well I'm still having trouble getting on but at least ive had a email from them ! and they have forwarded to the relivent department so I might be on my own account soon ? ( here's hoping )
hope everyone is still ok .
I have just had a bath and where my tumor is ive noticed it is red around the area and I noticed last time I had chemo too so maybe it's attacking it?.
hope everyone is still ok ? everyone seems quiet I wonder if I have been left behind now and your all on another thread ??
Hi Andie glad you found us all !
No I'm not doing anything special today but we are going for a meal when I am more up to it I am even going to wear my best wig ! so I will look like tha old me again !
But because I havn't been out I didn't get Steve a present but I did get him a really special card I made online ( not moon pig ) another site and I put our picture on the front and I wrote in it
At times the days seem so long
I thought i'd never make it through ,
then suddenly out of a dream
came wonderful you ,
when times turned rough and lonely
and despair fell upon my face
you comforted me and kept me there
in that loving special place.
so that was my card to him I felt awful cos I forgot my mums & dads anniversary ( again ) and she always remembers ours she said she'd let me off cos I had just found out I had BC .
you were diagnosed 3 months before me then I found out at the end of November.the exercises do seem a long time for 2 years ! ( I never exercise I know I should though ! )
love Caron x
OK..getting a bit more used to this now!
Caron - congrats!!!!!! Hope you manage to celebrate properly!
Andie - so good to know what you look like!!!!
Know what you mean about facing the surgery. I seem to be getting very anxious about everything again and am focussing on negatives. Lumpy is not shrinking and it's making me depressed and I'm getting a bit obsessed about it. Can't face seeing my oncologist looking all negative again on Tuesday!!! Feel like I'm doomed at the moment. Feel like big lump means no hope!! Must be time to phone the poor old breast cancer nurse for an ear bending!! Just so so miss looking forward to things and planning things. Being normal. Sigh!!!
Sorry - am grumpy girl today. Cough kept me up lots last and am prob knackered!!!
Got new furniture delivered yesterday which is good ...at last can get CDs out of garage and we also got quote for new boiler (lots of money and not that exciting!! Could go on really great holiday for that money!!)
Meant to be seeing pal this afternoon...so need to transform myself. People keep telling me I look well...it's the wigs!!!!!!
Much love all,
Gemdancer is having trouble finding us as well !
I am not feeling too bad today Steve wouldn't let me get dressed but when he went out I got dressed and tidied up a bit and hung some washing out ! I just feel a bit dizzy from time to time but no heart burn yet ( touch wood ) Hope everyone is ok I still havn't had a email from Bcc yet where is the moderator ? they must know I'm having trouble !! love Caronx
Glad you found our thread. What a performance.
When you go into some of the threads lots of people are having problems. I feel a bit as if my friends have all been taken away and can't find their way back.
Part of me is concerned at the thought of going into hospital although I am told it will only be for a few days and then a team come out to me at home. Part of me will be really glad to finally get any remnants of the cancer removed - it was DX last August and that feels like a lifetime ago. As you are in a similar position you will know exactly how I feel. Next week I have an MRI and Ultra sound so they know exactly what they are dealing with.
After 3 lots of tax I was hoping to have avoided the numb fingers and toes that get reported but no I was not that lucky. The tips of my fingers feel really strange, as if they have been burnt and the top layer of skin is not mine. I needed to get the sewing machine out today to do some mending and I keep dropping the pins.
Happy Anniversary. 15 years is quite something. Are you celebrating at all? I bet you have made something really special for dinner.
No I don't like this format at all ! I hope everyone can find us too !
ANDIE T like your pic ( very nice ) are you worried about your op ?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY WISHES for the other day too!
It's our wedding anniversary today 15 years ( ohh im getting old ! )
Shelly must still be having probs with her pc , either that or she can't find us !
and I am still on Steve's as I still havn't recieved a email off them yet ??? I have sent 2 to them but no reply ? wonder if others are having trouble logging in ???
Bright hope you are ok today & not still feeling queasy?
JO hope you are alright too?
and everyone else love Caron xxxxxxxxxxx
Just a quick note from me tonight, as really feeling the after effects of going into work. Chemo was last Friday and still feeling a little queasy and tired. Still I am trying to make it mind over matter.
Caron/Drago Slayer glad you logged on at last. This new site is really confusing - not sure how we can access the different discussion strands. Just hope everyone can find us!
Love Bright x
Hi all this is Caron !!!!! what a palava ! it won't recognise AyoJoy1
It wont let me register again !!as it won't send the validation email to me I have tried different email accounts too so I am using Steves log in now !
