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mastectomy & recon on 22nds Sept - totally Terrified aged 38

anon1
Member

Re: mastectomy & recon on 22nds Sept - totally Terrified aged 38

hi dot i lost that weight though as i couldnt justify having surgery to prevent cancer when along with the gene i was overweight increasing my risks more. so decided to try and do everything that increased my chances to bring them as low as possible. i did need also to be at a happy weight for op as it's correct that when recon is done the breast will change shape if we lose or put on weight. so you are right to be careful. 1 of my friends put 3 stone on after op and her new boob looks so different it looks as though the muscle has fallen. obviousley her confidence has dropped now also. what a shame after going through all that..

i hate when i even go to a supermarket and a sad song is playing i have been known to burst into tears in asda a few times due to a song. also straight after hospital appt on 19th dec i went to grab some lunch in the shopping mall and as soon as i walked in there were carol singers and i burst into tears. think i realised though that it was xmas time and i should have been happily buzzing around buying gifts and feeling all happy and instead i was just out of the royal booking in a date to lose breasts. what a bad feeling. however hopefully next year will be different..

love to all xx

dotchas
Member

Re: mastectomy & recon on 22nds Sept - totally Terrified aged 38

Great pics jenny,I managed a look before the mods removed the link.You all look so pretty and it looks like a whole load of fun!
Sorry to hear about the choice of music at your planning.I work in a similar enviroment and sometimes patients point out inappropriate music that we hadn't noticed.We do try.But we have been known to play "Don't leave me this way" "My Way" and "All by Myself" to patients having MRI.They were immediately removed from the playlist! I will be much more sensitive to such things when I go back! A funny one was playing "Beautiful Noise" to a patient having MRI which makes the most dreadful racket!
Are you happier now about having rads after your appt? I haven't had rads so can't help,but you will get loads of advice on here.

Ostrich,
Glad to hear your surgeon is at least giving you a plan if you are not happy.Mine just keeps saying "give it time" and I don't see him again till feb ,hey thats just next month! I just get the feeling I will have to fight for remedial work.It is a thought though to have more surgery,I have never been offered an uplift to my other boob but not sure if I want it tampered with.
Hope your visit to work goes OK and enjoy your night out!

I popped in to work on Tues to see my boss and plan my return,but managed to avoid almost everyone else!.I will only be back about 3 or 4 mornings before I go my hols but at least it will break the ice and then I can get really stuck in when I come back.It will be hard as I have had so much time off since Dec 2006 when I had my first foot operation.I will need retraining in most things so will feel like the new girl!

My laptop seems to be OK so far but as it was intermittent I am afraid to tempt fate! I really missed it!

Lainey ,well done in losing 7 stone,I am overweight but feel I need to be back to "normal" before planning how to shift it! Also I worry that if I lose weight my natural boob will shrink and leave my recon looking huge!

Take care girls
Love
Dot
xxx

anon1
Member

Re: mastectomy & recon on 22nds Sept - totally Terrified aged 38

lucy, i took it from the forum page, the original one that was put on by jenny is still there and that's where i took it from ?

anon1
Member

Re: mastectomy & recon on 22nds Sept - totally Terrified aged 38

ostrich, i know this all involves more surgery which must be an awful thought however it's good the surgeon is happy to help you try and feel more confident. i can appreciate why it would dent your confidence though going through everything. not long though till you can have your long soak in the bath. jenny put a link on which takes you straight to her pics. here it is
i hope you have a good day today and lovely meal tonight. xx

jenny in 18 months i have lost almost 7 stone however did over indulge at xmas too ( who doesnt) and i think i put on a good 5/6 lb as i felt my 14's really needed to be a 16 but no way was i allowing that so i went back on track and shifted it a few days ago. you too will get there and you deserve to pig out when you want. i used to have a crazy relationship with food where i thought i needed chocolate if i had a bad day but needed it if i had a good day to celebrate. hence the huge weight loss now. might keep us posted on appt.xx

dot how is the laptop? hope it's behaving. you are so lucky going abroad i so wish that was me . are you anymore prepared for your return to work? hope you are well xx

love to all xx

Guest user
Not applicable

Re: mastectomy & recon on 22nds Sept - totally Terrified aged 38

Hi Ladies and Hi Jenny!

How good to hear from you again Jenny!

Sorry to hear about your radio planning today - how inconsiderate to play that kind of music - would've sent me off too! I'm assuming you wont have to have chemo as you are having rads but then I'm surprised you are having rads if you had a mx - did you have lymph node involvement?

I will have a look on facebook at your pics but seem to rememeber I couldn't find you last time - probably my inept facebook searching. Will try again in a couple of days when I get chance to sit in front of the PC for a while.

I echo what Dot and Lainey have said re men - any man worth his salt shouldn't care no more than you would care if you met a man with a reconstructed testicle. Its whats on the inside that matters (although it does help if their face is dishy, LOL!)

I went to see my surgeon today about my back and recon and told him that I was not entirely happy with the recon. He is going to see me in 3 months and then we will look at a date to possibly change the implant in my "new" boob for a slightly bigger one so that I have a curve at the bottom rather than a fold and so that the dents fill out a bit, do the nipple and he thinks the main thing is to sort out my "good" boob with a uplift and implant so that I will look symmetrical and have more confidence. I explained to him that it was important to me as its affecting my confidence because the "new" boob won't ever be a sexual object for me, touchwise, and therefore as its for show I need to feel that it looks attractive so that I don't burst into tears everytime me and my OH make love (its not nice for me or him!). He also mentioned that I have lymphodema of the breast and chest but wouldn't refer me to a lymphodema clinic as he says there's not much they can do as they can with arms etc. I am not sure I agree as I have spoken to other women on here re trunk/chest lymphodema but I am going to do some looking first and then perhaps insist. He also says if my back wound hasn't healed completely and scarred over by the time I see him he will look at doing a small skin graft (possibly under local, eek!). I must say I have mentally dismissed that because I AM GOING TO HAVE SKIN AND BE HEALED AND HAVE A BATH long at the beginning of March!!! (positive thought and all!).

Very tired today also as our bleeding smoke alarms (x2) decided to go off at 3.30 4.30, 5.45 this morning!!!! I was having a long dream in which me and my 10 year old spotted a bin bag fire whilst travelling in London and then went to visit a friend and get changed and whilst we were talking to her we heard a fire alarm and looked out of the window and saw that the bin bags had caught fire and had now caused a train carriage to ignite. Suddenly the sound of the smoke alarm came into my dream and woke me and I realised to my horror that it was real (though I am sure I had been dreaming about this dream fire for a good 10 minutes before this as I can clearly remember all the conversation with this friend, getting changed etc so not a in dream and bang in reality thing if you see what I mean). I rushed out of bed and ran around the house looking for the fire to discover thankfully no fire, insisted that hubby get up (rolls eyes!) and help me sort it out. Turns out the back up battery was running low (its connected to the mains as a primary source) so off it went but took about 15 minutes before we could stop it screeching. Back to bed, just asleep and "screech" TWICE!!!! So nice of the smoke alarm to tell us the battery needed changing 3 times in the small hours!!!

Hubby's birthday today on top of everything so got up and cooked him a fry up and wandered around shops he wanted to before heading off to hospital, after getting home at 5 have been for Pizza Hut and sank into sofa awaiting call from husband to go and pick him and mates up from pub! Knackered am I!!

Off into work for the first time in 3 months tomorrow to try and push my NVQ on and out for dinner tomorrow night so I may not get on until Friday!

