heartbroken

[nicky08]

Hi Lily - just adding my words to the others already on here. A very moving account of your sister's funeral and I am not surprised than none of her immediate family could speak, it must have been so upsetting. However it sounds like your sister was deeply loved by her family and all her friends and I am sure this will help comfort you along with your lovely new baby boy. Congratulations on his birth and I am sure he will help you all in this moment of deep sorrow. I hope any test results do not affect you directly and also that your sister's consultant can help answer some of the questions you must have about her sudden death.
Take care and look after yourselves
Nicky x

[Guest user]

Lily

Thank you so much for such a moving account of whats been happening sinced your dear sister passed away. Congratulations on the birth of your little boy, as you say he will be a great source of comfort to you and your family at a time when you need comfort the most. My heart goes out to you and your family and hope that there is no genetic cause for your sisters cancer, you certainly have enough to cope with without that worry.

Best wishes
Linda

[Guest user]

Lily,

Your post has an underlying theme that there is so much in you and your family's lives to look forward to. You will keep your sister in your hearts and minds forever. You sound a very caring person and I wish you well for the future. I hope the meeting goes well and that you are able to cope with the blood tests results whatever they are.

Thinking of you,

Snoogle
x

[Guest user]

Hello everyone, just an update since my last post.
My sisters funeral was on Fri 3rd Sept.It was undoubtedly one of the worst days of my life. I knew it would be, no matter how much you prepare urself for whats ahead, as soon as we saw the funeral cars pull up, me,mum,dad & my other sister went to pieces. It was such an emotional service, but looking back I think it went aswell as these things could. It was a nice service from the point of view that we made it all about her. We played 3 of her fav songs, one of them was her wedding song, two family members stood up to talk about her, my Husband spoke on behalve of my parents, sister & I- we just couldnt do it, but it was important to us that someone read out our words & how we were feeling,&to put across just how much she is loved & missed by us. It was also comforting to see how many other people wer affected by my sisters death, & how much other people were saddned & shocked by what has happened, it made us feel less lonely.
The next day all i felt was emptyness. Suddenly there was no funeral to arrange, I couldnt go to the chapel of rest to see her- as I had every day. The finality that she has gone started to set in. I still feel like that now. I still cant associate my sister with death. I know i havent seen her in a while, & i know im not going to, but i cant comprehend that she has died-it just doesnt make sense.
Two days after the funeral on Sun 5th Sept at 19.40, I gave birth to a little boy. He was a week over due, im thankfull that I didnt go in to labour on or before her funeral, & that hes here safely. It was such an easy birth, & I felt that my sister was with me in that delivery room. Its soo sad she didnt get to meet him, but me & all my family are so gratefull hes here. My sisters little boy has now started school, & has settled in well. Hes seems to be coping at the moment, & school seems to be a good distraction as hes really enjoying it & making new friends.
Next week we have a meeting with the specialist who looked after my sister, & who put her care plan together. It wont change anything, but it might help us understand why the cancer spread so quickly, & why we lost her as quick as we did, when we thought she was all clear. We are also waiting for the results of some blood tests. As my sister had tests done a month before she died, to see if the cancer is genetic- thats a scary thought for me & my other sister, but we will just have to be strong & wait & see what happens x

[Guest user]

Hi Lily,
I have been thinking of you all day and know it must be very hard for you and your family.
Take care of yourself and i hope you have a great time being a new mum despite this terrible tragedy.
special thoughts to your little nephew.
Love
Reneexx

[Guest user]

Dear Lily,
I don't often post here but after reading your heartbreaking post i had to tell you how wonderfully supportive you are, i was reading your post with tears streaming it was so heartfelt, i am so sorry that you and your family have lost such a wonderful person in your lives and so young.
I know you will all do your best for her little boy and be honest without going into too much detail about his mummy's illness, it will surely help him to understand as much as his young mind can, and help him get happy again.
I hope your new arrival will help all your family especially your mum come to terms with their grief and in time make them all happy again and enable you all to have happy special memories of your sister.
Lots of Love and Lots of Thoughts to you and your family.
Reneexx

[Daisy_do]

I felt so sad for your sister and her little boy and how brave you and your family are.

