Hello everyone - I have been reading the forums here for the last few weeks, having been diagnosed some 4 weeks ago, and have finally found the courage to have a go and join in! I think I am nervous about this as I have found it really quite informative (and comforting) reading about other people’s experiences and don’t want to sound like a dork when I pose my own set of questions/fears etc.! Very silly I know as it seems that everyone is very supportive and understanding. Anyway, its all probably down to my strange emotional state at the moment so here goes…I have invasive ductal carcinoma approx 15mm, and another site which showed up on the mammogram but is too small to biopsy. After initially being in shock for the first few days I have felt nothing at all. No fear, no concern, nothing. This is what is worrying me! How should I feel? Does it matter? I have another set of concerns in that I am quite unusual as I already have breast implants as I lived for the first 39 years of my life with virtually no breasts at all (which makes it seem all the more unfair that I have got BC in my teeny tiny amount of breast tissue!), so they have spent the last few weeks trying to figure out what to do with me - starting from could they/couldn’t they do a core biopsy (which they did eventually). Anyway, they have decided that because of the 2 sites and small amount of tissue I will have a mastectomy next Friday 30th. I could go on and on about the questions I have, but I suppose most of all I wonder if there is anyone out there who has had a similar experience in that they had implants when they were diagnosed?
Ok that will do for now I’ll wait to see if I get any responses before I continue! Anyway at least I have had a go now, so won’t be so scary next time!
Love to you all H x
Hi fluffybunny
Welcome to the Breast Cancer Care forums. I am sure you will get lots of help and advice from the many informed users of this site. You may find BCC’s resource pack helpful, it has been designed for those newly diagnosed. If you would like a copy just follow the link below:
breastcancercare.org.uk//content.php?page_id=7514
If you feel you need to talk to someone in confidence about any concerns you may have, please give the helpline a call, the staff here are all either breast care nurses or people who have personal experience of breast care issues and are able to offer you advice and help or just a ‘listening ear’ The number to call is 0808 800 6000 the lines open Monday to Friday 9am - 5pm and Saturdays 9am - 2pm.
I hope this is of some help to you.
Best wishes
Lucy
Hi
I am not in same position as you but wanted to welcome you.No question is a stupid one so please don’t feel that,we go through a range of emotions and there will be someone who can answer you I am sure.
Good luck next week and keep posting and raising any fears you may have
Take Care,
Mary
xx
Like Mary I am not in the same position with regards to implants - and like Mary I want to say sorry you are here but welcome all the same. Again like Mary (clearly she is a very clever lady) I would agree - there is no such thing as a stupid question in here.
I do recall someone a while back posting that they had had implants - hopefully that lady will respond, or if not perhaps someone with a better memory than mine will be able to remember her name and we can search out her posts for you.
Good luck.
Hello both! Thanks so much for your replies and your welcome to the forum. I know its not a place any of us really want to be, but its such a relief to maybe be able to talk (albeit electronically!) to people who just know what you are going through. Hopefully the lady who had implants will reply - I’ll have a look for her posts if I can. In a way though thats just the “technical” stuff - its the emotional stuff I can’t get my head around. I have read about lots of people having black days when they were diagnosed feeling anger, despair, fear, but why then do I feel nothing? I suppose what worries me most is that its all got to come out in one huge explosion at some point - maybe this will happen after the surgery. Actually I’ve just realised whilst typing this, that I DO feel something - confusion! Flippin 'eck its all just a bit much really isn’t it?!!
Anyway, thanks again for the replies.
H x
Hi H x
So sorry you find yourself in the club no one wants to join but find fantastically helpful and supportive if we have to.
Dont worry too much that you seem to be feeling “nothing”, its just one of the endless range of feelings that you will encounter along the way. All of which will challenge you in one way or another but all of which can be handled and overcome with the help of your family / friends/ support network / this place and as long as you are easy on yourself and dont beat yourself up for not feeling the “right way” about stuff. The right way is your way, whatever that is.
I’m sorry but I also dont know anything about the implants side of things, maybe you could ask your BCN if there is anyone else they know of in your position who might be willing to talk to you, its always worth asking you never know.
The very best of luck for next Friday, I had WLE with nodes removed on 31st May last year. I’ve had chemo and rads and am now just on the tamoxifen, fingers crossed I’m all done and dusted and I’m still laughing [most of the time].
AJxxx
Hi AJ
I don’t seem to be having much luck with tracking down someone with similar circumstances, and really I don’t suppose it matters that much. I suppose it nice to be different!
Thanks for the encouragement - I keep telling myself that I shouldn’t feel a certain way, that its all part of what is happening to me, but its nice to have reassurance. I think the only overwhelming feeling I have had so far is realising that however supportive your family and friends are its YOU that has to go through this, and the feeling of isolation is pretty strong sometimes. Having read quite a few discussions on this forum that seems to be the thread that runs through every post - you’re not alone as all the people who post have been through similar experiences so know exactly what you are talking about - cant do it for you but can properly understand.