Love to you all, xxx

Jennyg
Member

Re: mastectomy & recon on 22nds Sept - totally Terrified aged 38

Ah bless you Lainey... I have eaten like a PIG over christmas and none of my work suits fit... I feel quite foul at the moment and there isnt a sniff of a stud on the horizon ... yet!!
Once the radiotherapy is done ( mon - fri for three weeks... groan) it will all be over for me hopefully and I can put this whole sorry story behind me and get back on with my life. The birthday will be on hold until March I think when i will go out and have some wild party I think!!
Off to see plastic surgeon in East Grinstead tomorrow - hopefully to be told new boob is doing well and stomach scar healing ok. Will put off thoughts of nipple construction for a while - cant be bothered and its not as if I get them out regularly at the moment! I can live with my strange looking boob for now. ( Oncologist told me today its one of the best recons he had ever seen!) Only one very small concern is that the skin they took from stomach to replace nipple area is a little bit fluffy still!! But its a small price to pay I guess.
Anyway - I better go for a bath and a tweak... want to look my best tomorrow for my big 'reveal' for plastic surgeon!!!
Love to all xxx

anon1
Member

Re: mastectomy & recon on 22nds Sept - totally Terrified aged 38

ooh jenny that's a shame i would have been in tears also. it must have been a hard enough time for you today let alone them playing that. it's rubbish your birthday falls in the middle of treatment. is it radiotherapy everyday for 3 weeks? will that then be the end of your treatment or will you need chemo? just remember you are doing so well you have came so far and we are here for yoy always. maybe that doesnt help much however you are in my thoughts. p.s you look stunning in your pics and will be fighting men off with a stick. your 1 pretty woman.. lots of love lainey xxx

Jennyg
Member

Re: mastectomy & recon on 22nds Sept - totally Terrified aged 38

had a fairly miserable time at the ''CANCER UNIT'' in Brighton today - firstly I spent half an hour trying to find a parking space...so I was late...
And I now sport three tiny tattoos and the radiotherapy kicks off on 20th Jan for 3 weeks ( my birthday falls slap bang in the middle - so thats nice)
as i lay there , naked from waist up... alone... as they 'scanned' me , they played pipe music into the room .... and 'against all odds' started playing - well that was it for me - and the tears returned yet again!!

Jennyg
Member

Re: mastectomy & recon on 22nds Sept - totally Terrified aged 38

thanks for your good wishes - off now to this planning meeting..
try this link for my wild night out pics....
will check in later
Byeee xx

ps Lanzarote is lovely - lucky you

dotchas
Member

Re: mastectomy & recon on 22nds Sept - totally Terrified aged 38

Hi Jenny,
Its so nice to hear from you.I was thinking of you and wondering how you were doing.
Good for you on the dating front,get out there and if a man is put off by your surgery then he ain't worth bothering about!
Your New Year sounds like good fun.We usually spend it at home but went to friends this year and it was good to be doing something different.There is such an expectation that we should be having a wild time but the reality is that most people don't and spending time with friends and family is the most important.
Good luck today,let us know how it goes.
I know what you mean about having a mastectomy ,even as I type the words I think "Oh my God I have had a mastectomy" we never think it will happen to us do we?
Its been a real shock realising I am not invincible and learning to live with the worry. I have a cough at the moment and that worries me ,how do we stop being neurotic?
Re nipples,I said before my surgery I didn't want one reconstructed and it didn't bother me.However after my op ,my nippleless boob bothers me more than I ever imagined as it just looks so strange.My BCN refered me for a stick on one which is made to measure.When I put it on, my boob looks more like a boob with a scar rather than a mastectomy and recon if you see what I mean.So I will need to pluck up the courage to get a permanent one I think.But hey we can take our time and decide when we are ready.

I have had my laptop fixed and its even better than before as he added more RAM so it will perform better,I asked if he could add some to my OH! LOL!

We are off to lanzarote at the end of the month .Its to replace the holiday we had to cancel in September.I am SO looking forward to it and have even started packing!

Thinking of you today Jenny xxx

Love to all,

Dot
xxx

anon1
Member

Re: mastectomy & recon on 22nds Sept - totally Terrified aged 38

jenny it's so good to have you back as we are always thinking of you, and i look back on your 1st thread time and again as your thoughts and fears then are mine now. you have came such a long way, regarding the nipple recon im sure you are the same as a lot of woman and understandably feel it's a bit much going through surgery again. however our lovely friend dot has been wearing a temp nipple and it has made her perhaps feel she would consider surgery. so maybe you should try those 1st as i think if you haven't been wearing 1 we get used to how we look without but you may think differently.( i so hope that makes sense menopausal brain is taking over this morning)
i dont have a facebook acc however i may see if i can still get in for a look. jenny there is no reason why you shouldn't date again. and yes any DECENT man would see beyond your breasts but i understand how it's a confidence issue. but i say go for it. how is your daughter ? is it hard being back at work?
can't comment on treatment however ostrich i know will be more than happy to help with that one.
so glad you are back jenny and we will continue to support you always

dot and ostrich hope you's are ok love to all lainey xx

Jennyg
Member

Re: mastectomy & recon on 22nds Sept - totally Terrified aged 38

Hello girls... HAPPY NEW YEAR
I have had a quick flick through the last few weeks postings and have laughed ( wheel nuts ) and cried ( kissing son at station thing, your last post anon) in a matter of 10 minutes flat.
Im so sorry i havent been on for a while - this is really my thread and I have deserted it for a while - sorry 😞
I just wanted to feel 'normal' for a few weeks before it all starts again with my radiotherapy 'planning meeting' tomorrow and check up with plastic surgeon on Thursday to look at the new boob and tummy scar etc. dont want to go . dont want to go... DONT WANT TO GO!!! I have eaten so much rubbish over christmas that my stomach is permanently hurting because its so tight!!! ( oh the embaressment! and currently scoffing a chocltae reindeer - cant seem to stop!!) and my new boob still moulds to the shape of my bra and doesnt behave like the OK one. I know he will ask me if I want a new nipple constructed but I cant face any more surgery at the moment.
So Im back here to share my worries and experiences with you through the next hurdle of this horrible time. Its nearly a year since I went to the doctors and told them the lump Ive had for the last 20 years (and what they told me each time I had it checked was a benign cyst) was diagnosed. The whole year seems to have been consumed solely by my boob.

Im still single..... Actually I have been what I consider 'properly' single for about 7 years now. Ive had a few dalliances, shall we say - I think of it as the start of a meaningfull relationship... but clearly they dont!!
so....I have joined a little dating site on the computer (ha ha ! as if Im in any state to do this really?! but I figure that a decent man wont mind the anomoly under the clothes and will adore my cellulital thighs)
and I have had a 'hit' - a rather saucy looking London man has suggested we meet up GULP! the email banter is great - but the reality of meeting up... bit scarey!! Will keep you posted ( if you are interested?!!)

Bless you all for keeping this thread going...

New Years eve was spent with my 8 year old and her best mate - we pulled crackers and drank lemonade from wine glasses at midnight and stood in dressing gowns at the back door watching fireworks. Life on the edge, eh?! i didnt think about my boobs all night, thank goodness.

