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cancer an ugly word

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Re: cancer an ugly word

Hi

For me the worst bits are having caused so much ongoing worry to my nearest and dearest, and the frustration that I have to put certain aspects of my life on hold whilst I have my treatment, or do things differently as I have less energy. But I have always believed in being positive and having BC and the treatment has made me even more determined to appreciate my life and all the wonderful people who have really shone with their support for me. I think a lot of people are at risk of believing they will live forever and never get ill and it should not take a bad experience to make someone wake up and appreciate what they have and make the most of enjoying their life, but I think people should take something positive away from ANYTHING that happens to them, good or bad, and whether they brought it on themselves or were just damn unlucky. Just my 2 cents anyway.

ForumMember
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Re: cancer an ugly word

Maximise

I am sure there would be someone out there who would accuse the girls of glamourising kidnapping if they said they coped well with it. And others probably would say they must have had awful lives before the kidnapping if they could possibly have gained any positives from their ordeal. This thread is very informative and enlightening because as you wisely point out, we all cope with our own nemesis is our own way - there is no right or wrong way. But bad things happening to us in life are inevitable and from the beginning of mankind, humans have learned to bounce back - its part of survival and being able to claim that you have learned from your experience and even got some positives out of it should help others who face a similar ordeal??

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Re: cancer an ugly word

Yes this is a healthy debate and as long as folks opinions are respected then there is no problem !

I have noticed several times in this thread that other horrific situations are being brought up i/e war, house fires, other serious illnesses, rape and armed robbery and how people would find a positive in these situations. Sorry I thought this was a breast cancer site.

Seeing so many folks are talking about differing scenarios although relating it to breast cancer can i just relay something I read today regarding the austrian case about the father imprisoning his daughter, in the newspaper there was a corresponding story about two young russian girls who were kidnapped and kept in a cellar for 4 years - yeah 4 years, put through all sorts of horrendous unimaginable scenarios. Anyway point of this story is they are both married now and although will never forget their experience and live with it daily will not let it take over their lives but hey thats just those two girls, i am sure another different set of girls would not be able to "cope" as these could. - so does that mean the original girls should be knocked down because they have somewhat got through that horrific experience ? Just goes to show, how we are all so different and no-one should be knocked if for some reason they can find some kind of gaining through a situation.

I do realise this has got seriously off tangent from the original post from Dynamite but I am sure like all the other posters there are no regrets in our postings.

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Re: cancer an ugly word

I have been reading this thread since it was first posted.

I honestly couldn't decide whether to add to it or not. Although I get the gist of what dynamite was getting at, in terms of 'pros' - I'm afraid I'm one of those who just can't see any.

I can however, see how people can 'gain' if that is the right word- in terms of things they learn about both themselves and others around them.

I haven't learnt anything at all from it - I knew who I was before, I knew how strong I was, and I knew what I wanted out of life and how to get it. I'm no stronger or better a person because of BC - if anything I'm more bolshy than I ever was and a lot less patient.

The original post said, amongst other things..........But most of all its having a second chancee at life and making sure everything counts and i appreciate things more especially family ...

Well I'm sorry but as far as I'm aware - we only get one chance at life - you live, you die- as simple as that - there is no second chance - all that BC has done is made me acutely aware that my first and only chance at life may be shorter than I had originally envisaged.

Very good topic though and as others have pointed out has obviously provoked some deep thought amongst us all !

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Re: cancer an ugly word

Definitely no pros for me either. Though I have appreciated the support of friends and family and learned who my true friends are, it had the opposite effect on me long term. Because of this disease , I now want each day to be ok, don't want arguments about little stupid things, don't want hassle from anyone (like big organisations leaving you hanging on the phone etc. etc.). So in a way it has made me more inpatient, less able to deal with lifes' little problems etc. Where before I would have said, ok life throws 'rubbish' at you, get on with it, I now get far more stressed about anything - not a good thing at all.