Its also great to hear about people like you who are well into…oh dear I was going to say “the journey” but thats incredibly corny!..anyway you know what I mean!..but what I’m trying to say is you have come through it - the surgery, the chemo, the rads - and here you are! Its great that you are well and long may it stay that way. Actually thats one question I haven’t asked anyone yet - when do you know that its all done? A year? Five years? Oh dear I need to have a word with myself I haven’t even started yet and here I am wittering about the end! One step at a time I think.
Anyway I will try to take your advice and just let myself be and stop thinking about how I ought to feel about anything. Thanks again for the reassurance I really appreciate it.
H xx
Hi again H
Don’t worry too much about not getting a response straight away,some people don’t come all of the time and its the weekend but I am sure someone will see your thread over the next few days and get back to you,
Like AJ I have had chemo,surgery and am about to start radiotherapy.I was diagnosed last Oct and found it easier to cope by ticking off one hurdle at a time,my next one is facing radiotherapy in a few weeks,after that I know I will be having herceptin for the next year,so I will cross each hurdle as it comes.
When I was diagnosed it was the day before my wedding and we were due to fly out to Spain the day after but my onc asked us to cancel to start chemo straight away, so we did and my BC nurse said something to me that has become my mantra so to speak
Cancer will be a part of your life now, but don’t let it have all of your life.
I gave it my honeymoon but I was damned if it was having my wedding day.We had a fantastic day and we are going on honeymoon after my rads.
I suppose I am trying to say none of us know when or if it is all done it has become a fact of life now and you learn to live with it rather than fight against it,go with the flow so to speak.
You will get there
Mary
xx
Hi H,
Welcome to our little haven. Sorry to hear you are here but you will find loads of the nicest ladies on here all prepared to make you feel better.
I was dx 6 weeks ago or so and have had a WLE and axilla glands removed. The margins weren’t great and 3/10 glands were positive. I got the all clear from the surgery on Monday past and I am now waiting to get an appointment with the oncologist. As AJ will tell you I have had mixed emotions and it is a roller coaster. When I first found the lump I panicked a bit but then was all it’s nothing it can’t happen to me. Then they confirmed it was cancer and I was so calm and cold about it. I remember ringing my principal to tell her the results the evening I got them and she said i was obviously in shock because I was so calm. I’ve had 1 day where it all hit home the reality of this and the rough road ahead. Then I got over it. Since then the only other bad day I had was when I got out of hospital after my first op and came home to my house being a tip. Everyone had offered to help but my OH had said no he would do it but he didn’t, eejit. Any other days I have had are mainly down to him but that’s another story.
I had a funny day yesterday because up till now I have had dates to focus on and now I am playing the waiting game but with no definite appointments which is strange. I suppose what I am trying to say is that we all deal with things differently and you will deal with your dx in your own way.
As for having a flat chest, I have a friend who is very flat chested and so are her family but her family have a history of BC. She is so small she can’t have a mammogram and only gets ultrasounds done every so often. You already had surgery to enhance your bust so I asume the option will be there for recon after or during your op. Might be something you need to discuss with your onc/BCN.
Anyway petal I hope you get some info and get to feel a little more at ease.
Take care
Lisa
xoxo
Hi Mary and Lisa
Once again thanks for your reassurance that I am (kind of) normal! (I seem to be saying thanks an awful lot, but hope you know its sincere!). I think your experience Lisa is kind of what I am expecting…a lot of calm and then a little bit of storm every now and again. Lots of people have said to me that I am “that” sort of person anyway, in that I tend to be quite stoical and just get on with things, so why I expected it to be different with this I don’t know. I think that comes from being a single parent for many years and not having a partner for most of that time…you have little choice but to just deal with whatever life throws at you. Fortunately I have a lovely chap now, who isn’t brilliant at talking but I know cares for me deeply and is also very practical. But then as I said in an earlier post, its only you that goes through this but its nice to have some support. By the way, I think I am being really dim, but what does OH stand for? I have seen it in quite a few other posts and can’t work out what it stands for!! I bet I will feel a right dimbo when someone tells me!
Mary your experience sounds heartbreaking, what a dreadful thing to happen, but how wonderful that you had such a great day I hope the happy memories (and looking forward to your honeymoon!) keep you going through the rough days. Thanks also (there I go again!) for the mantra, and how true. Its so hard though isn’t it, to not let it take over your every waking hour. I think this is where other people come in, as a distraction almost so you can let yourself be absorbed by their lives and forget about yours for a bit. I am finding it difficult at the moment to be around my parents, as they are quite elderly and of course very upset, but its all they want to talk about when I see them, they ask over and over again about the treatment and possibilities of more treatment and I haven’t even got many of those answers yet. My BC nurse said that for the time being I needed to put myself first and not do anything that made me sad/mad/uncomfortable etc. but its hard when a) you are a woman and b) people are worried about you! I’ve spent my whole life making sure everyone else is ok I’m finding it almost impossible to switch off. Oh well, I might just have to eventually and they can all just get on with it!
