chemo, tamoxifen, sleep, sex and all that jazz......

[Guest user]

just going back to the fishnet items.... OH brought one in amsterdam a few years back.... he was in the amsterdam "spirit" and i was outside the shop with my chips.... well now i need to get out my needle and thread cos i only need one hole on the chest..... unless anyone here would like to borrow it until i get my recon?

Seriously this thread has given me so much to bare in mind and very good questions to raise. Thank you x

[Peachez]

... forgot to say, you can get VitE oil in a bottle (not capsules) from H&B, high street health food store...

[Guest user]

Well....and especially for standingstill....I can report that the vit E capsules are amazing when used appropriately!!!! Also SS please please go and get some help as to be in your 40s with potentially another 40+ years to live like that is totally unacceptable....we will back you up in spirit if not in person.
I also have taken penecillin V for prophlactic reasons as I have no spleen so am open to infections and can report its good at fending off all sorts of stuff!

[Peachez]

I had a cystitis problem after hysterectomy 2 years ago. Got put on a one off dose of Trimethoprim antibiotic for 'urethral syndrome' where the infection lurks in the tissue and doesn't show up in the wee samples; took one dose after every 'event' and it worked a treat.

Have since had two courses of weapons grade anti biotics for infection in Mx scar, and cystitis has done a runner (so far)!!

[Guest user]

post deleted

[ChoccieMuffin]

Bump, in case anyone else feels like joining in.

[Guest user]

I'm a little further down the line, almost 3 years, so reporting what happened to me after time, I had my ovaries removed a year and a half ago, so was plunged into a serious surgical menopause, not nice!, am now on aromasin after 2 and half years of both arimidex and femara, and to cut a long story short have severe vaginal and urinary tract atrophy, which means that intercourse is nigh on impossible and anything else will result in a urinary tract infection

All this means that my hubby wont even approach me now, although I really dont have much of a sex drive I so miss the closeness and like others have said 'the twinkle in his eye' I am more angry about this than any other part of my treatment, losing a boob, my hair etc, because its taken such an important sweet part of my marriage and I'm always worried that my hubby will one day be tempted by one of the many 'normal carefree' women he meets in the course of his work.

I really do feel for the men involved with us in the BC road. I imagine, like myself, we were all just getting on with our lives, wild sex, sexy undies, early morning prods in the back, lol before BC struck, then our guys are faced with a new woman, not just in body but in mind too, they've got a lot of adjusting to do too, and to be honest just cos a guy loves the bones of you doesnt necessarily mean he feels the same regarding sex, yet he has a lot of pressure on him to reassure his woman and a lot of the time he cant do right for doing wrong.

Me and Hubby are only in our 40's and I grieve constantly for what we had, yes I can still do things to please him, but as he says, the biggest turn on for him is my enthusiastic participation which is hard to muster knowing that I'll be on antibiotics and in pain for a week after, lol

I'm seriously considering the topical oestrogen route even though my onc has said a definite no due to me being highly ER+, its QOL at the end of the day.

SS

[Guest user]

LOL CM thanks for sharing, had a similar Saturday morning feeling and managed to share our first really intimate cuddle since FEC1 5 days ago. Not ideal for me as have had annoying on/off period for nearly 2 weeks now, and had my first proper night sweat last night, so it seems the old hormones are definitely off on a frolic somewhere and its all starting to kick in. OH seemed genuinely happy and relaxed tho so I take a good bit of comfort from that.

Also the avoiding of the whole snogging thing is affecting us, it seems awful to be avoiding such a fundamental act of intimacy in case of germs - I'm using that foul mouthwash 4 times a day like a good girl to hopefully stave off mouth problems and I'm sure I must taste disgusting anyway, but it is weird!

Keep posting ladies this is really important.xxx

[ChoccieMuffin]

Well it does still work. Rediscovered what Saturday mornings are for. OH happened to land his hand on unmarked boob, which felt like a bit of a stretch for him. So I moved it to the other one with the scar and said "you can grope that one if you want, it still works." As you can see we're up for the sexy comments...

