of my teary thoughts away.. got our 2 grandsons staying overnight and Im loving it.. they are being so gentle with me... my son and daughter have offered to cook dinner this year..lol.. she told me not to fall over with the shock and I will be babysitting baby in the corner... that will suit me just fine...I hope your day turned out better than it started hun... Im just about to have bedtime cuddles with my 2 here.. and tomorrow is another day for us all on here.. much love n hugs hun xx
Hope you managed to get dressed today and that you are feeling Ok?
I havent really felt guilty yet apart from worrying I will mess everyone's Christmas up if I have to have another op just a few days before. I am determined to make Christmas the same as it always is and wont allow anything to change it. I have 3 Grandchildren and they are my world. Before all this happened it was arranged that My Daughter and son in-law and the children would come to mine Christmas day for dinner. That will still happen and my Husband will cook. Even if I'm on a drip in the corner of the room on a camp bed it will happen lol
Hope you are having a better day. I feel like crap today and so I'm going to go shopping and buy some nice things and then go for a coffee with one of my girlfriends.
Funki and Shelley I reckon you have both hit the nail on the head there....... to have my control taken away from me and NOT being in control of my body has thrown me to the sides....I am always on the go and to be restrained by THIS is taking its toll.. I thank God I have great support because I know most people havent... have you both come to the guilty stage yet?.. I feel guilty that this is happening to me.. my family going through it with me etc.... and I cried last night because I was struggling to wash my hair in the shower!!!!.... silly little things start me off.... well its 7.34am its peaceful.. Ive left hubby sleeping.. and having my 1st cup of tea of the day.. I might even get dressed today :-))..much love n hugs to you both xxxx
you will have good and bad days.......like you every now and then I feel like welling up but its not just coping with the what next its also I think the frustrasion of how much my life has changed in the space of 2 mths having gone from a normal 36 yr old woman that works hard , going out for a few drinks every now and then with my girlfriends basically getting on with life to now what seems like endless hospital appointments,more proddinng about and blood tests , its like you have no control of what is being done to your body-when you sign those treatment forms you are handing yourself over in others hands,losing the control aspect side of things thats what I think makes all of us tearful.....you cant help but think "how the bl**dy hell have I got to this ???" like you I am due to start chemo ,its next week and like yourself I am questioning how am I going to get through it.......not just the sadness of possibly losing my hair which yes I am p*ssed off about as its taken me forever to grow out the awful bob back to shoulder length again-bl**dy s*d'S Law but I hate needles always have done thats what is making me a bit nervous......its also the unknown of it all , what to expect etc - something tells me as hard as we are finding it to get this all round our heads at the moment ,we are entitled to feel all these things , its natural......us ladies will get through this one way or another , we have to....- keep your chin up,stay strong-big hugs to you all xxxx
Well I have had a quick look and I think it must me something to do with our hormones. The reason I say this is because apparently some men can become quiet aggressive after surgery. It has been reported that Men can even lash out at nursing staff. They are completely unaware of what they are doing at the time and dont remember anything once fully conscious. This aggressive behaviour can also happen after surgery. So I was thinking that if some Women cry and become emotional and some men get aggressive then maybe hormones along with something in the anesthetic are responsible?
I was wondering how you were.
The anesthetic does something to us im afraid. I actually start crying as soon as I wake up from it in the recovery room. I told the last 2 anesthetists this and they now give me something with the anesthetic that stops this happening along with the shivers that I get too.
I am going to try and find out why this happens after I finish this post. I need something to do as I cant sleep tonight. I will come back with my findings. In the meantime I would let it all out if I were you. You will feel so much better for it
Ive been managing to deal with my diagnosis.. having the odd cry and tearful episode.. so why when I come out of hospital do I find myself filling up at the slightest thing??.. I guess this is a normal reaction.. I think Im more worried about my SNLB results in 2 weeks time....keep thinking I can cope with the radiotheraphy but not the chemo..... oh I dont know... maybe its all just catching up with me.... tomorrow is another day xxx