69.4K members
1.2M posts
cancel
Showing results for 
Search instead for 
Did you mean: 

coping with the school run..

37 REPLIES 37
Awil
Member

Re: coping with the school run..

Hi really sorry you are on here but you will find it does help to speak to others going/gone through the same ... I agree with herewego, more distressing to have hair falling out everywhere although I tried cold cap unfortunately didn't work for me lost on top and sides , once it's off a few tears then you get on with it , I hate the wig but can't go bare so have got bandannas from annabandanba and got a false Velcro fringe that goes just under that and a hat as winter I don't feel quite so a victim if you know what I mean I just want to be normal .... As for Fec yes week 3 is the best the other 2 are s bit of s roller coaster ok one hour not the next , I found week 3 I'd get ready for next round ie seeing friends housework shopping etc you will find your way and it is doable.... Good luck and take care xxx
Herewego
Member

Re: coping with the school run..

Hi Harveypick,

sorry to her you've joined the club but we are here to help and most importantly understand what you're goign through.

Generally speaking you start losing some hair from day 10-14 after each of your chemos so towards the end of 2nd week. Having said that I had still lots of hair after 2 rounds of EC and although it had thinned no-one could really tell but I still decided to shave it all off as I hated finding hair everywhere and my scalp was driving me mad (itchy and red).

Re outings - week 3 i.e. the last week before your next chemo will be your best bet as you start perking up a bit by then.

Hope you are healing well after your surgery and keep doign those exercises to gain full mobility xx

harveypick
Member

Re: coping with the school run..

Had mastectomy and anc three weeks ago.Starting FEC T in two weeks time.Has anybody Shaw there hair before they start treatment. I just think I will have some control and would feel more empowered.I've been told by oncologist that everybody responds differently to FEC T.Could any of you suggest what week is the best to plan outings. I am aware that this is going to be along six months but just would like a bit of normality at times.Thanks. First time on this site
Herewego
Member

Re: coping with the school run..

Hi Jannie13, the nursery knows about my bc and my planned back up person (another mom) is on holidays this week. So it was just a day of coincidences...
The nursery is only 5mins drive away but I'll talk to them again about what they can doif this happens again and if needed talk to social services too. Thanks for the tip xx
jannie13
Member

Re: coping with the school run..

Tough day but 2 rounds down. Have you let nursey know what's going on? Maybe they would let you put a notice up asking if anyone can help? As a childminder I have had requests from social services to help drop off in similar circumstances think the contact point was childrens centre family support.
Herewego
Member

Re: coping with the school run..

Had my 2nd EC chemo y'day and it was rougher than the 1st one so ended up in bed with a bucket next to me just in case.
Hubby was supposed to pick the girls up from nursery but there was absolute carnage with the trains so I had do the pick up instead - showed up in my stripy pyjamas looking very green and not talking much hence got a few odd looks but managed to get the girls home and keep them entertained until hubby arrived 1.5hrs later than planned.
Feeling better today so guess the anti sickness meds are finally getting on top of it x
mint_tea
Member

Re: coping with the school run..

Definitely worth asking about the at home option. I was offered that but didn't use it as easier for me to go into clinic. I am a single parent and my son was 7 when I was originally diagnosed. I worked full time throughout 8 rounds of TAC (opted to have 2 extra as I enjoyed it so much!) and never missed a school run apart from one rad appt when the machine broke down mid treatment and I had to call the school and they kept my son safe till I could get there! I know it's not like that for everyone but I had little choice but to get on with life and although I felt rough some days it was doable for me. My job involves lots of driving to meetings and I was fine. Our social life was never better as we had lots of dinner invites which I gladly accepted even though sometimes I couldn't taste much! Hoping it's doable for you too.

riversidedawn
Member

Re: coping with the school run..

Marli I have Chemo at home but it is through Bupa, don't know if its available on NHS unless you're terminal.
marli
Member

Re: coping with the school run..

Just checked and there is a thread called Chemo at Home which you might find helpful.

marli
Member

Re: coping with the school run..