Anyway just to tell you this Shelly is having problems with her pc andshe wanted me to let you all know that shes ok andshe's thinking of us ALL.
Had m chemo today it was loads better than last time they took it out the fridge and put the saline & chemo in slower so that was ok.
I don't feel sick yet ( just slightly ) but I can cope with that , I only have 1 MORE EC to go !!!!!!!!!! then it's onto tax ( boo hoo )
I wonder if they know there is a problem with allthis signing in ???
I will have to try again but I wanted my own name caron cos I tried to register it now says it's taken !! it's soo anoying !!
Anyway I will keep trying MODERATOR THERE IS A PROBLEM !!!
love caron x
EEk - not sure about this new format. Can't see all the posts as well. Hope this ends up in the right place. How are you all?? I'm OK. Got a bit sad yesterday as i watched some of the Mummy Diaries online. Bad move!! It was lovely and very moving, but I think I shouldn't watch or read sad stuff as I tend to write myself off!!!Poor Kai got so many kisses when he came home from nursery. He is having his first sleepover on Sat night and Steve and I could go out. We haven't been out just the two of us for about about 6 mths!!!!!!
Feeling OK othrwise. Just cold symptoms. Mouth OK. Aches gone. Toe nails still acting suspiciously. Second lot of Tax and Herceptin next week so will have to see if it gets worse..
Hope you are all OK. have missed the chatting!!
I hope I have found the right thread on the new look web site
Yesterday was my birthday. Despite feeling rubbish from chemo we went out and the sun was shining and the day turned out much better than I expected.
I now have a date for surgery - 26th Feburyary. Pre Op checks to be done on the 9th. My operation is evening time. I didn't realise that they used the operating theartes during the evenings. I had a long chat with the Breast cancer nurse on Monday and she has sent me a load of leaflets about surgery which I will wade my way through later. As Lymph nodes are to be removed she has also sent me a whole set of exercises which are recommended for 2 years. That seems an awful long time.
I hope everyone has had a good few days. I found it really strange not to be able to access this site to see what people have been up to.
Love for now
Had a lovely day yesterday. Hubbie decided we needed to get out, so we went for a walk. I live in a 1930s style estate (built for the Rover car workers originally), at the foot of a nice green wooded bit. We walked by "The Kilns" which is the house CS Lewis lived in and round the pond next to it (which was meant to have inspired Narnia... ) and then we're in woods. Kai turned into a power ranger as usual and sticks turned into weapons of mass destruction. I was huffing and puffing, but thought i did quite well really.
Then we came.back with sweeties and hubbie cooked roast beef...yummy!
Bright - you are doing so well on your chemo!! And I loved Alan Garner books as a child and Susan Cooper who wrote the Dark is Rising stuff. have you (gulp) thought about having your own hair trimmed at all??? Might be less heavy and last longer. I still have my witch hair left...haven't (touchwood) lost much more this chemo round.
Shell - I have the same problem with Kai. I haven't had a bath to myself for so so long!!!! They are funny.
I had a glass of red wine last night and I think it knocked me out!!!!! No dreaming for me and my brain actually switched off.
Kai and I are off together again today and going to Monkey Music in a min.
Take care all
Caron Just to say, thanks Caron for good wishes tomorrow. Am dreading it because I,m feeling so awful after 2nd FEC, I,m wondering if my bloods will be ok for tomorrow's 3rd and final hit of FEC? I'll wish you well for Weds in case I'm spewing into bucket for next 2 days and don't get a chance to post. Do you then go over to TAX after Weds?
Bright, I'm going to contact the wig people that you very kindly gave me info for sometime during the week. We've been out today for lunch at Hampton court to meet sister inlaw and her family and i spent the whole meal looking around as I felt everyone was staring at my syrup. I to, am used to having very long hair and I'm finding this whole baldness thing impossible to deal with. I've never had a fringe before and I simply cannot cope with it, I can't see where Im going half the time and keep triping up pavements etc!!!!!! I like the sound of yours as i think you said it has no fringe and a line of baby hairs, and that's definately what I need! Will let u know how i get on with it!
Hope everyone was watching dancing on ice this evening, best laugh I've had for ages was watching Tucker Jenkins skating off behind the scenes because he couldn't stop!!! How funny!
Night night everyone!
Hope everyone is okay this evening.
Andie - your wig must be very impressive - and thanks for the insight into what I may have instore in nine weeks time when I start Tax
Caron - you seem to have recovered from your dog experiences, wish I could, but now whenever I walk up a new road, or encounter any park land - I just have these visions of giant black dogs coming to get me... I am traumatised - but nothing will shift it. What did you cook for supper tonight?
