help me anyone please

[Jill1998]

Anxiety is a horrible thing ,I have had panic attacks in past also ,bound to make a re -appearance.replacing googling breast cancer with googling palpitations.,...

[Flowergirl12]

Hi Jill, In fact, any body part that functioned properly at the moment would be useful. It will have made a discreet difference to your mood,
Imagine what your mood wouldve been like if tooth no longer there!! You just havent realised it yet.
It sounds like anxiety, I was blessed with this condition about 3 years ago for no reason at all except for being told I had Spondylosis and the doctor painted such a bleak picture thought my days were numbered, apart from back pain and a clicky neck it was fine. The anxiety moved on but has come back since the diagnosis, so had a right to do trying to wedge me into the MRI machine, only managed as i was face down.
I know what you mean my tolerence levels with pretty much everything arent very good at the moment.
X

[Flowergirl12]

Ah Jamie, you sound like you have really been through it. I know you have to keep going but i can go from 0 -60 on the doom front in a blink of an eye. Im dreading the chemo, not even because of the lack of hair issue I'll have, its what if I go through all this for nothing. I know it sounds so defeatest but im weary already and its only been 8 weeks since diagnosed. But a lot has happened in those weeks. Im so full of 'what ifs'. Im imagining every ache and pain is another cancer, i must have a good half dozen other cancers going on at the moment!! I feel like my old life has gone forever, the one I moaned about and never looked grateful for because I was...,.busy! Is living in fear now as good as its ever going to get, never being free from that damn word. Apologies for going off to my own little pity party for a moment. Im still new to this and still struggle to comprehend that it is happening to me; me from the cancer free family.
You sound so strong and determined.
Tracy x

[Jill1998]

Thanks Jamie sounds like you have had a difficult journey.

[Jill1998]

Ces ,my dog is also now allowed on bed......

[Jill1998]

Tracey ,2 livers would be very useful!Yes ,I'm disappointed in my dog too showed no interest in my boob whatsoever .It is a challenge to stay sane amongst all this isn't it!Been to dentist now have whole tooth can't say it has made a dramatic difference to my mood.I have definitely discovered a heart complaint since diagnosis,having palpitations.Husband says it is anxiety probably right but even so...Think I get that checked out too....Finding it very hard to listen to other people minor moans and groans.....Don't know how lucky they are do they.

[JamieJ]

I got my first diagnosis 7/2006. I had four tumors. One was 1cm and the rest were pea size. I had chemo then radiation. Started the tamoxifen and was on it for a year and a half. Stopped because I was having suicidal thoughts. No one at that time offered me an antidepressant. 2010 my cancer returned. I had a left breast mastectomy. The breast went to pathology and the out side edges showed no cancer cells so my oncologist said that treatment was not nessecary. No mention of Tamoxifen and personally I was glad about that. 2011 I found a pea size lump on the edge of my mastectomy near my underarm. Yes it was cancer again. I had another round of chemo and started the tamoxifen. It has been a rough road but I prevail. I have 18 more months on the Tamoxifen. My hair has been falling out profusely the last three months but I don't care because I am alive. So the meaning to my story is. If I can get through it so can you. Just do it. I have had hot flashes for almost ten years. I have permanent sweat rings on my mattress. I have been on all the aromatase inhibitors. I've has cirrus fluid leak out the beds of my nail because my hands were so swollen. My bones and joints have hurt continuously. The bones of my jaw started necrosing and I thought all my teeth were going to fall out and it hurt to chew. But I'm still here. My 52bday is right around the corner. I just became a grandmother and have the most wonderful kids and husband. So life is good. Please fight and whatever you do don't stop your medication.

[Cesrabbit]

Hi Tracy
The biopsy revealed it was a 1cm grade one Er+/Pr+ (both 😎 but HER2 was equivocal whatever that means so lumpectomy will tell us more. Funny. After reading loads of threads on here I've now convinced myself that the grade is likely to be higher, tumour larger etc....definitely going down the glass half empty route. x

[Flowergirl12]

Hi Cesrabbit
Lovely to hear from you.
Have they given any indication as to stage etc of your bc? When op will be?
I think everyone, friends, family, just wants to make you feel better and reassure you it will all be ok. Bless you it cant be easy, my girls are in their 20s and telling them was hard enough. Its amazing where you do find strength from. Good use of the books, that made me smile; he means well though!
My anxiety returned although seems to have calmed down a bit, still have the feeling that something is stuck im my throat and my whole body aches esp round my ribs.
Pets are such a comfort, that did make me laugh as mine now comes and lies on the bed with me too, wasnt really allowed before. x