I had my mastectomy and recon ( STILL shocks me when I say it) on 22nd Sept and it was frightening - but I would say the absoulte worst terror was before the op. The night before - when I lay in that bed sobbing uncontrollably from fear. But for the last 2 months I have led life perfectly as I had done before. I went out with my friends on 12th Dec for a 'Jenny's back' night to celebrate my survival and got as drunk as a skunk and danced all night. All my friends wore something pink and we had such a great night ( photos on facebook - if you want to find me and have a look! - Jenny Guy - Brighton and Hove network) and I have really managed to push it all to the back of my mind... until this evening .. .when this next hurdle looms.
Theres a niggle in me which says 'dont have radiotherapy' and you hear these stories about the radiotherapy causing problems - and Im worried about this.
Dot - where are you going on holiday to ?
Anon - please please dont worry too much - I know this is so easy for me to say - but REALLY the night before surgery and when they wheel you to theatre is truly the worst bit - once its done its just a matter of getting better and recovering. You will get through this I promise. I am the worlds worst - I cry at the dentist . And IF they give you the dreaded news - we will be here as will hundreds of other ladies on this site.
Ostrich - your posts are heart wrenching but also amusing. You are so brave

So for now Im back....

anon1
Member

Re: mastectomy & recon on 22nds Sept - totally Terrified aged 38

p.s dot i believe we have become so close as we also dont judge each other and are able to be open as we need to be and know the support will be ther no matter what xx

anon1
Member

Re: mastectomy & recon on 22nds Sept - totally Terrified aged 38

hi ostrich, that's amazing about your back it's such a worry when we think everything will be over and done with then something else happens. especially when it results in even more tablets. i dont know how bad you feel regarding your eyebrows however before long your hair,brows and lashes will have grown back in., your wound will be better and kimo will have stopped and at that point you can then day by day work on feeling comfortable again. and you know what who cares how you look as you are fighting cancer and are allowed to not care about other things esp things you cannot control. im sorry though i giggled when i pictured you running to son that's the type of thing that would happen to me.

dot, thats funny as i was in doctors this morning and there was a gentleman in a wheelchair and it made me think things arent that bad. thing is where u question your bravery i respect anyone who is fighting this awful illness and very often hear myself saying when talking to others "i could be worse and have cancer". you are not less bravier than anyone else although i hate the word brave as your right it's not bravery not on my part we deal with it as we have no choice. no you dont need kimo which would be horrid but you have still lost a breast to cancer and that's very scary.

ostrich i know what you were asking and it scares me a huge deal, im terrified of that realisation. at the moment i attend family history clinic every 6 months and a mammogram yearly however i know they are not very effective esp as im only 32yrs old and i also have a 34jj breast on a 5ft 2 frame so you can imagine they are huge and im worried they may not detect cancer at screening.
when they remove breasts if they find anything i will wake up without breast/breasts and yes they take everything away and i have a huge 6 week wait for a pathollogy report as they will screen the tissue and also see if there were cancerous cells. this is where i stick my head deep in the sand that freaks me out as im terrified they will find something. i told hubby last night i was so scared and he said also it's not just worrying about op it's waking up wondering if the found a tumour,did recon work, are cells cancerous, how will i manage pain as my stomach will also be stiched up so i have so many fears.
when they removed my ovaries i was going to docs as i was having 2/3 periods a month and was told this was due to stress. i was having 6 monthly ultrasounds and it wasnt until i awoke from op that i was told there was a massive cyst on ovary which they would screen for cancer again 6 week wait. so im stressing they may find something. not sure how i would feel if they told me i had cancer.

lots of love to you both xxxxxxxxxxxxx

dotchas
Member

Re: mastectomy & recon on 22nds Sept - totally Terrified aged 38

Hi Girls,

Oh no I just typed a big reply and lost it Arrgghh!

Lainey,I bet you were not sure whether to be glad or not when they gave you a date in Feb.Still it won't be long.Your surgeon sounds very dedicated.I hope you feel a bit better after the consultation.
People have said to em that I am brave but I am only dealing with this sh*t as I have no choice.You and others in your position are much braver and I would like to think that I would be brave enough but I am not sure!
Your emotions will be all over the place till the op and ( I am afraid) afterwards.So don't be hard on yourself.I think I was too hard on myself as with no chemo etc felt I had no right to feel sorry for myself.Hence I ended up depressed and in need of counselling!
Before my op I treied to think of worse things that could happen ,like losing an arm or leg and it kinda helped ( well sometimes) At least we can function normally with our new boobs!
I am sure your family would rather have you with no boobs than not at all!
My OH is an engineer and he thinks my new boob is a marvellous feat of engineering,considering its still "plumbed in" round the back.
We will be here for you with hugs anytime!
Isn't it strange how we have bonded so well the 3 of us and yet we are all different in treatment.Maybe it helps that we are not comparing our progress with each other ,just really providing support.
Jenny,I hope you are well and we would love to hear from you!
Ostrich,I am going back to work 2 weeks today.I have Occ Health and Psychologist next week and as long as they are OK I will start back.
I need to get back,but will only be back 2 weeks before I go on holiday! At least that is something to look forward to.
My laptop is with a friend just now who thinks he can fix it so I am on the steam driven desktop and OH is hovering as he probably wants to download some music!
Glad to hear the wound is healing,just keep dreaming of that bubble bath!
My boob keeps changing shape too,I bet your surgeons answer will be "give it time"
Shame the eyebrows have gone,mine are quite thick so I would look very odd without them.You can have semi-permanent tattoos done if you want.
Yes I could happily live without work but I would need money from somewhere!
So back to work it is!
Have to go now as OH is getting grumpy,
Hopefully get ;appy back tonight so will be on tomorrow,
Love to you both,
Dot
xxx

Guest user
Not applicable

Re: mastectomy & recon on 22nds Sept - totally Terrified aged 38

Hi Lainey,

Glad you have a date although I appreciate you must have been disappointed to face MORE waiting! That said, it seems like your surgeon really cares about getting the best result for you rather than doing a make do job so to speak. Hope you are feeling a bit better today, x

Its a difficult time of year too I find, the whole year ahead in some ways is exciting but also seems long and if you are waiting for something (whether it be exciting or horrid) it can seem a long way off. If you think back 6 weeks you'll see how quickly it goes and the same will be true for looking forward 6 weeks.

Just a question, as you are at such high risk of BC will they/are they doing any checks at the time of surgery/post surgery to make sure you haven't got it? Presumably they will examine the breasts once removed? I know having a double mx will take away anything that is there and I am not trying to be a scaremonger but just say, if you had developed it whilst waiting and it had affected a lymph node.... I suppose I am trying to say..... have you asked whether they will examine your breasts afterwards, pathologically? I guess they are bound too.

Dot, how are you? Aren't you going back to work shortly? How are you feeling about it? I am still hoping to go back to work in March and find myself alternately looking forward to it and dreading it as I have kinda found a groove being home here and don't know if I can just go back and carry on as if nothing had happened!

I am enjoying my first quiet day today. In someways it sad when they all go back (son went back to military college yesterday, daughter back to school today and hubby to work) as its been nice spending a couple of weeks in a bubble with them but in someways its nice to have the house to myself!

Had my wound dressed yesterday and there is only the teensiest piece of dead tissue left and other than that a 2-3mm deep hole which is granulating and bleeding nicely (it hurts and feels raw but a good thing apparently) so I am now truly hopeful that by the end of kimo I will have skin!!!!!!!!!!

Haven't felt too bad this kimo set. Apart from the usual slimy and peeling tongue I felt good. Getting up early yesterday in prep for today hit me though, partly the 6.30 start (ugh!) and partly the lowered WBC but compared to my last kimo I feel pretty fab! I don't look it though! Sadly my eyebrows are sparse horrid things and I have few eyelashes left so I truly look like a cancer patient now! I don't mind the lack of head hair but without eyebrows and eyelashes you kinda disappear! I do draw my eyebrows on when needed and practised with false eyelashes yesterday for trip to Bristol to see surgeon tomorrow but I am not too good and am worried they may fall off!!!

Managed to embarress son yesterday whilst dropping him at train station! Felt all emotional after he got out of the car and decided to get out and go and give him a hug. Got out, kimo cap, no eyebrows or lashes to speak of, big baggy jumper and ran round the car and promptly fell up the pavement in front of lots of other people heading to the train. Managed to not chin the pavement (just) and then stumbled/ran to the platform with tears running down face to give him a big hug and kiss whilst youngest sat in car with head in hands! Turned and ran back to car and got in and drove off before I lost it completely! Sure I saw sympathy in the eyes of other passengers - but for him not me LOL!

