Welcome to the BCC forums, It sounds like you're having a difficult time at the moment. I'm sure some of the other users will be along soon to offer you their support.
In the meantime maybe you would like to talk to a member of our helpline staff who are there to offer emotional support as well as practical information. The free phone number is 0808 800 6000 and the lines are open Monday to Friday 9.00 to 5.00 and Saturday 10.00 to 2.00.
Best wishes Sam, BCC Facilitator