Hi,i’m 43 newly diagnosed with bc sept 09 have just finished chemo to shrink large tumour now waiting for op for mx lymph gland involvment.I have to boys 5,13 a daughter 21 and a v good husband.The thing is bc is on my mind morn, noon, and night, its effect on the whole family has been devestating and for that i feel so guilty.I worry for my daughter,as i’ve got this disease fairly young…i keep wondering if that content feeling that i had and took for granted in my life will ever come back.I’m sure that other ladies out there feel the same, it’s such a lonely place.
Lesleyx
Hello lesley,I know how you feel, I too was diagnosed September 09, I am divorced with two boys aged 17, and 15, I finish my chemo the end of Feb, but I feel my whole life has been put on hold, and I know that life will never fully be the same again, I know we all have to get on with it and enjoy it, but for me I know it will never be quite the same,
all the best ann x
Hi Lesley,
I was dx at a similar age to yourself - at 45,but that was 20 years ago now. I do remember how the word cancer constantly played on my mind, I just couldn’t find a place to escape from it. But in time it lessened and I found those feelings of contentment returned - in a different way but nevertheless I found a happiness in spite of what this disease was doing to me. I was never totally free from it and it returned after the first 5 years, and then several times more but I have learned acceptance and I would say had a good quality of life over the years. It is just a different way of living - it does change your life and I hope you will find you adapt to it. I think once you have the surgery behind you it will help.
Dawn
xx
Hi
This time last year i was mid chemo for me dx, surgery then treatment turned my world upside down, in many different ways. I worried for my kids and family. Now i look back i think i was maybe greiving as i had lost the old me, who i loved and was happy with. Now a year on i am slowly starting to accept the changes BC has brought its not easy, and there are still days when i feel angry and down but as Dawn says you do find a place that is better than where you are now.
sending you strength
Rhian x
Hi,
Dawn is 100% right - and she has helped me on here since I came on. I was diagnosed July 07 at the age of 42 with primary grage 3 bc and in effect secondaries in bones at same time. Had 8 lots of chemo, then mx and anc, then rads. Now on zoladex, arimidex (both for hormones as I was 100% positive for ER & PR) and zometa (for bones).
It’s just been in the last few months that I’ve finally settled down into my new lifestyle and I feel very content and relaxed about everything. I tried to go back to work in Aug 08 but it was too much for me. I took a huge gamble and applied for retirement on ill-health grounds and against all odds it was granted in Feb 09. I went through a period of feeling like a failure for not being able to go back to work and get my old life back and suffered major guilt feelings but after a traumatic summer with family illnesses when I seemed to be the healthiest person (!!!), suddenly things have fallen into place and life is honestly the best it’s been for years and years. I don’t have kids and appreciate that will make a huge difference to people. I have now decided to make this year the year I go on hols as and when I feel like it and am off to Palma in April and Rome in May. I always wanted to go back to Rome so thought, sod the expense I’m going !! I’m fortunate in that I can afford to do this but I did have a critical illness policy and had always been a saver and don’t have an extravagant lifestyle.
Guess I’m trying to say, things won’t return to what they were but it will get better and you will feel more content but it’s a case of having patience and it’ll happen when you least expect it!! Just take time.
Liz
Hi ladies,thankyou for your kind words they are a real comfort.I cannot believe how many young women are effected by bc, it has really opened up my eyes to this disease.I have been following you’re threads and find that you all seem so positive which is great!
Love Lesley
Glad to be of help ! Feel free to ask any questions and we’ll try to help.
Best wishes, Liz
Hello Lesley (and everyone)
I was diagnosed 13 years ago aged 38, kids were 9 and 11, marriage in a dodgy place. I thought I would never get back to a feeling of content, but time and life just keep moving on and some changes that seem like a mountain when you start looking at them flatten out (and give a good view!)
by the time I was diagnosed again last year, my kids were grown, my marriage had improved more than I could have imagines, my career had been successful and I’d had 12 very good years - learned to play as hard as I worked, which was the main change!
This time things are changing again, and I am looking forward to getting treatment over and moving into the next phase of my life, whatever it brings.
Good luck to everyone
monica xx
ps - second ‘pollyanna’ type posting today lol, maybe I’ve turned into a stepford wife!!
Hi Lesley, I was diagnosed a year ago today…very weird feeling as it has been both the quickest and slowest year of my life,am sure having cancer warps time somehow.
It is all a mad rollercoaster,especially at the start when you are getting your head around diagnosis and then straight into treatment. For me it has changed me as I think any life experience does change the way you are and how you look at things.
However,although I have developed lymphodema ,a pain, it does mean that I’m not going to do the ironing again EVER ! After active treatment finished I thought long and hard about what I wanted to do jobwise and took the plunge and started up my own home baking business,it has been a great success and I’m doing something I enjoy and can take on as much or little work as I want.
