Hi Pineapples and Maria
Iv been reading your threads . I really am sending you best wishes and hugs . Cant imagine what youre feeling I can only guess its a very scary place . I was very fortunate that I have only needed surgery but Iv met lots of women who have also walked in your shoes and some still are ...its amazing how strong they are and there is /has been light at the end of the tunnel . Good luck girlies ..thinking of you xxx
Thank you Maria <<hugs>>
I'm also dreading the start of all this. I have an important appointment tomorrow and next week 2. I'm usually very strong and feeling so odd that I don't this time. I feel very vulnerable. It's tough having to deal with others' views and opinions as well.
when the breathing and fainting feeling comes try to think of the contact you have on here and that we are thinking of you. Try to slow your breathing down gently. It will ease. I've had afew of these moments. felt like I was being swallowed up. had to say to myself slow down. breathe.
How did having the line put it today go? Haven't got mine yet. Had call form bcn about it...made it very real. have moments when still cannot believe this is happening to me. I can totally understand struggling to get moving/out of bed. cannot wait to flop tonight and be. Had really difficult night last night so hope tonight easier.hope.
hope bcn and support at hosipital help. here too. tlc
Thank you Steph ..yes i got through today ..lovely friends have been phoning and im finding im having to comfort them which is not only very touching its actually helping me too to give myself a shake ! Its this in limbo out of control feeling isnt it ? ..i hate the not really knowing whats all ahead and just want and need to get on with it . Tuesday will be the day for all that so" a treat " has to be on the agenda !..NOW is the time ladies to deny yoursevles nothing !! sending a hug X
Thinking of you Maria , i know, thats the hardest part telling the people you love, especially children . He will take his lead from you so you will stay strong for his sake . I found the first time my family worried more by me not being calmly honest with them and trying to spare them the worry . This time i have told them everything from the start and how i intend to get through it . Keep positive , its a long journey we are on and we will all help to get through it . Sending you a hug X
Im sure your open and approach will help you both enormously .. he sounds a lovely boy . Hope all goes well with your other son . Take care ..big hugs xxx
What a wonderful relationship you have with your son, you must be so proud of him xxxx
Im reading through the posts and yours really touched me . I felt I just wanted to reach out and give you the biggest hug n squeeze that I could . It must be heart wrenching for you as a mum to have to go through that experience with your son . I can only imagine how difficult that must have been for you . I have no words to offer ... but I have heard you . Steph xxxx
Wobbly days allow us to get out all the emotion that we have been building up over a period of time, no matter how long it is we need to be able to acknowledge those days and get through them. You know you are in a safe place here to let out what you do not want to in front of your friends and family, no matter how understanding they are you still see the fear in them and that does get to you.
I think we would all agree that no matter where you are in this journey, we all have those days when it can be why me? what if? , but we get so much love and support on here during those times it allows us to release that and help to pick us up and put us back on our feet again.
The reactions that we get from people vary dramatically and it can be hard to deal with people who appear to be "brushing" off what you have just told them as nothing at all. We need to give them time to digest what we have just told them, quite often we have had longer to come to terms with it than they have. If they come round to it and are able to provide support no matter how much or little, then fab if they dont then you just need to let them go but do not feel guilty about it, this is about you not them you can not own their issues.
Well it is very wet here today in Birmingham after what looked like a promising start so I am going to sit and watch the bowls final on TV this after, then get everything ready for back to work tomorrow, oh joy.
Sending you all loads of hugs and remember we are always there for you
Just read your post .. all I can say to you is try not to take it personal . I found people didnt know how to respond or what to say . I was surprised by a lot of people myself ..but gradually I discovered it was mainly down to their own inability to deal with it . And some people were uncomfortable with my attitude too .
So although I didnt have bad experiences with professionals as Pineapple has .. I found it easier to come on here and talk aswell as speaking to girlies up here at home who had BC too rather than friends who had no experience of such things .
This is the place to vent .. and you are listened to . There will always be someone reading and sending you hope and positivity through cyper space even if you dont know it xxx
Hi Janet M
Sorry to hear that you find yourself back in the c club .. I imagine having it once before makes it no less scary if anything perhaps more .
Sending you lots of hugs and hope you get through today ... dont know where you live but it certainly isnt sunny here up north ha ...
Best wishes xxxx
Today is my first " wobbly ", one i suspect of many that will come when i least expect it in the months ahead. I was diagnosed 3 days ago and although the results were expected ( having had endometrial cancer before some years ago ), i had forgotton how bad the" wobbly " days can be .. so im sitting here reading the threads of all you wonderful brave ladies and i can feel your strengh reaching me . I will let myself indulge in 10 minutes of a damn good cry , then shower , put a face on and get out and walk my lovely rescue dog in the sunshine . " This too will pass " dear friends and we will turn the corner to once again see the sun . Keep strong and seize the day X
so sad to read your posts about communication with medics ..and lack of compassion from BCN . Thats a real shame . I have come across such comments before and glad to say it seems a minority . However that does not help you at all . When I was first diagnosed I was introduced to a BCN and she was okish .. but I ended up speaking to another one who turned out to be my allocated point of contact ..it ended up I was referred to another hospital and saw another nurse . Two out of the three were fab to talk to ...so hopefully they may be another nurse at your hospital who you will feel supported by .. The other option is phoning the nurse line on this site as I did a couple of times in the beginning . The nurses I spoke to were lovely . Not sure about you but in the beginning I had so many questions ...and I found being able to ring this site really useful .