Off to see surgeon tomorrow for check up on boob. Haven't seen them for 5 or 6 weeks but have list of things am not happy about. Boob is so flat at the bottom it doesn't sit with a curve or even droop like the other one (LOL). It almost has a fold at the bottom! The cleveage side is sold and firm where the implant is capsulated (still large dark pores) and the other side has gone extremely soft but also has some small lumps in it which Onc says (just from a feel) not cancer related. The back skin for my nipple has no give in it and in fact is pushed out in a bulge so goodness knows how they will make it into a nipple and the whole boob is smaller than it was post surgery and smaller than the other one! Added to that it still gets a line or dent in it as soon as look at it and any type of bra I wear means my boob copies the shape (clever eh?) so undressed it looks a pretty poor imitiation of a boob and its only dressed with enough layers on that I feel I look "normal".

Anyhow, moans over, look forward to hearing from you both, xxx

anon1
Member

Re: mastectomy & recon on 22nds Sept - totally Terrified aged 38

hi ladies thanks for your good wishes, it's booked for 26th feb. i was a bit deflated at 1st as they said it was going to be brought forward to jan. but can totally understand where she is coming from now. she said as it's a massive op and has a lot of risks she doesnt want to take the risk of being 1 surgeon and his team down. she said perhaps if it was implants or muscle from my back her opinion would be different. but there are so many hours spent doing micro surgery part that she wants what she needs which i understand. however maybe it wasn't deflation i felt and perhaps normal anxiety as i have been so tearful ever since. i think it's the realisation that it's happening next month. going to have a good cry today and let it all out then tomorrow well that's another day ladies.
hope you's are well and again thanks for all your support i may need it for the next 6 weeks while i cry like a baby xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

dotchas
Member

Re: mastectomy & recon on 22nds Sept - totally Terrified aged 38

Good luck Lainey,will be thinking of you!
Let us know how it goes,
Love
Dot
xxxxx

Guest user
Not applicable

Re: mastectomy & recon on 22nds Sept - totally Terrified aged 38

Good luck Lainey, xxx Speak to you later, let us know how you get on, (((((((((()))))))))))

anon1
Member

Re: mastectomy & recon on 22nds Sept - totally Terrified aged 38

hi ladies i hope you's are well, it's been very quiet on here the last few days maybe lots of sore heads lol. well i find out my date today going to leave soon for appt will speak to you's later xx

Guest user
Not applicable

Re: mastectomy & recon on 22nds Sept - totally Terrified aged 38

Hi Ladies,

Sorry you were feeling down Lainey, as Dot said its understandable. You've had a lot longer to think about this than us and having New Years Eve right before your surgery is bound to affect you. Had I just been dx before xmas and facing my mx any time soon I am sure I would have sobbed buckets on New Years.

We are both here for you and to help get yout through this, take it easy and be kind to yourself and as Dot says, try to see 2009 as the year when you no longer have to sit with that "what if" on your shoulder - you have taken control!

I managed to party until 2.30 am on New Years Eve - not bad for someone who had kimo on the 30th!! I slept in the afternoon and then found that a glass of white wine helped change the kimo fuzz into a good buzz and the steriods meant that I didn't get tired (if a little pink and flushed!). Our BF neighbours came in and we ate, drank and dad danced until 2.30 managing to embarress my 10 year old and even the 3 16 year old lads one I whipped my wig off and got my air guitar out!!

Paid for it yesterday as I didn't get up until lunchtime but managed to cook full roast duck and trimmings for my mum and hubby etc. Was sat in a hot waist high bath by tea time as the joint pain from my white blood cell injection kicked in (and the after effects of dad dancing) and then into pjs and bed by 10pm.

Better today, not too bad a kimo fog but just slimy mouth (lots of lemon tea and pineapple) and oh, more eyelash loss and eyebrow loss so not v happy. Hair head loss is okay when you can slap mascara on and still have eyes. Lack of eyelashes def looks like a cancer look. I did try sticking on some falsies but they make you look as if you have lid liner on so require a whole eye make up thingy - not something I can be bothered with for Morrisons!

Now that I have done 4 kimos and only have 2 to go I am more positive. All the slough has gone from my wound so now it needs packing with seaweed so that the inside continues to heal before the outside skin knits together otherwise I will end up with a void. Its been 3 months now and is still likely to take another 2 months to heal but hey, I can see that deep bath in about March!!!

Love to you both, xxxxxxxxxx

dotchas
Member

Re: mastectomy & recon on 22nds Sept - totally Terrified aged 38

Lainey,
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
I too shed a few tears at the bells but then regained my composure and partyed till 4am!
Its bound to hit you hard , that your op is now this month/year.But look a bit beyond the op and it will soon be all over and you will be recovering safe in the knowledge your faulty gene has been well and truly beaten.
I think its natural to feel low when faced with major surgery so please don't be hard on yourself.Its very scary! And you have had so much longer to contemplate it than we did,so thats hard as you have had it on your mind for so long now,worrying about doing the right thing.Hopefully after the op at least you will be more relaxed as the decision and op will be over and you can move on slowly.
We are here for you ,so please remember,we will be supporting you all the way.
2009 is the year you take back control of your life from that wonky gene!

We had a lovely time at friends and stayed the night,just got home at 4pm (OH had to be safe to drive!) We all did very well,their 2 sons (early 20s) were in bed before us and got up after us! So us Oldies did OK and even managed a fry-up!

Ostrich,I hope your New Year was good under the circumstances and that you are feeling up to facing the last 2 chemos.

Love to you both
Dot
xxx

anon1
Member

Re: mastectomy & recon on 22nds Sept - totally Terrified aged 38

hi girls
how did your night go? i only had 1 drink as around 9pm i felt quite overwhelmed and at the stroke of midnight i shed a tear or 2. think it's fear of the unknown and i actually fell quite sad today again reality setting in. i will prob sound crazy to anyone reading this but even as recent as yesterday my op was next year now its this month. does that sound mad? im trying to be positive however i feel very low.
hope you's lovely ladies are ok.
all my love lainey xx

anon1
Member

Re: mastectomy & recon on 22nds Sept - totally Terrified aged 38

hi ladies, hope you's are well dot if your nipping out for drink etc be warned the shops are buzzing, you will prob still be in them when the bells come tonight lol xx
ostrich im glad kimo wasn't as bad although im sure it's never easy at anytime. reg the sex issue i understand 100% how u feel on a few occassions i have been crying while in the middle of it as i worry i wont feel sexy when i have boobs done or 1 doesnt take. however i bet all our hubbys love every part of us and still find us very sexy. xx

well today i devided i was going to have my hair trimmed and dyed by the time i got there i had it dyed brown and red highlights and almost it all cut off, it is so short but will be more manageable after op. hubby loves it and so do i . i cant have a boob party as im aware i will already be emotional at times tonight. this may sound crazy as my surgey is looming but im looking forward to saying goodbye to 2008 as outwith my health it's been a bad year. i have to call on mon for hosp date and when i find out i will go for a meal with family and friends.
i really want to say also though that ostrich,dot and jenny you's are all amazing and you's prob wont know how much you's have helped me as i know when im feeling down i can come on here and get it off my chest(no pun intended). and i can do that without being judged. that means a whole lot to me. we have kept this thread going for 3/4 months now and its great.
jenny i still think of you and hope you are well and that you and your daughter have had a lovely xmas and new year and know that we will be here for you when you need us again xx
love and hugs to all lainey xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

dotchas
Member

Re: mastectomy & recon on 22nds Sept - totally Terrified aged 38

Great to hear you are OK,its great you have only 2 more to go,it must be such a relief to get this far.Shame you don't feel so great,just imagine its a big hangover (like I will have tomorrow!)
Thanks for your support,I guess I was expecting too much that my depression would go away like flicking a switch.I guess as long as I have more good days then its a start.I just felt so good and strong over Christmas and now I am a blubby mess! We will be with good friends tonight who have really been there for me and my OH so I will be well looked after, I just don't want to spoil anyones New Year. I will do my best,get my slap on and just enjoy being with friends.
I know what you mean about saying goodbye to my life the way it was and I am trying to concentrate on the positives.I will now enjoy my life with new vigour and not put off things for trivial reasons and just get on with doing what I really want to do.Hopefully! LOL!
I too would never have managed this without you both (and Jenny who started this thread) and the website.
Love to all,
Dot
xxxx

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Re: mastectomy & recon on 22nds Sept - totally Terrified aged 38

Hi Ladies,

Kimo went okay yesterday, only 3 stabs to get into a vein! They were expecting me and my troublesome veins as they had a bowl of hot water waiting for me to stick my hands into and the kimo sister to do the stabbing. It wasn't pleasant but at least they didn't have to use my mx arm and no PICC line (yet!). Have horrid fuzzy head and sick feeling as per normal but hey thats the 4th one over so I only have 2 left to go!!! Roll on the 10th Feb when I can say - done!!