I want you to know that you have all you need to cope with life and your new child your sister saw to that. She had her boy and you were there and your sister showed you the way. Take all that she gave you and live your life so that she can say that you didnt waste it. She hasnt gone from you completely as you have so much of her love inside you. Remember the good times and all that she told you and tell her son the fun and loving stories from childhood so that he never forgets her but can enjoy talking about her without upset or fear.

You have the strength in you to have a wonderful life with your family and that your sister can trust you to keep strong and positive for her little boy and his dad.

You have a big job on your hands but I feel that because of the love you have shown you can do this. We all grieve for the loss but we forget we have everything in our hearts and memories remaining.
wishing you peace

God bless x

[Guest user]

Hi Lilly,

Can't add to what's already been said. Just to say that I'm thinking of you and your family, too. The love and supportive your family have will help each one of you to cope.

Take good care of yourself & your new born.

xx

[nicky08]

Oh Lily
How very sad for you and all your family. I haven't been on the forums much recently so haven't posted anything to you since just after your initial posting, however I have been thinking of you and was so saddened when I read that your sister had died. I feel so sorry for her little boy and all of you having to cope right now. I hope that you do get to say your final farewell to your sister on Friday but you know in your heart she will always be with you and you were with her right at the end. Good luck with the birth of your baby and I hope, as Val has said, that he or she will ease your sorrow.
Take care and do keep in touch we are all here to support each other, whether we are family, friends or suffering ourselves.
Nicky x

[scottishlass]

Oh Lily, What a lovely truthful post. You are doing so well. But you must now think of yourself and your new baby because that is what your sister would want I am sure. Her little boy with thrive will all the love coming from your family. She would be proud of you. Please look after yourself and I hope the joy that this new baby will bring will lessen the sorrow for you all. Much love Val

[lizcat]

Oh what a touching post - I don't know what to say other than I wish all of you the strength to get through this incredibly difficult time. I also know you will get so much joy from your new baby whenever it arrives and your sister will shine through that way.

Liz x

[Guest user]

Thanks again, for your thoughts & support. Even though non of u knew my sister, its comforting to read these comments and know they're are soo many people thinkng of her.
Nothing feels real at the moment, whats happend over the last couple of weeks hasnt sunk in. We have started making funeral preparations for next fri, its hard- but it feels like wer doing it for someone else- not my sister.
We'v been to see her everyday at the chapel of rest, I have found this comforting & a relief. I wasnt sure what to expect when I first saw her, but she looks lovely.The distress &pain has gone from her face, she looks like our sister again. We have placed a photo of her litlle boy on her, so he will always be with her, before the funeral we will put some more photos in,& some letters from the family- alot of whom didn't get the chance to say bye. Some people may find it strange but we have done her make up, nails, put her wig back on & sprayed her fav perfume- my sister always looked perfect, even during her chemo when she was poorley & her hair fell out she still made an effort - she would go mad at us if we hadnt of madesure she looked nice now.Even when im sat there talking to her& stroking her hand, I know shes not with us & isnt gonna talk back, but i cant relate it to my sister passing away. I suppose it will take a long time for me to comprehend that she has died.
My sisters little boy is doing well, he is very clingy with me,his dad & grandparents but hes bound to be. He has asked questions such as will mummy be back for christmas or my birthday,he asks whats going to happen to her things,& now & again says poor mummy-my mummys died. We try to be as honest as we can with him, without going in to too much detail. But hes got all of us,& has alot of support that will always be there for him. He starts school on thursday, im sure that will be a nice distraction for him.
Im also struggling with the fact that im 9months pregnant, my babys due today. Ive spent all these months looking forward to him coming, & now Im worried that if he comes on Friday I will miss the funeral. Im worried how i will cope with a newborn baby on top of my grief. When I visted my sisters house, we found things that she had bought for my baby, im going to take one of these little outfits to hospital with me, & after ive given birth it will be the first thing he wears, & what I bring him home in. Im hoping aswell that a new baby in the family will help with our grief, that it will give us all something good to focus on,and that I can stay strong no mater what happens, for my family & our new addition that could come along any time now x

