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marriage split up...


Re: marriage split up...

Hey everyone, I must have felt the vibe of activity as I rarely sign in anymore, so glad I did! Also so glad you are pleased to find the section for us, when i was diagnosed there wan't one so Norberte and I and others campaigned to BCC and here we are!

Here's hoping your chemo will be going OK Sarah and I can't emphasise enough what Janeo says, note everything, ring the chemo unit for advice night and day, ask for the side effects to be less than they are - I did all of above quite rigourously and they say it stopped me having an infection on cycle 2, and having worse side effects than I did on subsequent.....OK I fess up here, my OH is an Oncologist which kind of helped, but its great advice Janeo gives.

So onto the crucial topic of partners / not partners - my feeling 4 years on is that everyone has such massive different coping styles its really hard to predict what is best - but we have to do what is right for us, whether we are a partner or a patient...

I think mostly the lesbian "community" for want of better phrase can be a place where there are good and lasting friendships that carry us through the tough stuff. I nearly lost an important friendship as the couple were not able to cope with me being ill and clearly needy and demanding - but we got through in the end..

also nearly lost a bunch of friends cos of a " how dare you forget I no longer have a cleavage" incident but not now...but its a hoot.

Anyways you are not alone, I'll pop on here more often for now to see how things are, and just get through the best you can, patient or partner. On the chemo front Sarah, I was hat obsessed, now lymph sleeve obsessed...whatever helps. And chemo does end, its tough but it ends. I went for distraction massively - like books, films etc etc. best of luck with it,



Re: marriage split up...

Hi Sarah , I'm sorry to hear things aren't working out . I actually came on here today as I am the partner of someone with BC & feel I'm struggling having detached myself emotionally so I don't get hurt . Selfish huh . I think whether you have a partner or not , you need a good support network around you - different people offer different things at different times . I'm off to hunt for some help as I want to do everything to make sure my own 16 year relationship continues to grow & I can be the rock that I need to be . I think it is difficult & different to be in a lesbian relationship seeking help - I called the helpline this morning & they were at pains to point out that they were there for everyone but it's just not the same is it . To that end , I am determined to use this part of the forum more often to seek & offer advice if I can . good luck with chemo - it's hard but doable - remember to list side effects so you can be given things to help , my partner suffered terribly from mouth ulcers for instance but we now have a bathroom full of potions !

Re: marriage split up...

Hello Sarah. So sorry you didn't have the support of your partner when you needed it most. I have a friend made thru the Forum chemo monthly group who split with her boyfriend under pretty similar circumstances to yours. My situation is very different to yours but having just finished 10 months of active treatment I'm proof it's all completely possible (including chemo) as a single person - I managed. I'm conscious I've only just seen your message and so several days have passed since you posted, and things may well be different now. I hope you're doing okay. However things have panned out with your partner, you need to make you your priority during your treatment. Have you started chemo yet? Best of luck for your first dose and side effects.
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marriage split up...

Hi everyone...I was so pleased to see there is a section for lesbian /bisexual women !!!. Im going through such a hard time right now. Ive had a double mesectomy wiv all lymph nodes taken from right side. My chemo starts next week. My partner and I have been together for 6 years and have a civil partnership for 3. She hasnt supported me emotionally at all because she was scared she would get depression again. Fortunately I have really good friends. I tried so hard to make it a friendly break up but unfortunately yesterday she was determined to have a row. Apparently im obsessed with my cancer...constantly on the netlooking at supplements hats etc. She finds it weird that I know all the side effects of my chemo. Ive been doing all the shopping, cleaning and cooking from very early on because she was too tired being at work ( 3days a week ) . I never complained because I knew she was finding it hard. 2 year after being together she got depression...and it was bad...for 3 years I held her together..and it was hell. It was my decision to end it all last week because she was just moody all the time bringing me down and if im going to get through this I dont need it...I want to be happy and laugh. She hates me now for ending it. And yes we have talked and talked but she just doesnt want to hear or read anything to understand what its like...to her im just obsessed. Just wondering if anyone else has gone through the same ???. I have great friends but feel I real need for support from lesbian women. Thank you for reading the essay. Sarah x