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how to best to help.

8 REPLIES 8
Starflower
Member

Re: how to best to help.

Hi, you sound like a lovely Mum, want to adopt a 37 year old?!
As the others have said don't tell your daughter to be positive/that she is "lucky" they found it/that we could all be run over by a bus tomorrow, or to "fight it" OR "be brave". There is a great book called "What Can I Do To Help?" by Deborah Hutton, which you can buy on Amazon.
Your daughter is bloody unlucky to have this disease but fortunate to have such support from you. I wish you both the best xx

mumszy
Member

Re: how to best to help.

As the others have said, help her when she wants and let her gage the pace . I wish i had my mum around BUT I have a wonderful daughter who despite being pregnant at diagnosis has been brilliant. She came with me to wig appointments, hospital ones and has generally been a 'best friend'. What more can anyone ask for than a best friend, and one who is also 'Mum' is the best possible icing on the cake. take care xx

kittenkat
Member

Re: how to best to help.

hi - you're there for her and that is the best thing - you'll both work it out together - sometimes she'll want company/help other times some space, take care, mary x

lizcat
Member

Re: how to best to help.

Hi,

I really appreciated my mum doing practical things for me, especially a bit of cooking !!! It was also nice to go out for a little drive around or tea and cakes and things like that. I couldn't have coped with smothering sympathy no matter how well-intentioned ! But that's just my personality.

I was diagnosed almost 5 years to the day after my mum and we've both had similar treatment but I was so aware of it being hard for her (and my Dad). Having been on both sides of the illness, I found it much more difficult when mum was having her treatment - it was what can I do?? On Saturday she told me she is having to have an ultrasound as she has some swelling and a lumpy area near the original mastectomy and this has worried me more than my bc even though they think it is scar tissue and too much gardening.

If you are not sure of the best way to help, just ask her - suggest help with cooking, cleaning, child care etc. And yes, both look at this site for help but don't look too far ahead on the posts as sometimes they can appear a bit scary.

Hope all goes as well as possible for you all.

mommyw
Member

Re: how to best to help.

Hi. When I read your post it really made me sad. I have a young daughter and I really worry about her chances of getting BC. My mother - bless her - died of BC 11 years ago and I found my lump in January this year, so obviously there is a ????? on whether my darling daughter will develop it in the future. As the other wonderful ladies on this forum have already said, just listen, encourage your daughter to talk about her fears etc. hold her, cuddle her - but let it all be at her pace. God bless you both. If you want to know anything at all, you have come to the right place and will get lots of support and information. Don't try to be brave for your daughter because you will need to cry as well. We have all cried, screamed, cursed, cried some more - you really do have to release the stress and worries.
Take care. Love Mommyw (Pauline)

horace
Member

Re: how to best to help.

Recommend this site to her!Let her cry if she needs,never say anything which appears to minimise her situation.Dont tell her to be positive,dont tell her bc is the 'best' cancer to have.Above all be with her when she wants company,give her some space when she needs it and make sure she never has to go to an appointment alone.
She is so lucky to have her mum to help.
Good Luck to both of you
Val xx

debs
Member

Re: how to best to help.

I would say just be there for her! Which I'm sure you are,and as msmolly says listen! i wish I had my mum around to help and support there is nothing like a mum, sadly she died of cancer 3yrs ago.
Offer to go to appts with her if she has no-one else,hope all goes well.
love Debs x

msmolly
Member

Re: how to best to help.

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anxmom
Member

how to best to help.

Hi brave Ladies, my youngest daughter has just been diagnosed with breast cancer. Sentinal exploraton this week.Due op soon. How's the best way for me to behave effectively? Please advise Anxmom