[Guest user]

So, so sorry to read that your sister has passed away. I can only say you and your family are in my thoughts at this sad time

Max x

[Guest user]

Dear lilly Im so sorry ANOTHER BRAVE LADY taken much to soon.My thoughts are with you& YOUR FAMILY XX

[Van]

Dear lily.... On 19th august at 7am I copied your post and emailed it to my partner while he was on his way to work. It broke my heart and I felt your sadness so much. It made me think how lucky I am and how this disease has such an awful effect on everyone it touches.
I have been away and thought I would catch up on the forum.
I cannot begin to know what pain you are feeling.... I am so so sorry. So sorry x
Anger and sadness are such huge emotions. Someone please find a cure.... Quickly ....

X

[scottishlass]

Dear Rachael, I am sorry that you too have lost a loved one. Your Mum would have been proud of you for writing to Lily. Hugs coming to you too. Love Val

[Guest user]

Dear Lily,
I am so very sorry to hear your news and pass on my love to you.
I lost my Mum to breast cancer 2 weeks ago and am absolutely devastated- feel like my heart has been ripped out!
We knew it had spread to her lungs but sje deteriorated so quickly, within a week.
I am lucky that I have so many amazing friends and lovely family but I just can`t believe I will never see her again. She was so wonderful and an amazing Grandma.
I hope you are ok,

Thinking of you,
Rachael

[scottishlass]

Dear Lily, I am so sorry to hear of your loss. No-one should have their life taken away this young, especially when she had a wee boy to live for. Thinking about you and your family at this very sad time. It certainly puts our problems into perspective. Take care love. Val

[Tournesol]

Dear Lily

Really sorry to hear that your sister has passed away. Thinking of you and your family. xx

[Guest user]

Dear Lily,
So very sad to hear of the loss of your dear sister,it is devasating for all the family and for her little boy. There are no words to comfort you, but I am thinking of you and sending love and prayers at this sad time,

Maryxx

[Guest user]

Dear Lily, What can I say more than I am so, so, sorry for you and your family.
This desease is so cruel, my heart goes out to you all.

God bless you all xxxx

[Guest user]

Lily, I really feel for you. My mum died within three months of her initial diagnosis of secondary cancer. She had never been diagnosed with any primary so it was a big shock. My family then found it very difficult to deal with my secondary diagnosis within a week of primary diagnosis. It sounds like you are a close family and that there is a lot of love for the little one. Take care of yourself.

Snoogle
x

[Tawny]

Dear Lilly

I, like everyone here, am so saddened to hear the news about your sister. What a terrible shock for you and your family. We are all thinking of you and sending you love.

Alison xx

[bertie]

Dear Lilly,

I know I am just repeating all that has been said before about you and your family's tragic loss, I know you must all be feeling devastated and shocked at the moment. I lost a dear friend in very similar circumstances just 2 months ago, she deteriorated so quickly too no one was expecting her to go so soon, she too was hoping to have some chemo but it was not to be, she like your sister left a young child, a daughter of 5 years old. This awful cruel disease continues to take so many young mums, sisters and daughters.

My thoughts and prayers are with you all at this very sad time.

With love
Marina

[Guest user]

Dear Lilly, So terribly sad and sorry beyond words at your tragic loss. As the others have said, no words from us will comfort you now, but her little boy will always know how much she loved him through her wonderful family. God bless you all. Dianne x x x

[Guest user]

Dear Lilly

There are no words to describe how sad the loss of your sister is - this cruel horrid disease. You will find ways to cope and be strong for her little boy and you will keep her memory alive for him. I am so very very sad and my thoughts are with you all at this terrible time.

Love Anne x x

[Guest user]

Dear lilly,

I am so, so sorry for your loss. I am thinking of you and all your family.