The only positive thing, if there is such a thing, and the only way for me to cope is this: I try hard to focus on the things I still can do, rather than all the things I am no longer able to do. For example, because of lymphoedema I now have to be careful when swimming and can no longer snorkel, as I am worried about sratches etc. But, I can still go on holiday, I can still swim, even if not to the same xtend as before. I get more tired, but I can have lunch with friends, rather than dinner. I now garden more carefully (again risk of infection/scratches etc.), but I can still enjoy my garden. You get the drift. My OH was getting very despondent the other day and said how much things have changed for us and I reminded him of the above. I think if I did not have that, I would quietly sink into a pit of depression.

But positive - no way.

Birgit

karen
Member

Re: cancer an ugly word

This is I think a healthy debate, there are lots of different opinions/thoughts coming out...which is good...it shows that we all deal with/ live with BC in different ways, it shows the fears some of us have, the different out looks some of us have etc.,......but above all I think we can all agree on one thing and that is.....CANCER IS AN UGLY WORD, A CRAP, FRIGHTENING, VILE DISEASE, AND SOMETHING NONE OF US WISH WE HAD EVER BEEN DIAGNOSED WITH.

PS., dippykate, I hope you are still feeling a bit better after the other night x

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Re: cancer an ugly word

I must say I agree with the disease being the pits. No if's or buts there. I haven't seen it glamorized myself but that's not to say it isn't. It is getting a lot of press and that's good and bad IMO.

But I do think there's some positives, not so much with the disease but with life in that we're here right now and there's nothing at all wrong with trying to enjoy it. Possibly in spite of the cancer.

I bl***y hate statistic though.

Angie

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Re: cancer an ugly word

I have thought about this thread a lot and tried to come up with two lists but, Pros- nil Cons-Infinite.
I agree that bc is often portrayed in the media as a life changing experience that is positive. I fail to see how the death of a vast amount of women can have any positive outcome. Families robbed of loved ones, young women being grateful for a few extra days to do what others take for grated. The financial implication of families losing their homes, women having to give up careers and ambitions as they are too ill to continue, sharing her last Christmas with my friend. Vast amounts of women for whom even buying a tee shirt to accomodate scaring and hugely swollen and disfigured arms is an ordeal. Women unable to go out without oxygen to support their breathing.People stuggling daily to cope with the side effects of treatment, too scared to stop, just grateful. I could go on and on.....and on.
The media often write with ignorance of the actual disease. I value the right of us all to have our own opinions but believe we owe it to each other to make sure that the disease is in no way glamorised and made to appear in anyway other than the cruel, life limiting disease it is, this is the only way that the public will understand and perhaps help to lobby for more research to prevent future generations from suffering this awful condition.
Linda

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Re: cancer an ugly word

Maximise, Cathy et al,

There is no need for the bad taste in your mouth, Maximise. This is just a discussion of the sort that makes me glad to be a part of this board, on good days and bad. I for one welcome everyones comments, positive or negative. It is great that we have somewhere to come and unleash our thoughts. Long may it continue. Off to hug a tree now!

Jenny.

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Re: cancer an ugly word

hi,
I was thinking about this thread alot yesterday, and wondered in what other life threatening situations someone would ask about positive "side effects!" being caught up in an armed robbery? house fire? other illnesses? rape? i dont think so!!! i do believe anyone has a right to voice there own opinions on here thats what makes it special, but we dont tell victims of other horrible situations to be positive, to fight the battle, to take up a healthy life style etc etc, i have learned to appreiciate alot of little things in life but is this a positive to having bc? depends on how im feeling at the time i guess!!!!!
Anna x

Alloway
Member

Re: cancer an ugly word

Ok, I don't want to offend or hurt anyone, so will not comment on others' posts. (Feel free to say what you will about mine)

No, I cannot think of any positives since my diagnosis. I knew my husband and family were wonderful and have not had any deeper appreciation of them post dx than I did pre. Some people in the background of my life that I always really liked have been more prominent but do no more than I would do or have done in their position.

As to the negatives, they are legion.

I resent: the loss of the future I'd planned; the fact that I will probably not see my daughters married or any grandchildren; constant pain and the indignities of the treatments; that I have practically no tolerance of others' foibles and weaknesses; the growing hardness in my character that made me think "Congratulations" when two friends' mothers died at 85 and 95; that I am supposed to feel grateful for the pink fluff; ignorance of the secondary and mortality statistics; old people whinging at the lateness at the Plastic Surgery clinic when I know I am unlikely to achieve their age...

