Hello everyone,
this is my first post on this site and I´m not sure where to start so I apologise in advance if this is a bit long!
I´m 22 and my mum was diagnosed with breast cancer 3 years ago. She was diagnosed 6 months after a stressful divorce, and as an active, non-smoking Vegan, to me it seems obvious that it´s the stress that brought on her illness in the first place. I don´t fully understand her treatment, because she doesn´t like talking about it, but from what I understand, her cancer is hormone fed, so she has an injection once a month which brought on the menopause, then she takes Arimadex every day.
Like I said, I don´t understand her treatment, but when she first started it she told me she would take the Arimadex for 3 to 5 years. I think we both thought that after this time she would be cured or something. As time went on it seems that the Arimadex works for 5 years and then apparently they change it to something else, but that whatever she takes, she´s on medication until it stops working and then it´s the end. I don´t know how long away that is, but the only timeline I have to work on is the 5 year thing. I feel like everything I say here is irrational, but I need to share it with people who understand because I´m struggling with trying to understand it by myself. To me it seems that if stress is what caused this, then maybe her not being stressed will help make her better, or help her live longer.
Currently she owes about 30,000 pounds to different banks and solictors, and she will never manage to pay this off by herself. Bailiffs come to the house, and banks phone every day trying to pursue the money. They are horrible people and when I answered the phone they were nasty to me and it stressed me out just answering 2 phone calls. I can´t imagine what it´s like for her having to deal with it all the time. She is the strongest woman I know and has been through so much, and always makes out as if the world is fine. But I am coming to an age now where I know that when mothers tell you everything is okay, it isn´t always true.
I am studying languages at university and moved to Portugal 2 weeks ago to complete a period of residence abroad which is compulsary for my course.
It will take me a year here and then another year at university before I finish. It will then be 5 years that she will have been on Arimadex and I don´t know what happens after that. I feel like when I was at home I had an epiphany, the epiphany being that she needed help. What I want, is to get the banks and the bailiffs and the letters and the phone calls out of her life, and let her breathe, and live, and feel free, and hopefully, get better, though I know I cant hope for this. The only way I can think of making this happen, is if I got a job and paid off her debts. I want to do this, but instead I´m stuck in a foreign country and I feel helpless. Part of me says I´m here for a year and to just get it over with. And another part of me is terrified that I might not have a mum to come home to, or that it might be too late by then to do anything. I already took 2 years out of my degree due to depression and it´s been a long effort getting back on the course. I don´t know what my tutors would say if I went home now and asked for another couple of years out.
I worry about this every day and it´s worse now I´m here because I feel so helpless. All I want to do is the right thing, but i don´t know what that is. I can´t talk to my my mum or my younger sisters about this, and my friends don´t understand and change the subject. I tried talking to my dad but he said he didn´t care. I´m sorry if this sounds melodramatic, but I don´t know what the answers are.
Thanks in advance to those who read this and reply, and my thoughts go to everyone else who is also struggling with this horrible illness.