feeling anxious

[ali1961]

That's great. And since you pay NI, I'm pretty sure you'll get ESA. So maybe you can afford to step away for a bit. 

Ali x

[Maria12]

It apparently is ok as i spoke to hmrc regarding it , i fill in a tax return every year even though i only work part time atm plus pay my own ni . Unfortunately though im sure my boss who is lovely would like to pay me if im off it would be out of his own pocket as he is commission based then staff wages come out of his wages x

[ali1961]

Damn, that's not great Maria. Probably illegal (on their part) if you only work for them, but nothing you can really do about that now. My understanding is that you'll be eligible for contributions based ESA as long as you've paid NI, but Citizen's Advice are great so good luck with getting hold of them.

Could you do an even earlier shift, or back office stuff in the later period?  Though I should say my hospital are completely unconcerned about coughs and colds. It's infections that worry them more than viruses. So they have emphasised food hygiene and hand washing most. Maybe give it a go, but line up ESA in parallel 

I could wear a mask, but since it's cold I'm just wrapping my scarf round my face, while muttering 'Go away you germs ba****ds'.

Ali x

[Maria12]

Hi ali im having chemo once every 2 weeks .8 sessions .its a small company and tbh on day shifts cause we dont sell food its usually quiet till about 4 its the 3 hours after that get busy .trouble is if i dont work i dont get paid as since ive been there ive always been paid on a self employed which till now suited me ..tried c.a.b today regarding finances if i cant work but cant seem to get hold of them x

[Silverlady]

I'm crossing my knees as I type this - I can see why you're not looking forward to that Maria.

I don't think my Onc would have been so enthusiastic about me working, if it was within the public, in fact, it says in one of my leaflets to stay away from public places.

Ali - That must have been a shock when you turned up for your scan! Could you not wear a facemask while you are travelling on the tube?

[ali1961]

I had the same Maria and Susan, when my ovary had to be ultrasounded. Unfortunately no one warmed me I thought it was like a scan when you have a baby. Still I think I may be beyond embarrassment now.

It's a difficult one Maria. I'm travelling on the tube at rush hour, not every day but quite a lot. Everyone is coughing and sneezing. I don't know what the answer is. Do you work for a small company or a big one? If the latter you might need to talk to HR. Sorry I can't remember are you doing three weekly chemo?

Ali x

[Maria12]

Hi susan , what i can tell is that they put a prob up the vaginal area with ultrasound guidence .think im only just coming to terms with showing me boobs to all and sundry and now me lower half has to make an apperance lol ..im a assitant bar manager , and over the years ive worked there lve noticed that no matter how ill customers are they are always well enough for a beer .since october ive been hit with one cold and sore throat after another .current one ive had about 4wks .so worried when i start chemo how hit ill get if im working x

[Silverlady]

Hi Maria,

What happens with the probe? I hope you don't mind me asking - not heard of this one, but doesn't sound good.

What job do you do?

[Maria12]

Hi susan , thats a positive thing to hear about your friend , i also had to have the brac blood test in no hurry for those results .my ct showed small dot on one of my ovary but consultat thinks its prob fibroid , do hope so .so dignaty totally out of windo w next week for prope lol ...i was hoping to work as ill go mad being at home .but due to my job and chemo so close together have a feeling its not going to happen x

[Silverlady]

Just thought I'd add that I intend going to work if I can, which my onc was fully supportive of - luckily I have my own office & everyone has been told not to come near me if they are ill. I have bought surgical gloves, cotton gloves, bacterial spray, wipes - so that I don't touch anything other people have touched.

[Silverlady]

Hi JJ - that's fab news - I'm so pleased for you.

Maria - I am weakly ER+ so nearly triple negative & so like you, chemo was always going to happen. I have read & been told by my Onc that mine & triple negative will respond very well to chemo. They said I can take tamoxifen because it might help a little, but I'm going to weigh up whether it's worth taking due to the small chance of it working.

My colleague at work had a triple negative tumour removed 16 years ago, and her lymph nodes, and she is still here bugging me to death 😂😂

I know what you mean about the chemo, I am presently cancer free & very healthy and I don't want to be ill - but I also know it will save my life.

I've already got a couple of hats & scarves, eyebrow pencil - just so that I feel in control. I should be starting in a couple of weeks as well, so we can do it together. ❤️

[Maria12]

Thank you susan .i start chemo in 2 weeks to try and shrink it , also turns out its triple neg though been told it responds to treatment well .just no back up when treatment ends .apprehensive about side effects of chemo specially regarding infections .not used to being ill as normally work through it .maria

[ann-m]

brilliant, jj!
so pleased for you.
ann x

[ali1961]

JJ so pleased for you. Push on that critical illness payout though, something good could come of this. 

Ali x

[Jo C]

Great news jj xx

[Strudel]

That's really great news JJ. Most of the specific type BCs have a really good prognosis, if you have to have it best to get yourself one of those. It does indeed appear to be the case that size isn't everything 😉

[ladybowler]

jjleeds

That is fabulour news.

Relax now, you will ,if you havent already, get an apt to see your oncologist and then you will have a planning appointments for your radiotherapy.  Any questions just ask away, but relax now and enjoy the rest of your evening.

Helena xxx

[jjleeds]

Hi Everyone, Thanks so much for the support. Just an update. 

Results were better than I could have hoped for all margins and nodes were clear, they had taken 6 nodes not the one I thought due to damage caused to them during biopsies earlier but all were clear. Tumour was grade 1 so the best outcome. Even had a chuckle as the pathology but my cancer type as odd as it wasn't one of the usual types. % days away then 15 radiotherapy sessions and 5 years on Tamoxifen.... Hope all those with upcoming results get a glimmer of hope from this xx

[Silverlady]

Hi jjeeds & Maria,

My lump was 4.7cm grade 3, but there are other ladies with larger lumps on here.