I could go on for much longer, but won't. Perhaps this is something else that I've failed; not being able to find anything character building out of this dross. I still wake and think "I've got cancer!", but get up and get on with the day as we have to.
Frankly, I wonder if there is any other cancer forum or discussion group that would consider trying to find "good" or positives in their cancer. I think that the pinkness is dangerous, in that it attempts to envelop us all in a cosy glow of "positiveness" and hinders our critical thinking. The reality is that we just have cancer, as do 1 in 3 of the population. Think back to the day you were diagnosed and to the despair and panic you felt; those feelings were the truth.

On re-reading this post I am aware that many will think that I am just hard and embittered. Well, tough. If I am, then it's because this is what BC has made me

ForumMember
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Re: cancer an ugly word

We have one life, it may have been dealt a shocking blow but its still ours and whether its long or short its what it is so please ladies and gents lets live to the best of our individual abilities. Lets find one thing every day to smile about and enjoy whether its a current moment or a memory from before all this torment took over.

I'm not suggesting we all go out and hug a tree but just one private moment to cherish every day.

AJxxx

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Re: cancer an ugly word

Maximise ,Carriemitch and Jen

thank you for putting your point across so eloquently. I am new to having breast cancer so perhaps I am terribly naive and my outlook is good at the moment, so that of course places me in a very different context to others. However, I am still living with breast cancer so therefore should be able to express my opinion and views which to date are very positive. I feel so sorry for Dynamite. She clearly, like me, feels very proud/relieved whatever to have gone through what we have done without going mad, or breaking down every five minutes. I have learned so much about myself, my family and my life that yes, I find that a pro in itself. And no, my life was not rubbish or poor before breast cancer. Like most of us, it was a good life albeit a very different one to the one it is now. And contrary to what some of the posts implied, that the majority of us will grow old, will grow up to see our children, will live into retirement etc etc. And to those who I offend, it is entirely unintentional unlike some who think because they are more ill than others and have obviously been on the forum for a long time, have earned the right to shoot others down in a somewhat unkind fashion. I have feelings too. It is so good that we have the opportunity to express ourselves, share our thoughts and fears and we should be able to do so without having to tread on eggs shells every time we write, for fear of saying the wrong thing.

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Re: cancer an ugly word

I posted early on at the outset of this thread, one of the small minority who said i had gained something from this horrendous experience. The list of cons is endless, diagnosed with grade three age thirty one, young baby, lymph involvement went through the works still recovering three years down the line, certainly something I would not wish on my worst enemy. Live with the constant worry of developing secondaries, marriage has severely suffered and i never returned to a job I loved. Why on earth has there been an attack and i will use the word attack on the small minority who have agreed to differ with the majority ? Sorry is this not a forum where freedom of speech is allowed ? What about respect for others opinions ? The comment straight after my original one more or less dismissed what I had said regarding one positive aspect that I had gained from this shit experience was in meeting some amazing people throughout this journey.
I would also like to say to the older, wiser members of this forum who feel that they can say whatever they like, regardless of who they offend that each and every one of us have an opinion and just because someone thinks one thing doesnt mean the next person will necessarily agree. As a young woman I am very well aware of what the outcome of a breast cancer diagnosis can be, by no means do I have a naive attitude, having lost a special friend last July due to this vile disease and currently have another friend same age as me, with a young family with brain, lung, liver and bone secondaries, I can totally see why there would be absolutely no pros in this situation, but just because some young woman can try and find something positive about this experience, we should not be down cried for it. Dynamite posed a thought provoking question and we are all entitled to answer how we feel suits us.
I only started posting this week and now I know why it took me so long after browsing the forums so long, there is a certain group who feel they can say what they want at who they want. I am not good with words unlike some but I hope my point is understood.
We are all individuals with the right of expressing our opinions but i have a very bad taste in my mouth after reading this thread.
Let me re-iterate again to anyone who didnt understand my original post. Breast cancer is the pits, as each and every one of us know, but if some can glean some sort of positive out of it, dont knock us down for it, we are not all embittered and i say that as i dont have secondaries / recurrance who knows how i would feel then, probably hugely embittered but i would hope i would still have respect for my fellow posters, but at this point in my life, in my recovery i thought i would be safe to come onto this site and share my thoughts but seems I was wrong.

