finished radiotheraphy and i have so much anger !!!!

[Butterfly318]

Evening Ladies.

I think i'm a bit further down the line than some of you. two years post diagnosis and currently NED, just had reconstruction (will need some attention at a later date but can't just face it at the moment).  I have found Mindfulness, attending Penny Brohn Centre, Reiki at a local cancer care centre all very helpful in channelling my thoughts / feelings but do think i'll need some Psychological input before too long. I am not the person i was before,  some good things from that some bad but i am trying to adjust to the new normal......I'm not sure if its anger i feel but i am certainly irritated.  One person said this morning 'you are definately looking a lot better these days' (this is somebody who told me i looked great and was doing really well during Chemo  -  i looked shocking during Chemo and felt just as bad).   I find this kind of nonsense irritating really.........i suppose i've never really had a lot of time for dishonesty..........

I do hope my experience has taught me a few things about how to talk appropriately to anybody going through treatment in future.

Take Care  Giily x     

[Mysticalmoo]

I'm absolutely with you Joan! I find my hackles rise when friends congratulate me for "getting through it and looking so well" when they can't possibly understand that I am feeling battered, still very fearful, scarred, and wondering how the hell to get back to normality. I can't really remember what normal is? I'm hoping time will heal the emotional wounds that, although are hidden from view, are still very raw. Big hugs to everyone coming to the end of treatment and beyond xxx

[rosie14]

Totally agree with Joan!

[joan47]

Angel, I don't think your feelings are at all abnormal. Many of the ladies on my chemo monthly thread have reported similar feelings as they come to the end of treatment, which for most of us has been radiotherapy, and I know I have been very crabby with my husband. I think some of it is relief and having the time/space to think about something other than getting through the treatment. It is also a bit if 'what next? And the worry that it will come back. Finally, I think ones friends and family tend to think it's all over and you should be feeling great and moving on, whereas we still have to assimilate everything that has happened to us.

[pamlicious]

My take on it is that when you are first diagnosed your head is full of whats next, and its full on hospital appointments for one thing or another. I have just finished my rads, and suddenly I have just realised what I have actually gone through, I didnt have time before, it so overtakes your life that you have not got time to think about what you are doing until the treatment stops - its recovery time now, good luck angel - we will get there xx

[angel77]

thankyou for you replys x i do tell everyone this isnt me and i hope to soon get back to my old self..i know its going to take time .x

[elma55]

Hi angel, my fuse was definitely shorter after chemo in January but it's gradually getting better..think it's the realisation that active treatment is over coupled with all the hormonal changes brought on by forced menopause..I'm not on any meds so can't blame the tablets. Hope things improve for you soon..meanwhile explain to everyone that it's the changes you're going through..I'm sure they'll understand xx

[Lucy_BCC]

Hi angel77

I am sorry to read that you are feeling like this, it may help to talk how you are feeling over with one of our helpliners, please feel free to call on 0808 800 6000 9-5 weekdays and 10-2 Saturday

Take care
Lucy BCC

[angel77]

hi i finished chemo in august and radiotheraphy 16 days ago and im just so angry this last week every little thing is annoying me and im so short tempered .this really isnt like me at all .. its becoming to worry me now why im doing it .. its mostly directed at my husband and close family members .. anybody else going through this ? i really dont know what to do