[Cesrabbit]

I'm with you Tracy. My husband says 'it's just a little lump, they'll take it out and that's it!'. That's what he thinks despite me telling him different. He's given me 3 self help books to read..they make great coasters for my wine glass!!Haven't told my 3 kids..youngest is 11. Waiting for op to see what I'm facing. My mind is playing all sort of wicked tricks on me. I find it hard to breathe something days. And dogs! My labrador is 12 months old and is now allowed to bounce on beds and sofa now I've got BC! She wasn't allowed upstairs before! x

[Flowergirl12]

Hi Jill
Its good to hear how everyone reacts in similar ways to this, sudden new ailments, existing ones getting worse, and how rapidly BC can spread in your mind without any medical evidence to back it up. I think my husband, mum, my girls, friends all think that once Ive had this next op thats it, 'its' gone. But its only just starting and Im scared stiff. Im exhausted by just having to stay sane. Why oh why was I blessed with such a vivid and wild imagination instead of a sensible one or even 2 livers wouldve been useful!
Whats your 'thread' btw, tell how technical I am!!!!
Do you think your dog is trying to tell you something is wrong, you need to have a word and tell him you already know. I told mine she was a rubbish Spaniel for not sniffing it out sooner as some dogs do; She just walked off!
Have your work been sympathetic and supportive?
Good luck at the dentist its bad enough going there when you havent got BC.
Tracy x

[Jill1998]

Hi Tracey,I think I have caused my dog to have behavioural problems he just won't stop barking since I found out I have bc....Your life ends up completely dominated by this doesn't it.Just explaining to my boss how many procedures and treatments I needed time off for and timescales made me realise what long haul this is.I am bored of it already and Im only at the beginning of the process.I have decided to try not to talk to my other half about it too often because it upsets and stresses him too and we desperately need some times of normality.Hard though.Hope you feel better today.I am going to G.P this week to discuss variety of other health issues I have going on,never rains....Half my tooth fell out and my bridge came loose so also had to go to the blooming dentist too.I want to trade my bodybin for one that works!

[Flowergirl12]

Hi everyone
Been smiling at some of the recent comments. Ive had a bad few days, so have been wallowing; as soon as I do anything that makes me feel normal or is something I did/enjoyed before BC it throws me into a dark place. Dont know whats wrong with me. Prob thought of 2nd op on 11th, then whats to follow. I spoke to my GP the other day in relation to my pains, worries etc including all the out of date info/doom around TN, and came out feeling more upbeat about that (well for at least the rest of that day). Think my husband is sick of hearing about BC and my many 'new' all cancer related ailments, I think Ive managed to depress the dog as well.
Arghhhh! This just messes with your head.
Tracy x

[Jill1998]

Thanks Tess,you made me laugh,you sound disaster prone like me!I am a regular at A and E with broken bones etc also have vertigo so bound to have to deal with additional calamities during treatment.I have very bad karma at the moment ,think I should have an exclusion zone around me!We have no choice but to appear calm even when we are not as most people struggle to cope with hysteria also talking about cancer not most peoples idea of fun!Thank you for your support hope your chemo not as bad as you fear.Totally understand what you mean about hair loss,it means random strangers knowing your business not fair.Best wishes Jill.

[Tess1950]