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Re: cancer an ugly word

Gosh, this thread is interesting and its taken me about half an hour to wade through but worth it. Poor Dynamite i dont think she cud ever envisage her first post would cause such STRONG feeling but its great for so many ladies to be able to air their views.
I love it that on the whole we are allowed to have an opinion and be able to write it down and share it here.

I am afraid i dont see one pro to having this disease.

I saw my mum suffer for 6 yrs. One minute thinking she was 'winning' then wham it was back, only worse the next time then the next time. Hopes raised it was in remission then, no, got it wrong it was a further spread.
Eventually they said it was a clot in her lung but it was a collapsed lung and the cancer and i watched her fight for her breath, sorry to be so graphic but it haunts me that.
I lost my auntie and 2 best friends to this awful awful disease.

Then Dx myself, I couldnt believe it, the one thing i was absolutely terrified of.

I have listened to people saying through their cancer they have learnt so much, well good for them.

I am envious of my friends who havent got to worry about every ache and pain and have scans and tests and fear like i do.

One pro though i have met some fab friends who are great but i would far rather have met them on a footy site or at a socail club than on a BC site.

Oh also I have a strong faith but i had to say in this group which i go too No thanks i cant thank God for cancer and believe all things work together for good,i still have my faith but wont just be blaise in what i say,and agree with people for the sake of it.

Just my thoughts on this subject.

Rxxx

carriemitch
Member

Re: cancer an ugly word

It's taken me a few days to work out how i really feel about this.

OK. So it's a given that absolutely nobody with this diagnosis believes that cancer has somehow enhanced their lives. To miscontrue the original poster does great disservice to her/him.

However, I feel (personally) that this thread is less about cancer per se and more about perspectives on life in general and also individual attitudes to lives lived on a daily basis.

The last five years, my life has consisted of a fair amount of raw pain and struggle as have lots of people's lives on this thread. My sister's little boy (and apple of my eye) died not long ago (after spending a year in intensive care) and then she herself lost her eyesight completely and then went into heart and kidney failure. Luckily, she had a succesful kidney and pancreas transplant and (even thought she was abandoned by her husband and can't have anymore children)...she has picked herself up again (as have my parents who also lost a child - my youngest sister)... but not only that, my sister enriches the lives of everyone she meets, she is a joy and is also a stand up comedian, very talented and very funny despite how much she has lost in her life... So...there we are getting over that and then I get breast cancer. Has breast cancer been a pro? Not at all.Has it changed my life, yes absolutely and (dare I say it) in and amongst the shit of all the harsh treatment, I have actually had some positives... these have included the stark realisation that love and family and friends are all that matter... despite the downs my family have endured... we have also had some amazing ups, we appreciate the little things... my nephews and the daft things they say... a beautiful day means more to me now than it ever did pre diagnosis... i find joy in the simple things... prior to bc I was very career orientated and driven by things that I never really questioned... I have the freedom these days to think about life from a different perspective when I still see my friends on the treadmill... living lives they aren't really happy with. I don't know what my future holds... all I know is that I value every good day I have... my family make me laugh more than anyone I have ever met and they have more reason than anyone to want to cry... despite my diagnosis, despite how crap life can be when it deals you these cards, despite how bloody unfair all of this is, for all of us, i still find something to laugh about, or something that makes my heart swell, be it my dog, or a walk in the hills... and I'm not sure 7 months or so ago I'd have necessarily taken my head out of my arse (for that read career) and really appreciated the beauty of what is around me. So I guess for that I am grateful. I live very much in the now, much more than I have ever done... and that (somehow) for me, feels like a much more positive way to live my life. Carrie x

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Re: cancer an ugly word

Jenny,

Will probably never give up , despite my protestations, not so long as there is a breath in my body that put's paid to the glamorisation of breast cancer. Why on earth should anyone of us be encouraged to think of the advantages of all this?.
It assumes that the life we had before bc was crap.Well ,actually mine was a very nice life and I feel absolutley nothing to feel grateful about regarding being given the chance to re-evaluate my life and to savour the "opporunitiies" that now present themsleves.