Lainey, you go have those drinks for me girl! Did you decide to go for a boob party or is it a bit too emotional a subject? I expect if I was in your shoes there would be a bit of me wanting to have a boob party but the other part that would be afraid I would end up sobbing into a glass by the end of the evening. Its not the same and a a bit delicate but I find myself wanting to be intimate with my OH but often end up crying at the end because I can just about think myself sexy when dressed and kissing him etc but by the end of it I still feeling like a deformed fat bald thing and wish I had had far more sex (every day!) before my Op!

OH and I haven't been together for 24 years, thats when we first me and he was my boyfriends BF and was a shoulder to cry on for me when my boyfriend was horrid. Me and boyfriend split after about a year and I lost touch with him bumping into him some 8 years later (15 years ago) and we have been together ever since. Funny thing is I said to my boyfriend all them years ago that I wouldn't marry Chris (my OH) if he was the last man on earth!!! Something to do with the fact that I liked bad cheating irresponsible men then and he was a bit greasy for me. Now I am so glad I married him and fancy the pants off him! Strange how life works eh?

Dot, dont be too hard on yourself. Xmas and New Year is emotional for everyone let alone those of us facing the prospect of or living with BC - it changes you! Let your hair down tonight, don't put expectations on yourself, try to think of BC as behind you and 2009 as a new year but don't be angry with yourself if you find it a bit tough saying goodbye to 2008 - you are saying goodbye to what you knew (life before BC and normality). You will be able to live with the new you but BC won't ever leave your mind, it'll just fade from daily thoughts (I have been told this will happen so I bleeding hope it does!)

Love to you both, thanks for your friendship and support on here, I truly think I would have gone mad if it hadn't been for you and this website,

xxxx

dotchas
Member

Re: mastectomy & recon on 22nds Sept - totally Terrified aged 38

Hi Girls,

Ostrich ,I hope you are OK after your kimo,its rubbish having it at this time of year.2009 is the year you finish kimo, and you and I try to move on from BC.We all need to see 2009 as a positive year.Lainey its the year you kick your faulty genes in the *ss!
I will be raising a glass to you both at the bells!
I was a bit weepy last night and am so annoyed with myself as I was doing so well.Lets hope I get through hogmanay without blubbing all over the place! We are going to friends and staying over ,this is the first new year in 11 years we haven't spent at our house either with a party or just a few neighbours.

Just as I was planning a new laptop it seems to be behaving itself (shhh!)
Well done on the new dinner set! Enjoy!
I will have to brave the shops for some booze to take tonight and some nice nibbly things!
Wishing you both a happy and peaceful New Year,
Love n hugs,
Dot
xxxxx

anon1
Member

Re: mastectomy & recon on 22nds Sept - totally Terrified aged 38

hi ostrich, that's a shame you cant have alcohol on new years eve but since im so understanding i will have a few for you hehe just kidding im not having any drink i told hubby that a few days ago. i will have an orange juice to bring in the bells and that's it. really can't be bothered getting drunk and emotional.

24 years together gosh that deserves a gold medal. i thought i was a long time i have been with mine for 14 years. keep reminding him how lucky he is lol. i too hope everyone has a nice time irrespective of what they are doing. i always get so upset at new year but not next year as by then i will be over and done with and able to paint the town red. going to arrange sitters next week????? love to u both xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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Re: mastectomy & recon on 22nds Sept - totally Terrified aged 38

Hi,

Glad you have both had good xmases.

I too love that world stopped feeling Lainey, I feel a bit like that on Sundays. Hope you are okay re your op date being brought forward. At least it will be over with sooner and you can begin to heal and look forwards rather than worrying about the big C sitting on your shoulder, x

Dot I hope your laptop is better and glad you have been feeling more positive and upbeat - long may it continue.

Hope you both have a brilliant New Years too, I am having my 4th kimo tomorrow so will be a quiet affair for me. I had my bloods done at the hospital in prep for tomorrow and am just hoping that there was some blood mixed in with the alcohol flowing through my veins!

The dinner party was a great success, we drank far too much expensive wine and my OH and I did some dad dancing after our guests left. I stayed up until 2 cleaning up cos I hate coming down in the morning to devastation.

OH and I went out yesterday to browse the shops and ended up spending £120 on a new dinner service!! We have had the old one for over 15 years as OH had it when we met! We decided it should be our anniversary present to each other as its our 15 years of getting together anniversary tomorrow (although I first met him 24 years ago when I dated his then best friend).

Hoping this kimo isn't too bad. Will try and pop on over the next few days and wish you a happy new year a bit nearer the time as I am going to try and stay up until midnight on new years even if it be drinking ginger beer!

xxx

dotchas
Member

Re: mastectomy & recon on 22nds Sept - totally Terrified aged 38

Hi Girls!

I had a lovely Christmas,very quiet,just me my OH and my Dad (86!) I got lovely pressies from my OH (some bought by me like you Ostrich!) and money from my Dad.Loads of chocolates too! OH bought me (all by himself!) a lovely charm for my Pandora bracelet ,its silver with wee gold kisses on,I love it!
We took my Dad home this morning so its nice now just the two of us again.We popped out for an Italian lunch so are just vegging on the sofa this afternoon.
I felt strangely calm and strong over christmas where I imagined I would be extra weepy.So heres hoping its a new me! Long may it last!
I also hit the sales lainey,its my traditional boxing day treat ,OH takes me to town and picks me up again.I got a few chunky cardigans that I was looking out for so I was happy.OH got a leather jacket yesterday reduced from £165 to £74 so he is delighted!
Did you get nice things for the hospital? I got all new front opening PJs and haven't worn them since! LOL! Too much of a reminder!
My laptop was very sick yesteday so couldn't post,it wouldn't come up properly and had no start menu so couldn't really do anything.Eventually reloaded windows again! Hope it lasts a bit longer this time.Or it'll have to be a new one.It is probably worn out as it has been my lifeline throught 3 lengthy sickness absences.
Lainey you are not selfish,I doubt anyone would like to be in your shoes.I know what you mean about lifes troubles stopping for christmas mine seemed to melt away for 2 days,I am hoping I can keep my worries away a bit better now and look forward to the new year.You need to think of 2009 as a positive year,a step in the right direction towards a long and healthy future.
Ostrich ,enjoy your last couple of poison free days.
Take care,eat,drink and be merry!
Love n hugs
Dot
x

anon1
Member

Re: mastectomy & recon on 22nds Sept - totally Terrified aged 38

hi everyone,

ostrich that is what i call a dream day. it sounds so relaxing and i hope the dinner party went well although i dont know where you get all your energy from to do it all. my son got sonic for the xbox 360 and i cant wait to get a shot.good luck for your next kimo session on the 30th i will be thinking of you.xx

dot how did your christmas go? hope it was nice xx

i had a nice christmas, OH prepared dinner and it was nice and relaxing, hit the sales on boxing day and spent a fortune on clothes. i was advised to pack a bag as hospital are looking at doing op on 15th jan. they need 2 main surgeons and 2 generals for my op and they are 1 general short. they have said its more likely to be jan. so i bought all my clothes for hospital. its strange though as at xmas time irrespective of what is going on in my life i feel the world stops for 2 days and its so nice knowing no buses will go by,no post, no milk and hardly a soul out and about on whats normally a busy day and i feel so relaxed at that. but soon as i woke yest i felt all blooming stressed out again.and am the same today. looking forward to wed for that nice feeling again. this prob sounds selfish as i have a lovely family around me checking im doing well and im stressing big time. love lainey xxxxxxxxxxx

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Re: mastectomy & recon on 22nds Sept - totally Terrified aged 38

Hi Ladies,

Hope you've all had a nice time and lots of lovely pressies!