Hi Jill, hope you don't mind me joining in. I was diagnosed in April and was offered removal of lump but Consultant said she was concerned about the inverted nipple so I might have to have surgery again. Everything seemed unreal but I opted to have a mastectomy as did not want to go in twice.  They also took 4 lymph nodes.  I had the mastectomy on May 1st.  Waiting for the results was really hard and the 2 weeks went by very slowly.  I coped by keeping busy and in some ways convincing myself it wasn't happening.  I did have some dark times but had support from my hubby and some very good friends.  When I got my results I asked for a copy and did some research mainly on this site so I was sort of prepared for the next stage.  I then went from the surgery consultant to the oncology consultant.  It was shown that I had 2 types of cancer and was HER2 Positive which is rare with the types of cancer I had.  I told him I liked to be different. Really I was petrified and scared but couldn't say that.  My lymph nodes were clear.  The Consultant told me it was more aggressive than they thought.  I start chemo on 15th June followed by injections and then 5 years of tablets.  Trying a cold cap as my hair is really long but not that confident it will work. It seems petty but losing my hair scares the daylight out of me.  I think it is because everyone will know and have the label cancer patient. The same consultant treated my friend's mum and her cancer was very aggressive and she is now better. He outlined what he was going to do to make me better and I have every faith in him.  There is always a doubt will it come back though but I dare not ask that question but from what I have read it could. I have just been leaping round the computer as I have a bad back and it just went into spasm.  Running round hurt my non boob as still not healed yet. Things come in threes and I have just tripped over the chair my hubby used when he couldn't get in the shower. Had to laugh as it hurt so much and didn't want to cry but felt like it.  I hope I don't go into spasm when having chemo or they will be chasing me around the room.  It is so very hard to get your head round all that is happening but really we have no choice.  We want  to get better so do everything and anything that helps.  Friends think I am really brave and strong because that is how I come across.  I do have a fantastic hubby who understands. He broke his hip the day I was diagnosed. I now call him Pingu.   I also have a very good friend whose mother and sister have both had breast cancer and she is with me every step of the way. We have also had two friends die during the past fortnight. Not from cancer but one was only 49.  I did have a saying nothing else can happen but I never say it now as so,ething always used to happen. I may sound very calm, cool and collected but I assure you I am not.  I understand everything you are going through and it is a total nightmare. I am here for you. When you are on your own or at night are the worst times.  I was convinced on the day of my surgery I would not wake up but I did and I was having a cup of tea very soon after.  I went in, in the morning and was home by 7.30 at night.  I did not have a drain as consultant said fluid would disperse in my body.  I am still swollen but no infection so all okay.  I sound so cool but believe you me I am not.  I understand how you are feeling and will talk to you anytime.  I find the forum really helps keep me going as we all understand each other and don't have to pretend. Sending you hugs galore and positive vibes. Always here for you.

Love Tess

xxxx

[Jill1998]

Yes the Queen seemed oblivious to my plight , how date she!
good nights sleep I hope .jill

[Jennifed]

I like your story about the Queen! It never ceases to amaze me how life goes on no matter what disasters are manifesting themselves in the life of individuals. I keep looking at people and thinking that I bet they think I look like a normal middle aged woman but I'm not! I've got breast cancer and I'm quite probably going off my head to boot! This is all unreal. One lady who responded to my plea for help a couple of weeks ago said that once all my treatment is behind me and I am recovered I will reach a state of calmness and understanding that will make life going forward even more enjoyable. I thought that was quite inspirational. Who knows there might be a silver lining somewhere along the line. wishing you a long and restful night sleep. X

[Jill1998]

Good luck with goodnights sleep!Would be a help to get some peaceful sleep for all of us .

[Jennifed]

my surgery is on the 16th. I'm anxious to get on with it but receiving the letters confirming the cancer, where it is and what needs to be done sent me downhill again. I have to agree with you about the aches and pains - my breasts have felt so uncomfortable ever since the diagnosis and I've been worrying about that too. Seems like we all have the same patterns of thinking which in some way is a kind of comfort to know. Sleep well. X

[Jill1998]

Hi flower girl I was diagnosed last week ,surgery booked for 24th June .Hadn't slept past 3am until last night ,night time is very lonely when you have no distractions from horrible thoughts.Think I am getting calmer getting down the list of people I have to tell has been exhausting and upsetting.I have now decided I have a heart condition that will kill me on the operating table, don't our minds torture us.I have been getting pains everywhere since diagnosis I'm sure it's just anxiety.There a few of us newly diagnosed people talking on my thread "Just diagnosed and wanting to talk to people who understand "if you want to join us on there and we can all take it in turns to be hysterical and let the others calm us down.This will make you laugh, as I was coming back from hospital in state of unreality last Friday the Police closed the road and the Queen went past on a official visit,kids with flags and everything.Surreal! I waved obviously.....

[Flowergirl12]

Hi Jennifed
I have had those exact same feelings; of grief, an ache in my stomach at the thought of leaving my two girls (even though married now) and husband, friends. I was yearning for my life back the one I had 7 weeks ago, the one I moaned about, before it was changed forever, nothing looks or feels the same once you get that news! I feel like its just one big uncertain mess at the moment. I keep getting weird aches / discomfort round my sides and ribs, so have convinced myself its spread already before Ive even had my treatment. Im just driving myself (and hubby) crazy with it all, the what ifs etc. I try to be positive and think right then you sod you're not gonna beat me then whooosh positive thoughts, gone! Thank you for the message of support and encouragement, I really appreciate it. How are you now, have you had treatment yet? Take care Xxx

[Flowergirl12]

Hey Missydec
It must be the week for feeling down. Will be thinking of you tomorrow you will be fine and find that strength because you have to. Yes, one day at a time so try not to worry about the results. I know easier said than done. The wedding was amazing thank you, she looked lovely and happy, I was a very proud mum (even though I was breaking up inside). Let me know how things go xx