I'm now 6 weeks post mx and waiting to start chemo, but the other lady who was with me having a mx was also a grade 3 and she doesn't have to have chemo, but her lump was only 3cm.

Just wanted to send you hugs and promise you that it does get better and I hope your appointment went o.k. today.

Susan x

[ladybowler]

jjleeds

I dont know what time your apt is today but just wanted to let you know I am thinking about you xxxx

[Weeannie1]

Hi jjleeds,

I was diagnosed with a 37mm tumour back in November 2013. Still here and still doing well, so please try not to focus on size (easier said than done I know) Take care X 

[Maria12]

Hi jj .know what you mean mine is 4.4 cm with underarm lymph and when i read through posts i can never seem to find any that big .I know mine been there sometime due to doctors original diagnose 10 months ago which in return left me thinking i had nothing to worry about .i was diagnosed 2 weeks ago after going back in jan to same doc who gave me same diagnose as before and telling me she definitely didnt think it was cancer related. Think people should be sent as standard x

[Pineapples]

Hello jjleeds so sorry you have more to contend with. Wanted to add that I am thinking of you and will be sending you gentle hugs, a hand to squeeze. I hope you will sleep tonight and be better able to deal with the results. I'm learning how kind the other ladies are on here so do come back and vent if need. It's a really difficult time. Hugs xo

[Jo C]

Big hugs to you jj. The waiting is the pits and the anxiety of results day really got me too. In fact, every appointment at the beginning turned me into a jibbering wreck. I had DCIS (7cm) and sections of this had become invasive (3cm in total but different areas). I also have nodal involvement. I was terrified and struggling to hold it together. Once I had my treatment plan in place I felt much better. I start chemo on Monday and am strangely looking forward to it although I will be anxious on the day.

You have so much else going on but try to concentrate on you for now and be kind to yourself.

Good luck with your results and do keep coming here to chat, rant, scream..,

Jo xx

[ladybowler]

jjleeds

Oh my dear for goodness sake no wonder you are so stressed you have been through so much, We are all sending you gentle squidgy hugs tonight.  As ann says just keep talking to us, you are safe on here tto rant, cry and basically offload, we are here for you

Helena xxx

[ann-m]

oh goodness, jj, please dont apologise, & sorry to hear what you've been through & now this on top.

just come on here & vent whenever you need to.

ann x

[jjleeds]

Thank you x fed up of crying now and switching it off whenever anyone comes in the room. I'm a foster carer so have to hide it from my foster son so I don't upset him. Booked to go to Tenerife on Saturday just me and my husband for 5 Days while foster son is away with school. I think it's just the straw that broke the camels back. We married 2 years ago last August and I spent the end of our honey moon doing CPR for 30 minutes on my husband as he had a massive cardiac arrest and was dead on the floor, with no memory ay the time and no joint finances yet I spent months putting bills on credit cards as I couldn't have a foster placement till he got the all clear so no income. Kept my husband and home then lost dad to bowel cancer in the March. Don't think I get a chance to recover from one drama I then get another. I am hoping that if anything good can come from this it will be my critical illness policy pays out so I can settle the debts I got into when my husband was ill

Sorry for the self pitying just read this back... I'm usually such a positive person and the one everyone comes to x

[Alex1967]

Hi jjleeds - mines 25mm so not much less and I was told I had bog standard breast cancer so I really don't think size matters at all. Had an MRI today so it might be bigger but my consultant doesn't seem fazed at all - the main thing is getting rid of ROLF (as my husband calls mine) Right Orrible Little F***** Good luck tomorrow and I'm sure you will feel a lot better - they KNOW what they are doing and will plan the best path to recovery for you xx

[ladybowler]

jjleeds

Sending you a big hug, you will be fine it is this awful waiting that does it to us all and we will all be there virtually holding your hand

As Jobey and ann say, you can have a lump that is big and it is not aggressive and a small one that is.  In fact, my consultant said exactly the same to me, that the size was not as important as the grade, mine was 17mm and grade 1.

When you get your results tomorrow you will be given a treatment plan as well, I know when I got that it strangely made me feel much better as I knew what was going to happen and when.

Will be keeping an eye out for you tomorrow if you can let us know your results.

Helena xxxx

[ann-m]

Just to add, jj, that size only, is not necessarily the determining factor for treatment & outcomes.

Whatever happens, it will now be dealt with.

ann x

[Jobey68]

Hiya, As Ann rightly says size really doesn't have much bearing on anything, there is no pattern which makes it hard to generalise, BC is a very personal experience for each of us, we have had ladies with 7cm lumps and they go on to be just fine, results Day is so stressful and I was dragged by my husband through the corridors of the hospital like a naughty child but in reality it was ok and I knew within 10 minutes what they had found and what they would do , I slept for the first time in weeks that night and continued on an upward path from there on In, this is the point where all the uncertainty ends and it's a huge relief , you will be feeling so much more in control this time tomorrow! Xx Jo 

[ann-m]

hi jj
Waiting for results is always worse than the reality of getting them.
Its best not to trawl too much as we are all different. It can be quite possible to have a larger tumour thats not aggressive, or a smaller one that is.
Wishing you all the best tomorrow, it is the uncertainty that's the pits
do take care
hugs
ann x

[jjleeds]

so it's results day tomorrow and I find myself reading through all the posts to see what may come next. One thing really concerning me is the size of the lump I had removed in my WLE it was 30mm and reading posts I see 3mm and 5mm then the odd 15 and even a 17mm not found another 30 and all i can think is jesus mine was twice that size so must have been there ages or is really fast growing. Struggling to keep the positive vibe when not in front of family today scared feels like such an understated word at the moment