how on earth to get back to work?!

[Janey2]

Treeze thank you for letting us know. Such a difficult time for you and holding you in my thoughts. Lots of love xx

[Treeze]

Just to let people know, my dad passed away peacefully yesterday afternoon.

[ladybowler]

Treeze

I have just seen your post from yesterday and just wanted to let you know you are in my thoughts xxx

[Janey2]

Treeze, thinking of you at this time xx

[Treeze]

Thank you Leigh.They've told us today that he has about 6 weeks left.

[Leigh446]

Oh treeze, poor you. That's awful. I offer hugs and love. I sincerely hope he is not in pain, and it sounds like you need a bit more than a day with a book. xxxxx

[Treeze]

Hi Leigh..dad is being treated for pneumonia and chest infection but we've been told it's been discovered he had cancer in the lungs which has metastasized in his liver.He's not aware of this yet but in his younger days he worked with asbestos and lots of men he worked with developed cancer.He won't be able to go home again and depending on what tests reveal and doctors decide it will be nursing or residential care.We don't yet know how long he has.He looks better today and isn't confused any more although gets muddled about where he is and what day it is which is understandable.xx

[Leigh446]

Ps I hope your dad is ok

[Leigh446]

Oh Treeze, I hope you enjoyed your well deserved day with a book. It sounds like it was well needed! It's very exhausting to worry. At maggies they say, breathe! Just breathe in and out very slowly while you are boiling the kettle or whatever and really notice what you are doing, rather than what you are thinking. 

I think you deserve a promotion, and here in money land, that comes with a link click on this word Peaceful ( I hope) it takes you to some tapes made by Diana winston at ucla, I find it very helpful to pick one and listen to it lying down, a few times a day. I hope it helps you - and anyone else out there. It's called meditation, fancy! But really it's just a nice voice saying nice calming things, well I hope it helps! And you are right, I shall follow your lead - more book reading and less stressing. I didn't even get an interview for the job, and after three days writing and checking cv and cover letter. Humph.

[Treeze]

Leigh..thank you..started the new job you sent me today- best job I ever had, I'm loving! With the money I'll make I can have those massages, holidays and other luxury items like good and warmth I've been craving 🙂 :)Seriously I've decided to give myself a day off today from fretting and stressing.Done nothing but since my dad went downhill after his fall.I've started with a lay in and a good book, breakfast in bed and will carry on like that today.if I start worrying, going to remind myself it's my day off! 🙂 xx

[Leigh446]

Thanks for the thanks! Now you've cheered ME up at whatever time in the morning!

sue has put a diagram on one post ( which one? Doh) that shows how after treatment your health gets better but your emotions go down so for a while you feel REALLY crap. Also people don't want to talk about it, I guess they are scared? Bored? Caught in own world? I found I could touch on it to v good mates but could see them backing away pretty quick! Now I see why maggies kept banging on about being kind to yourself- you need to treat yourself incredibly encouragingly, cos no one else will! Crept the ladies on forums. Sand do the drama, it will give you the boost to get you through the crap. 

Ooh don't I sound wise?! Can't help re job tho. Still not getting anywhere and can't stand long enough to do shop. And I know about money. I am like you, like to budget, but have hubby that will go and buy mad stuff cos he deserves it.(!) after chemo he got the kids a 200£ party because they'd had a rough time.and now have none left for a haircut for me. So I am grey and badly died red in stripes. Not a good look! Pah!

here, after reading benchland thread am inspired to start rich country. Am sending you an imaginary job that requires testing soft cushions tow see how comfy they are, oh and munching on different nice things two see which is nicest. Very highly paid!

[Treeze]

Thanks Cath..yes that's right, even those who were most supportive like in my afternoon job now I'm back for a few hours it's just get on with it.I mentioned my arm was stiff and aching today and I got a sort of"oh?..oh yeah right" response like it's all forgotten about and surprising I should think of it.Just so reasurring to talk to you all.x

[Runningfree]

Dear Treeze

what everybody is saying is so right,you are doing brilliantly but it is early days..

I know what you mean about getting uptight about money; I went back to work as a nurse in sept ( mx dec 15, chemo and herceptin + tamoxifen) because I was worried about my kids etc etc

Even with reducing my hours from 5 days to 3 I still get very tired especially as day goes on and constantly worry that my chemo brain will make me forget something important! I was going to try and keep a sort of blog when I went back but it was very difficult to objectively analyse my progress). Once you are properly back people quickly forget what you are going / have been through. So please see if there is any support you can get as the other ladies have suggested and take care of yourself, you have been through so much

a big hug to you

cath

x

[Treeze]

