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i feel i cant carry on already,

13 REPLIES 13
bev
Member

Re: i feel i cant carry on already,

ahh bless ya .....stroppy girl .

really hope all goes well.

im glad i got on here .....so many women to speak to and stories to hear.

i will do it, i will carry on but same as everyone else i will also fall at times .

 

Bev

bev
Member

Re: i feel i cant carry on already,

oh evs i really hope all goes well for you.....your nearly there.

you sound amazing getting through it and so much too

wow i feel lucky when i read these posts. its true the saying " there is always someone worse off"

 

hugs and let me know how you get on

Bev

bev
Member

Re: i feel i cant carry on already,

hi thanks for reply.

how are you today?

it feels such a long road and sometimes feel may never feel healthy again.

My son has anger issues too that he learnt from his dad (my ex husband) so im grateful when he crys instead of being abusive. He really does find it hard dealing with emotions.

worry usually brings anger bad with him.

such a shame as i was doing so well as a single parent, he was starting upper school then cancer comes along...

anyway its life eh.

Bev 

bev
Member

Re: i feel i cant carry on already,

Hi thank you so much for replying, wow thats all really made me think.

and luckily i feel more positive i will carry on as luckily i only have 2 more of FEC to go then 3 of the next sort followed by radio.

when you read other peoples stories you  realise how lucky you are.

your words really give me hope. im so sorry to hear you got so poorly.....the panic sets in and makes it all so much worse dosnt it. Had you told your doctor re emet? as i havnt because like i say i had hypno years ago but the panic at times like this or when sick bug strickes sets it off ,

i know im not alone on that one anyway. and i feel a winger really as i wasnt actually sick but felt it oh so bad all through first week , it was a struggle to stop myself....very draining. but im also very underwieght so worry if im sick how much weeker and lighter i will be. so many anxieties around it.

Hope your ok today

Bev  

vegasgirl
Member

Re: i feel i cant carry on already,

Hi, I started my chemo on 22 Sept and have also given thought to stopping, but the days are getting better and have decided to deal with it by adopting a "just one more" approach rather than lump the remaining five together (if you followme!!)

 

I cannot sleep for more than two hours at a time and spoke to my GP who has prescribed something to help me get some rest

 

I am going to ask if they put stroppy juice in my chemo because boy I am stroppy!!!

 

Keep going Bev, we can do it together xxxx  Big hugs

evs_71
Member

Re: i feel i cant carry on already,

Bev, I have had that feeling of not wanting to continue with chemo several times. In fact, my Husband can just about predict when I'm going to say it. I will have had 8 chemos all in (2 before surgery and now on a course of another 6), and with each one felt so miserable in the first few days that I wanted to end it all, but I didn't! And now I only have one more to go, this coming Wednesday. I dare say that on Saturday morning, I'll have the same thoughts and feelings as every other time, but at least I know, it'll be for the last time. Hang in there xx
bravescholar
Member

Re: i feel i cant carry on already,

Bev.. I think it's good that you and your son had a cry together. It's hard for boys at that age - he's 13, right? -as they're starting to become little men and they feel they shouldn't cry. My two boys - 16 and 14 - cried whenn I told them.They tried not to, but I almost made them if you know what I mean 'cos I knew it would help. And it did help. 

 

Good luck. Take it one step at a time. You seem to have good friends. 

 

After yesterday's session, I'm now half way thruogh my chemo. Long road down the line (I'm having chemo before everythign else), but we'll get there.

 

Murphy, we're the same age by the looks of your tag. I'm July 1963. Sounds like you've had a rough ride. xx

Murphy1963
Member

Re: i feel i cant carry on already,

Hi Bev, like you I also have a vomiting phobia that I have kept under control for many years but came back with a vengeance when I knew I was to have chemo. Being sick was the only se that I was worried about. I asked for and was given Emend and that along with a concoction of other anti sickness tabs done the trick, although I did end up in hospital after my first chemo due to a total panic attack because I couldn't eat or drink so panicked cause I couldn't swallow my anti sickness tabs. I was put on Iv antiemetics. After that episode I swore I would never have anymore chemo, but I did. I swore after the second chemo I wouldn't go back, but I did again.  Your team can help with any se that comes up, so keep a diary and discuss with them at your pre chemo appointment. You will be fine.