[Guest user]

it seems my OH cant win. he says how much he fancies me and calls me beautiful but im still in tact, so to speak, and i worry that he will look at me and not thinkk that once ive had the chop. but if he didnt say these things at this point i would worry about that! 'worry' is female word!

im hoping that my inner self can overcome the physical and that i do feel im sexy and therefore will be. best not hold my breath.

been thinking about the 'mercy shag' phrase, which lif created and i have used. thinking that we are putting a girl slant on sex, which is not the way a man thinks. whereas a woman can have sex when not necessarily in the mood and can fake an orgasm a bloke cant. he has to have an erection, whhich he can only get if he's aroused. so im going with it! if he has a stiffy then clearly a bald, eyelashless,eyebrwless woman floats his boat! fingers crossed i can add mono-boobed to the list.

[moorcow]

HI all, still getting great reassurance from reading everyone's comments - had a real chuckle at the thought of a BCN conference or similar in a months time where they all say to each other - my patients seem obsessed with sex at the moment, and another says, yes mine too! Little do they know its down to our lovely LIF!
Julie, I used to turn my back on my OH when changing (WHY -she's an Onc for goodness sake so has seem millions of MX scars in her time)..but the other day found myself not doing it - 13 months post MX...hadn't thought about it, just didn't do it.
bw Nicola

[Guest user]

Hi all, great thread lif,
sounds like we are all in the same boat, my sex drive has completely disappeared, i have always had a high sex drive much more so than my oh, i hate not having the itimacy but to be honest i dont like looking at myself and i wont get undressed infront of oh anymore, if he`s in the room i turn my back, hoping it will come back in time but not holding my breath!!!
hugs julie xx

[TSR]

More seriously though, some great tips- and it would be lovely to keep this thread going and share further advice and experience when people have seen their BC nurse, onc etc. I have not even read the side-effects leaflet that came with the tamoxifen! Can't face it!
Sophie, I am with you on the suggestive comments by OH. They can't win can they? If they stopped we would be upset(!?)My husband tried a 'reassuringly' lecherous remark when I got back from my mx- to which I had to quip back, 'can I wait till my drains are taken out?' Sometimes you just have to laugh. Or not!
Tracey
X

[TSR]

Oh CM, you do make me giggle! Scaco, the only thing I would need the crotch hole for, would be making sure I could get to the loo on time! Three kids, and chemo chemicals tests the old pelvic floor to the limit!
Tracey
X

[ChoccieMuffin]

Don't your toes get stuck in the holes?

[surfie]

LIF,
I've been using natural progesterone cream for about 6 months. ER+ PR- so what the hell. All that time I've been on arimidex and certainly not had hot sweats, which I did get on tamoxifen. Haven't told my surgeon though. I bought the John R Lee book on Natural Progesterone and he recommends it for osteoporosis as well.

Great thread, I don't know whether to laugh or cry. At 66 and with an OH much much older it has been DIY for years. I do like the sound of that net catsuit though.
surfie

[Guest user]

A combination of sleepness nights (can't remember the last time I had an uninterrupted sleep) and hot flushes frequently find OH disappearing to the spare bed in an attempt to get a decent nights sleep which makes cuddling tricky when there's no one there however much you fancy it.

[poppy333]

lol,i think that too sophie,poor fellas, , , suppose they cant win whatever they do. .
for me letting oh see my in the morning or a night after my bath with no hair no make up was the worse ever. i felt like he wouldnt be seeing me anymore. and i couldnt see how he could possibly find me attractive. i used to hate him feeling my head. i felt more vunerable.

sexy underwear, !!! if i could be bothered,, , but cant and dont think it would change how i feel.

xx

[Guest user]

The worst thing is, that any time my OH makes some sort of suggestive comment (which I know he intends to bolster my self-confidence, and let me know he still loves me), I just want to smack him in the mouth and yell 'f*ck off and stop thinking with your d*ck the whole time'. Which is totally unfair. And then I feel even more guilty. Not that I've actually yelled that. Yet.

