Well tomorrow is my last morning at work…thought it was a good time to stop as I have kidney biopsy on friday, chemo on Monday and hopefully op next month.Surprised myself by feeling quite emotional…I guess as I’ve worked for a long time it will feel odd.I have a plan so I don’t lay in bed every day by going for a walk etc but just feeling a bit childish and frustrated today…feel like crying"I don’t wanna do this anymore! ":)used to rushing around all day and being out 4 or 5 nights a week and now fatigue has set in I have to sit down after washing up!Does anyone find friendships change with this?its human nature I know.as I had a busy social life before I’m finding either people don’t mention the cancer to me at all as they’re having trouble dealing with it or …as they’re carrying on…quite rightly…going out in our group doing things…they don’t mention what they’re doing for fear I think of upsetting me so it’s quite isolating.as I live alone I notice it now as I was out quite a lot before.I don’t mind my own company but feel a sense of being “left behind” maybe because unusually perhaps all our group are single so our diaries were always pretty full with theatre trips, drama courses, watching bands etc.sorry for ranting today, just needed to get it out! 
I’ll soon be ok, I’m normally positive! At least I’m still alive and kicking! X
Hi there. I also live on my own and I think what we are feeling is perfectly normal. At the beginning people seem to offer support then some days I feel so alone but I guess it’s a road to be be travelled alone at times. Some people back away I suppose that’s human nature and we feel it as rejection, which at this time is multiplied. We just got ta hang in there and be selfish in a way
Hugs your way x
Thank you.I think today I’ve just run out of positivity and want someone to agree that sometimes this is just a bit cheap feel guilty thinking it sometimes and feel i have to be positive all the time so not to upset people x
Hi Treeze
Im only just beginning my journey and so far I feel very lucky that my cancer is non invasive . I do have to have a mastectomy because of the size of the affected area and there are some cells which are suspicious too . Some of my friends and work colleagues have been very sympathetic ,but as you say some people either dont mention it at all or in my case just look at me . And as the guy I was seeing called time on our relationship I can only assume he ran for the hills in fright , possibly imagining that he was going to get lumbered with looking after me … ha human nature is a strange thing .
But at this moment in time its only been a few weeks since the mammogram picked up a problem and I havnt been immobilised yet . I have however had other problems in the past where Iv been in a dark place and there were very few people who actually bothered to knock on my door and see if I was ok , and I had or so I thought had a large circle of friends and I was always out and about socialising . And when I was back to normal and out again I encountered some of my oldest and so called friends criticising and making judgements on how I should run my life . Needless to say I was not impressed and very quickly started to question why I had ever bothered with some of them , and others I remembered the times when I had always turned up on peoples door step when I heard they had problems or where unwell . And never in a million years would I have felt it was my business to comment on peoples personal choices . So I ditched some of them . , amazing myself as at that time I was 50 years of age and had been friends with some since I was in school .
I am now 54 and very happy with the choices I made . I do accept that everyone has their own life ( but I always did ) , and at my age most people have husbands , children, grandchildren , careers , parents still , hobbies etc .The reality is that everyone elses life continues to run normally . So I would say that yes friendships do change unfortunately , and at times I havnt always managed to support or keep in touch with people who have needed it because I too could not due to my own home , work commitments etc .We are prob all guilty at times . It does not mean you cannot feel sad , angry or lonely for feeling the change . You are human and going through a difficult journey so you rant on girl ! . And yes you will be ok soon …but in the meantime kick and shout as much as you want … youre having a bad moment so what ! and after reading what youre up against Im not surprised . Big hugs for you , hope youre feeling a bit better xx
Hi Treeze, Monday was my last day at work - until I go back all healed and fit of course. It felt very emotional as it was like an admission that this is something very serious happening. Work has always been really important to me and is part of my identity- I’ve worked full time for nearly twenty years, only taking maternity leave and adoption leave for my boys. But I decided to take some time off between my sentinel node biopsy and my mastectomy. Actually making a decision made me feel more in control of things. Be kind to yourself and do things that you want to do when you feel up to it. And it’s OK to have down moments, you don’t have to be super woman. Friendships may change but that’s about them, not you and I am sure the people who care will be there for you. Don’t be afraid to ask for help and for visitors- most people love to feel wanted and useful. Take care X