Once I got my head around things I found I didnt rely as much on the nurses and got my comfort and answers from the girls on here ..I was fortunate enough to be introduced to two ladies ( prefer to say girls ha ) in my area who had gone through their surgery and treatment already and were more than happy to meet me and basically just chat . Both of them positive but had very different ways of explaining things ...one lady focused on her feelings and how to deal with the journey and the other was more about the surgery and how she managed her recovery and life now .
So I guess Im trying to say dont let your experience with some not so good professionals dampen your mood .. you will find another way and people who you will have faith in .
Not sure if you have a Maggies Centre located in your hospital anywhere but they are a national organisation . I was put on to them by a Beautician who told me to put myself down for the pamper session , and I did and it was lovely . I also met other women there too .. so you can widen your support network yourself . You may not be ready for things like that just yet but there are other people if you look . Youre definately not on your own . Big hugs and squeezes xxx
Thank you for your speedy reply Susan...
I'm glad you had that support. I feel that my contact and communication from medics to me is not, so far, very sensitive or supportive. It's not helping me to feel at ease with the situation.
Will see how the next contact goes with them and her and see if I can see one of the other nurses if this proves a difficult relationship. it would be so nice to have some positive contact.
Thank youf ro your message and support. It really does mean a lot to me and yes I do get how it takes over and is just siting in wait in the back of our minds.
Trying to have a slower evening so that I'm more relaxed before bed. Hope the emotions will relax a bit too. Was so tense last night and into today. I get the 'wish I could go back to the me before I found out'. I'm glad I know now not later but it's really rocked me. I hope I will get stronger like some of the other ladies on here. In time...
Thinking of you and hoping that you to have a better day tomorrow and can have a few calmer soother moments. xo
I would expect you can expect a much more enphatetic answer than that!! My nurse arranged to see me and talk through my feelings, ok she did say that they were normal, but she really got me which helped immenselyug xx
Sending you a hug xx
Thank you Helly and Jo C. Really good of you to post and give your support thank you. Thank you for saying it will get better and easier. It helps to hear that -- puts things into context...that I will get used to the bc diagnosis and will get stronger dealing with all that it entails.
Thank you hugs
Thank you for your comfort last night. It helped. I watched a film for a bit and got so tired I had to close my eyes. Hope you slept too?
I'm waiting for complete results. I have some but have a couple more tests to do - MRI.
On that note I had a call from my BCN after I left a message for her to ring me. Is it normal for them to be quite clipped when one mention's their feelings? She brushed me off and said of course you are feeling up and down. that's normal. end of story. What can I expect from contact with BCN?
Thank you so much for your message. Thank you for saying my thoughts are being listened to. That meant a lot. It really is a comforting place. Thank you for helping to put me at ease. hugs
You shouldn't feel alone - please give me a call if you want - I'd be more than happy to chat X
Please let me know how you get on, I'm thinking of you and sending you big HUGS xxx
Hi pineapples, it can feel pretty grim at this part of your "journey" and the fear is overwhelming at times. Just to say that I was were you are at this point last year and it does get "easier" to manage, I had surgery, chemo and rads and have now returned to work and it all feels a bit surreal now. I still have wobbly times but it feels a different kind of wobbly which probably doesn't make sense but it will at a later date!!! Sending a gentle hug your way xxxx
Just wanted to pop on and say hello. We are all here for you and have felt just the same. I had so many wobbly days (and that's putting in mildly...I was a wreck) and never thought that I would get any normality back. It does come back though and you will get there. It's the uncertainty and the waiting that is the worst.
Keep coming on here and venting whenever you need to. There will always be someone along to talk to you. Be kind to yourself. What you are feeling is very normal but will pass. You will have good days again but for now, cherish the good moments and accept the bad ones.
Good morning Pineapples,
How are you today?
I hope you eventually got some sleep last night.
What is the next step in your journey along this long and twisty road? Are you waiting for results or scans?
Iv just read your post and hope that you are having a better day .Fear is a horrible emotion to experience and tough when theres no one to hold and cuddle you , unfortunately this journey has its ups and downs but you can and will get through . Ride the bad days , embrace the good ones is all you can do . Dont be hard on yourself and keep coming on here ..its a comforting place . Your thoughts are being listened to and lots of hugs and best wishes are being sent to you . Steph xx
You are most welcome.
I have had many wobbles on here & have received support & kindness when I needed it.
You come on here and rant and rave and we will catch you as you fall.
I hope you have a good sleep.
I have some kryptonite tough pants you can borrow if you need them.
Big hugs Pineapples,
This is a horrible time and a lot of people are only aware of the fluffy pink ribbon BC, not the reality, they don't understand the terrifying fear you are experiencing. In their minds you are being cured and everything is o.k.
What you are feeling is very normal and I have experienced the same heart stopping, breathless fear and like you I came on here. I always discuss the real stuff on here, but in the real world, I'm all positive & I'm going to beat it attitude.
I promise you, it does get better.
I wish I could take the fear from you.