Hi kurup - read this thread yesterday and your problems with transport. Have just remembered that I have read about being able to request that you have your chemo at home, I think a nurse comes to your home and administers the infusion . This was mentioned by someone 5 years ago and the my brother in law who is a  GP asked me if I was having mine done at home so it is obviously happening now.

It might be worth ringing the helpline and that of McMillan for advice.  That would solve the problem of you not having to drive yourself such a long journey.

Also have you contacted the LEA about help with school transport for your children. They may already be supplying transport for someone else that you could share. Good luck. Marli x

 

kurup
Member

Re: coping with the school run..

Many thanks ....some great suggestions. X
jannie13
Member

Re: coping with the school run..

It is worth contacting college now...you may find a staff member who lives near by. You could put the word out in your area for other commuters or students. When i went ill apart from work i had to sort out getting eldest to college a 20 mile journey we found a near by parent who stepped in.
Id look at dog walkers...again you may find a local dog lover or trainer. ..maybe an advert in vets. My niece got a young girl who mucked out etc in exchange for free rides.
You may find you cope well but id sort out as much as possible particularly for the first round. With fec i found week 1 the most disruptive each time.
kurup
Member

Re: coping with the school run..

Hi mel66

 

Thanks for your response and suggestions.

 

I hope you find the rest of chemo better. You sound like one of thise that positively does get hit by a bus. Poor thing, but keep strong xxx

 

Your idea re hospital transport...do you know it never came into my mind. I know it exists but just assumed it was for really sick people or elderly lol !! I am most certainly going to check this out thanks for that.

 

Keep strong xx

kurup
Member

Re: coping with the school run..

Hi herewego,

 

Thanks for your suggestions.

 

We have considered all of these .. the kids b&b /hotel idea we would never do....at such a difficult time that would just be awful for them...they are very much coping alone in all this anyway with their dad away .... if it came to that my husband would just give up his job and come back to the U.K. .. simples ! College is just a stand alone Sixth form ... no accomodation etc. Kids have home responsibilities anyway of dogs and horses ... if kids not here then I have to try and find / hire help for animals..tried and failed.

 

No family close enough to do weeks college run sadly, and we have looked into hiring but very difficult to get temporary short term and most do not come as car drivers with own insured for purpose car / credentials. And it was not much cheaper than taxis. We looked in to the live in au pair, help exchange etc etc .....all sounds easy but we cant offer LIVE in and many can't drive, and we have to live in a public transport area, this list goes on and on.

 

Thanks for the chemo tips....again it shows just how different chemo can be from person to person...you seemed to have coped admirably for your first session and if thats the worse then I may get away with it if I am as you have been ..... my husband may be able to be here for that if it follows on fairly promptly from oncology appointment this coming monday :). We can always be positive.

 

I will certainly demain the best anti emetic drugs .. I am use to those anyway due to my Crohns disease. I am use to coping with a major chronic ilness that causes inflammation of the gut, sickness, stomach pain , overwhelming tiredness, anaemia, joint aches etc so I hope to already have a good grounding for what chemo may throw at me .... I still won't try to be superwoman but wonder if I am any better able to cope because of this...I hope this is the case! 

 

Thanks for the tips and suggestions its been a real help.

 

When the going gets tough the tough get going ....... thanks ladies you are a real inspiration in coping full stop..never mind the school run xxx

waiting
Member

Re: coping with the school run..

Its sounds like your making alternative plans Kurup & am sure your children will be right next to you. May seem like a lot to ask but am sure your boy be there. Mine have been true warriers as has my husband i could not cope without them. We have been honest with our boys throughout that way they not second guessing.

Odd how appointments fall on significant days. Its been same for my family. Weve booked a holiday for when treatment finished celebrate many special dates that have passed us by.

I wish you well with your treatment but i think its wise to prepared for the slog.

Look after yourself
x

kurup
Member

Re: coping with the school run..

Hi waiting....Well the children (2 youngest) have almost moved on thats my worst logistical problem. Son now almost 21 (infact he is on monday 23rd my oncology appointment day), working....been driving since 17 .... I may well have to get him to come back HOME and drive girls to college and me to my sessions if need be, but still positively hoping that this will not be necessary. My son will have to ask for time off or take his holidays.....but sure he will do that, but its a big ask really...but if it comes to that I'm sure he will.