Kaz, it's sh*t, eh? We'll get there. xxxx

[poppy333]

i feel the same as you sophie,,,, last thing i feel is sexy with bald fushed face, scars and dry skin.

i have only been with my chap 12 months so our sex life was fab, untl cemo, i worry that it wont get back on track as tamoxefen starts next week. even though i really dont want it..

[Guest user]

LiF - thank you for starting this thread. And to all of you who have posted so honestly, and with such heartfelt words - thank you so much for sharing.

I have absolutely no libido at all. It's gone, run away, possibly incinerated with my left boob, who knows. I think since chemo started just before Christmas, me and OH have maybe had sex three times. And it was just sex/mercy shag.. you can't call it making love when one half of the partnership would honestly rather be asleep. My OH's libido has always been higher than mine - but we've got through that over the years, but I do worry so much about mine dropping to zero. I can see the frustration on his face every now and again, and know he's trying so hard to be patient.. but how long will that last? Once chemo is over, will I be expected to pop straight back into sexy wench wife? When I actually more resemble bald hippo flatulent single breasted wife? No period now for seven weeks, so am guessing chemopause has finally kicked in... and tamoxifen to follow - so soon I'll be able to add physical discomfort to mental indifference... and I DON'T WANT THAT! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH.

Like all of you, I've been warned of the physical problems, but given no solutions at all - but have meeting with bcn on tuesday next week, so will raise it then. Also, am perhaps lucky that my onc. is a youngish female, who is likely to be more approachable about the subject than some of your oncs.

Not holding my breath though. I can remember going to see my gp (female) when my youngest was three, asking her when my libido would return because it was doing my head in - and she just looked pityingly at me and told me that post children it was very usual not to have the same urges.... I was 34 at the time.

Sophie xxxxxxxxxxx

[TSR]

LIF, yes, I had forgotten about evening primrose - did it make you feel at all sick? I seem to remember from days of old that it did me. I will try again. And on vitE, I can well believe it. With my third baby, I used the oil neat, on my tummy, by breaking the capsule open, and rubbing it in. She was the only one that did not produce any stretch marks...
Tracey
X

[Guest user]

Well done girls....I think we are lifting the veil/carpet that covers these subjects!

I want to add.....I am taking huge doses of evening primrose oil...makes the flushes and sweats bit a lot more tolerable! I am also about to try vit E capsules but not swallowing them...insertion as lube is supposed to really help and condition the skin and make it strong and supple...worth a go!
Also I have researched and am having a go with natural progesterone cream....I am er+ but pr - so have decided what the hell and am going to talk to onc about it....
I would never of course advise any of you to do what I do....but as far as I'm concerned its MY body and MY life!

Moorcow....I hadnt thought of double night sweats! and CM thanks for mentioning its open to everyone this thread....blokes as well as I have no idea how bc treatment affects them.....can we find out?...Any males with bc please let us know your experiences.

[ChoccieMuffin]

Why not, TSR. And same for moorcow - wow, hadn't thought about the double-whammy of night sweats. Though I suppose it's not so awful if you can coordinate them.

As for risk of infections, I'm of a mind that keeping happy things going on is very important for all-round health.

[TSR]

Peachez,
I know what you mean about the germs. I have just just finished chemo, but I was given no info at all.
Am I allowed to mention oral sex on here?? I could not find any info about risks with chemo chemicals, OR risk of infection from passing potential germs from one area of the body to another. It's not really very relaxing, lying there, wondering if you are risking neutropenic sepsis!
We are constantly being told how many younger women get BC, and also, how 50 is the new 40 (whatever that means), but the coy 'intimacy' advice that is available is risible.
Tracey

[moorcow]

HI all, and thanks CM for the lezzie invite, much appreciated - but I at least was on here already!! Thought you hettie women could be delighted that you don't have the NIGHTMARE of two people having hot flushes in the same bed at the same time -it has to be experienced to be believed!
very bw Nicola

[Peachez]

...so it's not just me!

