68101members
358409posts
cancel
Showing results for 
Search instead for 
Did you mean: 

is it normal to feel so tired and lonely.

13 REPLIES 13
Highlighted
Member

Re: is it normal to feel so tired and lonely.

Dear badjaffa,

 

I too am a nurse and also a nurse manager. I really don't understand your boss's reaction. How you are feeling is entirely normal. I assume that you boss is overwhelmed with budget and staffing concerns as I am constantly BUT that is her / his job. If they can't take that and heave enough empathy left to look after the staff, it is time for them to move on. Take the time you need. The psychological impact of this is as bad as the physical (I'm a mental health nurse of 26 years so I know what I'm talking about there!)

 

Take care

 

Deborah

Highlighted
Member

Re: is it normal to feel so tired and lonely.

Hi badjaffa

Unless your boss is a complete idiot (I was going to type a naughty word there), it's probably more likely that she just didn't know what to say.

I'm also feeling lonely and tired...though I have other problems going on at the moment as well as the cancer which are contributing to the not sleeping. Both my breast surgeon and BCN have said that cancer is a disease that affects you emotionally/psychologically as well as physically, so don't beat yourself up over how you're feeling.

(((hugs))) Maggie xx
Highlighted
Member

Re: is it normal to feel so tired and lonely.

Really worth a listen, thanks. X
Highlighted
Member

Re: is it normal to feel so tired and lonely.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b038m8zz/BBC_Proms_2013_Season_The_Urban_Prom_2013/

Not sure if this link is allowed but like Maverick Sabre : "These Days" first artist up, very emotive.! BBC took it off the iplayer... BBC proms version was the best though.
Highlighted
Member

Re: is it normal to feel so tired and lonely.

Hey badjaffa, sorry you are havin a rough time. I have same occupation as you, and sounds like same type of boss. I had a very unsympathetic letter from mine requesting a meeting to discuss the underlying reason for my absence! My sick line was in and she was very well aware of my diagnoses, my dad had just passed away and I had a reccurance of cancer. My GP has been brilliant, she wrote to my boss for me, so that the meeting could be delayed. Still difficult days for me, but I will get there. Please take the time you need, emotional healing is just as important as physical healing, so give yourself what you need. We have to look after ourselves as very clearly our employers don't always step up. Post
Highlighted
Member

Re: is it normal to feel so tired and lonely.

Hi Badjaffa, I felt dreadful going to work after finding a lump. When I was DX, I told a few colleagues because they kept wondering where I kept going off to in work hours (GP), (Hospital appts)ever since then they kept badgering me as who they can tell, hate being the subject of office gossip! I have been on leave since my last op (2nd WLE) and am due back in the office on Monday and absolutely dreading it because half the office knows. My boss (male) was uncomfortable with my dx, but once I was back after my 1st WLE the lump was out, as far he was concerned I would be back to normal. I am now waiting for my ONC appointment and will be off again for a much longer period. I used to love going to work, never took time off ill. Going to work brings it back to me how much I have changed since finding that bl**dy lump in May. Physically I have been surprisingly well even after 2 x WLE's and 1 SNB. The sleepless nights made me tired at work, and anxiety affected me mentally and I lost focus at work because it requires attention to detail. I don't feel too bad now, I have good days and bad. When first DX I was perscribed anti depressants from my GP, but have not taken them because they would not have made any difference for at least a month and I didn't want anything to interfere with my treatment. I have supportive family, and some good friends. However, nobody really understands what your going through unless they have been through it themselves. Once you have your lumpectomy you will be able to get more rest and feel less pressured to carry on as normal. Kathy x
Highlighted
Member

Re: is it normal to feel so tired and lonely.

Yes you are quite normal and sometimes people seem to be offhand but its because often they are so shocked they don't know what to say and the C word is still very much a no no the breast cancer care site is the place to be and I am sure like me you will make some very supportive friends big hug cos you need them Janice xxx

Highlighted
Member

Re: is it normal to feel so tired and lonely.

Thanks all for your supportive comments, have my lumpectomy on the 2nd of September. I'm sure its normal to have the odd meltdown.
Highlighted
Member

Re: is it normal to feel so tired and lonely.

Hi badjaffa,
sorry to hear of your diagnosis; I believe you will start to feel a little more in control after the results from the lumpectomy. I think Grumpy is 100% correct that the tiredness you are feeling is as a result of the shock and emotional turmoil you are going through. Be gentle on yourself, you have such a lot going on. The management in my organisation were pretty rubbish. I knew my line manager couldn't cope with my news so told his manager who I knew quite well. Her reaction was to stare at me for about 30 seconds and then ask "In which one?" Not exactly the response I was hoping for. That was back in March 2012 and now that I am back at work there are still people who struggle to deal with me because of what happened last year. I have to echo what has been said before: 1. some people are better at dealing with cancer than others,2. you will learn as you progress through your own treatment who your real friends are. I lost a few friends but have gained others, some who reached out to me even though they hardly knew me - I feel lucky now that I have such good friends. Take care, Helen

Highlighted
Member

Re: is it normal to feel so tired and lonely.

Try to speak to a union official, area office rather than workplace for all the info you need about time off, sick pay, phased return to work ext.
Maybe your boss is one of those people who just don't know what to say about cancer and get tongue tied.....
And yes feeling utterly exhausted is normal, the extreme emotion wrings you out like a dish rag.
All the very best with your treatment plan, it can be grim but we CAN do it. Keep using this forum, it is a wonderful support and source of information.
Grumpy

Highlighted
Member

Re: is it normal to feel so tired and lonely.

 
Highlighted
Member

Re: is it normal to feel so tired and lonely.

Badjaffa,
so sorry you have had this experience. People are different, and deal with people differently. Some women are scared when confronted by a BC patient. It reminds them that it could happen to them, and they don't want to confront that possibility. We have to learn who we can trust and rely on. Sadly, this isn't always easy and can be hurtful. Is there another co-worker who you could confide in? You will find who your true friends are eventually.
Sending hugs and love.
Poemsgalore xxx
Highlighted
Member

Re: is it normal to feel so tired and lonely.

Hi badjaffa.
Sounds like you're having a really rough time. I too am a Nurse but fortunately my Manager has been really supprtive. The NHS is supposed to be the caring profession but we're not that good at looking after our own are we. I'm guessing you may be exhausted because of all the emotional stress as well as the physical. This is truly an awful time and the waiting and not knowing is the worst part. You don't say how long you have to wait for your lumpectomy but once thats done and they have the results from it, your consultant should give you a treatment plan. Once you have that, things hopefully will be a bit more manageable. I know when I was diagnosed, I was a complete wreck and felt exhausted but honestly, things do improve. Sorry I can't be more helpful about the unsupportive boss-you'd think she would know better. Sending you a big hug x
Highlighted
Member

is it normal to feel so tired and lonely.

Told my manager this morning I've been diagnosed with grade two breast cancer and awaiting lumpectomy. Just felt like she didn't give a dam, couldn't get me out the office quick enough, thought she would have been more supportive because like me she's a nurse, feel so lonely. I'm also feeling completely exhausted, is this the cancer? Is there anyone else whose employer wasn't supportive, didn't discuss length of time off or nothing, feeling like im having a melt down.