Steph…thank you for taking the time to reply when you have so much of your own to deal with.Feeling a bit better today…it was my last day at work and I think just a bit scared of being at home and falling into a slump.i’m quite sociable and can fall into a bad mindset of I’m not careful.I told my daughter a bit and she understood that I sometimes you just want someone to agree things are a bit rubbish and then you can move on.I think some people think if they’re not supremely upbeat with you all the time you’ll go to pieces but it just makes me feel guilty for wanting to rant. I hope everything goes well for you.x
Thank you Nicola x
Good luck tomorrow Treeze… hope it all goes as smoothly as possible . Take care mwah xx
Hi Treeze
how are thngs now? Hope your last day went ok. Do let us knw how things are…lots of lovely ladies here all here for you and ach other
lov Moijanxx
Morning you lovely ladies.Biopsy went easier than I’d expected…I’d worked myself up a bit over it.Goodness what I’ll be like when it comes to my ops! Just a sharp pain for a second or so initially but no pain after, just a little twinge now and thankfully no temperature etc.now have to wait for results about 10 days and chemo tomorrow which I know is necessary but I really don’t want.my daughter says to ask if there’s any chance they can do it in the other arm as my lump has all but gone as the pain and bruises are bad…still have them from last month…to the extent its difficult to get dressed or pick anything up and I could cry with the pain and frustration.should be my last chemo for a while.it will seem odd not getting up at 5.45 for work…had to make it like a military procedure to get out the door…everything laid out ready the night before including cup, bowl, spoon etc:) never spent so much time indoors! Looking for some stones as i’d like to do stone painting and I can do that sitting down.Thanks for asking about me…I hope we all have a good Sunday and find something to smile about.x
Hi Sue…this will be my 4th chemo…I should be starting t but my oncologist is giving me another fec.my brain wants to charge about doing normal stuff if only my body would agree keep forgetting I can’t bend today and how many things involve bending! anyone else get really bored? I guess at least I feel well enough to be bored :)thank you for offer if it were possible of stones…love to see the postman deliver that! x
Thank you Sue xx
Morning Sue and everyone here.Chemo at 9 this morning(!) which I really don’t feel like as ended up with a migraine yesterday and still feeling a bit sick and fragile.Normally enjoy the chat with the nurse there but feel quiet today.Still…another day and I hope this low mood changes soon.normally I would have gone for a walk to clear it but couldn’t as I was sore from biopsy so just wanted to shout aaarggh!!! very loudly.:)in frustration.here’s to a good day for us all x
Morning Treeze
Hope today goes ok. Poor you feeling rubbish before you even get there ?
You’ll be back home before you know it, and it’s another one ticked off the list. Number 2 for me on Thurs
Big hugs
Sarah x
Hi Treeze,
sorry you are feeling rubbish, are you an artist? I am an artist( on a year out from my uni course)
i know about the urges to paint stones, also
i often have quirky thoughts about what to use in my art! I unfortunately have to inject myself, so on my last uni course, I got syringes and covered them in laytex and attached them to organic fibre and did a hanging thingy as part of my final exhibition! Of course now, I have to find a way of disposing of them legally.!
i used some to glue into crucifixes too. Glass syringes ( without needles) have an asthetic quality.if you know what i mean.
what do you paint on your stones? I think a coat of varnish under and on top would be good to stabilise the paint??( ps my car door is full of stones i need to ditch at some point)
sounds as if you are coping pretty well with the chemo and I hope you feel better soon…(I found the ‘clicking nose’ of my biopsies was the worst bit really.)
love and hugs,
Moijanxx??
Good luck for that Sarah! Today was fine…they let me do my other arm…yay! At the moment just feeling a bit hazy and drink…don’t mind that! no nausea as yet but had only a couple of hours of it last month so fingers crossed.hope everyones having a good day x
Hi Moijan…no not an artist…I wish! But someone asked me that when they saw my flat once! I do drama and love the arts though.I don’t have your inspiration…it sounds fabulous! Just started stones…i’m using acrylics and a varnish over the top.I used to enjoy using charcoal and pencil and hope to try it again.I have the time so no excuse x