 

ps. I started my chemo 23 September 2014. I had 4 out of 6 planned fec but was advised after the 4th not to continue as I became very very ill. I was soooooo disappointed I didn't get my full quota, after previously considering not going back after the first two !!!!!

bev
Member

Re: i feel i cant carry on already,

hi thank you all for replying. id only just looked today on the forum ....after a lovely sunny day which i admit i felt frustrated on (not being able to do normal house chores, garden e.tc) but yes i sat in the sun and enjoyed the sun and the birds chirrping .It did help a bit. my son was in and out and i had a dear friend come round who kindly carried my online shop in and ironed my sons school uniform ready for me.

Im eating better now which is making me feel better too. My son really wants a little outing in the car with me into town tomorow so thats what im aiming for. The tierdness was beyond belief today but i suppose thats all normal.

I had a cuddly moment with my son today, we cried and talked. The plan is the week of chemo is our "**bleep** week" ....its marked on calendar each time. then next week is" open to infection week"....hes been instructed to wash hands very well and no ill friends are welcome. and then third weeek is fun and outings week 🙂   .

I have a plan it seems but i have warned my son that at any point i could end up in hospital but reasured him that we have people to step in and be there for him when needed. 

wow though what a trip this all is .

Hope you have had a good day today when possible 

bev

bravescholar
Member

Re: i feel i cant carry on already,

How are you today, Bev? It is a tough journey, but we all seem to get through it one way or another. Take support from the women on this forum and from your son and anyone else who genuinely offers it.

Purpleclare
Member

Re: i feel i cant carry on already,

Bev, I agree, ask for emend. It's worked every time for me. You still get the nausea but no sickness.

I've had three FEC cycles now and after each one I've thought I cant do it again. Honestly now if the onc said I had to do three more I would probably cry but it is ultimately worth it.

I know it's hard but if you can get out and sit in the sun if you are getting any where you live. It has done wonders to my mood today. My OH has literally dragged me out to just wander around our little garden when I get stroppy!

You can get through your treatment and you will do it, for you and your son. Take every day as it comes and cry or scream if you have to.

Plus if you are struggling to sleep ask for sedatives. I get a bit worked up at times and it helps. Lack of sleep helps no one.

Clare

 

bev
Member

Re: i feel i cant carry on already,

Hi thank you so much for your answer.

ive woke feeling a bit brighter so far. i hadnt heard of Emed and will ask about that, thank you.

I had to sleep sitting up lastnight with pillows propped round....luckily i felt so dog tierd i managed sleep like that with the wierdest of dreams.

i suposse im hard on myself at times as we do and will all have our rough low days. but wow what an awful journey it is.

really hope your feeling ok and would love to keep in touch

Bev 

bravescholar
Member

Re: i feel i cant carry on already,

Hey Bev. Sorry you're feeling so bad and sad. I think lots of us feel/felt the same. I'm coming up to my fourth round of chemo and have felt really down sometimes. Feeling bad is normal; you will have good days, though. Hang on in there. Get on some of the monthly threads. The women on there are so supportive and understanding. Re the vomiting, have they given you Emend?

 

Check these out: https://forum.breastcancercare.org.uk/t5/Chemotherapy-monthly-threads/Anyone-starting-chemo-August-2...

 and

https://forum.breastcancercare.org.uk/t5/Chemotherapy-monthly-threads/Anyone-due-to-start-chemothera...

 

Good luck, Bev.

 

 

bev
Member

i feel i cant carry on already,

Hi im new to this ....please go easy on me

Im on my first lot of chemo and not coping well at all . im  a former emetaphobic , i had hypno which cured the fear years ago but after living like that till 30 plus it still worries me some especially at times like this.

I know there are so many more awful side effects to come yet and they also worry me. so far im battling the nausea ....taking the tablets given and eating all the nibbly things when i can . drinking enough too. I also woke in the night with dead pic line arm so that sent me into a panic but spoke with nurses and all moving and fine now. im also having tummy jabs every day atm too....unpleasant but ok.

also the deppresion and tears that come with it random over hair going, feeling a mess, and feeling totoally unlike me and pretty useless in every way dosnt help. My 13 year old son keeps me going but seriously 5 more to go .....can i really do it ?

Im a positive person in all but this is already killing my soul.

but saying all that im most grateful i have a lifeline and hope at the end of it unlike so many .

feel guilty ranting