Janeyb
xxx

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Re: cancer an ugly word

Thanks JaneyB - and hope you don't leave us. I know sometimes cyber talk can become very heated. I have had to leave the boards for a while before now, when it all got too much, but come creeping back after a while.

I guess everyone needs to let of steam at some points (and that comment goes out to all on both sides of the debate here).

I rarely cry these days - though used to grizzle at the drop of a hat! It is probably long overdue. I am rallying and fortifying myself with a nice glass of chianti.

Stay with us JaneyB, we are all in the same crappy leaky boat.

Jenny
x

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Re: cancer an ugly word

Jenny,

We posted at the same time.All that I can send you is such a big hug -and I know that this doesn't help. What to do, what to say - it's crap. Humumgous kiss.
Janeyb
x

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Re: cancer an ugly word

No pros. Cancer is destroying my body and also destroying most other aspects of my life I ever valued. Have cried tonight more than I ever have done in the three years since my terminal diagnosis and all because of what this b****y disease has robbed me of.

Jenny

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Re: cancer an ugly word

O.k, I have read this thread all the way through and I find it heart rendering. For anybody to think that there are advantages(pros) to having breast cancer , quite frankly beggars belief. I think the word "bullying" is not helpful . I'm sure that's not where any of us is coming from. I think that if the question had been posed regardingthe "benefits" of having this horrible, rancid, unforgiving, terrible disease, then perhaps some of the replies may have been different. Breast Cancer is S--iT; there are no redeeming factors associated with it; and to even think of discussing the "pros" . ie "advantages " of it, is to me,absolutely dreadful.

I think that this is probably my last posting - I can't even believe I am having this conversation - it's awful.

Janeyb

dawnhc
Member

Re: cancer an ugly word

Might I add that I have learned to live with this disease for 18 years now and am still searching for the pros. Maybe the fact that I am still here is one?

dawnhc

dawnhc
Member

Re: cancer an ugly word

If it is ok for some to express their view of cancer as having a number of pros, surely it is equally ok for those who don't see anything positive in the experience to express their point of view as well. After all Dynamite did ask in her opening post what were the pros & cons of having cancer. I think we have had a fair contribution in this thread from both sides. Clearly from the comments, some have much stronger views than others, and have expressed them. I don't think that constitutes bullying. This is a forum about breast cancer, and inevitably some of the things said here will be frightening to new readers, but we cannot pretend and hide the fact that some of us are quite ill and facing an inevitable early demise.

dawnhc

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Re: cancer an ugly word

i am trying to word this carefully, so that no one takes offence.

Emily reminded us earlier of the original posting. I have re-read that posting and I would ask that anyone new to the thread does read it again and please do not be frightened. Sadly, some of us WILL die, I may well be one of those that do because of the diagnosis I had. More of us live. I tend to think I will die of something sometime.

I have not seen a thread like this before where there is almost a bullying element, a war breaking out? I believe in open exchanges of views but i think this has ceased to be helpful. hence i am going to post this and report my post to the moderator.

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Re: cancer an ugly word

Hi everyone,
There are no pros at all to having cancer! Yes,the bulging disc/sciatica in my back doesn't hurt anymore and I've lost weight(which I needed to) but I'd much rather have those things back than all the cons that go with cancer!
Alli x

JosieR
Member

Re: cancer an ugly word

I'm another "no pros" and having cancer certainly hasn't made me a better person. In fact, most of the time, it's turned me into a cross between a quivering wreck and a paranoid hypochondriac, although I do have some good moments inbetween!

Jo

karen
Member

Re: cancer an ugly word

After this morning no 'pro's'......examined myself found what I though felt like a lumpy area round scar area, but wasn't too sure as had probably poked harder.
anyway....rang BCN said to go over if I was worried which I did, BCN and Consultant both think nothing to worry about, he did a ultrasound said he could see a little fatty lump...BCN said she couldn't see it.....anyway he did FNA...said nothing was coming off except fatty residue...which BCN assured me it definetly looked like and showed me...and it did, nothing like before.....so now have to wait til next week for results......
PRO'S...NONE....sorry.

Karen

RoadRunner
Member

Re: cancer an ugly word

Well said Emily!

I try to be positive about my life, and find good things in every day. That way my life is more pleasant, and I hope it's the same for my friends and family.

