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jamming the octopus back in its box

18 REPLIES 18
keepmumsane
Member

Re: jamming the octopus back in its box

Hi lupin, you sound brighter 🙂 I have to say the leaky eye thing is really sneaky.  I had my needle biopsy yesterday,  my friend picked me up and took me. Found myself whimpering like a small child on her shoulder for no reason before we left , really unexpected.  

It was ok, realised I'd been terrified about it, but it wasnt much in the end.  The technician was so poker faced, he didnt know quite what to do when I asked if it I could have a Buzz Lightyear sticky plaster..the ultrasound tech snorted. I guess you shouldnt make someone holding sharp things laugh really. 

My friend took me for lunch, and on the way home I 'accidently' went into the petshop and came out with two new budgies.  Some women buy shoes when they're stressed apparently I get pets. A few years ago when my partner and I had a rough patch I bought a horse.

Got about 3 hours sleep last night, didnt know if I could have a sleeping tablet after the local, between the dog and the man snoring and busy brain it was a long night.

Feel better hearing from you though. My doc said I'll need chemo to shrink my lump before surgery.  Pixie cuts for everyone xx but who knows what the plan will be on monday. 

Thats Awesome that things are moving forward for you, great that once they get going theres no waiting around. Waiting sucks. Im so glad for you.  🙂 as I told my girls , they spend a lot of money on research and treatment so they know what they're doing.  One day at a time is a good plan.

Making you a cup of tea, much love xxx

Lupin1172
Member

Re: jamming the octopus back in its box

hey there - Im better today. I think for me it was telling my kids - that was heart breaking even though they were all really positive - i was heartbroken inside.

 

I got the call today - having my pre-op assessment this thursday and operation next tuesday, so all being well it will be over with fairly soon and i can concentrate on recovery. I have to have the radiatiion injection and the ink next week too. I am also being tested to see if i am suitable for tamoxifen - i think that what is happening. To be honest i keep forgetting and i hate looking in the care folder that the hosptal gave me. I am trying to take one day at a time and not get too upset by reading up on it at this stage - trying to deal with each step rather than let my head get wrapped up worry.

 

This weekend was good - although we took the boys to see Intersteller at the IMAX and quietly cried most of the way through it. and today is a new day and im just trying to keep busy til the op and fingers crossed its not spreading into my lymph.

 

I hope you are feeling ok - hope your results are good - sounds like we are having treatment at similar times! Im just grateful that this is all being dealt with so quickly - waiting is agony. fingers crossed for us both and all the ladies on hear dealing with this....

 

positive vibes and hugs and all that 

Kf791
Member

Re: jamming the octopus back in its box

I'm very glad you seem to be keeping your spirits up! 🙂 good luck deciding which games to remove.......could be interesting!'

Real shame about your trip away, sounds like it would have been a perfect time to get away for a bit. But hey, time to get yourself better and go after all this sh*t we've got to get through!

You'll be able to do gardening just be careful at certain times after chemo.

Good news is that I'm feeling fine 🙂 2nd chemo on Wednesday and not feeling sick at all. Felt quite tired yesterday but after a good nights sleep last night I'm feeling fine today. Even shared a bottle of wine this evening which went down well! 🙂 long may the minimal side effects continue!!

I'll send you a private message on here saying how to find me on FB, then we can say hi on there 🙂 xxx
keepmumsane
Member

Re: jamming the octopus back in its box

Yeah, I spent 3 years over there as a child, but honestly cant be bothered proving anything. I'm going to pout a little and get over it.  I had to get a doctors form for an airline ticket yesterday. Was supposed to be flying to christchurch for a block course as part of my years correspondence study.

Thats the day I now have my planning appointment.  was really looking forward to a week with no one to look after but me..Theres another one in march, so hopefully I'll get to go to that.

How are you doing today?  I will fb message you, but have to empty some space on my tablet for that Blasted messenger app.... which of the kiddlets games to remove.... ? o.0 Mwahahaha! 

I had my first hoeopathic remedy suggestion yesterday...well my man did, I say poison the hell out of it and plant flowers later. He was slightly blunter.

The irony is Ive been studying organic Horticulture all year. Im guessing gardening will be out with chemo?

Thanks for being here. its a sucky club but the members are Fantastic

Kf791
Member

Re: jamming the octopus back in its box

Ahhh bummer!! 😞 wonder if there is anything like it for other parts of the world!

I'm happy to become friends on FB if you want to talk any time. Just private message me if this is something you'd like to do and we can go from there.