It all seems such a long time ago now doesn't it?

I have a lovely xmas though odd without my eldest here on Xmas morning. Got lovely pressies (I bought them myself and then gave them to OH to wrap or give to kids to wrap!) in the form of a spree I had at H&M, new shoes, Wii game (sonic). Went to church and then went to eldest's for xmas dinner cooked by my mum. Bless, she's only used to cooking for one so the main course wasn't brill but she put loads of work and money into the starters (waitrose pates and cheeses etc) and thoughtful choccy gifts for after for each person. Got a percussion massager from my mum to try and revitalise my numb areas and Wii games from eldest along with pork scratchings (my fav) and wine (my fav too).

Everyone loved their pressies (prob because I brought them all including my mum's to the kids, LOL) and we played lots of silly games. Came home at about 7 and curled up in front of the fire with a glass of bubbly and my jigsaw. Happy!

Went for a walk with mum and dog in the cold at Portishead yesterday and then watched movies and ate lots!

Tonight I am doing a dinner party for our best friends who happily are our next door neighbours so off to make french onion soup, pork tenderloin with a cider jus and then Nigella's girdle buster pie!

Hubby has gone to his mate's gay wedding as he was phoned on Xmas day and asked if he would be best man. He was best man when his mate had a straight wedding about 20 years ago so now has the honour of giving him away at his gay wedding. I was invited but only know one groom and there are no other women going and I have a dinner party to prepare for otherwise I would have loved to have gone!

I am making sure I drink plenty of wine now as next chemo on the 30th so will be lots of non alcoholic liquid from Monday on!

Love to you both, xx

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Re: mastectomy & recon on 22nds Sept - totally Terrified aged 38

Just popped on to wish you much love over this festive period and to send you God's blessings for health and happiness for 2009, xxxxxxxxxxxx

dotchas
Member

Re: mastectomy & recon on 22nds Sept - totally Terrified aged 38

Its Christmas Eve!!!!

Hope you are both well and keeping well away from hospitals and Drs!

I spent most of yesterday on the phone to Dell wiping my lappy and reinstalling windows.So far so good! But it means I have lost lots of software that was on my computer (again as did something similar a month or two ago) so it will take a while to get it back the way I want it!
Still at least it works and I am online!
No idea where my dads toffee has gone,maybe I will find it in time for his birthday in January! LOL!
My OH brought me a huge bouquet of flowers yesterday,beautiful roses and lilies from M&S! I did wonder if he had been up to something! LOL! Maybe hes just glad he doesn't have to do the food shop this year!
Ostrich its great your boss is so supportive.Mine is too but she is pressured from above and it makes it very difficult.
Lainey,hope you are putting things to the back of your mind till next year!
Wishing you all a lovely Christmas,
Love
Dot
x

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Re: mastectomy & recon on 22nds Sept - totally Terrified aged 38

Hi Ladies,

Happy Xmas Eve Eve!

Lainey, think you are doing the right thing staying away from the hospital on Xmas Eve of all days. Enjoy your Xmas and deal with it in the New Year. Let us know what the date is so that we can support you and I will make sure I pray for you too if you don't mind. I hope you enjoyed your Panto tonight and wine (only 1 more night for me before vino!).

Dot, I hope your laptop sorts itself out. I would be lost without tinternet! I know what you mean about men needing praise for doing what we do every day and I laughed out loud at the thought of you praising every item he brought - been there and got the t-shirt although its very yellowed now as OH hasn't been shopping in donkeys! Hope you got your pressies wrapped and found your Dad's toffee!

My highest boss (excluding the Chief Constable) phoned me today and popped round for a cup of tea and brought chocolates! It felt very odd having tea with the Chief Superintendant but she's lovely and was keen to tell me to come back to work in my time and if that meant her coming round for a cuppa and sorting out me working a couple of hours a day in between school runs that was fine!

Family all tucked up in bed now (inc OH) but I'm not tired so may go back to my jigsaw in front of the gas fire.

If I don't get on before have a lovely Xmas, keep happy and healthy, love to you both, xxx

dotchas
Member

Re: mastectomy & recon on 22nds Sept - totally Terrified aged 38

Hi Girls!

Lainey,I think thats a good idea to put off the pre-op till january ,keep away from hospitals till next year! Hope you get the earlier date for op so theres not too long to wait.Meanwhile throw yourself into Christmas,I am doing so, but sometimes it feels hollow.I guess its all the jollity going on when sometimes (OK quite often!) we just want to cry.
Enjoy the panto! and the wine!

Ostrich,good news on the wound,fingers crossed it keeps on healing.Glad you are feeling better in time for Christmas.Only 1 sleep till a glass of wine! I bet it won't touch the sides!
Is your daughter all excited about "Santa"? Christmas is much better with kids around.

I am waiting on Dell phoning me back about my misbehaving laptop so that will be fun,having to repeat everything 3 times as the person on the other end doesn't understand English (or Scottish!) But I need my laptop,its been my lifesaver through 2 foot operations and now BC.
I did all my food shopping yesterday so I don't need to go out again! I had to visit 4 supermarkets to get everything I wanted but got there in the end.Its a bonus being off sick when I can take my time and not get too harrasssed.The last 2 years OH had to do food shop as I was in plaster,you would have thought he had gone out and killed the bird himself ,he was SO pleased with himself! I had to praise every item he bought as it was unpacked.........when do we get praise for doing the shopping???

Snow would be nice but it seems too mild.I used to hate NewYear but have gradually got better after meeting my OH,but I think this year will be emotional.Not sure of our plans.We got a vague invite to some friends but haven't heard any more and are a bit unsure as he was tipsy at the time and may 1) not remember or 2) have got a row from his missus!

Off to wrap some presents I have just found and had forgotten about! Mind you I still haven't found my Dads toffee!

Love to all

Dot
xxx

anon1
Member

Re: mastectomy & recon on 22nds Sept - totally Terrified aged 38

morning ladies,

i am well. not said that in a while. my bad date is 7/12/06 as that is when i got my results. i called the hospital this morning to cancel pre op for tomorrow. i really tried but cant go to hosp on xmas eve.spoke to my surgeons secretary and she has booked it for 1st week in jan.when i saw my surgeon last wek she said at pre op i would have feb date confirmed as she has to book 2nd surgeons time also but i was told today they are in trauma that day. its now either 22nd jan or 5th feb. so it may only be 4 weeks away. she said to callback pm tomorrow and definate date will be confirmed then. sort of hope its sooner as i want it over with as its going to happen anyway. i have done all my shopping, going to panto tonight, delivering gifts tomorrow.then wrapping with a glass of wine tomorrow night xxx

ostrich im so happy your wound is getting better that will be a weight off your mind. with you going through so much already thats the last thing you need. i had to giggle on sun at work though as a collegue spoke to a customer who adv she is undergoing cancer treatment therefore needed heating asap. and my male collegue asked me how to spell chemo and i said KIMO.our manager was authorising appt and asked what kimo was? i immediately thought of you. xxx

dot i hope you are well also and looking forward to xmas and new year. a little snow would be nice eh? and being in scotland anything is possible. do u celebrate new year? i hate xmas tat i know that sounds selfish but there is nothing nicer than knowing someone thought your gift out xxx

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Re: mastectomy & recon on 22nds Sept - totally Terrified aged 38

Hi ladies,

Hope you are okay.

