Hi, I visited my friend this week as I had just found out that she has been diagnosed with stage 3 cancer. She had a mastectomy in mid feb and has had the lymph nodes removed from her right arm too. The scans have shown hot spots in her bones. This is as much as I really know, other than she is to have 6 cycles of chemo, then a break then radiotherapy. She is very down about the whole thing - and is convinced that she will go through all this then will die. I have told her that she is still in shock about the whole thing and that she will get to a stage that she will start to feel stronger and more positive about making the most of every day. But I would like to help her in any way I can. I can only visit once every 3 weeks as I live about 50 miles away and work. When I was there this week I baked a cake for her husband’s birthday and we went shopping and bought him a birthday present - but she was saying things like ‘this could be the last birthday present I buy for him’ etc. Does anyone have any suggestions for how to help her feel more positive?
Hi Glengirlie, what a lovely friend you are. Unfortunately, like most of us I’m sure, your friend has been catapulted into a scary place. This only leaves your mind to play dangerous tricks and take us to places we don’t want to go to. It’s still very early for your friend to come to terms with her staging as well has her body and mind recovering from surgery.
I would carry on as you are doing, visiting when you can, try and find time in your day to text her letting her know she is in your thoughts, and set aside some time to speak to her on the phone, maybe letting her speak most of it.
If after a further 6- 8 weeks you don’t see a positive change then you might need to recommend her counselling. You could try and speak to her breast nurses through the hospital, to see what support groups they could recommend.
Its friends like you that make this bloody awful disease easier to bear with your kindness and support.
Maggie x
Here here Maggie. WE love our friends to help us. My best mate took me out every week come rain or shine to garden centres and tea rooms and just to chat and put the world to rights. Of course we never suceeded, but at least we tried !!
Keep on doing what you are doing and she will appreciate it so much even if she forgets to tell you. Love Tracy xxx
Hi Glengirlie
Sorry to hear about your friend’s diagnosis.
I had a similair diagnosis to your friend a year ago. The first few months were tough. I constantly burst into tears. I had a lumpectomey in November 11 then a mastectomy in mid Jan 2012 and had all my lymph nodes removed. All were positive for cancer. My scans showed hot spots in my bones. I had 6 cycles of chemo, then a break, then 25 sessions of radiotherapy.
After my treatment, my bone scan showed no active cancer. A year on I am back at work fultime, have been overseas for work twice, and am very active.
One of the best things I found for helping me feel more positive was reading the Bone Mets thread on this site - that showed me there was many people like me, that live productive lives with BC, some for many years. The goal of treatment is to get one to a “stable” point, which is where I am at at present, and hope to be for a very long time.
During my treatment I really appreciated hearing from my friends on a regular basis. Phone calls and cards made a huge difference.
I hope this helps.
Karen