Shell - maple syrup pancakes sound wonderful - just a week to go now until your big day...
I had a bad night's sleep last night, no dreams, but just restless and got up quite a few times just to stand on the landing. Also decided to groom my wig in the night - took it off in the end as it was too much to have on my head - with all my own hair underneath, though would be fine without that. Just facing up to the fact that it could all be gone in 12 days, just read someone used the cold cap and lost their hair in fifteen days. But still once it is gone it is gone. It will be so strange though - even though wigs look convincing, but I have always had long hair and just cannot imagine it not being their anymore - will take six years to grow down again.
It was pouring with rain today in London - and not particularly inviting to step out in. But I have to be really ill to spend a whole day inside - so we took the bus to East Dulwich (a different part though from Saturday). We went to an old pub for lunch with stained glass windows with patterns of grapes on. OH ordered a breakfast bap, and I ate about a quarter of a really nice chilli con carne with rice. It included bell peppers and other vegetables. Any more than that though and I would have been sick. Also mixed up anti sickness pills today and took too many of one and too few of another. Seem to have some kind of block when it comes to managing my medication. We then walked up to the giant Sainsburys on the hill via a walk through a park (no dogs allowed off leads) - and yes Caron - it was more shopping. I bought the ingredients for chicken chasseur and a green bead bracelet from the TU range.
Then came home by taxi as I felt really tired - before watching the Railway Children. I love E. Nesbit stories - so old fashioned and magical. Especially liked the Incredible Mr Blunden. Just on the line of children's stories. Does anyone remember the haunting book and 1970s adaptation of the Owl Service by Alan Garner? Compelling story and quite scary.
This evening - Dancing on Ice is my compulsive viewing - before turning on my work laptop for a bit - to catch up with some work as very behind.
Have a good evening.
I have been busy today, Ashley's had his cookery book out again.We made maple syrup pancakes for dinner and a gluten free chocolate brownie cake, Ash also chopped up all the veg in preparation for dinner tonight.We always have a hotpot when Hubby is working 6 till 6..........I don't like it when hes on a 12 hour shift my day seems to drag.....
I have just got out of the bath....... Before i could get 1 foot into the water my 5year old was stripped naked and was ready to get into the bath himself, no relaxing soak for me...
Caron- I have started having nightmares, last night i dreamt i was going in for surgery and they took the wrong boob off and to get home i had to go through a maze on a boat full of blood!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I woke up in a sweat i can tell you.............. I'M frightened about my op next week.....I'M frightened of what I'm going to look like after the op.
Jo- I cant pass a boxer dog by without stroking it or getting one of the boys to do it so i can.........
Andie- You seem to be doing all the right things to preserve your hair, i hope you get great results.
Gail- its nice to hear your starting to feel better, hope it continues for you.
Bright- Five hours out and about the day or so after your chemo!!!!!! I used to be in bed for at least 4 days as i was so sick and weak,glad to hear your well.
Talking of having a tipple..... i used to have a glass of wine or two when on chemo but always had lots of water to drink after it..
((((((hugs to you all))))))
I had another nightmare last night ( I must be worrying over Wednesday ) I dreamt I was being strangled by a asian man !!! ( whats that mean ? ).
I dare not go to the toilet in the middle of the night so I just lay there hoping Steve would wake up !
Well hoping for a lie in this morning seen as I didn't have to go to my mums! no such luck Jordan's motto ONE UP ALL UP ! he started cleaning his bedroom cos those girls were coming !
Jo good luck with your chemo tomorrow !
Bright how you doing now?( gone shopping ?) lol
right thats me for now write later love me xx
Hi everyone ! just lost all my post AGAIN !!! ( so maddening ).
So this will be short now.
Bright Can't believe you been out ! you put me to shame , but it was only my second one I felt sick on and that is the worst bit , also the bald patches that you were talking about , they are not small patches and they get bigger & bigger, we had our rump steak in cracked pepper sauce with stir fry veg & chestnut mushrooms & vintage cheese ( can't move now & am not weighing my sen NO MORE ! lol ).
Alsations , I was walking down the street once & this Alsation wouldn't let me move it just kept circling me & snarling I was bobbing mysen ! then this woman shouted at it and I shouted at her " get the f ing thing under control " but I have also known some really nice Alsations .
I got attacked by a dog it was like a spaniel type dog and we were having a water fight and this dog for no reason at all jumped up and bit me through my jeans !! I still have a scar on my thigh , I warned the owner but she treat it like a baby and she wouldn't listen so about 6 months later it went for a little boy for no reason she had it put down after that .