 

I have not a problem accepting help from friends and family, just difficult with all of them being several hours away and abroad. I have one friend from the village that has offered help to me but only on her day off Wednesday....I will take her up on the offer if needed.

 

I again am just hoping that chemo doesn't knock me for six.....sorry to read that it did you ....again like many have said its hard to know until you start going through it

 

Mel66
Member

Re: coping with the school run..

Hi kurup
I think I would make the assumption that you won't be up to doing the school run, speak to the school/college and see if they can come up with any solutions for you.... or just ask your eldest to step up to the plate?

As everyone else has said, how you are affected by the chemo is very individual. I had FEC-T. With the FEC part, I really wouldn't have been wanting to drive myself home afterwards as I felt pretty much nauseous and out of it straight away. It would have been positively dangerous to drive. This lasted about a week. I could have driven myself back from the taxotere because side effects kicked in on about day 4... but then I was pretty much bed bound for about 5 days and struggled to get to the bathroom, let alone drive a 70 mile round trip!

Could you organise hospital transport for your chemo sessions? My mum lives 30 miles away from our local hospital and gets picked up and dropped off by hospital transport when she has any clinic appointments. A friend of mine had a different kind of cancer and her treatment involved a 150 mile round trip and she was provided with transport too. It would be worth checking if this service is available for you.

Some people sail through chemo and even continue working, but for the majority it's a hard slog. x
Herewego
Member

Re: coping with the school run..

Hi Kurup, just some ideas for the contingency bucket (should be cheaper than taxis but means them sleeping away from home)
- B&B or cheap hotel with prenegotiated rate for emergencies for kids to stay overnight
- does the college have any accommodation or are they affiliated with anything else in the town that offers accommodation for students?
- can you hire a carer/ get a family member/friend to come over for the first week after chemo to look after the kids?

Chemo tips
- demand the best anti sickness meds due on your responsibilities (they don't always give them out to everyone at the start)
- everyone reacts differently (I've got off lightly so far after my 1st chemo last week) but in general expect the first week to be worst, especially the tiredness (everything else the meds should be able to keep in control). 2nd week is easier although still a bit tired but this is the week you are vulnerable for infection. 3rd week should be pretty normal

Hope you find a solution that works for you all xx
waiting
Member

Re: coping with the school run..

It sounds idyllic but  be challenging when children need to move on with education/life. Mine would die without the city within their grasp independently but hay we are from different worlds. Our oldest boy drives which I must say has been a god send as also have a younger boy.

 

Breast Cancer is a great leveler and came as a great shock to most on here and sadly blows our lives/ routines etc apart but the chemotherapy for me has been the hardest part as each cycle has knocked me for six Im not going to lie to you.

 

Im sure college etc will support your children and it is amazing how people rally around and help out I have been touched by th genuine kindness of friends and family.

But, I had to accept that the help was needed first and this was hard for me.

 

I do hope things work our for you.

 

x

kurup
Member

Re: coping with the school run..

If life was that simple!I think where we live has a lot to answer for...no public transport, quite rural......and as for help.. I couldn't get anyone decent in for love nor money...I paid well too...have offered again to employ someone part time.....ponies to compete even HOYS & RIHS LEVEL....NO TAKERS. Sad really but there you have it. College have yet to be informed...its asixth form..daughters both doing a levels..one going thru uni application process...my illnesses I have not just the cancer but crohns have a lot to answer for..we are to go in soon as I feel the odd late arrival and delayed pick up may be the norm soon so they need to know. Kids old enough to cope with amusing themselves etc if lift doesn't come at the normal time....they could revise for exams !!!!! I'm sure we will get through it...all will pan out I am sure ! 🙂

kurup
Member

Re: coping with the school run..

Hi waiting,

 

Thanks for your response.