If not, keep using this forum, lots of lovely helpful people here too 🙂 xx
keepmumsane
Member

Re: jamming the octopus back in its box

Hi, kf791,

I requested joining that fb page but they said its for uk women or women originally from the uk. Im from new zealand,  so they turned me down.  

Shrug

Meh, whatever.

 

keepmumsane
Member

Re: jamming the octopus back in its box

Hi lupin. Its just bonkers isnt it.

One minute im fine,  next minute im a wreck. was having a lovely day,  then found myself sitting on the kitchen floor howling. Ridiculous.  

I was supposed to be face painting this weekend but that many kiddlets will have me laid out I think.

Insane how many of us are here...less miserable sharing the load though. Thank you .

people keep saying well its survivable now, (Bless em) my concious brain hadnt even done that math yet .. kinda just feeling like a mountain fell on me at the moment. 

The other day I had no idea where to put myself went out and weed wacked the lawn,  it was so long you could have hidden mongolian ponies back there... took hours but tired me out enough to sleep. 

What day is your op? I have biopsy and bloods on monday, then results and plan monday week..years away. 

Hope your nodes are shiny clear xx  (and who knew there were so many!!?)

if its any help over the weekend, imagine me putting the kettle on and passing tissues, and rescueing the tea bags from the fridge..or the vodka from the freezer... lol

Hugs

 

 

Lupin1172
Member

Re: jamming the octopus back in its box

Hiya lupin here - I just wanted to say I can really relate to how you are feeling I was diagnosed two days ago although I was scanned and biopsied last week and the consultant said it was cancer she would confirm after the results. It's still a bloody shock to think I am sitting here on my sofa with cancer - two weeks ago it had not even entered my head I just had an achey boob.
Like many I did the whole Facebook announcement to get it over with - I found it reassuring but also I can't stand the dam questions from people....I had Mesa last year and so many people ask me if it is because of that....like I am a doctor and know that....that question makes me feel grumpy lol.

Today has been a good day and I hope that tomorrow is too and all I can do is take one day at a time - I have my op booked next week and will find out if it has spread to my lymphs - and what treatment I face after.

I hope you feel ok and today has been a better day for you - take care x
keepmumsane
Member

Re: jamming the octopus back in its box

The teary thing I kinda get, at this stage it feels odd cos I look fine, im not broken. Its taken me 24 hours to get my act together so maybe it was just stress all built up. My man came from work kinda similar having told his car pool girls, and I realised thats its actually not just a lump...its breast cancer. And my best friend was talking about helping to finish off my diy disaster so I have a nice place to lie about in on tough days. Holy paintballs! I was freaking out and I hadnt even joined enough dots yet. After a 3rd night of sleep in a row I feel calm today. Thank for your advice and support. It helps. It really helps Xx
keepmumsane
Member

Re: jamming the octopus back in its box

Good idea, I always try to think of the maldives when the kiddlets drive me bonkers, it'd probably work pretty well for this. Warm ocean, teeny rainbows of fish, snorkling..yeah!
jenny29
Member

Re: jamming the octopus back in its box

As seabreeze says it's ok to be teary sometimes. It doesnt mean you arent coping.

Seabreeze
Member

Re: jamming the octopus back in its box

Hi Keepmumsane,
If you have a good imagination this may help at times when you feel a bubbling up and have your own space....think to yourself I just need to get through this and think of somewhere you love...a place, the sights and sounds, how relaxed you feel in that place, the weather, breeze, sun, wind whatever it is that makes that place make you feel real. Focus on it imagining you are there....if you can do so you'll gain time of pure escapism, relaxation and will feel stronger for it.
Also be kind to yourself, only natural to get teary at times and anyone who counts will know that.
X Seabreeze
Kf791
Member

Re: jamming the octopus back in its box

It doesn't matter where you are in the world, we're all in it together!

And days 8-11 after chemo is your most vulnerable apparently so note that one down! I'm going into hibernation those days 🙂

We all cope in different ways and I have chosen to try and laugh my way through with friends and family it if I can....otherwise I think I would be a mess! Xx

keepmumsane
Member

Re: jamming the octopus back in its box

Ahh hidden pitfalls. Thanks for the heads up. Lemon juice for everyone. 

Had a panic attack the other day and scrubbed all my windows with vinegar and detergent..not a great mix of aromas... children unimpressed. I've discovered my housework gene only kicks in in times of stress.  