OH has been very kind,but like others I feel the "mercy shag" element too keenly and we had such FUN before !!

2 Years ago at 50, I had hysterectomy with ovaries removed at the same time. Didn't get many symptoms at the time. Been on Femara during dx, still nothing ...

Had first real night sweat in hospital after Mx; had a couple since. Nothing mentioned by anyone before Chemo about protection for OH ~ presume they thought we were past it? Had to ask for advice from bcn, and got a job lot of "Yes" sachets for my trouble, that was it.

Have used a few as have noticed dryness, but as Chemo goes on it's less in demand ~ I feel less and less like it as it's hard to imagine anyone finding me attractive; he kisses my Mx scar, and tells me it's still me inside, but I can't help doubting him, I repluse myself so how can it be? I end up trying to cover my baldy head with my hands as much as I can - and feeling ridiculous...

We do cuddle, and hold hands a lot. What I could do with is a good snog but he won't oblige because of germs!

[mrsbird]

Ladies, sat her in tears reading the comments. So many true things said.
Totally agree with tracy's 'mercy sh*g" comment, and missing my husbands twinkle like lisax.
Well done to lif for raising this subject, its obviously a big issue, one that obviously needs addressing by the healthcare professionals.
kerry xxx

[ChoccieMuffin]

On a practical note, it might be the time to try some alterative positions, even if for no other reason than to avoid discomfort. Spoons, and variations on the theme, is good, and might be worth trying.

I don't know about you, but we don't actually TALK about sex much (I know! And me being such a gobby moo most of the time!) so I find it awkward to bring up the subject in conversation. He's not the talkative type at the best of times so I'm just going to have to play it by ear.

This isn't just a subject for heterosexual women either, so those on the lesbian and bisexual thread feel free to join in if you want to. The topic affects you to the same extent as the hetty-bettys who have posted, if not more in fact, so don't think you've been forgotten or ignored. BC affects so much about being WOMAN, whatever your persuasion.

[Guest user]

I too am worrying that the sex that was raunchy, naughty and spontaneous will be replaced by a 'mercy sh*g'. The weekend that my lumps were discovered was our last 'dirty' weekend. We had positively 'clanked' our way down to Dorset with all the 'toys' we had with us and I had some V. naughty underwear. One set was unopened and still lies unopened in my drawer, like a memory. I was also an underwear fiend and had over 20 sets so i always wore matching. It seems trivial to being dead but it's a massive part of me that has died anyway. (sorry, tres maudling).

However, what i am going to try is a full length fishnet catsuit, which has a strategic hole. This way my new Barbie boob, when i get it, won't be on show as such and so i will hopefully feel confident. I have worn these before and can confirm that they have the desired effect.

x

[Guest user]

Well i laughed and cried reading through all the posts, and yes thank you Lif for starting it and lets keep it going for sure. I sound like some sort of gadget, lub crazy woman but do realise the importance too of a cuddle , a hug, to feel a pair of arms wrapped around you, bl**dy flushes and night sweats allowing.

rhian x

[Wandy]

Really important thread LIF, 'Well done you' for starting it.

Feel quite emotional reading the posts. As women, I believe, that we are taught (not just in the 21c. but historically as well), to just cope with everything as best we can, get on with what life throws at us without a murmur and to feel grateful that we are alive!However I also believe that we have enormous resources at our disposal. We have humour, (see some of the other threads,) we have strength with the support we offer and receive from each other and we get through, very often despite the professionals and specialists working with us, although in the main I would guess most of them do are trying to do a good job.

However I think the fact that many of them are men does impact on our care, despite all the equality and diversity initiatives in the NHS and as LIF evidenced chatting to the prostate cancer men, we are not being given enough information or care about this particular subject.

I am not yet taking tamoxifen, but I will be, I am 8/8 erpr+. I am not yet having chemo or rads, but at least one of them and possibly both are on the way. I have, however since dx on Jan 5th had 2 lots of surgery, 3rd lot coming on Monday. Life is different in the bedroom, either I'm recovering from surgery and too knackered or he is worried that I am in pain etc etc...and so it goes and thats before all the lovely se's!