 

Sadly my 18 year old has not taken her driving test as yet and only been having lessons since her 18th Birthday feb 4th, she had 4 legs for her 17th birthday by way of horse...keen horse lovers in this family. With Crystal ball at hand I maybe would have gone for car option last year but who would have guessed what life throws at us. Anyways, we have nowsold the horse and my horse lorry and lesons and car purchase also in the not too distant future but sadly not in place by time its needed.

 

My eldest has been driving since 17 but is away most of the time so not that practical, However it has been discussed that if things get so bad he may have to step in.....other plan in the contingency bucket is the good old taxi but it is so expensive so will only be called upon if I am really ill. Other thought we had was to book her driving lesson early morning and eldest of two girls can drive to college with sister in back .... how practical this would actually be is debatable as lessons are usually booked in advance and I gues it will be hard to forward plan what day I can't manage in advance.

 

Gosh breast cancer is so complicated !

 

Anyways, I am sensible and wouldn't over do it ....just curious as to how chemo makes most people feel. 

 

Never did I think the school run could be so complicated.

 

But hats off to all you ladies out there making itwork....hats off to the child minder too ... gosh I have hard job coping with breast cancer looking after my own brood ... never mind others..amazing 

 

N xxxxx

riversidedawn
Member

Re: coping with the school run..

Kurup, I'm sure you'd be able to.find help with horses. My daughter and I ride and if there was someone in need of help we'd jump at the chance! I'm with you on coordinating two kids, it's hard but you need a back up plan. Discuss your situation with d college, my kids school have been great finding activities for one if the other had after school club so I only have one run to do.
waiting
Member

Re: coping with the school run..

Blimey!

 

I would really, really think about some kind of backup plan. Do your older two children drive? If they do maybe a few dry runs to build confidence for the days when your unwell because there will be difficult days.

 

Some women cope with the treatment and even manage to work but some have a hard time and really struggle. We are all precious individuals and react differently to the harsh reality that is chemotherapy.

 

Please dont try to be wonderwomen and ask for the help of those who love you you may need them.

 

Good Luck x

kurup
Member

Re: coping with the school run..

Hi riverside dawn

 

I have not a clue as yet what I will be on...seeing the oncologist 23 feb. But thanks for the response...I now have some chemo drug names to look out for. Will look into the friends and sleep over idea but logistically not sure I can manage to get two girls with different friendship groups to sort matching sleep overs....and the next logistical nightmare would be without my two girls at home I would have to then sort out 3 horses & 4 dogs..my girls have been fantastic in managing own their own without my input......so on the one hand I couls save myself a journey but would have so much to do by myself at home with the animals that it may be worse.

 

I guess I am just trying to sound people out as to how doable 'life' is in general whilst on Chemotherapy.

 

I think I am going to have to hope and pray that I can manage....I will have to deploy mind over matter techniques I think.

 

My busy lifestyle without husband as he is abroad is second nature normality to me...I think.I am more irritated by what limitations has been put upon me with the surgery 3 weeks ago. I have driven the car once since surgery..7 days after...that side of things was fine...haven't ever since then as hubby been home to lok after me, but I will have to resume normal activities and routine as soon as he goes back. Just hoping and praying that I am given chemotherapy that works but is gentle on me in all other respects due to the Crohns and my no choice in the matter schedule....but even I know there probably isn't a 'gentle' chemo.

 

Will let you all know how I get on ... but reading all posts most of you seem to get by ok. 

riversidedawn
Member

Re: coping with the school run..

Kurup, what a busy week you have! You definitely win the longest school.run prize. I'm not sure I could do.that daily without chemo! Only you can tell.what you can do. What chemo routine are you on? FEC tends to make you feel rough for the first 5 days, docetaxel is later on in the cycle and from.what others say, hits you like a bus, I'm now on paclitaxel and I am tired but no other side effects, but dont think I could manage your journeys.

Do the kids have good friends closer to.school.who they could have sleepovers with a couple of nights a week? It would be good to get a contingency plan in place just in case.

I hope all goes well for you. Have you joined the February starters thread?

Good luck
Dawn
kurup
Member

Re: coping with the school run..

