My children lost their dad to cancer when they were 6, 12 and 14 and their gran after that. Although they all reacted differently it was only when my youngest was 17 that I actively sought out support for her and ended up paying for her to see a private psychologist who was excellent and helped her work through her grief and the bullying she experience at school after his death. You have already had excellent advise from the other women - your GP might also be a source of knowledge about what supports are available in your area. I do think that support when the children are younger is so important and we often do not acknowledge the effect a parents death has on them and blame the child if they are acting differently. Your grandchildren are lucky they have an excellent gran who loves them and is looking out for them. Good luck, let us know how you get on.
Love Anne x x
Here's the link to the counselling service provided by Cruse for children, hope it helps.
My step-children lost their mum when they were 7, 9 and 11. The younger two had counselling through their school, though the older of the two (now 16) told me recently she didn't realise it was counselling at the time. My oldest step-child had no counselling at all, and he really struggled with the loss of his mum (not surprising of course). Late last year I got in touch with Cruse, a charity who give bereavement counselling. He had 6 sessions with a counsellor and he said it was really helpful and was glad he went - he does seem a lot better now. They usually only give 6 sessions so that the child doesn't get attached to the counsellor.
I would definitely get in touch with them - just Google them to find your nearest branch. I had to go first for a session as I referred him and they were lovely.
All the best,
Once I accessed a Macmillan nurse through my gp I found I could get lots of support in different areas. One was a children's councillor at the local Marie Curie centre. She acts as a back up in case there are problems. She gets to know the children and can identify problems. She is also able to go into school at advise the staff. Basically she does whatever is necessary and is focussed on the children rather than me. I feel so much happier knowing they have someone who is just for them. Hope you get some help soon. Dx
Just wanted to say, that the school might help your grandchildren. My daughter is 6 at the moment, and now I am back on chemo and about to lose my hair again, I spoke with the school and she is having counselling sessions every week. They dont go into detail about my health, mainly talk to her, see if she is worrying about anything and talk things through. I have not told her I have cancer, she knows I will be losing my hair (this made her cry) and that I have to go to hospital every week now. But she seems to like talking to the lady counsellor and her teaching assistant is also a friend of ours and talks to her as well.
Speak to the schools and see what they can offer and express your concerns. Might help.
thankyou for your replys i will try your advice at the moment the kids have not had any support my 9yr old grandaughter got help last year at school but the younger one didnt my son has been in touch with the school but so far nothing thankyou again x
I am so sorry you and your family are having such a difficult time. You are obviously a very caring grandma trying to do the best for your family. Have you heard of Winstons Wish, a charity specifically to support children who have lost a parent. Their website is very good, and they have lots of different kinds of support available. Your grandaughter's school may also have access to counselling- or the local hospice may also have a child worker. I know you are concerned about the kids, but what kind of support are you getting?
Let us know how you are.
best wishes, nicky
Welcome to the Breast Cancer Care discussion forums, I hope you will find them to be a great source of support. I am sorry to read about the loss of your daughter-in-law, Lynne. It sounds like you're going through a really tough time and are struggling at the moment.
As Sandra has mentioned you may find it helpful to give the BCC helpline a call. Here you can talk to a trained member of staff who will offer you a 'listening ear' with some emotional support. The number is 0808 800 6000 and the lines are open to day 9 to 2pm and Monday to Friday 9 to 5pm.
There is also an organisation called Winstons Wish which offers support for
children. It is a charity dedicated to supporting bereaved children when a parent has died, they also give advice and support via their helpline. Here is the web site link:-
I hope this is helpful
Best wishes Sam, BCC Facilitator
Sorry I haven't got any advice from a personal perspective, but if you rang the helpline I'm sure they would be able to point you in the right direction.
I also wonder if posting under the family & friends thread would be better......only because some people might avoid the "in memory" thread, I do more often than not.
Good luck, Sandra x
Hi im here because i cant cope and thought i might find solace here my sons wife lynn passed away nearly three yrs ago since she passed its been tough on the whole family life goes on i know but i cannot cope with my youngest grandaughter she was 5 when mum died shes now nearly 8 i wonder if anyone can pass me on advice on how to cope without your mum at their ages the eldest was 12 now nearly 15 then there is another two ages 9 and 4 i am in despair for them i am really scared please help if you can offer any advice thankyou