Love Holly. xx

[Guest user]

I'm so sorry to hear your loss, Lilly. You and your family will be in my thoughts. x

[swallowtail]

So sorry to hear this sad news, I am thinking of you and your family,
Love Celia.x

[Guest user]

Dear Lily

I am so so sorry for your loss. Thinking of you and your family at this sad time.

Faz x

[Guest user]

Lilly i am so sorry to hear your news. You and your family are in my thoughts.

All my love
Jaynex

[Midge]

Dear Lilly

I am so sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine how you are all feeling now as you have had so little time to prepare. Please accept my sincere condolences. Your family and particularly her little boy are in my thoughts and prayers. Debx

[Guest user]

Dear Lilly,
I am so, so sorry to hear about your sister. I feel so sad to hear that she has been taken from you all, so quickly and so young. I know there are no words I can say that will help you. I just wanted you to know how much this has touched me. It is such an awful and tragic time for you and your family and for your sister's little boy. Please may I say that with all the love and support you and your family give to him, that he will be ok. I'm saying this because my little girl was exactly the same age when her daddy died suddenly, 3 months before she started school - she is now a beautiful and confident 9 year old. She misses her daddy terribly, as do I, but she knows that he loves her very much and that he will always be with her in her heart. Please pm me if there is anything, anything at all in the future that I may help with.
You must all be so very, very proud of your sister as I am sure she is proud of you and her little boy.

Take care Lilly, with best wishes, Samm xx

[JulieD]

Lilly,

I am so,so,sorry and sad to hear your dreadful news. There is nothing I can say to make you feel less heartbroken, I can understand the devestation you and your family must be going through and my heart goes out to you all. You sound like a strong and loving family and I'm sure your love and mutual support will get you through this.

Thinking of you,Julie

[mizzy]

Lilly, this must be one of the most heartbreaking posts i have read on this site its so sad that you and your family have lost your sister at such a young age and so shockingly quick and for a little boy to lose his mummy like this is utterly unbearable and so so sad.
love and strength to you and all your family
Mizzy xxx

[Guest user]

Lily - i'm so sorry for your loss. I understand words can't capture how much pain you feel right now. I'm thinking of you and your family.

Lynn

x.

[Guest user]

LILLY am so so sorry for the loss of your sister.Please accept my sincere condolences for you and your family and for that poor little boy.xxxx

[Lucy_BCC]

Dear Lilly

I am very sorry to read this news, may I pass on our sincere condolences to you and your family from the team here at BCC.

Take care
Lucy

[Guest user]

I just wanted to let everyone know who posted a comment that my sister passed away ay 12.05 this morning.
It was only a week ago we were told the news that the cancer had spread,& that we only had months left with her. That then changed to weeks. All we wanted to do was to get her home,& have her with us- we just wanted a bit of time with her. But it wasnt to be. She deteriorated rapidly during the early hours of mon, blood tests showed that her liver function levels had gone through the roof, she couldn't fight the toxins it was releasing into her body.
We arrived at the hospital at 9am following a phonecall from staff. Her stomach was swollen,her face& pupils yellow- but what was more upsetting was the confussion & distress she was in,we tried but was unable to comfort her. Eventually after diff doses of medication she calmed down, the docs told us that she was too poorley to be moved- she couldnt come home for her final hours.Instead she was moved into a private room, where she passed away with me,her other sister,mum& dad at her side holding her hands,stroking her head & telling her how much we loved her.
What do we do now? As you can imagine we are devestated. Our family will never be the same or complete again. I know we have to deal & live with our loss, but I just don't know how. In the space of a week we have gone from thinking she was clear of the cancer, to her not being here anymore. It physically hurts.
Today we have had to break the news to her 4year old, a little boy who was looking forward to starting school in Sept, & now has to do it without his mummy. She will never get to see him in his little uniform that she has got all ready for him. It seems so unfair, why her? What has she ever done to deserve this?
I don't know how to deal with my grief. I miss her already xx

[Guest user]