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Re: cancer an ugly word

one of the thoughts behind this forum is the exchange information - both medical and practical.

While I respect the opinions and deeply-felt beliefs of anyone on this thread, it is also important that it is clear that this thread is not about the intrinsic good of cancer. I think the original thread was much more innocent; it said::

what are the pros and cons of having cancer ? I know that sounds odd but we all know the cons i.e sickness ,hairloss , [death at the extreme } etc...But my pros are, strength i never knew i had it in me ...
Humour the baldness brought it out...
Patience to sit in that chair to receive my chemo..
emotions I felt them all..I could go on and on ..But most of all its having a second chancee at life and making sure everything counts and i appreciate things more especially family ...

It was a simple and sincere appreciation for the ways in which the writers eyes were open to other areas of her life...despite this disease. None of us is a whole or as cheerful as we appear. If we all met, we would find varying stages of illness. We might not recognize each other.

I am not deluded, anwen, nor am I a pollyanna. I am a realist who understands that my body is falling apart; that my future may be limited-- that from this day forward my life is probably limited. But I have dealt with disease before. I was dx with a neurological disease at age 8. Still taking the meds. However, one of the bravest things my Mom did was to treat me as normal, she sheltered me from the pity of family, and expected that I would not only cope but thrive. And guess what. With those expectations and support, I did. I got past teenage-hood, past young adulthood, and now am a ripe age of 61. still taking those meds. But, I have also learned that your perspective and attitude makes a huge difference. Its not a philosophy, it is an experienced reality.

To wit, from a devastating and crippling neurological disease that could have incapacitated the rest of my life was borne a normal, productive life. There is definitely something to say about attitude, toward turning what is evil into something that can be used for good. IMHO, that is the thrust of the original thread.

My prayers are with you all

Emily
xxx

ForumMember
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Re: cancer an ugly word

this thread has really stirred up some coments! I wouldn't have thought that anyone would ever be boastful about how cancer has improved their lives unless deluded. However, if you have found an inner strength to carry on despite, not because of cancer, then well done. And hopefully, there will be many survivors who feel motivated enough to actually do something about the politics of the disease and if I am lucky enough to be one of the survivors, I would hate people to think of me as a super survivor, some sort of valiant warrior bragging about how I defeated the dreaded enemy and how i morphed into a super hero because of my experience. Instead, I would hope they would acknowledge that I had first hand experience of BC and would take me seriously when I was trying to be proactive in doing something to make the powers that be take notice.

horace
Member

Re: cancer an ugly word

Well said Jane

ForumMember
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Re: cancer an ugly word

jane

Sorry to have offended you with my post. I did not mean it to sound patronising in any way and I would never think that people are compensated for their premature deaths by being brave. I sincerely meant that for someone who hasnt got a clue about the effects of BC, I do feel honoured to have been allowed to read about it, not honoured to have actually known the person. I do agree that eliminating the disease is the ideal, but I feel this has digressed from the original thread which clearly was about a lady who felt that she could cope with the disease better than she had anticipated.

princess18
Member

Re: cancer an ugly word

Well said Jane! Your comments are on the money as ever,

Kelly
-x-

princess18
Member

Re: cancer an ugly word

Hi all,

well personally I can see no 'pro's' in having bc at all, and doubt that I ever will. I can think of much less distressing ways to learn what inner strength I have or how good my friends are! I am certain that my loved ones would agree too. It has robbed me of sooooo many things and will continue to do so I guess. I was 34 when diagnosed, we hadn't started a family although we definately planned to. Now I don't even know whether we'll ever be able to have children of our own. It is something which I never even gave a second thought to pre-bc, but is very much a reality now. I can honestly say that having bc had brought me nothing positive that I can think of.

Just my opinion,

Take care all,

Kelly
-x-

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Re: cancer an ugly word

Long before my own diagnosis I knew quite a lot of women who'd had breast cancer..some who'd died, some who were alive a few years or many years later. (probably 50/50) I would never then have talked about the 'pros' of breast cancer any more than I did when first diagnosed with a not very good prognosis which is now rather worse.