How each of us handle it within our relationships is, I suppose, a matter of personal choice, but we really must have more support and information from the professionals.

I will certainly be raising these issues with my onc, and with my bcn and most definitely keeping an eye on this thread.

Wandyx

[Guest user]

I am really so so moved by some of the comments here so eloquently put....Lets keep talkng and we can I believe influence how we are dealt wth by the medics etc.
I am a person who quite honestly finds talking about all this quite difficult as its intimate stuff but I am getting quite radical in my old age....and will not put up with losing a fantastic relationship with my husband as well as all the other crap.

Thanks everyone....in writing on this thread we are helping so many others who just read and don't post to take on ths subject and get some real help
xx

[moorcow]

Morning everyone - I really don't know whether to laugh or cry either - but its so good that we have this space to share thoughts and despair in. TSR - I am so with you on the loss of raunchy - just don't feel that way anymore, but maybe it will come back. SarahBeara - I read somewhere that Oxfam take in good bras for sending to women in Africa who may not be able to afford them - like on those comic relief films - perhaps some of your lovely bras could go there? I finally got rid of mine about a week ago - to Oxfam- a year since mx. Triaction sports bras are doing a great job but its not the same. I will invest in some nice Royce when I've lost some of my weight.
big hugs to us all, Nicola

[Guest user]

Dont know if i feel like crying or laughing after reading all the above......
Will defo go to meet the onc with a list of sex questions,
One question regarding the plastic things with bumps and bells on, should I carry one with me at all times just in case i actually get the urge?
Thank you all for the insight x

[Guest user]

Ditto Liz... That sentence of Kerrys says it all i think.
So hard to find anything at the moment that feels remotely attractive about oneself..
Last night there was a clip of J LO on tv, and i said," she's so beautiful"... my 8 yr old piped up "Yes Mummy just like you used to be".... Not meant unkindly i know, just from a little boys point of view.
Maybe i was too vain before? But my body and the way i look is so important to me, and yes its the biggest confidence boost when you feel attractive.. i now walk around with my bald head, pasty skin that hasn't seen the sun for way too long, my boobs that are 2 sizes different to each other, gone are the figure hugging clothes, replaced by my OH's old sweaters and shirts... dreading the summer and minimal clothing... but apparently we're not supposed to feel sorry for ourselves about the way we look, just glad to be here... and i am please don't get me wrong.
Before BC i had, still have actually a drawer full of beautiful underwear, it was my one indulgence, not shoes or bags... i must have about £400 worth of bras,i used to treat myself every few months to a new one, pinks and creams, black ones, lacey ones... oh how i loved them and how i felt good in them. and sexy! . Now i am resigned to whatever i can find in my size without a wire in...not a massive choice.. I shall ebay all the old ones unless anyone is a size 30FF/G hasn't had a MX and wants a shed load of barely worn bras??!! LOL

[TSR]

This is SO good to be able to talk about this.
My onc has been fantastic about discussing the options in terms of Tamoxifen, or the alternatives of injections to drive me into a full menopause, and perhaps having my ovaries out, if that is what I decided. But Tamoxifen seems very much the 'easy' option as far as he is concerned. I am 7/8 ER as well as her2+++ so I will benefit from the tamoxifen - and it is early days, so I am keeping an open my mind. There really won't be much of a choice - hot sweats, instead of hot and sweaty sex.....