Hello Lilly, if there is ANY option of extra time? I'd try to persuade her to take it. T'm 39 & initially diagnose with primary BC back in 2005 _ I was single and childless. I met hubby in Jan 06. In may 06 I was told t was her2 positive and needed a year of heceptin it yr her2 negative I need that new drug beginning with A?! T finished in may 07 abd tried 4 kids. Got a new job, started getting bad back in 07/08 finally diagnosed eith BC in groi, spine, liver & lungs - they thought that was it! My pleural effustion was so bad ib 02/09 - they thought that was it! I came thru until t turned yellow nstarted itchtihg - I didn't poo 4 almost a week! They thought I was going to die they fitted a stent as a last desire - that was 11/10. In Dec I novices my haddwritind had chanced doing the Xmas cards & mu refexology -,that's when it all went upside down I had WBRT. It's meant go give u 2/6 months. Yes the secures I system to get rn March have paralysed y hand- cruel 4 an artist - I lost my beautiful land hot - and I've vole ahjUST been given the TARA News. Im inhecting nuself every day cos las lot of chemo destroued my yei s.xwheb the Xaceitabibe stopped workins I had Goserelon injectiobmns Yes I have been positive attire hepedalpng by lots of DrUGS -.i dhpild have gone ibjubne. If id heze been a tub of boyyer you'd have knocked ne back xxx Please at lease stink adopt it d

[scottishlass]

HI Lily, When I was diagnosed with bone mets in 1999 I was very ill, fragile and in shock. I had had breasr cancer first 10 years before that whaen I was 39 so the news that it had spread to my bones came a s a complete shock. I walked round like an old woman and the bone pain was intense.
Eleven years on, I have the pain under control with morphine and other painkillers and also have the bone strengthing drug Bondronate. I feel better now than I did back then. I thought I too only had a short time to live. Unfortunately all cancers are different but try to encourage your sister and tell her that there are ladies here who thought their time was up....but are still here. I had chemo for many months last year which brought my tumour markers down. You may be able to speak to her Breast Care Nurse at the hospital who may be able to tell you more, if she is allowed to and your sister agrees. Keep coming on here if you are feeling low and struggling yourself. We all support each other here. I pray things improve for your sister with the new chemo and hopefully they will be able to control her pain before too long. Cyber hugs coming your way Lily. Take care, love Val

[Guest user]

Hi Lily,

Sorry to hear about the news your sister has received. It cannot be easy her or the rest of the family. I'd be happy to chat to you either here or send me a private message. Think we are in a similar situation. My sister was diagnosed last year with breast cancer. The following week was told she had secondary cancer with a spread to her lungs, liver, bones and nodes on her stomach. We were (still are) devastated at this news.

She has had chemo, is now on a hormone inhibitor, herciptain and bone strengthener. She is in much better health than this time last year - at point of diagnosis.

Anyway feel free to message if you want to chat.

Shiona
x

[Guest user]

Hi Lilly, Just want to reiterate what Deb has said above. I'm praying that she will be strong enough to take the chemo and that they can get the symptoms under control. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Love, Dianne x x x

[Midge]

Hi Lilly

I am sorry that your sister is feeling so poorly. I really hope the doctors can control her symptoms and she is strong enough to have chemo if that is what she wants. Hopefully your arrangements for her to go home will go smoothly. Your family are in my thoughts. Debx

[Guest user]

We spoke to the docs Fri, & my sister has decided to try more chemo- to give her more time with us. But they said they can only do it if her body is strong enough. They said her Liver is very poorley, & they are struggling to get the high levels of calcium in her blood down. They are
doing blood tests today, & the results of that determines if she will have it.
She seems to be going down hill really fast, shes confussed& is struggling to get out of bed. She also gets breathless very eaasily, & needs oxygen. They mentioned yday local hospice facilities, but we all just want her home with us. She just wants to come home to her family to. So we are making preparations for that.

[Guest user]

Hi Lilly,

I'm so sorry to read your post. I'm in my 20s, too and have secondaries in both bone and liver. Just finished my 2nd kind of chemo and awaiting for scans. Fortunately for me, both chemo worked. I've not felt poorly either, it's only the chemo that made me quite poorly.