Jordan has 2 girls coming tomorrow ( nothing new there then ! ). I have finished scanning my photo's just got to name them all now !!.
Andie the nurse who did my chemo just said don't drink when your having your steroids but other that that your ok if you feel like it.
Jo my last lot of chemo was bad too I know your having FEC and I am having EC but I think thet are more or less the same ? I too am dreading Wednesday and I feel sick just thinking about it but we know it's got to be done !.
I might even be going on my own on Tuesday to have my bloods and see the chemo nurse as mam's got cold and Steve at work but hey ho !
Shelly I hope you are conserving all your energy ??? take care Love Caron xx
A further thought on tax. The hospital where I am being treated have only been able to administer it since September because of the cost implication (previously they sent you to Guys to have it.) When I asked how much this stuff costs I was told in the region of Â£4000 per dose. It is regarded as just about the best there is and although initially I sat in with my oncologist and wept that I really did'nt want it now I am glad that I took the opportunity that was bering offered to me. Further on from that conversation I was told that 1 years cost for Herceptin is in the region of Â£52,000.
At the moment following on from yesterdays tax although I feel tired and my taste has gone again, we did manage to get out this morning. My legs ache but I really don't want to end up having physio at the end of all this because my muscles have not been used. Jo I have had no sickness at all on tax so there is one positive for you. And although I understand that you can have problems with nails I have taken other peoples advice and taken better care of mine than normal , in fact I really don't like dark nail polish but I have persevered with the dark polish and nail oil and mine are still in place and even growing quite well. As you say tax is really a no brainer just hard to get your head round before you start. All chemo seems to render my brain and hands for typing incapable of coordinating. Or maybe as OH is quick to point out that is an ongoing problem I just now have a convenient excuse.
Yesterday at the hospital the nurse went off before she started to connect me up to sort out the cold cap machine. I was really chuffed because I wear a wig. If a nurse in the treatment suite was fooled it must fool most people. And mine was not expensive.
I finished my steroids today so maybe I will get a better nights sleep. Do any of you girls have an aloholic tipple of an evening while on chemo and does it help you sleep?
Hugs to everyone - if only we lived a bit closer and could meet up.
LOL Andie xx
I have just come in from five hours in the outside world taking in a walk to Dulwich and a look at the shops along Lordship Lane. I glanced longingly at blue veined cheeses in the cheese shop, sadly now one of the foods I cannot eat, and spent ages in a place selling hair products for wigs. Writing of wigs - I am wearing mine for the first time today. As soon as I came in last night I put a hair net on my hair, did not brush it all, and then put wig on to go out in first time this morning. Rather than securing it with one of the three different adhesives I bought (21 day safe grip, 1-10 ultra grip, and wig tap) I found four hair grips seem to keep it firmly in place for the moment. I kept expecting people to stare at me but the didn't. The wig is so good it even has a few baby type hairs at the front which look like new growing hair - as it doesn't have a fringe. When I got back this evening I combed it through with a little water and a wide toothed comb and plan to leave it in place until the day before my next chemo - when I will dare to rinse my own hair in tepid water and gently pat it dry with a towel. Of course I may lose it but at least I can say I have tried everything I can to preserve it.
Jo what I would say - is that if you do still have any of your own hair it may be best to keep this even if it is patchy and you wear a wig over it. Reason is if taxotere does in any way hamper hair growth then at least if you have some of your own hair - there are few possible places for bald patches to remain.
All the writing of dogs makes me fearful. I have a real dog phobia (was attacked in the park when small by an alsatian) and have never got over it - despite counselling. I love cats though - they make wonderful friends and my black and white boy is just like a son.
Caron - I have gone for the steak and portobello mushrooms tonight served with courgettes. I am making a roquefort sauce for OH though of course will be passing on that myself (not just for the live cheese - but also as I do not want to put on pounds....)
Just thought I'd mention that I bought some cream today for chemo veins call Hirudoid cream - designed for superficial phlebitis. The lady next to me in the chemo unit recommended it where it is very popular in Australia. She is a doctor and seemed very sensible so I bought some. It is not on display but you can ask at the chemist for it. I paid for it - but you may be able to get doctor to subscribe it. It cost Â£5.99
Gail - I liked Terry too. An come dine with me - is my absolute favourite programme - I like the combination of the cookery, looking inside people's houses, and seeing how the different guests interact with one another. Masterchef - I also find quite gripping.
Love Bright xx
Had fab day with Kai yesterday...just like old times!!! Loved it!!! Felt like a proper Mummy again. We made our own playdough and got all sticky and messy.