SCACO- the mx was a huge hurdle for me too. When you are already feeling less than womanly, it seemed insurmountable. I think it was for my husband too. We both wanted to resume things as soon as possible, just to prove that it was 'ok,' I think. But what has happened to wanton abandon? To just relaxing, enjoying sex for sake of sex? To not 'making love,' but being a bit raunchy? I cannot lose sight of the mx for a second, and what things were like before. It almost feels like a bit of a 'mercy s**g.' I cannot understand how he can want me, when I look at the image I see in front of the mirror.
Tracey

[Lisa_x]

Morning,

Thought I'd add my thoughts. My Onc team have given me hardly any info about the menopause. I only know that the chemo is likely to bring it on but not what to expect. Well, I know I'll get dry bits aftet reading this thread but I am totally in the dark on what to expect. I have been having some seriuosly bad night sweats so bad that I have had to dry myself with a towel so I suppose the big M is on it's way. Does it happen like a big bang? My Onc team's concern was preganancy and when I asked about the possibility of chemo drugs passing through bodily fluids as I had read it a macmillan or bcc leaflet, they said this was not true and ok to have sex.
I will be going to one of the younger womens forums and there is a break out group to discuss relationships and intimacy so other than this thead, that's about it with the support available.
What I really miss is the spark in my OH's eye that I haven't seen for a while.
We're going away tonight to spend a night in a hotel (we don't live together for many reasons). It will be the first time we have slept in the same bed with me having a bald head. I have touched on the subject and joked about how he might feel waking up and seeing my shining bonce but really I am so frightened that my baldness will put him off.

[ChoccieMuffin]

On top of chemo ickyness, I've also got OH's heart op and accompanying side-effects to deal with, so not a clue when we'll even get the chance to have a go. With all the rubbish stuff that went on in my family just before his heart op I didn't even get the chance for a fairwell shag. Boo. 😞

But I did get to spend the night in his place for a change last night, and although dex and a need to pee woke me up lots, it was lovely to be able roll over and have a warm body beside me, and have him roll over and give me a hug too, rather than just have the company of the cat that sleeps in my bed at home. (I love my cat dearly, but it's just not the same...)

Physical contact has always been very important to me. I feel very sad that not only have I not been able to have sex recently but that I might not want to, and that is SO not like me, normally he has to fight me off! I'm a very "huggy" sort of person and often have cuddles with my kids - even persuaded my massive son to hug his bald mummy the other day - and for me sex with my partner, or even just intimate contact without full rumpy-pumpy, is a very important extension of holding hands and fully dressed, standing-up hugs.

[Guest user]

Kerry thank you for your post, it really touched me.

I agree with the total lack of information re using condoms, it has never been mentioned to me either - I heard about this somewhere on this forum, and I have gone though all the leaflets I have been given and there is nothing about it.

I had my first chemo 4 days ago and my OH is being wonderfully supportive, he reassures me constantly that my surgery and inevitable hair loss make no difference to him, but I still feel my confidence draining daily. No sex yet, he is exhausted from the strain of everything we have gone through in the last 2 months, and I am wide awake at 4am in the spare room so that he can get some sleep.

You totally summed up how I feel - "The womanliness that gave me confidence before is responsible for making me ill"

Liz x

[mrsbird]

Thanks for bringing this up lif:)
From my point of view i have found that when sex has been spoken about by onc/chemo nurse/bcn it has been more about me not getting pregnant than anything else. It was halfway through chemo that it was mentioned in hushed tones that husband needed to use protection because the chemo could pass into my bodily fluids, no one mentioned it before-it wasnt in any of the leaflets or side effects bumpf they gave me.
We had a stonking sex life pre bc, its now dwindled to very little, and we have lost the closeness in our relationship as a result. I feel unattractive, and have no confidence. The womanliness that gave me confidence before is responsible for making me ill.
kerry xx

[millykins01]

Thanks for raising this - I was planning to have a talk with my ONC on this as well as sex has been very absent for all the reasons mentioned. I am just about coming to terms with my loss of boob but still feel very self concious despite all the reassurance from my OH. I feel guilty enough that I have the ****ing cancer in the first place without then adding the fact that I just don;t want sex as well so for me it is a problem I want to try to deal with in some way once the chemo is over -
I am TN so no tamoxifen & I am soooo hoping my periods return & I can just have a "normal" menopause when I was menat to but I know realistically the chances are slim at 45.
As ever with the medical profession they just skim over all this & expect you to be just grateful to survive I think

[Guest user]

I'm 45 with no children and it did make me laugh when my oncologist told me that I had to precautions against getting pregnant once chemo finished! I've been in the spare bedroom since diagnosis in September 10 and the hot flushes are killing me. Even my faithful dog had given up sleeping with me and departed to his basket!