Before my liver diagnosis in April this year, I was feeling quite fit and was planing to go back to work, so it came as a shock, too. I did for a short period of time wanted to give it all up, too.... what's the point? Do I really want more chemo? What if it doesn't work? Would I be able to cope? I don't really know how I got through the last few months, but looking back, everything has been WORTH it!

What I'm trying to say is that if your sister reacts the same way as me initially, don't be surprised by this. She's been through a lot already, this obviously feels like a step backwards for her, just as it felt like to me at the time. Just give her all the supports she needs, as I'm sure you and her other family remembers are doing already.

I hope everything goes well today. You never know, maybe 3rd time lucky for her!

Wish you all the best and will be thinking about you. Do let us know how you got down in your own time.

xx

[Guest user]

Hi Lilly, Just read your latest post and I want to say that you must tell your sister to take any treatment they offer. My chemo didn't work either and after 12 weeks they stopped it. (I had it weekly and it was supposed to be 18). However, I'm now on a tablet called Arimidex which I've been taking daily for 2 months and also Bondronat for the bones which I've been taking since I was dx'd in January. Had a blood test last week and then saw the ONC who was delighted because the tumour markers have gone way down and my liver function is almost normal. I will stay on this now for as long as it lasts. Please, please tell her not to give up hope as there are many things they can do to treat secondary cancer and she may well have years and years of life left. I thought I only had 3 months left in January as that was the impression I was given by the GP. I am honestly feeling fine at the moment and going on a cruise in two weeks time. Had a holiday in Rhodes a month ago and had no problems at all. If you look at the secondary threads on this site you will see that there are many women who have lived for years with secondaries. I wish you all the very best of luck and I'm hoping and praying that she will take the treatment and stay with us for a very long time indeed. Lots of love and hugs, Dianne x x x

[Guest user]

Thankyou soo much for all your kind words, it is of some comfort to read these messages & to hear some of your pesrsoanl stories.They make me realise how many people cancer effects, & eases the lonely & isolated feelings we have.
My sister & family have a meeting this morning with her care team at the hospital, to disscuss different options. They did say from the start it was a very aggressive form of cancer(stage 3), and had been detected in one of her lymph nodes under her arm,but because shes so young & she had reported the lump asap we were really positive and never really believed things wouldnt be ok. However, looking back she tryed two diff types of chemo that didnt work, they didnt shrink the tumour- so she didnt finish either course of treatment,& instead went straight for surgery to have the breast removed,& then radiotherapy. She only finished radiotherapy 8wks ago, & has been unwell for the past 4wks-so she never got rid of the cancer as we thought she had.
When they broke the news to us that the cancer had spread, they did say she had the option of more chemo- it wont cure her but could give her more time, so thats something to disscuss today. But its up to my sister if she wants to go through that again,& they will only do it if she is fit enough to have the treatment.(theres a selfish part of me that wants to tell her to have it,hoping it will give us something to focus on & that it will give us more time with her,& more time for her to spend with her 4year old son. But I know we cant put pressure on her,& that it has to be her desicion). All we can do is support her, follow her wishes & see what today brings.x

[Guest user]

Oh Lily i am so sorry to the news of your sister. I am 36 and was diagnosed in February this year with extensive mets to liver, bones, lungs and lung pleura I have a 6 yr old son. I was started on chemo which did eventually fail but after a very positive meeting yesterday the oncologist had lots to tell us regarding trials etc which I may add my husband had to do a lot of researching the internet regarding trials etc I am feeling a bit more confident about things, there does seem to be things on offer. In February myself and my family thought i had days/weeks to live,and we were all heartbroken still are, but please research and find out information and bombard the oncologist with lots of questions which he must answer for you. I find it shocking saying there is nothing to be done. Please dont give up hope yet, the shock of the diagnosis is still reeling but you must arm v yourself with information sending you all my luv to you all just now at this painful time x x x

[Guest user]

Hi Lilly,

Just wanted to send my love to you. So sorry for what you and your family are going through. You do sound like a very loving and caring family.

Please do come back here anytime to talk and get support.

Love Jaynex