This issue is not just about how we individually experience cancer, helpful as those stories can be. I know that however ill I get I don't want anyone to talk about me in terms of feeling honoured or humbled to know me. That just perpetuates the idea that people who die of cancer are somehow compensated for their premature deahs by being braver than the rest. No this is a social issue about how cancer in general, and breast cancer in particular is portrayed in this society; its about the voices which get heard and those which are silenced, its about the mythologies which this horrible disease creates. We have to find a way of talking straightforwardly and honestly aout cancer..neither hyping it up nor playing it down. Surely what we all want is the elimination of this disease, not the creation of a generation of cancer super survivors boasting of the improvements in their lives.

Jane

horace
Member

Re: cancer an ugly word

Right at the beginning of this I was the first to say 'no pros' and someone asked me why.Please dont anyone take offence this is not directed at anyone else or their opinions.If you have found positives good for you.Me?Well I have a good prognosis despite being triple negative.Every morning as I come to consciousness one of my first thoughts is about breast cancer as is one of my last thoughts at night.I have an amazing,loving family,good friends and no real financial worries,BUT I have breast cancer.A cough may be mets as may a backache,a headache,a tummyache,tiredness,nausea,fleabite spots anything.One day I may have to leave my life prematurely.I would be leaving grandchildren and I thank God that at least I have seen my kids grow up when so many havent and many more wont.Yes I have made friends and gained such support from forums but I know most of you will understand when I say I wish I had never heard of such forums.I wish that I was strong enough to do all that I did pre bc and could grow old gradually as all of us should.I have learned nothing about myself,all that I am I always was.No pros ever for me.Cancer is for me the one totally negative part of my life and will be until the day I die[hopefully of old age].

ForumMember
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Re: cancer an ugly word

Mrs Blue - I think you have summed it up well. As we can see the experience of BC depends very much on the diagnosis, support etc. It shows how different BC is and really it is much more than one single disease as it varies so much in the damage it causes both physically and emotionally. This thread has also made me feel very humble after getting a glimpse into the lives of some of the ladies with more advanced disease and feel honoured to have learned more about them and how BC has affected them.

mrsblue
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Re: cancer an ugly word

Hi Dynamite
This thread has set us all thinking and I hope you don't regret it. To state the obvious... all of us have bc yet are in such different situations, younger/older women, good family support or not, primary or secondary disease. When you mention "a second chance at life" I understand what you mean, but for most of us there's a big red question-mark over our life expectancy, and a need to re-evaluate priorities. I believe that good can come out of evil, but that doesn't make the evil thing (bc) good. For me it has been a wake-up call... and an opportunity to meet some amazing people, women with bc, professionals (!), those who support us in many ways. And to learn that it's OK to be angry about bc, and to say so.

ForumMember
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Re: cancer an ugly word

Conversation with consultant when given DX:
" I'm so sorry it is cancer but people don't die of breast cancer anymore"
Only saw him the once, I think he could try giving this thread a read.

Love to you all

AJxxx

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Re: cancer an ugly word

Hi Annamarie,

Reading your comments that your local breast cancer support group regards breast cancer as the new sexy illness makes me extremely glad that I don't go to a support group! That just makes me so angry I've never heard anything so ridiculous. Did the person making that comment have personal knowledge of this crap disease!

I'll have to tell my chemo sister on my next bish bosh visit when she's on her sixth attempt at getting a canula into my hand that I have a sexy illness. I know what her reaction will be!

Denio

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Re: cancer an ugly word

Sexy illness - are they mad!!!! What the hell could be sexy about cancer? It just goes to show how the media can whip up utter rubbish for example showing photos of Kylie and Trish who both look absolutely gorgeous so to the outside world it looks as these women are having a ball - little does anyone know what it really does to you. No offence to the Kylie supporters out there - it isnt her fault, its the media machine

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Re: cancer an ugly word

I agree with Jane RA, i have been told by my local breast cancer support group that having BC in your 30's is the new sexy illness!!! needless to say i dont go anymore. yes i have stopped taking life for granted, but i wouldnt say thats a positive for having cancer, i feel it has completely changed me as a person, i dont even know who i am, no i cant simplify all my emotions and experiences to a list of positives and negatives
Anna