[Jennifed]

Flower girl - I've had such morbid thoughts that I couldn't stop crying for the first few days. Convinced I was on the way out and then sinking into a kind of grief as I imagined leaving behind my lovely family. I even had my husband marrying again and I can tell you that pulled me together! I didn't work full time for 35 years, build a lovely home and get some dosh in the bank for a younger model to enjoy! No way. I'm going to live for another 30 years! try to find something like this to divert your thinking. I'm still having rough days but wanted to let you know how I'm fighting off the really dark moments. Don't know if this will work for you but I do hope you feel better soon. Xxx

[Missydec16]

Hi Flowergirl
I've a really **bleep**ty week feeling really low. Ready for hospital tomorrow for ANC and already worried about the results! They found a DCIS with me too! Hope you had a great time at the wedding. One day at a time xx

[Jennifed]

Oh Jinny just reading your posts and want to send you strength and peace but don't have the necessary gifts. I'm so sorry for you and for all of us! The nhs is doing wonderful things for BC and you are going to get through this and enjoy life again. You will! We will! Believe it!

[jinny2611]

Nighttime is the worse in on a tnbc on Facebook it great to talk to girls in same situation I was hounded this site at the beginning looking for stage 3 I wanted to find some one with exact same as my digonose and they are out there just moving on with there lives. It scarey as hell but you will do it and will be over in no time x

[Flowergirl12]

Hi Jinny
Thank you for your encouraging message, I really appreciate it.
Yes, low sums it up. Ive just lost any positivity i had. Im so swamped by it all, and dark thoughts, it just gets too much. I cant sleep these past few nights my mind wont switch off.BC is a lonely place to be at night with your thoughts.
Take care Tracy x

[jinny2611]

Hi flower girl I'm triple neg and had 9 positve nodes and 2 tumours the beginning is the hardest couldn't even describe how low I was it does get easier x

[Flowergirl12]

Hi Missydec
How are you doing? Not long to wait now, and I do know how youre feeling.
I had busy week last week, daughters wedding and my results. A bit of a mixed bag really. I have to have another op on the 11th June as small amount of DCIS was found right on edge of tumour margin, good news was only 2 nodes out 23 positive but im Triple Neg. But this didnt seem to worry the care team at all. Ive had a very down day today lots of bad thoughts and crying, suppose not good to keep it in. Few questions I still need to ask them although very little I can do about most of it.
Take care Tracy xx

[Missydec16]

Hi Flowergirl. Lymph node removal scheduled for the 9th June. More waiting! I'm going to try and concentrate on being fit and well for surgery. Past few days haven't been good. It's hard when your world has stopped and the rest of the world keeps turning. Trying to get positive again x

[Flowergirl12]

Thank you Xx

[Janet1954]

hang in there Kiddo....Lots of Hugs x

[Flowergirl12]

Hi Missydec
Thank you for your message. Im trying not to talk about it too much at home as again I think hubby is swamped with it. He does try to be the voice of reason.
I just feel very sad, tense and rather lost by all of this, but as you say 'we'll get there'.
Its a week today since I had my surgery so I do know how you feel. Is your next surgery due soon?
Its tiring and very surreal, but its lovely to know there is support and encouragement here. Im using every bit of positivity left in me at the moment to get through my daughters wedding next week TXx

[Missydec16]

Hi Flowergirl, i know exactly how you feel. I feel so sorry for my husband, hate my boobs and am trying to be so strong that I am tense and stressed out. I'm 8 days post op and need further surgery then chemo. The whole thing is surreal. I'm trying to take it one day at a time or I get overwhelmed. We'll get there xx

[Flowergirl12]

Thanks DizzyDee
It really is overwhelming when you realise how many people are going through this, and read all the positive messages on here.
I had been on Citalapram a few years ago for anxiety but had been fine until all this stress and upset. I actually wondered if anything could work. Everyone keeps telling me im doing great and how strong i am, but inside Im confused and scared. Although i have had the op i havent had the results, i hadnt even given those a second thought as I was so consumed with wanting this out of my body but was dreading surgery, I too have a fear of this. Now im totally fixated on Nodes, results and all the what ifs, my poor husband I think his head is battered. I think ive lost the concept of rational thinking! I cant even bear to touch or look at my breasts. I know its little steps but these past 5 weeks have taken their toll.
TXx

[DizzyDee]

Welcome Flowergirl,

We are a very supportive bunch. I got so low and frightened when i got diagnosed i went to my GP and got prescribed Citlopram, an anti depressant. It really worked. Also when approaching surgery day was prescribed dizapam as well day before and day of surgery. Really helped as i had a severe phobia about surgery all my life which didnt help. Now i'm not only BC free but dont have my phobia anymore or the anxiety or panic attacks from first few weeks after dx.

