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almost a year

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Re: almost a year

---For Kimmi ---Dear Kimmi

I\'m wondering how you are today. I want to try to encourage you as I know how bleak things can seem sometimes. You are very young for all this. That has a good side too- you might feel much better when your hormonal treatment has finished and perhaps find you\'re still pre-menopausal. In the mean time these are bits of advice that have helped me.
Try to get a walk outside every day. It fights depression and weight gain from Zol/tam ( very sci-fi sounding!) It gives you time to think as well. You need to treat yourself kindly even when you don\'t feel like it. That means scented baths, having hair done, wearing something nice etc. In my experience bc hits our confidence as women soo much and we have to steadily fight back. Keep taking your anti depressants altho another might suit better and try to eat properly and not get too tired. Lastly, I think it helps to think about the spiritual side of life. We\'re all made to think about youth, success, everyone -lives- to -ninety-doing-property-up-on-the-way sort of thing. I think it can help to think of other ways. A Yoga class, meditation, a retreat, reading, journal keeping can all help find another perspective

It\'s not easy-far from it but know that there are others going along the same path thinking of you. Keep posting -and I would recommend BCC\'s Peer Support Service. There\'s nothing like talking to someone who knows.

Wishing you well

Love Kitty

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Re: almost a year

If I get told this once more..... I am also coming up to first anniversary of dx and was told yet again today how lucky I was to have the \"good cancer\", the comment followed that \"after all it\'s not something terrible like bowel cancer which cannot be treated, after all you are now cured\".

The annoying thing is the large number of other people who are not in this situation and who also believe exactly the same thing.

This friend of mine is starting to come very close to being an ex-friend.

A totally p****d off Siggy

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Re: almost a year

Kimmi I am 3.5 years post -diagnosis and I still feel tired all the time. This is partly because my sleep pattern was so disrupted by my week in hospital having a mastectomy (a couple of nights I got no sleep at all as a 95 year old lady was roaming the ward all night) that it\'s never recovered. My GP has tried giving me sleeping tablets but they don\'t work, and it\'s beginning to feel normal to be permanently exhausted, which is a shame.

I have put on loads of weight (now size 20 and disgusted with myself) and although I do care, and my husband keeps nagging me, I can\'t even motivate myself to join a slimming club. Quite often it\'s as much as I can do to go to work and keep up (just) with the housework.

I\'m afraid I don\'t have any magic solutions, but I do think you shouldn\'t beat yourself up about this. The treatment for breast cancer is gruelling, and I think it takes a very long time to feel anything approaching \'normal\' again.

Take care.

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Re: almost a year

I\'m Sorry ---Hi Kimmee -
I\'m sorry to hear you are feeling so down after the treatment. I am no doctor, but personally I\'ve always tried to avoid psych drugs. Perhaps if you could try to work out or get out in the sun and walk around it would help. Also as you recover from all the side effects of your therapy, perhaps things will seem a little brighter - time heals all wounds...
I am 47 and was just diagnosed late last year. I had a bilateral mastectomy on 12/1 with immediate reconstruction - they put \"spacers\" in and are currently pumping me up with saline.
My dx was stage IIa, 3 tumors 1 was 3cm and the other two were under 1 cm, no lymph node involvement, and ER+PR+.
Here in California (perhaps the whole US) they are really chemo freaks and are pushing me to take TAC. The first oncologist I consulted with didn\'t even mention the possibility of endocrine therapy.
Right now I\'m leaning toward skipping the chemo and just doing Zoladex + maybe Tamoxifen or Arimidex... I\'ve found an oncologist who got the treatment approved so my insurance will pay, although she told me today I am taking a terrible risk with my life. These are difficult decisions.
I wish you the best and know that things will get better. Hang in there.
Sandra

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Re: almost a year

3 years on 29 May 05 Hi
Don\'t really know where to start or what to say because I can\'t really work this new forum out. I haven\'t been on for a while because I have been depressed, tired and I lack motivation. I actually feel that I shouldn\'t be on here because you ladies seem to be coping better than me.

I was devastated when I was dx but felt better once I had my operation, at least the cancer was gone. A week after the op my surgeon told me that I had 2 nodes involved and that I had oestrogen+ cancer. My world fell apart again, I couldn\'t cope. I lost all my hair with chemo, which made my depression even worse and I put on loads of weight because I didn\'t care.

I have been on anti depressants since 2002 but still feel empty, tired and I lack motivation. I take Tamoxifen and finish them in Dec 2007 but I was also on Zoladex until Feb this year. I have an underactive thyroid which I take Thyroxin for but still feel tired all the time. I do talk to my GP about my probs but feel like a hypocondriac sometimes but all my ailments are true. I suffer so much with joint pains, memory loss(getting worse) and hot sweats.

Please tell me I\'m not the only one feeling like this. I feel so alone with this because nobody (who hasn\'t had cancer) understands. I feel I should be \"myself\" again but I am far from it. I am only 37 yrs old and feel like and old woman.

I have seen a pyscologist, hypnotherapist, accupuncturist but they only help in the short term. Am I really this weak? I don\'t know how to feel me again. Can someone give me some advice please?