As for possible reconstruction, I have spoken to my surgeon about this and you know what they are like (well some of them), they won’t commit themselves to anything, so he only says it is a “possibility”. I understand they don’t have a crystal ball but its so frustrating, so I will just have to wait and see. Has anyone else Iif you’ve had mastectomy) been given any assurances? Maybe its just my surgeon, he seems like a nice bloke but very vague and non-committal. Oh well.
Right I seem to have blahhed on for ages again, so will stop now. By the way, just to fill in some gaps I am 45 and have two boys aged 21 and 18 so at least I don’t have to worry about small children - that must be so difficult. Although the eldest one lives away from home and lives such a chaotic lifestyle he worries me more than when he was little! But thats all another story…
Take care, and love to you all
H xx
Heya H
I think most people get a whole array of emotions dealing with a disease like this, but what and when is different for everyone.
I was in shock for a few days then up and down like a yoyo and have settled into a strange calm before the storm kind of feeling (chemo soon for me). I had bilateral mastectomy and chose not to have reconstruction yet but it was said that it would be possible later. One thing I would say is sompe people (me included) have to wait until a lot of the treatments are done before we can even consider reconstruction so I decided to look at it as a year of seeing what life without breasts is like and then see how I feel, basically I’ll worry about that later if it bothers me then.
So far I’m quite happy with my new body, for me it does have some pluses as I like to go scrambling up mountains and do diy and it’s nice not having to wear sports bras or move them out of the way. Of course you may feel differently but take your time to adapt and make decisions.
Lots of love
Angie
Hi H
Yes it is hard, it takes up every waking hour,and you and your family will ask lots and want reassurances that I hope you get.
I am 46 with a son of 21 and daughter of 19 and I fully understand about worrying more.
Come here and go on as much as you like,its another distraction I find ,but can also be a comfort
Take Care
Mary
xx
meant to say OH is other half
Aaahh - yes other half - of course! Yep I do feel like a dimbo now!! Made me laugh anyway which is all good!
Hi Angie, thanks for your comments I am beginning to realise that lots of people have felt like me, and I can’t tell you how much that reassures me. I know what you mean about the reconstruction, I have just been reading another thread where someone was saying they were fighting for the type of immediate reconstruction they wanted, but the surgeon wasn’t co-operating, then she had a scare that she might have secondaries (she didn’t in the end) and it put it all into perspective. The important thing is to get rid of this horrible disease. Even though our breasts are so important to us as women, living a long and healthy life is THE only important thing really - why else would we go through all of this crap! I was getting very upset about not having a breast (again - see above!), but have actually really accepted now that if its got to go, its got to go!! I’m sure you all know what I mean, I don’t mean to be blase about it.
Mary you are so right, I have only been posting since yesterday and already all you lovely ladies have made me feel so much better. I will take the distraction/comfort where I can find it, and here seems like a really good place.
H xx
Hi Ladies, I have days when I can’t stop crying but I was probably like that anyway. I Found my little lump at the end of January. I have since had lumpectomty, WLE and nodes removed Last friday 16 may I had a right mastectomy with lat dorsi reconstruction. Its painful but I am getting there. I find that I get upset because other people are upset too! I found that I just had go with the flow in between treatments. Not being able to drive is my biggie so I concentrate on being able to drive again. I have got a nine year old daughter with a hectic social life!
I have found this site a great help just hearing other ladies experiences and realising that we are all very different but then again alike in so many ways. I hope you get some info FluffyBunny.
Good Luck Take care Diane x
Hello ladies,
My MiL was on the phone with my mum and said I was very cold about the whole thing because I am showing no emotion. Just because I am not a mess in front of her. This is also the woman who commented today about the fact I am going out quite a bit. I was at a surprise 30th on Fri and a girlie night to catch up on Sex and the City, then next weekend I am going out for a bigger girlie night to see the SaTC movie on Fri and then another birthday party on Sat. I quite bluntly told her that I am making the most of the “well” time I have before my treatments starts, that shut her up.
Anyway ladies we all deal with it in our own ways and I have to say I have loved finding this sight, I have laughed and cried at some of the things i have read but I know that I have met some wonderfully special people who I hope to annoy much much more.
Loads of Love
Lisa
xoxo
Hi Lisa
What is it with people who think we should be ’ sick’ all of the time.I was not invited to my cousins sons wedding as ‘she has cancer’ .I am fuming about it.I can still have a good time.I am still me.
Only here do people really understand.
Take Care
Mary
x
Hi fluffybunny,
I remember someone talking about having to have her implants removed so have found the thread for you. Her name is michellej
breastcancercare.org.uk/bcc-forum/discussion/17759/?Focus=177481#Comment_177481
dawnhc
Hey H,
How’re you doing? Haven’t seen you about for a wee while, you OK?
Lisa
xoxo