Jo. I feel worse, but better on Tax. It's worse in some ways because (and this is only after one) it had a more physical reaction for me. I had very aching limbs and back...almost like flu and took to my bed with a hot water bottle (2-3 days). I then also had a poorly tummy (cramps etc). It also seems to have left me with general fatigue - I can't walk as far etc... BUT...I didn't get the horrid nausea, sickness, emotion and fog I got with FEC. I seem to have coped better mentally with it for some reason, but this is only my first one... so who knows!!! I think I'm just someone that doesn't cope well with the nausea and sickness side. It is meant to be stronger than FEC so it is good to get it fighting for us!! I was terrified too after reading through all the tax threads!!!
Steve is cooking his lovely cottage pie so I will eat well today!!!!
Caron - I know what you mean about switching off my brain. I hate what I think about and how my brain tortures me.
Re: TV. Couldn't believe Ulriccaaaaa won it. I loved Terry!! And Come dine with me this week...what a fab programme!! Never seen ayone fall asleep before. Fab TV!!
Much love to you all,
Hi Shell, no we used to have one, when I was a kid, Mr Biff was his name. We,ve always said we'll get a boxer pup one day, but when the kids are a bit older don't think i could cope with that as well as 3 littleuns coz Boxers are beautiful but very bouncy. We live on the edge of a common, dog paradise so we really must one day, perhaps when this nightmare is over it would be a good thing to get a dog and make me go and walk every day and try and start feeling healthy again! although don't know wot Mercedes Benz (my Cat) will have to say about that!! Give Fizz a lovely slobbery kiss from me. I can't pass a boxer without going all unneccessary!
Caron, yes that makes sense I suppose about fooling the cancer but I feel so crap after my 2nd FEC I just don't know how I'm gonna cope with the 3rd one on Monday let alone the tax 3 weeks later! Suppose I'm just going to have to!
Bright, thanks, I know you are right but I'm not a happy bunny at the mo with regrds to hair loss and wigs etc and the thought of it not coming back at all terrifies me more than anything right now!
Im glad all the ladies are doing well after their chemos, you should remember to rest though......
Jo my Boxer is a girl called Fizz or Fizzerela........depends what mood I'm in, i love her to bits. As my house is male dominated (hubby & 3 Boys) she is so loyal to me,follows me everywhere. Shes a bit lazy though,will sleep all day and all night.....and she snores...Lol....
Do you have a boxer dog? or d you just like them?
I have been taking out all my sons clothes out of the wardrobes today as we are buying him new ones and decorating his room,the ones in at the mo are fixed and looking a bit shabby.We are going to order some free standing ones.Hes 13 now and knows exactly what he wants.....black if we were to let him......No way.......
Am going for a bath now for a soak and then put my feet up as hubby is going to make a stir fry for dinner, yummy....
Take care all.
Just going out and will write later. Feeling more or less back to normal except for slightly ongoing feeling of nausea and a little tired - though could attrivute that to lack of sleep this week (worrying about the chemo). Have my hair now in a hairnet (not touched since comping home) and just put on my wig with a couple of clips to secure it for now. Does look like the real thing.
Hope everyone is well.
Caron - now torn between lime and honey chicken and the steak. A request - can you put up a daily post of what you are eating for dinner - plus the recipe. Think we could compile them for a charity booklet "how to eat well during breast cancer" - or perhaps something more catchy
JO just read your post ..... you have to change to a different chemo to try and fool the cancer ( incase it gets immune ) thats what my BC nurse told me , you'll get through it , I have read some posts and quite a few say that TAX is better than FEC so don't worry ( why try not to ) .
My Mum's just rung she is full of cold so she is not coming today and I DON'T HAVE TO GO FOR MY COFFEE TOMORROW !!!!! lol x
Forgot to say Bright I was thinking about you saying that your having 3x3 and I am having 4x4 maybe they give you it on the size of the tumor? cos if you read some posts some people have more than 4 I have seen some of 6 ( I dont know if that was 6x6 but I know it was 6.
I couldn't sleep last night can't get away from my brain ! ( thinking ) I wish there was a button and you could choose what to think about !!!
Shelly 9 more sleeps to go !!! xx
hello all ,
Steve said I was radiator in the night ! we are having the steak chestnut mushrooms with cracked pepper sauce tonight .
here is the recipe as promised
CLASSIC TREACLE TART
225g / 8oz plain flour
150 / 5oz chilled diced unsalted butter
1 medium egg yolk
15g 1/2 sugar
1kg / 2lb golden syrup
250g / 9 oz fresh white breadcrumbs ( made without crusts )
finely grated rind of 3 unwaxed lemons
4 medium eggs beaten
1) put the plain & butter together ( rubbing in method ) make into fine crumbs
add the egg yolk sugar and 3-4 tbs cold water make into a firm dough.