I know what you mean Dot and think your professionals are right about the time of year. 2008 will always stand in our memories as a Sh*t year and I too would find it hard to be starting work again this year. I hope that you are able to look forward to 2009 and begin to move forward. Unfortunately New Years Eve wont have that for me as I have chemo on the 30th and then still 2 more to go but I am focussing my mind on March as by then chemo will be done and my wound will be healed (the nurse today said its looking great and took a pic for me and it is, I actually believe it might heal now). For me my birthday is mentally an end point for BC (at least the active treatment and it being in my head 24/7). I am determined to start afresh in March and hope to God that I can. I might be setting myself up for a fall but I have to have a point to focus on and I do think that it would have been too much for you to be trying to return to "normal" whilst this year is still here.

Enjoying the school holidays as no having to be up at 7.30, have wrapped all but one pressie, have brought shopping and delivered pressies so am now winding down and looking forward to it (and to my first decent glass of vino in a couple of weeks on Xmas Eve). Have spent this arvo playing the Wii with my youngest and we are off to watch a Nativity Play at our church tonight so that should really get me in the festive spirit. I am no longer feeling ill, my wound doesnt stink, yippeee! I am so going to enjoy this week as usually I get a good ten days between chemos of feeling well and feel a bit cheated this time with only a week.

Lainey, I hope you are okay honey.

Love to you both, xxx

dotchas
Member

Re: mastectomy & recon on 22nds Sept - totally Terrified aged 38

Good Afternoon,

I did reply on Friday but it was all too much for my laptop which threw a wobbly and crashed! Its been doing that rather a lot lately! I think it has emotional problems just like me!
Well done Ostrich getting as far as jacking the car up only to be foiled because a man (no doubt) hadn't put the wheel key in the car!
My OH who is a car nut ,couldn't work out how to open the boot of my courtesy car and resorted to taking the shopping out the boot via the back seat! LOL!
Glad you enjoyed a night out but what a sh*t not being able to drink.I hate being the only sober one.My OH doesn't dance with me either,thank God,as its too embarrasing. Poor you!
Take That! Lucky you,mind you I am more a Boyzone girl,I love Ronan!
Hows the wound going?
Lainey,glad to hear your are a wee bit better.At least you are still "in the system" but do remember you are in charge! One thing I found hard with my diagnosis was I didn't feel ill so agreeing to major surgery was bizarre,it must be a hundred times worse for you.(((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))
As for my emotional bucket,I am contemplating buying shares in kleenex!
I have actually been a bit better since seeing Occ Health,the psychologist and my GP who all say not to go back to work till mid January.I think once the festive season is over and 2009 begins I will feel better again.They said Christmas is a time for reflection and that makes it hard for many people with losing loved ones or illness as in our case.
Had my works night out on Friday and managed OK ( I am sure some peeps will be saying "why is she not at work if she can manage a night out?)
OH has gone delivering pressies to his family .He has to do the rounds every year even when I was in plaster last 2 christmas's.We haven't seen any of them since diagnosis so they are lucky to get anything! But I don't want to give them any excuse to slag us! Wonder if I will get wonderful guilt laden pressies or the usual tat?
I haven't phoned re my peeling nipple as have been too busy! Its like a layer is coming off the surface.I do like having a nipple again and its strange as I wasn't worried about that at the beginning.It just looks so strange without one. The chap that makes the nipples recommended silicon gel for my scar as one bit is particularly raised.So I asked my GP and got it on prescription.Its about £20 to buy for a 15g tube! I will get it at the chemist tomorrow and let you know how I get on.
Just have a couple of pressies for OH to wrap and one for neighbours daughter then I will be set. Well once I get the fresh food in,hopefully tomorrow!
Love to all,
dot
x

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Re: mastectomy & recon on 22nds Sept - totally Terrified aged 38

Hi Ladies,

Are you all sorted for the big day? I am v proud of myself as I have done everything except wrap my OH's pressies and the little ones for the stockings, even brought the food/wine (even if I can't drink it yet) etc.

Hope your head wasn't too bad Lainey! Did you have a good night?

Dot, how's your bucket and your nipple? My bucket is okay now after my out-pouring.

Me and OH went to my BF's xmas house party last night with all our other couple friends and a few random singles. Its sh*t being the only one not drinking! Trying to have conversations with drunk people doesn't work. Either they forget you were talking to them part way through or some other drunk person comes over and starts talking to them!

For some reason, my OH decided last night that he wanted to dance with me (it was probably the Bacardi!). He NEVER dances with me at any do but at about 10pm was so merry he dragged me into their living room, holding both my hands and decided to "dad dance" with me whilst gazing into my eyes and singing! Aw bless, he can't dance, he can't sing, there was no-one else dancing and I was sober as a judge but I managed to smile wanly back at him and sway!

There was this awful woman there who I've only met once before who decided to "take me under her wing" as the poor cancer patient! None of our friends treat me any differently (I went au nautrelle) but she kept hugging me, blessing me, kissing my hands and saying she wanted me to go to a girlie night at her house where she would protect me from people who might overly intrude on my cancer!!!!! She got right on my t*ts! I needed protecting from her! Ugh. She is the first person to treat me like a "cancer patient" and it was horrid!!! Needless to say I won't be going to her party!!!!

One good thing is my BF has brought tickets to see Take That in Cardiff in June and is taking me!!! She's a complete nut for Howard and whilst I am not a drooling soppy fan (as she is) I do like Take That and a night away in Cardiff with my BF at a concert will be fab!!!

Got to go and cook the dinner now,

Love to you both, xxx

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Re: mastectomy & recon on 22nds Sept - totally Terrified aged 38

Oh Lainey, glad to hear that you gave your emotional bucket a good slopping out and feel ready to take more in and on! Sounds like your surgeon was lovely and that must be a bonus and make you feel not just a number. Make sure you have a fantastic Xmas honey, enjoy tonight, xxx

anon1
Member

Re: mastectomy & recon on 22nds Sept - totally Terrified aged 38

hi ladies been to hospital and done just that cried and spoke over my fears. we spoke in depth about op and i feel so much better. my surgeon said she will look after me as if i was her daughter how nice. feel a whole lot better and when those nasty nerves come back i will get rid of them. have a pre op on xmas eve then op will be 10 th feb so 7 weeks to prepare.. have a lovely weekend ladies speak tomorrow if im not hungover lol love lainey xxx

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Re: mastectomy & recon on 22nds Sept - totally Terrified aged 38

Hi Ladies,

Well my day didn't go according to plan. Went to leave with Mum and dog and discovered she had a flat tyre on her car which must have happened as she came off the motorway to my house. We decided that we as girlies could change the tyre because I asked my husband to show me when I got my first car (13 years ago!). She only got the car last week on a trade in (its an 07 mitsubishi colt) and my OH has tutted away that she went and brought a car without the benefit of his manly wisdom but we figured out where the spare tyre was, found the jack, found the point to put the jack under the car and began to raise the car! Yeah, go girls.

A neighbour (male) came over and asked if we needed help and we said we were okay but any advice would be appreciated. He asked if we had loosened the wheel nuts prior to raising the car. Um, no. We then went to loosen the wheel nuts to discover that each wheel has one locking wheel nut on it exclusive to mum's car (like a fingerprint and designed to stop someone stealing her wheels) and that we would need the locking wheel nut tool to undo it. Guess what? No locking wheel nut.

Male neighbour leaves as he has to go to work so me, mum and my 16 year old son and the dog turn the car inside out looking for the wheel nut because its not with the spare tyre etc. No show. We called the garage that she brought the car from and their helpful reply was - "Its bound to be there, we would have made sure before we gave you the car, you have to look hard (you could almost hear the 'its because you is women and is stupid' in his voice) and if its not there bring the car here and we'll have to force it off and replace it." When asked how we were supposed to bring the car to them with a completely flat tyre the general gist of his response was - "not my problem, too busy, not enough staff to send anyone to you, pay for a recovery truck". When I challenged him on the fact that the locking wheel nut was NOT in the car and that they didn't supply it and how on earth was my mum (62) supposed to know that she should have checked that it was with the car before she accepted it his reply was "I would have checked" as if to say "its cos you is women and stupid!