[Guest user]

OH GOD.... no sex as well......!!
Must admit its not been top of the agenda for me for a while, actually it was pretty non existent before the BC.. rarely seeing OH, working ridiculous hours self employed and trying to raise 2 children almost single handed, SEX?? whats that?
But i was kind of hoping, and still am hoping that i will be a new me at the end of all this, and that includes returning to a fulfilling sex life, (Planning to stop with the silly 14 hour days anyway so should have more energy?)
If i have to resort to tubes of lubes then so be it i guess...

[Guest user]

Scaco, looking as you do in that photo I think you're going to need more than regained urges! lolol

All joking aside- I really wouldn't worry. Just make sure you encourage closeness, cuddles kisses etc . Putting pressure on yourself or on both of you could lead to more problems in the long run. Just keep talking and find out how your OH feels,he may be afraid of upsetting you.
While you're feeling unwell because of chemo etc. may not be a good idea just as being worried or stressed just make sure there are plenty of cuddles and it will come back.
If you need someone to talk about it with I would def consult BC nurse,
Margaret.

[Guest user]

LIF, my onc seemed like he thought it was a trivial point but my BCN was extremely helpful and sympathetic. Maybe seeing it from a woman's point of view compared with my male onc? If anyone struggles with their onc, maybe a chat with their BCN might help... x

[Guest user]

Well guys thnk we have hit a nail on the head here.....thanks for your replies and keep em coming. I am determined to speak to my onc on ths subject as I think we are getting short changed. I know many folks have a lovely happy relatonship without being physical but for those both men and women who value ths side of their relationship I think it should be taken more seriously, after all what is the point of being disease free but with a very poor quality of life like some people have?

[Guest user]

I'm another divorcee who was just looking forward to maybe moving on with life.

Mirena coil bit the dust, I am e+ p+ 8/8 and surgeon and onc both said get rid of it. Just started tamoxifen and dreading what it may do. I said what if I find the SEs unbearable and got a lecture about the risks of contralateral bc. So, early menopause it is... As I only get an extra 1% better prognosis taking tamoxifen, I could decide not to take it if it is too horrific. Don't know as yet though whether it will have those SEs. Must say my mother and mother-in-law both took tamoxifen for years and got on with their lives in fulfilling relationships for years.

Not something which makes me feel happy but all part of the sh*t which bc throws at us. When I mentioned concern at what hormone therapy might do to my sex life (assuming I ever get one again) the onc looked at me in what seemed to me to be a "fat chance" kind of way... x

[CheshireCheese]

Thanks lostinfrance for raising the subject, and couldn't agree with you more. The medical profession all seem to take the view that it's accepted that we'll go into an overnight menopause, but there's no real help offered to cope with that. The emphasis is on vaginal dryness, as if that's the only thing that matters, but no mention of us wanting to enjoy a sex life! It was very interesting to read about how much better the men with prostate cancer are treated - surely nothing to do with the fact that most of the consultants are men?!
To me, the best way of feeling that I'm beating the BC monster is to recover as much of my normal life as possible, which includes a decent night's sleep and a sex life. I've tried so many different drugs to cope with the poor sleep and haven't found a solution yet, but I'm stil trying.
I had a Mirena coil which I had to have removed because of the BC and replaced it with a conventional coil. One of the known "drawbacks" of the conventional coil is that it can cause a bit of a discharge, but as far as I'm concerned it's a bonus since it creates moisture - yippee! So all is not lost.
Sarah x

[Guest user]

Hello
Tomorrow I go to see gyny consultant . I've a marina coil and have had 42day periods so sex is a distant memory. OH coming with me because I can't face being told that I will be going through menapause soon so put up with it. Tamoxifen has given me all the negatives of menopause and none of the pluses.
Happy days
Chinook