2) turn out on a lightly floured surface and bring together into a ball , wrap in clingfilm & chill in fridge for 30mins
3) roll out the pastry on a lightly floured surface, and use to line a 31cm / 12 inch loose bottomed tin ( or round tin ) prick the base with a fork.
4) preheat oven to 180c ( fan oven 160c ) gas mark 4 , heat the syrup gently in a pan until runny ( make sure you don't let it boil or over heat when adding eggs or they will scramble ) If it becomes too hot allow to cool slightly , Remove from heat and stir in the breadcrumbs , lemon rind and beaten eggs until combined.
5) place the pastry case on a baking sheet and pour in the filling.
bake for 45 / 50 mins until set and golden brown ( filling ) .
This recipe is quite easy and it's very nice can anyone remember those golden tobacco that you used to eat???
well I have got a recipe for that I will see if I can find it Shells kidsmay like it cos I don't think you have to cook it ?
love Caron ( hope your feeling ok today Bright ? )
SORRY I am here ,
I have been scanning some photo's and the scanner is soo slow ! and I had to start again cos it never saved them ! I still have a bag of photo's to do !
Glad your 1st Chemo went well today Bright.
I seem to be sweating alot today ( my head ! ) anyway apart from that every thing is ok.
Shell I said I was tired still cos I had just got up I seem to be getting up later & later !.
I will put another recipe on tomoz, glad you enojoyed your cake ( lovely isn't it )
I think it was bad me looking at all the photo's I was writing the kids names on the back so they would know who was who ! ( if I wasn't here ! ) but I shouldn't be thinking like that.
I knew Ulrika ka ka would win CBB !! ( I think she deserved to ) right I am off now it's late I will write tomoz love Caron x
From my sofa - cannot quite drag myself up to bed... lady next to me in hospital hair grew back but only patchily two years on from tax. but need to way up its fight against cancer or hair loss. No alternative to life - but at least there are wigs.
Not a long post I had my last tax today and my bed is calling BUT to reassure you. I lost all my hair on the AC which was my first lot of chemo. I have just finished 4 lots of tax and my hair started to grow back between tax 1 and 2 . It is sparse but definately growing.I will tell you more about tax tomorrow but it is doable
Bright, you've done well to post after your first FEC. I usually come home and get straight into bed because i feel so drunk then am sick for a few hours that night! I always feel much better the next day though!
Shell,you've got my fav dog in the world, I'm boxer mad! Poor thing hope he's ok, he's coming out in sympathy with his mum!!! C U on the Tuesday after your op then!
I just wanted to say that I love this chat room, it's a lifeline at times, but I've gotta say, today I really wish I hadn't logged on. I start 3 lots of taxotere soon and now after what I've read I'm absolutely beside myself about it. It sounds absolutely horiffic. One poor lady finished it 3 years ago and her hair has never grown back!!!! I'm gonna beg my ONC on monday to keep me on FEC for remainder of treatment as I'm so terrified. Can anyone tell me any positives aboutTAX I feel bad enough on FEC but side effects of TAX seem a million times worse!!!
Just writing to say that I survived first chemo FEC100 plus cold cap (it was cold). But feeling stranger by the minute - undertones of nausea, a bit tired and almosr wonder if I am experiencing a drug addict' s drugged state. Need to lie down for a bit.
Write later - hope you are all well.
Good luck to Andie & Bright on their chemo today,do let us know Bright how you get on with the cold cap.....
Gail- As Andie says what is housework?????? My hubby seems to do it all since i started my chemo....hes a star..
Jo- I would like to see you on the Tuesday that your at the hospital,I'm sure i will be more with it by Tuesday after the op on Monday afternoon.
My boxer dog has a tumor in her mouth, its not cancer......She will have her op on the 3rd Feb so we will be recovering together.......
Where is Caron?????
Good luck everyone with chemo today!!
Kai is at home with me all day today. First time for ages...we have had the day together. Just hope the stomach cramps keep away today!!!!! But..intend to have lots of silly fun and do absolutely no housework!!!!
Lots of love,
Not sure what time you get your chemo today, but I will be thinking of you while I have mine. I will be in the chemo suite for at least 3 hours today so I feel sure we will overlap at some time. Good Luck and don't worry about side effects that may not happen.
Keep us posted.