Oh Leigh! Was reading your reply at 5 this morning after a bad night..wish I could give you a hug too! You said all the right things that I needed to hear, thank.Did the free exercise DVD from breast cancer care the other day and spent the fast part of it crying while doing it, thinking of all the fun energy jazzercise classes I did in the past with my daughter.I thought I was tired then..little did I know! I always get very uptight about money and kept it at a certain level in the bank, putting my wage in fastidiously and keeping to a tight budget.Its my way of staying in control and I've lost that.I always thought"I"ll be ok as long as I can keep working".well, I'm still here anyway 🙂 Its just being me, on my own, that gets scared but I know my daughter wouldn't see me homeless or anything.Sorry, it's early and I'm rambling! I felt safe in my bubble during treatment as I knew I couldn't work and everyone else knew that and expected nothing of me.Now some people ask if I'm back working and think end of treatment means you're normal again.You're completely right, I get around when I'm on my own but if anyone observed me I'm slow, clumsy and stagger to my feet with my bones creaking sometimes like an old lady:)I do need longer.You really cheered me up- let's win that lottery and in the meantime a massive thank you hug from me.You've already made a difference to someone's day and it's only 6.45! Xx

[Leigh446]

Ps you have a job! 5 or 6 hours is long enough! And sitting in a sensory room w special needs does not sound unexhausting!

im so passionate about this because I'm struggling to find work too, and feel guilty and a failure at all these women that have an amazing career and an immaculate white sofa while running marathons during chemo.  grumble. Bet they whip up organic ...stop me ranting, agggh!

[Leigh446]

Treeze! You have been so helpful to me and now I want to give you a big hug. You are hardly out of treatment AT ALL. Ayou had a kidney removed for goodness sake! No wonder you are tired! Please please go easy on yourself, it took me from March to now to feel together ish. And that's without the kidney thing you had.

And when I finally got an interview in oct. it was laughable I was so strung out with black circles under my eyes! I Was told to expect however long treatment was again as recovery. Told it takes 4 months to grow a new blood cell.so you are STILL RECOVERING!!!

please call every helpline going, they have such good advice. My main source of help was maggies who offered counselling which was basically, BE NICE TO YOURSELF! What does this mean? No, not massages and candles no one can afford anyway, but telling yourself, it's ok, you are doing really well! You went to the supermarket and only cried once ! ( me. But maybe that's just the effect of Tesco s), or, well done treeze! You made a nice soup, or whatever. I was also told to put your hand on your heart and say, out loud, it's okay, everyone goes through bad stuff, and give yourself a big hug, and start to notice what you need right now. A glass of water? A rest? A good cry? And do it! And apparently this will help you get to a stage where you can feel stronger, and you need that, especially if you're job hunting. Also, waitressing? Cleaning? They are far too physical , I suspect, at the moment. You will be exhausted and then find it hard to cope and spiral down .

call macmillans instead - call everyone, until you find someone that can help.

i can sound supportive at the mo because I just sent off my cv, and someone at mc millans couldn't help but pointed me to someone who led me to someone at a back to work scheme, who helped me rewrite it. There IS help out there, just keep looking. And I'll be asking for help next week if this doesn't come off! Good luck. It's horrible I know and compounded by the stress levels your body is at. Wish I was rich! I'd give it to everyone who needed it!

[ladybowler]

Treeze

Oh mate I really do not know what to say that will help, but it is difficult to get back to working normal hours and it does very much depend on what job you do as to how easy that is or not.  I am lucky because I work in an office pretty much on my own with no stress so it has been easier for me, however, yours is a very different scenario.

I think Janey's suggestion of contacting MacMillan to see how they can help, also if you have a CAB by you it might be worth having a word with them as they may be able to look what benefits you might be entitled to.

Sending you a hug

Helena xxx

[Janey2]

Treeze I didn't want to scoot by your post. It's rotten and probably no consolation to know going back to work has been hard with fatigue for me too. I'm lucky to have a job with policies to support me back to work. You've had such a lot going on with two cancers at once. Not sure if I'm repeating advice you've already had, but I'd strongly suggest contacting Macmillan for support with possible benefits to tide you over at least in the short term ESA/tax credits or something similar. You need to be able to focus on something to support your recovery like your passion for drama. Hugs xx

[Treeze]

I admire all you ladies who've managed to return to a "proper" job.I'm managing to do a few hours..about 5 or 6 in the afternoons in my special needs job but that's been basically a visit to the museum or sitting in sensory room.My morning cleaning job I had no longer exists as the shop closed so I would have to start from scratch, looking for work, explaining, no one helping me out because they know me there etc.I'm looking online but know inside I'm really not fit enough yet.Still have some cording and pain in affected side and fatigue is bad some days.Muscle aches and pains and still tender inside as I had my kidney removed for cancer too.I'm reluctant to try a completely different job as with chemo brain I don't want the stress of learning something new.I have savings but as I'm single and haven't paid enough for a full pension, will need that for retirement.Wish I could afford to retire and I'd do it like a shot..would be a weight off my mind!