Now just about to start rads and tamoxifen. Drugs can be really helpful. I am normally a cheerful upbeat person and have never taken anti depressants before but can honestly say they have made things a bit easier to deal with. Hope that helps xxx

[Flowergirl12]

Hi
I was diagnosed stage 2 grade 3 IDC on 10th April, had lumpectomy and AND on 14th May, i get my results on 29th May 3 days after my daughters wedding. Had hoped to keep it all from her till after her big day, but that wasnt ever going to work, she knows and is pleased she does. Im all over the place, anxiety is back, dark thoughts, what if's, I do try to stay positive but find night times especially difficult. Im new to this and wasnt sure what to expect. From what I have read so far there are some amazing supportive people on here.
T x

[Missydec16]

Hi Tracey I was diagnosed 3 weeks ago and know how you feel. You will def feel better when treatment starts. It's normal for you to have these feelings - I have good and bad days and times were all I do is cry. It's ok pick yourself up and keep going love. We'll get through this xx

[traci777]

Thanks for everyone and your lovely replies my husband has been so supportive its so reassuring to hear all ur comments I just keep thinking I wont c my children grow up im such a negative person thanks everyone xxx

[Janet1954]

Your in the same position as many ladies on this forum...yes waiting is the worse part...no doubt about it...and no doubt you are in a bubble at the moment...once you know for certain what is the diagnosis then and only then can you go forward ..hang in there..sending you hugs xxxx

[mad4cavs]

traci ,the waiting is the worse im having a lumpectomy thursday followed by chemo and rads everyone on here is ready to help we are all in the same boat hang on in there, i know its hard my emotions are all over the place,phone the helpline on moday the nurses are very good,when i was first diagnosed last month i was numb but talking to one of the nurses really helped,they explain ,good luck xxhugs

[DizzyDee]

Traci,
As all the other ladies have said it does get better. I was put on anti depressants when first diagonosed and they really helped as i felt like my world had fallen apart. My treatment was exactly the same as Kims a lumpectomy followed by rads. Nodes clear. Agree that if it is cancer they have caught it early and it hasnt spread as they have felt ur nodes and no signs of swelling so thats good. What ur going through now is the worst bit but you will get through this. Sending you a hug xxxx

[Jobey68]

Traci my love I was in your shoes not so long ago and was paralysed with fear but things were not as bad as I feared and I've learned so much over the past few months from the specialist's looking after me and the tremendous support I've received from this forum, they can't know anything for sure until your biopsy results come back and like you I was told my nodes looked clear and they were so that's a really good sign that it's not spread anywhere if it is indeed cancer, mine was removed very quickly and I'm now just starting 3 weeks of radiotherapy next week ,the panic your feeling is totally normal but things will gradually get better I promise you,please keep talking to us and don't feel you are on your own xxx love Jo

[Lucy_BCC]

Hi Traci and welcome to the BCC forums

I am sorry to read that you are so worried, our helpliners are back on Monday at 9am so please feel free to call to talk this through on 0808 800 6000 ( open weekdays 9-5 and Sat 10-2 although closed for maintenance today)

Best wishes
Lucy BCC

[Josisuch74]

Aarh traci so sorry to hear they will help you and sort treatment for you as soon as results come. Your in good hands. I know it's hard but try and think positive they have caught it and will do everything possible for you. Sending big hugs. Need to chat am here for you x

[Sharnie]

Hi Traci, don't panic - wait until you get the results of the scan and biopsy. There is so much they can do these days. I have just had my tumour removed and a biopsy done on my lymph nodes. Got to wait for the results. It's the waiting in all of this which is the worst part, but once you get a treatment plan in place you will feel better. There are so many of us going through this, I never thought it would happen to me as I'm an extremely active person, I eat healthily and don't smoke or drink much. Mine was only picked up by my first mammogram so I'm lucky they found it! Do you have anyone you can talk to about how you are feeling? Please try not to worry too much until you have a definite diagnosis. Wishing you well xxx

[vic55]

Ahhh traci, there will be something they can do. The waiting and not knowing is by far the hardest bit. Do you have anyone looking after you at the moment?? Its totally okay to be stressed and panic, this is tough and horrible but they can treat you.

[traci777]

i went to the hospital yesterday consultant felt my breast and said he was sorry he new it was cancer sent for scan biopsy and mamogram he said my lymph modes felt clear i feel like ending it all what if theres nothing they can do cant sleep or eat making myself ill