LOL Andie xx
Apologies - my last post seemed to go a bit wrong with the end in the middle .. but won't re-post as will just make things even more confused
I start my chemo tomorrow (11.30) and feeling worried to say the least: the needles; the knowing that I am not going to feel well from now for at least four and half months; the constant need to cosset the hair, wrap it up and lie still at night, in the probable futile battle of losing some, most or all of it......
BUT like Jo says - those of you fearing the surgery should have nothing to worry about at all (being a surgery first chemo later girl) - the unpleasantness of the chemo will outweigh the surgery by far. The surgery discomfort passes in a day or two - honestly, there is only the inconvenience of hauling around of the drainage bottles in an unfashionable plastic bag, and the few days stay in hospital. I found the need for pain relief was only for the first day or so - and it was certainly easy enough to sleep through the night. In some ways I treated the stay in hospital as a mini-break. The nurses were lovely and I quickly learned their names and recognised their personalities. And the views over the London skyline were magical, especially the sunrises and sunsets.
Perhaps at the right time in our treatments we should all plan to meet.. I know we are geographically spread - but I am sure there is somewhere we could meet in the middle - or I at least would be happy to have the excuse for a break in the North East.
Love Bright xx
It was work again for me today and the usual pattern of having to try too much to do and too little time.. but I have been looking at my diary and thinking about how to scale back. Hoping I will be recovered enough to work at home from Monday and possible go back into work for some hours on Wednesday. I need to keep busy as I have been having a real low again about the thought of never seeing the married man again. All part of my previous life (as one of you mentioned here) when there were exciting things to look forward to and no knowledge of the spectre of the dark days ahead - the cancer, the separation,.. but still I need to be grateful - my scans were clear, I have a comfortable lifestyle a job I like and a loyal partner.
Still I know I am on the start of a new journey - that's what Nick the chemo nurse said yesterday. Suddently Houseman's A Shropshire Lad comes to mind. (A E Houseman who was from Shropshire - was pining for his county whilst serving in the trenches of the first world war.. or at least I think he was) I love these lines from it. Longing for the past and knowing nothing will ever be quite the same again...
Into my heart an air that kills
From yon far country blows:
What are those blue remembered hills,
What spires, what farms are those?
That is the land of lost content,
I see it shining plain,
The happy highways where I went
And cannot come again
This evening I took my cat to the vet for his annual injections, and he was so braving lying there - as the vet gave him a jab and a worming tablet, And his weight was stable, which I had been worried about as I have fed him quite a few treats over the year. He has a developed a real love of chicken jalfrezi - even the rice.
Don't panic about the time from the end of chemo til surgery - the lump won't start to grow again as the chemo is still in your system and has built up over time ! I know it's something that you think about but don't worry about it - why not ask the nurses at the chemo tomorrow ? I had different chemo but had 5 weeks from the end of chemo to surgery and it was fine. The delay also allows your body recover a bit from the chemo battering it's had and get your immune system up a bit. I was told that chemo can stay in your body for 6 months to a year afterwards.
Caron, still eating yummy choccy cake from Michaels birthday, he was very chuffed as I never bake cakes, I always buy them, so thank you for your inspiration!!
Great Shell, look forward to meeting you. I'm in on the Tuesday afternoon for support group at 3.30 so I'll come in before that. If you like I'll give you my mobile number and you can text me if you don't feel up to it or if you want me to bring anything in particular for you!
For all you other girls who haven't yet had your surgery, let me tell you, I had mine the other way round. Surgery 1st and now almost half way thru chemo and I know which I'd prefere any day of the week! Apart from being in hospital for best part of week which is obviously miserable being away from kids etc, I have to say surgery was 'a walk in the park' compared to chemo. Sure it's nerve racking, and you feel pretty grotty when you first come around after surgery, but they make sure that you are comfortable and manage the pain really well. And in my mind once it's cut out, it helps you mentally to recover!!
Besy of luck ladies, but honestly if you can cope with chemo which you obviously all have then the surgery is the easy part!
Ok Wobble over for the moment.
I have decided to contact the hospital on Monday and start asking questions. I feel at the moment that I have coped with chemo and it is now familiar, and although not pleasant, and I know it will get worse before it gets better. It does not frighten me.
Surgery and its organisation are a whole new ball game, it is unknown to me and I don't cope with the unknown very well.
I am at the hospital most of tomorrow for tax No.4 and Herceptin No.3 so will use the weekend to decide the best place to ask a few questions. Unfortunatey although friendly, my BCN nurses usually refer to you on to another department for answers to questions although I may wander down to their office tomorrow to see if any of them are in.
Gail You are a star and you make so much sense.
Shell Great news about your appointment. The Marsden in Surrey is actually in Sutton which you will have found out by now. Parts of Sutton are really nice and quite countryfied. I hope the pain drugs work this time.