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Re: cancer an ugly word

Hi all,

At least with BC I can still be in this life and it doesnt matter how long for 'cos compared to my son who died when he was only 2 1/2 years his life was snatched away and he didn't even have a chance to get any treatment or to enjoy life for that matter. With BC , the treatment is hell and I am in pain at times but I still have a chance to be here a bit longer. We are all different in how we cope with BC as our circumstances are different but to me there are not really any pros for having cancer..I am just getting frustrated all the time now...x

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Re: cancer an ugly word

Forgive me but I can't see any pros in the rotten disease. Here i sit having gone through chemo which made me violently ill for 14 days out of the 21 day cycles. I lost both breasts in my 30's and have weeks and weeks of radiation. I have had multiple lumps bumps and aches and pains that have had to be investigated, loads of surgeries, not to mention the stress, anxiety and worry. I have also been robbed of any chance to have the children that we most desparately wanted. I live every day with the fear of not having a very good prognosis and just hope that i will stand on the good side of the statistics. But that is just what has happened to me. One person. More importantly and what is worse is the fact that i have watched loads of beautiful young people go through hell and back as a result of this disease. Some of the most wonderful ladies have lost their lives to this horrible disease and we have watched them suffer endlessley. We are mothers, daughters, wives and sisters and how many more of us are going to succumb to breast cancer? So now matter how i try, i just can't bring myself to see anything positive about have breast cancer.
Sorry, i don't mean to offend anyone.
karen

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Re: cancer an ugly word

no pros for me either,

loosing a breast at 37, crap prognosis, frightened of not being around for my 2 kids (8 and 6 diagnoses) weight gain and forced into premature menopause, already lost one 39 year old friend to this disease and know I will loose others. I have really close girlfriends since school I didn;t need cancer to proove thier worth.

Debbie

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Re: cancer an ugly word

To add my bit,cancer has absolutely no pro,s whatsoever ,none., Debra.

karen
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Re: cancer an ugly word

No ' pro's ' for me,

Kate,
I don't know what to say, my heart goes out to you and your family.....I hope you find some relieve from the antibiotics over night and do not have to go back on the oxygen or be admitted again.

Breast Cancer has made me intolerant of certain people. situations etc.,.....It hasn't made me a better person....it's made me a very scared person, I have watched my friend lose her life to this crap disease 2yrs after DX, my aunt has been DX with bone secondaries 15yrs after original BC DX.....both very positive people....so I'm afraid I find the positive thinking thing a load of crap too......I'm a realist...this disease is unpredictable....I cannot think of any pro's of being DX wth a life threatening illness that can rear its ugly head again at anytime.

karen

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Re: cancer an ugly word

Well since there has been a lot of varying comments here I thought I'd just update you with what has just happened to me over the last few hours when I last posted on this thread so that you know what the reality is.
Over the last few hours I've gone from being able to walk, talk and laugh with my children to now being hardly unable to walk or talk at all as my breathing has suddenly deteriorated with a chest infection and am all shaky from the ventolin. I've taken the antibiotics I've got this evening as an emergency and hoping I won't need the oxygen I've been off since the end of December and that I won't be admitted to hospital this time.
My 11 year old twins have had to do a lot of adult work tonight and lhave ooked after their 8 yr old brother as my hubby is still at work. Is that a positive to having cancer - I don't think so? Anybody want to try my life to know what it is like living with the unpredictability of this disease cos I would like to swap with someone who is well!!! Yesterday, I was hopeful I might get to September or longer and now I feel I could be admitted for 10 days like I was in November and not even live to my next chemo on the 15th.
I didn't think 3 years after initial diagnosis I would be this ill and would never have had a break from treatment in all that time.This is the reality of bc - not the 'has it made me a better person' way of thinking.
Kate

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Re: cancer an ugly word

Anwen, I am not sure why you should think my post was directed at you.... I merely expressed my opinion in response to the opening post in this thread. I think anyone with a breast cancer diagnosis does their best to cope and adjust. I still don't see why it should be a "pro" of having the wretched disease.

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Re: cancer an ugly word

rmw26-I live a fairly normal life which has been reasonably ok and to reiterate, I for one, have not said, nor would say that getting cancer is a bonus -that is a very harsh statement.. what i have said is that i have learned to cope throughout my ordea and to adjust.