hello all not been on here for a long time done the chemo the op and the rads cancer is gone i sould be happy right! but i still feel lost not knowing where or how to start again . my old life is gone im not the same woman i use to be im no longer carefree i find my self worrying most of the time that its going to come back 
i know i cant keep thinking like that is there anyone out there thats feels the same ??
billiegirl
First of all, well done for getting through it. Iām at the other end of the journey so even knowing that youāve got there is very positive for me.
But there are a lot of people who say the same as you, so youāre not alone.
Would a short series of counselling sessions help you to get your head round it?
You are absolutely not alone in feeling like this - I was pointed in the direction of Dr Peter Harveyās article āAfter the Treatment finishes - then what?ā I found it incredibly helpful and wanted to give it to everyone so they would understand me! See if this link worksā¦
cancercounselling.org.uk/northsouth/extra4.nsf/WebResClient/1761049276601BD68025735B00604834/FILE/article3.pdf?openElement
Take care and very warm hugs
Philippa
Hi biiliegirl
Firstly, the way you are feeling is not unusual and I am sure lots of users will identify with you at the moment. I am posting a link to the new BCC āMoving forwardā pack which is designed for use by anyone who has come to the end of the treatment journey so I hope you find it helpful:
Please also call the helpline where you can talk things through with one of our team in confidence on 0808 800 6000, the lines are open weekdays 9-5 and Sat 9-2.
Take care
Lucy
Hi billiegirl,
Iām sure lots of us feel exactly the same, such a lot seems to have happened since my dx in Sept, I havenāt had chemo, so have come to the end of active treatment sooner than some. But I feel like Iām in some kind of limbo, just waiting for something to happen, (dont know what though) Iām fed up of worrying about every lump, bump and ache, thinking āits back!ā, Iām sure by the time my next appt for the onc comes round Iāll have massive list of symptoms - does everyone feel like a hypochondriac, or just me.
At 36 Iām concerned Iām going to waste the rest of my life thinking what if it comes back, I tend to keep these feelings to myself as everyone thinks once all your treatments done you can forget about it, Iām hoping going back to work will help take my mind off bc, my OH doesnāt even like me coming on this site, as he feels it just upsets me reading some of the posts.
So donāt feel alone - Iām sure there will be many more posts soon with people feeling exactly the same.
Sending big hugs your way, from a fellow worrier
X
As someone going through the chemo stage, well done to Billiegirl and crazy cat. The treatment is not pleasant and it will have taken a lot of determination to help you get through.
I may be wrong, but I think there is part of us that feels weāll get through it all and then life can go back the way it was, but bc changes your life and this is the new normal and it takes some major readjustment. Weāve also had so much medical attention and suddenly that stops so a feeling of being in limbo is hardly surprising.
Crazy cat - youāre not a hypochondriac, youāre told to watch out for stuff and every ache has a double meaning, a normal everyday ache from doing too much or a return and thatās the thing thatās always in the mind because this has been such an awful and life changing experience. I think itās a shame youāre onc does not like you coming on this site. There are things that are upsetting which is the nature of this disease but there is also massive amounts of support which is different from the type of support that family etc can give.
Take care to you both and good liuck in the future. You can get on and have a wonderful and fulfilling life, bc has been part of your life that will travel with you but hopefully as time goes on it wonāt dominate your life has it has done for the past few months.
Reeb xx
One day at a time, time is a great healer and the more cancer free days you get behind you perhaps the easier it will get. Im only just half way through my chemo so cant really offer great advise. I do know that mediatation has been my saving along with leading a normal life. None of us will ever be the same again regardless of cancer as every day we are a day older, a day more experienced, a day happy, a day sad. Things happen and it makes us the person we are. Try to live for the day.
Hi Billiegirl, I found that article mentioned by Phillipa really helpful too. I think its a wierd time when youāve finished treatment - I so wanted to finish but now Iām done (end sept) as someone so rightly said adjusting to a new normalā¦I was going along nicely I thought and then the annual mamogram came round and I freakedā¦but its my new normal so I have to get my head around it I guess.
you are so not alone believe me,
bw nicola
Hi Billiegirl - same feeling here. Dx June 2010, chemo, op, rads finishing next week. And I am anxious, a little scared. Whatās next? Am I supposed to pick up my life where I left things last year? But I have changed, my outlook on life has changed. And when I get to a situation that makes me feel as if nothing has happened, I feel like waving my arms in the air and scream: But things have changed - I had cancer!!! But of course I donāt do thatā¦
I think what weāre feeling is normal. I like the idea of one day at a time and counting cancer free days gives confidence. Just donāt be too harsh on yourself, look ahead one week or month at a time.
Nikki x
I really loved that article by Peter Harvey quoted earlier. Itās written with such a caring tone and deep understanding, I completely āgotā what he was saying.
I am 14mths post active treatment and i am slowly slowly settling after a horredous time. I did swing from glee at finishing to terror as to what may come. I cried more than i ever did during treatment but i think you need to do this to mourn what has happened to you.
Its post traumatic stress.
I think a lot of people value counselling and my trust offered 6 sessions to myself and my carer ( altho i didnt take it).
Best of luck
X