Hello ladies,

I am just about to start chemo too & it was the 'school' albeit college run in my case that has been giving me grief trying to fathom out whether doable or not. But guess I just will not know until chemo starts how it will affect me. I am slightly compromised due to already suffering from Crohns disease, have been warned I become sicker than most. But I keep chundering on to myself ' I will not be defeated'.

 

I have older children, aged 20, 18, 16 the younger 2 are doing A Levels at college, we live rurally and sadly I don't have the friends lift share options, and the college runs are twice a day 35 mile round trip twice over, slow winding rural country roads then queing into busy town (oh joy). So 70mile a day....at least kids old enough to be well behaved when they get in to the car! I hope I can manage.

 

I sadly also live 50 away from hospital. So I will be driving myself in and back from chemotherapy sessions, and believe a week before each cycle I also return for bloods etc. So that will be a 100 mile round trips for chemotherapy and it prepsessions on top of the actual school run.

 

Oh yes forgot to say my hubby not around either as he lives/works abroad. He's been home for the op/ results etc and for a period post christmas due to being hospitalised for Crohns prior to being diagnosed BC. He can only come home when built up enough holiday, as used all the 'compassionate' leave his company could give him (5 days).

 

We haveooked into 'contract taxis' for the girls at college twice a day but it is 35 quid each trip £70 per day £350 per week ....... errrrrr I don't think so!! We have already sold one competition horse and my horsebox to adjust to the momey struggles oh having hubby home and the loss of earnings for a few weeks. Alternatives for us are just not there, I so want to know if I can cope.

 

So even though you may feel poorly if you are bad what is it like......will I still be able to drive if I really have to ????? I have visions of pulling up at the traffic lights and being dreadfully ill over the dash and steering wheel.......

 

It's the unknown that's getting the better of me!!

 

But you ladies seem to have coped pretty well.

 

Well done yous !

 

N xxxxx

jannie13
Member

Re: coping with the school run..

Im a childminder finished fect in November. I made most school runs accepting help when needed about 2 or 3 in week one of each treatment. Looked after 2 or 3 preschoolers and 2 school children. Avoided infection..
Just have to see how it effects you... ask for help for the first treatment and see how you go...listen to your body.
keepmumsane
Member

Re: coping with the school run..

Happiness,  chemo didnt totally flatten me this time and hi ho its off to school we go...

Followed by mummys nap. 

Thanks for reassuring me ladies.

Xxxx

Sandie

riversidedawn
Member

Re: coping with the school run..

That sounds like a great plan Sandie. Keep accepting the help. I had a but of a breakdown between FEC and tax and finally accepted more help - a friend brought me two nights worth of dinners and then came to clean my house!! Another cooked me lunch, it was hard but made such a difference in my really low week, your friends are there to help and they really want to. I'm planning on throwing a thank you party for my helpers when it's all over.

Keep going, it is doable, unfortunately loads have been before us and more will follow in our footsteps xx
keepmumsane
Member

Re: coping with the school run..

oo thank you. ! Ramble is good.  Ive just had a social worker visit to talk about helping the kiddlets through. Apparently theres a lot of things for them. Like art therapy,  Cooooo00000ooool

Anyway I talked to my neighbour,  and she'd already arranged to lend her car on the tough days so all the girls fit. Proof I should delegate and have more faith.

You've made me feel heaps better. 🙂 

All starts on thursday.  Girls having a sleepover next door as I have to leave by 6am. (Secretly pleased for a morning off and know they'll get fancy crepes for breafast, instead of vegemite toast)

You make it sound doable

Xxx

Hugs..good luck with phase 2. They told me its better than phase 1. Xx

Sandie

 

riversidedawn
Member

Re: coping with the school run..

Hi Sandie, I'm on FEC t since October. It's made me very tired. I do the morning run every day except chemo day. I probably do 2-3 afternoon runs a week. I've got 2 mums who live round the corner, kids 9 and 12. I get help when I can, especially if one child has a club and the other doesn't. I saves me from doing a 3.30 and 5pm run! Speak to school, they've been great and said one child can use computer room whilst other is in club to save me doing 2 runs.

