angry, scared, confused and a cliché I know but feeling so "alone in a crowd"

[NAZ]

Hi Jenny, i have messaged you with all my news..

Betty, hope you are doing okay today? You WILL get there for sure, but be kind to yourself in the meantime. Lots of TLC, wine, food, choc - what ever makes you feel better xxxx

[bettypoppit]

Hi all, what wise and comforting words you speak. Day 12 (not that I'm couhting 😉 ) and still sore, still getting shooting pains and tired, but, I do feel better in myself today - more with-it...so have been immersing myself in 'normality'. A little bit of shopping (comfy looking bra's...but not had the courage to try them on yet lolol), chat and dinner with a glass of red...wooo hooo 🙂 I'm learning to take care of myself and to listen to when my body and brain says 'enough ...sleep now'....maybe I can get through this 🙂 Take care all and be good to yourselves too xxx

[Jenny065]

Bettypoppit,  Hope you are starting to feel better, it is a long and bumpy road,  but there are plenty of people on here to help you.    Annie I like your cousins; strength,  Hello Naz how are you doing, you have summed it up with take care of yourself.  When I was at one of my early appointments my BCN said "Listen to your body,  sleep if you feel loke it "  very wise words, She is very experienced, but so lovely and so caring. 

Wishing you all the very best,  be kind to yourselves.

Huggles.  Jenny.

[NAZ]

Really admire your cousin Annie, I wish I could have done that too! Only managed briefly to do it when going through chemo, but after that it was ' business' as usual .
I think the moral of the story is TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF, because unless those around you have been through a BC experience, then with all due respect, they cannot possibly know how you are feeling.

Take care all
Naz xxxx

[Annie22]

So hard isn't it. It is as much about our stupid society thinking that if we could just think positive and be strong it would all be OK. The media talk about heroic people running marathons 3 weeks after surgery and we all feel we're just not trying hard enough. I'm sure those people doing amazing things after cancer don't do it to make the rest of us feel bad - but when you're in that pit of 'why am I not recovering?', expectations are difficult to not take personally. All I can say is that when you look back you need to feel that you loved yourself enough during recovery that you gently and kindly coaxed yourself through it. I look back and am disappointed that I was so busy trying to live up to expectations of others AND enjoying the praise that I forgot about the little lonely and scared me. I've seen my cousin go through cancer and she is brilliant. Basically she does what she wants, goes to bed, gets up, cries, ignores people, stays in pyjamas all day, eats ice cream instead of breakfast and puts herself first. She says no one else knows what she's going through so she'll decide what she does, when, thank you very much and sod everyone else. I really admire her. Really caring for yourself takes courage and sometimes were the only people that can do that for ourselves. Be kind to yourself and your poor old body. Annie.

[bettypoppit]

Hi Rosie14..thank you for your support..day 7 today since my op and even tho I'm heaps brighter in myself I still feel sore, tired (has just taken an hour of snoozing my alarm to wake me up lol) and not ready to pick up where I left off. I am planning a little more walking today which I feel is important for me physically and mentally, but little else - unless the mood takes me. The hospital blurb does state it usually takes 2-3 weeks to get back to normal so i will have to flap this in front of his eyes - again!!! You are right -I do need to have a talk with my OH, but, that is far easier for me to say than to do!
Does funny things with your mind this bc malarkey 😉
This is a great forum to share - thanks and good thoughts to all xxx

[rosie14]

Hi bettypoppit sorry that OH isn't being as considerate as you would like. It takes 2 weeks to get the anaesthetic out of the system never mind the physical and emotional side. So it would be unreasonable to expect you to to be doing too much. If you do there could be consequences that will put you back .
Maybe you need to sit down with OH and talk frankly about how you feel? Good luck! X

[bettypoppit]

Hi Trisha51. I can feel the warmth and (((hugs))) in your words to me and it is SUCH a comfort 🙂 xxx. I am finding that this forum really is the only place I can be 'me' - as I'm truely feeling, in the moment. It is a relief to be able to get stuff out of my head. I have a tendency to criticise myself for not living up to others expectations of me...when I should accept who and how I am. I feel the need to just be 'me' in all of this and it seems that my OH cannot or will not cope with that ...sadly perhaps a reflection of our everyday relationship :(. It sooo feels that I should be upbeat, positive and getting on with it with my friends and family too. To talk of my real fears, would seem like I'm burdening them...I also cannot face the well meaning positivity which makes me feel ? not too sure but I just don't want to hear it from them 😞
Rant over lol....thank you for listening and caring and I hope you are good in yourself xxx

[Trisha_51]

Hello Bettypoppit, everyone is different in their rate of recovery so please don't feel you have to be doing more than you feel up to. Little steps, one at a time is often how we are told to proceed. You have just had an operation under general anaesthetic and are entitled to rest and recuperation. People, and that includes spouses often think that because we don't look ill that we must be feeling absolutely fine and are able to carry on as we did before, nothing could be further from the truth. No one can tell you when you will be able to do certain things, only you will know when your body is ready to tackle them. As for feeling scared and not feeling able to talk to anyone about it that's what we are here for on this forum. We've either been there and come out the other side, as I have, or are going through it right now; either way we know exactly how you feel so feel free to rant, cry, pour out your feelings, we will be here for you. You are certainly not over reacting to BC, everyone has their own way of dealing with the diagnosis, some rant and rave, some cry buckets, some bury their heads in the sand and pretend it's not happening, some just accept what's happened and get on with it, everyone is different and no one can tell you how to react, there is no right or wrong way. Sending you (((hugs))), take care Pat x

[bettypoppit]

6 days since wle and snb, etc. Confused as to how far I should have recovered - feeling a bit claggy in the lungs so now worried that I am getting DVT..so been out twice to briskly walk the local streets today. So far, so good. OH seems to have already had enough of my recovering and is hinting that I should be getting on with stuff more than I am....so should I be...can anyone help me on this? I don't feel able to discuss how utterly scared I am - with anyone - to do so seems so selfish - burdening others/offloading the scary stuff but maybe I'm just over reacting to this bc and need to knuckle down and just get on with it! Help! Does anybody else feel like this?