Posted on behalf of new user Laura
Hi Glitzy,
So sorry you're going through this awful time. I was diagnosed a year ago so remember the dreadful fear that envelopes you whilst waiting for the first appointement. I can only tell you about my experience and hope it helps even a little.
I had my breast appointment and biopsy on a friday and a mammogram and ultrasound the following tuesday, with my preliminary results on wednesday (and more biopsies). But in your hospital they may do the mammo etc on the same day - so that at least you don't have yet another trip to make.
Yes, the waiting is the worst - actually much worse than when you get the diagnosis. I know that sounds odd, but you build it up so much that when the diagnosis comes, all your emotions are then able to flood out - whether they be sadness or relief (which I really hope is the case for you). The support you get from the doctors and nurses is amazing - they meet people going through this trauma all the time and are so tender and caring, with lots of good advice. And they understand that you're in shock too, so don't be afraid to ask for any information over and again, or to cry buckets.
Also, at the first appointment the doc may tell you to bring someone with you for your results. This freaked me out as I just thought the worst, but when I got there I saw most people had brought someone - I think it's beause you're so worried that you can barely take in information, and so it helps to have the other person there, and not that the news is going to be the worst possible.
How to get through the waiting (sorry I've blathered on!)? Well, I watched so much tv to numb myself - show after show, box sets, anything that would distract me. And I'd have a couple of glasses of wine each night to numb me further. I don't drink much now, but at the time just needed to stop my mind from going over all the bad thoughts. And I tried to stay away from too much googling about cancer - you always find bad news if you look hard enough, so I'd definitely advise watching funny films instead of reading sad blogs or sites about what the lump could be. And don't listen to sad songs, only power ballads! After diagnosis I had an MRI scan, and when I was in the machine they played some morose song that made me cry. You're supposed to stay still during an MRI, which isn't easy with tears rolling down your face. When I got out I said they should play a bit of Beyonce or something, so that's what I recommend for you now!
Also, I waited until I was diagnosed before telling any family or friends, but wish that I'd said something beforehand. My other half knew and was great, but now I look back it would have been nice to talk out my fears with my female friends or mum. Since being diagnosed they've been so supportive and caring that had I been brave enough to tell them, I know that support would have started earlier. Mind you, at the time I was constantly trying to block it out rather that think about it so that's why I said nothing.
But here I am a year later, after chemo, radio, on herceptin and tamoxifen and although it's been a rollercoaster (but the treatment was never as bad as I thought it would be) and still scary, it's also changed my life, friendships and relationships in many good ways. I'm closer than ever to my mum, daughter, partner and friends, I'm writing a blog and doing a course - all things that wouldn't have happened had it not been for the last year. I'm saying this so that in your darkest moments you know that there are still things to look forward to, despite all the worry and trauma.
Wishing you all the luck in the world, and please let us know how you get on.
Laura