So a year down the line I must say that I have got a differnt contented feeling than I had before,but I do appreciate things a lot more and it does focus the mind on what is important,for me life is for living and trying to make my time as enjoyable as possible,because none of us know what is round the corner.
These forums have been invaluable to me for help and support and just helping me get through it all. Good luck and don’t forget we are all here for you.
Sandra x
I agree with Sandra, it is a different kind of contemptment now. Before I got my diagnosis, I worried about stupid things, always getting stressed out now I tend to let most things go over my head.
We are even getting a puppy in two weeks,n the boys are so excited and its great to see them looking forward and being excited again. I am looking forward to taking him out walks to try and get rid of some of the weight I gained throughout treatment.
I still have to decide if I am going back to work or not as they have offerred to pension me off, but im only 43, so need to have a long hard think about that one!!!
love an hugs
Carol xx
hi
yes the work one is a tough one, i am on critical illness at the mo, and am just surviving finacially, in fact in the process of packing up the rented house i live in and doing something else, it a big step but the thought of returning to my old job fills me with dread, in fact going back to do lots of things the old me did pre cancer i find difficult, if only because i either can’t do them or feel the me i have become doesn’t fit in to doing the old things ( lord does that make sense) I loved my job, but was larger than life personality wise, i needed to be. Now i couldn’t be like that. Lots of things have changed, my weight , my stamina, what i see as important. I have have also become a little intolerant, i don’t like that in me but do beat it down 
I am going to give myself another 6 months ( all bits crossed re critical illness) before deciding ‘what next’. Well done re the baking Sandra…i am happy to be a tester A dog , yes a good idea Carol, i must admit when i did the house sit over new year, the dogs ‘made’ me go out and once out and walking it really made me feel better, mentally and physically ( in my DG) Monica you are my inspiration
Carol,
Re the work thing. I’ve posted about this before in more detail. It was a long, drawn out process because I applied for it rather than them giving it to me without asking. I was fortunate to be in a position where financially etc I could take the risk. It’s a huge life changing thing (obviously!!) but it was definitely the best thing I’ve ever done. If you want more info, pm me and I can talk to you that way or give you my phone number.
Oh and people will say, aren’t you lucky to be retired, wish I was ! I don’t say anything but am tempted to say I’ll swop places!! Others, who tend to be older people, say it’s the best thing I did and to make the most of it and my ex-customers seem really pleased for me (and ex-colleagues for the most part)
Liz
Thankyou ladies for your support and amazing posts.I have already made my mind up that i’m not going back to work, whatever the outcome of this s***Y disease.I never had a career a such, but worked b****y hard with little thanks and loads of stress.Now that stops, financially we’ll manage.I feel this is a positive thought at the moment. Love Lesley
Lesley - I’m so with you on that one
am going to apply for early retirement, if I don’t get it will have to leave anyway and find something part time and local. The days of killing myself with overwork are finished.
Rhian - can I still wear my DG, though?? in it now lol!
monica x
DG’s are mandatory :)xx
Lesley & Monica - woo-hoo!!! Good luck in your retirement plans. It’s a complete change of lifestyle through circumstances I’m sure none of us would want to have come across but after time, it’s fab.
This winter, I’ve really embraced being able to have a bath at 5pm,change into pjs and dg, potter about making tea and generally slonk. Not to mention, wrapping myself back up in the duvet in the morning for an extra half hour when the weather’s horrid outside!!!
I’m turning into such a slob…
Liz x
Hi, i’m 43 years with a LD recon 7 months ago.
It is almost 1 ago since I was first diagnosed and for the past 3 or 4 months I dont think I have thought about Cancer at all!! The only reason i’m back on the Forum is cause i’m getting advice about nipple reconstruction and perhaps a wee lift on the good side to make things a little more symmetrical. I look at the lift as a bit of a freebie - boob job care of the Public health system…I will look better then when I started (well with clothes on least!)
I am very content, fit and healthy and my marriage is in better shape then it was a year ago.
I remember thinking back then that looking in the mirror would be a constant and horrible reminder of all I went through, but it so doesn’t bother me!
Once I got over the initial shock, I realised I was not going to die and I was one of the lucky ones who was caught early…my attitude was always positive and i’m sure that counts for something.
So…stay positive, do your best to keep healthy and in less then a year’s time you too may also wonder what all the fuss was about.
Mandy
Liz, thanks for our conversation today, really appreciated it, ill let you know how I get on with my neck lump
love
Carol xoxox
Hello Mandy, how great that you are feeling so good - it’s lovely to hear good news.
One of the best things about the forum is that we hear of such a wide range of experiences, opinions and perspectives - I honestly think I would have recovered sooner, psychologically, had this been available first time round.
We won’t all be so fortunate I guess, but I hope a lot of us are
love, monica xx