I shall find the facebook page. Have been lying under feather duvet pretending im sleeping but dog and daycare dog keep tippy toeing in to check on me...and trying to lick me..ick..so shaking off self pity party and going to get on with my day.  Im not even sure I should be on this forum as im not in the uk, but it had the best information and this great forum, so I signed up.

Hope you're feeling good today..shrinking is Awesome! 

Xx

 

Kf791
Member

Re: jamming the octopus back in its box

My pleasure lovely. It definitely helps having people to talk to, especially people going through the same thing. If you're on FB, get yourself on the page, it's been fantastic for me. Any questions you have you get a speedy and lovely reply. And they listen if you just want to have a good old rant! Look up Younger Breast Cancer Network and send them a message. I tend to do most of my posting on there but keep coming back here to help newly diagnosed ladies as it really helped me at the beginning.And you can always find me on FB and message me any time....or message me on here obviously! 🙂

A couple of weeks isn't a long time but unfortunately at the moment for us 1 day feels like a week!! And I panicked when I felt my lump that it was massive and how did I not feel it before! But I have a fast growing cancer so chances are it wasn't there for long! Chemo is now shrinking that b*stard though! 🙂

Chemo wasn't too bad. My first one was a dream, no sickness or anything! Then I caught my sons cold when my immune system was at its lowest and ended up in hospital for 5 days! Learnt my lesson there! 🙂

Xx
keepmumsane
Member

Re: jamming the octopus back in its box

Thank you for replying. Im 45 , dont feel old until my girls want me to jump on the trampline. aint nodody needs to see that! 

I have a couple of weeks to wait for tests to be reviewed, not long in the grand scheme apparently.  It just sneaks up on me. 

I decided today to be 'not home ' and have tucked my car behind my neighbours house so I dont have to face up to anyone.  It gets tiring acting cool the whole time.

I shall follow your journey , I felt like such a plonker with such a big lump, I was expecting something pea sized and assumed I just had lumpy boobs. Pfft. 

I still have to tell my mum, but am waiting till I have a treatment plan so she has something to think about. 

Its amazing how kind the people around me are. My girls are at a country school, , the teachers said if I get stuck coming back from town they'll just take them home and look after them. 

Actually I feel better just knowing you're there too. How was your chemo?

Thank you. 

 

Kf791
Member

Re: jamming the octopus back in its box

Hi Keepmumsane

Sorry you've ended up here 😞 but it's a great forum!

I was diagnosed a month ago and was struggling with all the scans and waiting etc. but once I had a treatment plan in place I felt a lot better and more in control and was ready to fight!

I have a 4-5cm lump that has gone to the lymph nodes so I'm having chemo first too. Actually had my 2nd round today!

I told all my friends soon after I was diagnosed, I did a mass FB status to just get it out there! Found the support from everyone brilliant and that has really helped. I am only 30 with two small boys so needed the big support network.

I don't know your age (it's rude to ask!:)) but I have found an absolutely amazing FB page for people under 45 with BC. The ladies on there have been fantastic!

Any questions please ask xxx
Lucy_BCC
Member

Re: jamming the octopus back in its box

Hi keepmumsane and welcome to the BCC forums

Along with the shared support and experiences you will find here our helpliners are on hand with practical and emotional support so please feel free to call on 0808 800 6000, lines open 9-5 during the week and 10-2 Saturdays

You may find some of the information and further support ideas on the BCC treatments pages helpful, here's the link:

https://www.breastcancercare.org.uk/treatment

Take care
Lucy BCC

keepmumsane
Member

jamming the octopus back in its box

Hi lovelies, Im at the start of my roller coaster ride too. Found the lump,  was too busy to get it checked until I took my 11year old in with an ear infection a couple of months later.

Im having my biopsy for margins on monday and blood tests, my surgeon said he doesnt normally talk to women before that, but my ultrasound was pretty conclusive. a 2.8cm mass surrounded by 5.8cm of changed tissue.  

Apparently even dds cant come back from that being removed. (im a little disappointed in the girls!all those years of supporting them with pretty bras and underwires)

He said preliminary plan is to shrink it with chemo before removal.

it doesnt appear to be in my lymph nodes.

Im dealing with it mostly with gallows humour and madly singing and dancing with my children. They're 10 and 11.

Ive told most of the people around me, skipped in with the 'its treatable' it'll be fine routine. But those waves of black boiling fear are getting worse. And they sneak up on you.  And its getting harder to wrestle them back in the box. 

Reading all your stories helps immensely, but once my eyes start leaking they cant seem to stop.

How do you keep it together?