Honestly, your friends are happy to help, they're going to school anyway. I always had a nap / bed rest from 2-3 everyday to give me energy for after school homework, dinner etc.

My husband us also out from 7am to 7pm but works from home I. Fridays which is chemo day.


Sorry to ramble - jus woke up after chemo number 5 - I'm 2 weeks in to weekly t x 12 .....

Hope you get a schedule sorted, I was winder woman first week back after Christmas and regretted it so definitely no Shane asking / accepting help xxx
keepmumsane
Member

Re: coping with the school run..

Thank you. Phew. Deep breath. 🙂

Just had to lean on everyone for the next 10 days as appointments back to back at the hospital before chemo starts. Have learnt my friends are great jugglers. 

×××

I shall trust them to pick us up. 

Thanks for replying. 

Hugs

Sandie

Nanny_Sal
Member

Re: coping with the school run..

Hi Sandie

Slightly different set up as I am a nanny, but I was able to work throughout my Chemo, which involved a school/nursery run walking 3 times a day! I survived 😃

But one piece of advice, however hard it is, accept help when it's offered and ask for help when you need to. I was very stubborn and wanted to prove to myself that BC wasn't going to stop me doing everyday stuff including work. But the reality is you don't get any bonus points for coping alone....in fact all you do is cut yourself off. So accept help from those around you. I found the first half of Chemo fine, but the last 3 were a struggle and I needed the support of friends. Even if it was just to get them to do one school run a week!

Good Luck with everything xxx
Kat1601
Member

Re: coping with the school run..

Hi sandie,

I'm half way through my chemo and have a five year old. I find I'm pretty much able to do the school run other than the odd day or two on chemo week so hopefully you'll be fine also. Good luck with it all xx
JETS
Member

Re: coping with the school run..

Good luck sandie x I still can't drive post mx and have spent yesterday sorting lifts home from the various after school clubs my teens do - I have found it exhausting in the sense of dealing with the 'how are you' each time and hate relying on others even though I know they are all delighted to help x whilst many struggle on chemo others also seem to manage okish - I hope u fall into the latter camp xx s
keepmumsane
Member

Re: coping with the school run..

Thanks so much.  

Woke up this morning feeling completely panicky and this really helps. 

The school are happy to help, they've been really supportive through the surgical stuff. 

I guess its a 'how long is a piece of string ' question really. 

Deep breaths, shake it off and keep moving forward. 

Xxxx

Sandie

 

chascat
Member

Re: coping with the school run..

Hi Sandie, unfortunately until you start your treatment you won't know how it will affect you but I'll tell you how it worked for me if that's ok. My daughter was 4 when I was diagnosed 3 years ago, your children will obviously be more Independant, we made the school aware almost immediately about my diagnosis. I coped with chemo really well but as my daughter was in reception I couldn't just drop her off at school, I had to take her into the classroom and sort her out, which did become problematic. I was really concerned about being amongst all the children and siblings and parents with all those germs, I also felt really uncomfortable knowing everyone knew. The headmistress agreed I could take my daughter into school a few minutes late, parking was no problem then and I could take her straight to the school office and someone would take her to her classroom, I was in and out in a couple of minutes. There was one day when I felt really ill and phoned the school to say I was too ill to leave the house, they were brilliant and offered to collect her. For me a few minor changes made all the difference and my school runs on the whole were unaffected by my treatment. Wishing you well with your chemo, it will be over before you know it, take care and let us know how you're getting on. CC x

keepmumsane
Member

coping with the school run..

Hi ladies, 

Due to start AC chemo soon and fretting about how it will affect our family life. I drive my primary school age kiddlets to school and home,  theres no bus. 

I have friends who will help with car pooling, hate relying on others..but I think learning that skill will be a side effect of bc... 

Im wondering how badly side effects upset this routine,  curious as to how families cope

. Their Dad commutes and is gone by 6am, not home till 6pm. They're 10& 11, perfectly capable of many things. 

Just wondering if you have any advice,  tips,  heads up moments?

 

Thanks lovelies

Xx

Sandie