When I read my post it sounds like someone who has given up but I don\'t want to. I don\'t know how to live anymore or how to get motivated. If someone sent me away for a few months and said I will feel fine after, I would go but I know this will never happen.

Look forward to hearing from someone.
Hugs from
Kimmi

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Re: almost a year

1 year Hi Lynne
I too was diagnosed on 22nd December last year. I was saying to my husband yesterday that I shouldn\'t really dread the day as it is not as though I got cancer that day is it. I found the lump on the 18th but had the D day on the 22nd. Yesterday was my birthday and I\'m just so pleased to be here to be 1 year older. My tumour was grade 3 er- and i intend to see lots more years. I\'m really looking forward to Christmas this year and trying not to look back. It\'s hard isn\'t it? I have a mammogram on 30th but I\'m not too worried. My onc told me I was more likely to have spread than local recurrence as the radio is good. Here\'s hoping the chemo was too.
Happy Christmas to all.
Love Kathy

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Re: almost a year

It is a similar anniversary for me today This time last year to the day and hour I was having my 2nd WLI. Every time I come accross an anniversary I do something nice for myself. I treat myself to a meal/video/bottle of wine/nice hot bath and a good book etc I don\'t try and stop the tears as it is good to let it out. We all get through things differently I know and it took me a year to find out what I could do to make myself feel better but it does work. By bedtime I feel wrung out and by morning ever so slightly better.

I don\'t have any friends or familly to talk to as all my friends drifted off after diagnosis as they couldn\'t cope with me and my familly think I\'m all better now! You and your feelings are impotant and it doesn\'t matter how you get through it and what you do as long as you do get through those bad days.

Please take care and a big hug to you.xx

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Re: almost a year

Bah! Humbug!! OK! I confess, I really hate this time of year, I get so depressed as the first strands of tinsel and sounds of jingle bells fill the supermarkets as early as August.
I\'ve been diagnosed twice, and both times have been going through treatment at this time of year, so I guess its fairly natural to feel depressed. I\'m trying, really I am, I\'ve bought the food, written the cards, and ordered most of the presents, but oh how I really wish I could simply go to bed, pull the covers over my head and stay there until its all over.
Earlier this week, I found myself standing in front of tins of baked beans in the supermarket crying as they were playing a Nora Jones song which always seemed to be on the tape whilst I was having chemo.
I must be hell to live with at the moment, and its very hard for family to understand.

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Re: almost a year

To all of you with anniversaries of your diagonosis around this time, just to say that I\'m thinking of you no time of year is a good time but christmas is the worst time to deal with this sort of thing. Wishing you all a peaceful and happy christmas. Love staffy.

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Re: almost a year

I know how you feel lynnemarie.. I too am coming up to the one year point on 30th December. This time last year I was just getting ready to go into hospital for my first WLE in the week before Christmas. Diagnosis on the 30th was followed by another WLE in January and yet another op later in the year. Feeling a great jumble of emotions right now; happy - the cancer was found early and I am alive and apparently reasonably well; confused - I\'m certainly not the same person I was at this time last year; terrified - I dont know what is happening inside and have lost confidence in the body I thought I knew well and could trust. Hopefully as more time passes these feelings will settle down and some of that confidence will return. Its so good to have so many supportive friends out there who have been along this road and know how it feels. Take care and hugs all round.

Lorrie

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Re: almost a year

Two years for me I know that 1 year feeling. 22nd October 2003 is etched on my brain as 22nd December 2004 is on yours.

Yesterday I got really irritated when someone casually asked: \"How are you?\" Got really grumpy and found myself repeating the details of my poor prognosis..what its like to live with..plus stuff about how \'looking well\' means sweet f...all about whether I\'ll survive.

Anniversaries are hard..take care.

Jane

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Re: almost a year

Hi lynnemarie Yes, anniversaries are horrible aren\'t they? Even now, 7 years on, i can remember exactly not only the date I found my first lump, but the date I got the diagnosis (December 18th) But it does get better as time goes on and the anniversaries roll by. The first is the worst in my experience.

Hold on to the fact that you\'ve got through your treatment, and if your photo is anything to go by, you\'re looking really good! And if it\'s any help the scar will get softer and more flexible with time until it doesn\'t feel like it might be hiding something.

Have the wonderful Christmas you deserve and try not to worry about the check-up and mammogram, but be grateful that they are still looking after you.

Love
Kathy

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Re: almost a year

almost a year ---I was diagnosed with breast cancer on the 22 december last year, a day i will never forget. I hate the fact that i will always have check ups and mammogrammes at christmas time. I have had a slight reprieve as my appointment has been postponed until 9th january.(was 19th dec.
I am so excited for christmas this year as last year was so bad, but the first year mark is always there in the back of my mind.
When i say i have my first mammo coming up people say \" but do you feel like everythings ok yourself?\" as if i am worrying over nothing, they dont understand that i cant see whats in my boob and i can no longer feel whats there for scar tissue. I drive myself mad thinking it feels lumpier and it may be growing. then i feel and think its my imagination.
God i wish someone could tell me what the future holds!
Sorry for this but i really needed a moan, i get fed up of saying \"yes thanks - i\'m fine\" day in and day out.
lynne

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almost a year

almost a year