The upshot is that we ended up speaking to the manufacturer rather than the supplier and they have sent one of their recovery trucks to take the car plus mum and dog to one of their main dealers to try and sort it out but that mum is going to have to pay for it all and look to claim it back from the suppliers.

When I finally managed to speak to my OH on the phone and he shut up telling me where I should have been looking for the wheel nut (cos I is a woman and too stupid to have checked EVERYWHERE) he managed to say "Well if she'd taken me along when she was intending to buy the car I would have checked that the locking wheel nut was there and so would any man".

Arrrgggghhhh! We were doing so well being women (one bald, one old) and had the bleeding nut been there in the first place we would have changed the tyre and celebrated the fact that we don't need men, as it turns out all we have heard today are overtones and references to how badly it turned out cos we is women and stupid at that kind of thing!!!

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Re: mastectomy & recon on 22nds Sept - totally Terrified aged 38

Hi Lainey,

Glad to hear you are feeling stronger, good luck for today, let out all the emotion you need and then get pissed! You deserve it!

Love and hugs,

Kate xxxxxxxxxxx (((((((((((((((((()))))))))))))))))))) xxxxxxxxxxx

dotchas
Member

Re: mastectomy & recon on 22nds Sept - totally Terrified aged 38

Good luck today,Lainey

Hugs

Dot
xx

anon1
Member

Re: mastectomy & recon on 22nds Sept - totally Terrified aged 38

morning ladies, how are you's?
im a bit better today diane (bcn) called yesterday and i just told her everything i was worrying about and she asked if i would worry less about cancer if i didnt have surgery and to be honest i would live life with such high risks always being scared and always wondering if screening results are correct. she thinks im just running scared and said it can be difficult putting yourself up for such major surgery when im not ill. which is true. she reassured me everyone gets scared and that's natural. so im going to go to hospital and after i see surgeon i have to go and see her. definately taking the kleenex. i feel a bit stronger today if that's the right word. and it helps knowing tonight i have a babysitter so im going to go out and get soooooooooooooooooooooooo drunk. other thing is hrt wont be an option if i keep my breasts and this menopause is severe so thats a positive about op.

ostrich i needed to read what you said yesterday as it puts things into perspective. i would hate to have cancer and go through kimo. it must be awful. also my aunt is fighting BC just now and i know she is struggling. cancer must be nasty and you and other ladies are dealing with your treatment so well. of course u will have really bad tearful days however who wouldn't. also you have a family and have to still be mum and wife and run a house while having treatment, a scar that doesnt want to heal and now a bug also. you are dealing with a huge amount.

you,dot and jenny have helped me so much as i know i can say how i feel without being judged and i dont feel so alone when i speak to you's. i hope we can stay strong and together we will get through this.

lots of love and hugs to you's all and thanks again xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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Re: mastectomy & recon on 22nds Sept - totally Terrified aged 38

Hi Lainey,

Glad to hear you are still keeping an open mind, sounds like you are doing the right thing and hopefully your BCN can help. You're not a big baby! You should have seen me yesterday howling and sobbing and bald to boot - thats more like a baby, LOL. xxxxxxxxxx

Dot, how odd to think that you need to move your nipple. Is that because there is no "droop" on that one when you take your bra off (compared to the other LOL!)? Is the nipple peeling in itself so to speak or peel off you? If its peeling off you perhaps you are just toooo hot for it, LOL!

I hope your xmas tea party goes well and you keep your bucket upright, xx

Unfortunately its a defo no on the vino as I checked with a nurse friend of mine and she said one of them it would be okay on but the other she always tells her patients not to touch a drop and says if I do I'll end up in the hospital so much as I was so looking forward to a expensive bottle of red I have on the side tonight whilst hubby is away it will have to be horlicks for me. If it wasn't for the fact that I was taking so many drugs my body would be on a detox!

anon1
Member

Re: mastectomy & recon on 22nds Sept - totally Terrified aged 38

hi ostrich and dot thanks for your words of support. i dont feel for a second that you's are bullying me (far from it). i called to cancel appt and started crying to receptionist and she is arranging my BC nurse to call back. keeping my appt for tomorrow open. so im going to get a list together of concerns and see what happens.

ostrich i feel very sad for you at the moment as it's one thing after another just now you must be really worn down with it all. but you are doing great coping the way you are. and you are entitled to cry you are going through so much. christmas is a very emotional time also so that doesnt help either. definately check out the antibiotics though and see if you can have a glass or 2. kimo must suck and BC must be horrid. im thankful that im not in that position.

my prob is im a big baby at times and get so scared. going to see what nurse says and try and sort out my head as op is supposed to be in 8 weeks

love to you all lainey xxxxxx

dotchas
Member

Re: mastectomy & recon on 22nds Sept - totally Terrified aged 38

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Ostrich,my emotional bucket has been overflowing too! I think its made worse by it being Christmas.My psychologist says it a difficult time as its natural to reflect on the past year and as it has been so s**t we feel very sad.
I am off to my dept Christmas tea party shortly ,lets hope I don't start bubbling! LOL!
My new nipple has started to peel! It looks like it has had sunburn so I will need to phone and see what they say.I do like having a nipple so will most likely have a permanent one done.The only thing is it needs to be in a different place depending whether or not I have a bra on! And now I have one permanently "on alert" and one that varies so same problem as before but the other way around!
If you have bugs that will be making you feel poorly and down as your poor body will be fighten the wee blighters.
I know some anti-biotics do say no alcohol but many don't so do check.Not that I am suggesting you get p*ssed but a wee glass may not do any harm.
Sending you hugs and strength too,its a sh*t time of year to deal with all that kimo chucks at you.

Lainey,I hope you don't feel we are bullying you ,we want you to come to the right decision for you.The main thing to remember is that you are in charge and can withdraw from the surgery at anytime,no-one will force you.Think about it this way ,that you have the upper hand as you are in control and can change your mind even at the very last minute.Yes even if it means you running out of the theatre with your gown flapping open! LOL! Why not delay tomorrows appt till the New Year,try to forget about it and then consider your options again.
I wish I could give you a real hug,you are a very special person who has been dealt a bad hand re BC risk and deserve the strength to get through this.
Please let us know how you are,
Love
Dot
xxx

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Re: mastectomy & recon on 22nds Sept - totally Terrified aged 38

Hi again Ladies,

How are you feeling now Lainey? xxx

Dot, its a shame about the Forum. I probably wont go tho thinking about it. I have my week's phyiso starting on the 12th Jan followed by kimo on the 20th that I probably wont be up for it.

I have emptied my emotional bucket all over my floor the last 48 hours or so that my eyes hurt - partly kimo but partly sobbing like a baby. After feeling dreadful on Monday with the cold I was weepy anyway and getting all my ducks out of kilter (obssessing about how much my back wound smelt and being told by hubby its in my head) I called to get the results of my swab yesterday to be told I have 2 bugs growing in my back and had to pick up a prescription for a course of 2 anti-biotics (which means I can't touch a drop until Xmas Eve) so I am now back to taking as many tablets as I was last week (4 x 4 per day).

It was just too much for me, I was overly emotional yesterday on and off, up and down all day and after I got home from picking up my meds I lost the plot. Whilst having the bugs identified and treated will no doubt improve healing and smell (and I told my hubby I was right!) after having kimo last Tuesday, cold from Sunday and now an infection (thankfully my temp is stable at 37) I had had enough of it all.

I feel like sh*t and have done for over a week now, I can't drink until Xmas eve and am hoping and praying I have enough white blood cells to fight this infection without ending up in the hospital just before xmas and then I have to go and have chemo again on the 30th!

I so want to turn my clock back or forwards, I don't want to be right now!

Anyway, brave face is back on (although still liable to burst into tears at the drop of a feather) and plodding on.

xxx