Caron Where is today's recipe. You really should think about a cookbook if only a small one to raise some charity money. You could be the new Delia Smith
Love to everyone. You girls are my lifeline at the moment
Stop apologising!!!!!!!! We are all going through this and all have our own version of the disease. There are days when I don't stop crying, days when I bounce around and days when i watch TV all day with a hot water bottle on my poor tummy (today). When i was in hospital over NY, I was so upset all the time. I knew there were people in the ward with really really bad pain and felt stupid to be so upset. The nurse said "there are different types of pain" and that I had a right to mine and must never ever feel silly. Of course I still do, but I do think of what she said. As for thinking of things that won't happen. We all do this... it;s natural and I think it's also part of the whole anger thing. I will have many wobblies...so be warned!!!!!!!
I'm down the road...Oxford!
Wish I had your number and I would call. I've been sat here feeling sorry for myself with terrible stomach cramps all afternoon!! Just thought I'd log on to see if anyone there. My stupid PC keeps coming and going ont he network too!!
You can do this. I know where you are coming from, but actually you have been through so so much already. i think that we all deal with this enormous life threatening evil thing we have and at the same time we all try to do our normal lives. We're going to "blow" from time to time and we are allowed to. Don't put yourself down - you are not a crybaby. You have every right to cry because you're going through something huge. I find it's quite often an admin or hospital related thing that can set things off. I got my oncology appoitnment letter with a different doc's name on it and I was hysterical!!!
Can you call your breast cancer nurse?? they are the ones that can make sense of things and she will know how likely your appointment is and how prone they are to cancellations. Remember too that 5 weeks away from your last chemo isn't the same as 5 weeks without chemo in your system.
You have a right to be upset. You do have to deal with it . We all do, although I wonder sometimes about the possibility of crawling under a large rock and hiding!! But ... it's really really hard to keep going sometimes isn't it?. Be kind to yourself Andie. Give OH a cuddle. Plan something lovely for the weekend.Plan how you are going to get the info you need to make yourself feel more in control. This disease takes our control away and all this crap with changing appointments does not help.
I have been back to the GP today and he has told me to start taking the Tramadol again and has giving me some anti-sickness pills to take at the same time,hope this starts to work......
Jo- it would be great to see you if you feel up to it, I will let you know the details as soon as i get my letter.All i know is that my op is going to be on the Monday afternoon.2nd Feb...
Hope your all well...
After my high yesterday I have hit rock bottom this morning and can't stop crying, in fact I think I have cried more this morning than anytime since my dx back in august.
Why - I accepted that because this is IBC I needed to have my chemo first, and I have and I have accepted all that it has thrown at me knowing that the next step is surgery. I saw the surgeon early January and he agreed that it was OK now to operate. A week later I spoke to his secretary (a really helpful lady) and she gave me a provisional date - 26 th Feb an evening operation. She had passed the date onto the hospital admissions office and said I would hear from them. To date I have heard nothing. Yesterday in clinic I had to see an Oncologist that I had never met before. When she was filling in the form to get me into the Rads system she asked if I knew my operation date. I told her 26th Feb but I hadn't had it confirmed yet. Her answer was ' these dates often get cancelled'. The date is 5 weks after my last chemo. My lump has not gone completely and I am now absolutely paranoid that if it gets cancelled the lump will start to grow again. I am probably getting myself into a state about something that will not happen but now I have started crying I just can't stop. I don't know who to speak to- if in fact I should speak to anyone. I don't want them to treat me like a crybaby - other people have problems jsut as bad and probably worst.
Sorry I had to let this out. I feel that I can't do this anymore and OH just says well you've got to.
Thanks for listening
GAIL well I keep thinking I have won the lottery ! ( do you think it will work for me ??? )
Sharon I haven't had any eyebrows for ages ( I feel naked ! ) I had lovely eyebrows as well ! lol well they were hairy !
We are having fish haddock today with my yummy home made mushy peas ! I have had to do 2 lots of mushies cos Steve was moaning last week that I had a huge plateful and he hardly got any !! ( going to be a windy night tonight ! )
I think my tumor has shrunk a bit more ??? but won't know till next week till I see Carol ( chemo nurse ) .
Steve said can we all stop writing as he hasn't caught up yet ! and he said " WHATS THIS ,,,,,, I CAN ONLY COOK EGG CHIPS & BEANS " lol yes you can !
Shelly it's even better that they have moved you forward a bit it's on a Monday now (not that I will have to tell you ! ) I'm sure you already know !
right I'm off to let Marble out ( moggy ) love Caron x