Yes, it is hard but you will get through it. Nothing will ever be quite the same again, that's for sure but you will find your own way and you will get support and advice from everyone here.
Goodness, it does sound like a muddle, no wonder you're stressing out. You can waffle and rant away all you like here, we all understand something of what you're going through. You've got a bit of time to get your head round it and on the positive at least there is not too long to be dwelling on it.
I hope it all goes ok and do ask anything, everyone is lovely here.