Hi everyone
When i was diagnosed with bc 9 years ago my little girl was 2 , i also had a 16 year old too. I used to stare at my children like i couldn,t get enough of them, i love them so. I did,nt think i would be here to see her start school , but now she is starting secondry school this year. I used to hate it when people said , oh cancer has changed my life for the better . I used to think what are you on about , my life has changed for the worse. I have lost a lot of people i loved dearly to cancer. i am the only one left. I wake up with pain every day , i worry myself sick for my children and husband. I,m sick of hospitals ,scans, results, medication, and wondering how i am going to die , will i be in pain. I never thought i would say it but in some ways my life is better, Since stopping work , i have made some new friends , they haven, t got cancer but they have come into my life and made me feel so loved and special. I have been able to say what i feel to my disfunctual family of 2 brothers . I have done things i would never have done if i was still working , i have become an artist, and sold loads of paintings for charity, i now write childrens novels, and have given them to my children for their children , and the childrens hospice. I have become stronger and more spiritual, I dont argue with my family , or try not to, ha , I have organised my own funeral and done some lovely memory boxes , most people dont get the chance to do this. I still stare at my children even more so now. I am no longer afraid of death. I have painted a beautiful angel above my bed and i speak to her every day and pray. I know i will not be here much longer but at least i have had 2 fantastic children and i have been able to spend part of my life with a wonderful husband , my soul mate. I am preparing them for my departure, i can,t say i want to die so soon . i dont , but i hope i have helped my children become stronger people and helped them appreciate life and not to take it for granted. I suppose what i am trying to say is this , i have experianced love and there is no greater gift. Out of everything negative comes something positive x Love to you all x
Hi,
Ive been sat here reading your post over and over again with a tear running down my face, thinking how and were has she found that strength from. Im not terminal (my story is on my profile) but do have 2 beautiful children 14 and 12, and a beautiful step son who’s 9. I have a man in my life who is my soul mate and has been a tower of strength for me, with my family too. I was dx 18 months ago and i like to think im a positve person.
You come across as a very calm and loving person who has found inner peace and your words have certainly touch my heart.
Take Care
Leslee x
Thanks for sharing your feelings Carol,
I agree love is a precious gift - to love and be loved.
I love this from The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren
“Time is your most precious gift because you only have a set amount of it. You can make more money but you can’t make more time. When you give someone your time, you are giving them a portion of your life that you’ll never get back. Your time is your life. That is why the greatest gift you can give someone is your time.”
I have no idea what its like to be facing death and have no ability to understand your situation. I can only begin to guess what its like - the fear of not having enough time but since my DX I do try to make the most of the time that I have and the time that I give. You can live a long life wasting your time or make the most of it, sharing your precious time with precious people.
I am happy that you have found peace Carol, I wish you the greatest gift of all, time, xxx
Hi Carol,
I think was a lovely post…
Fear of death can be so paralising.
We all deal with this disease in whatever way is right for us…
I hope you continue to go from strength to strength
That was very moving post Carol and I really resonate with what you are saying. I wouldn’t wish cancer on anyone but agree that it can make you look at life differently and enjoy simple things and just being - more than you did before.
I also really liked that quote Ostrich. It’s so true about time being the most precious gift of all. I don’t know where the phrase “it’s never too late” comes from as it surely is one day and we are more mindful of this perhaps.
I hope that you get many more years with your family Carol.
Take care all,
Anne x
Hi Carol
What a wonderful post, I am glad you have been able to reach the place you are in with such peace. I am considering giving up work but as the main bead winner I feel a little nervous about taking the plunge.
I am due to have some good holidays this year, perhaps that will help me come to a decision.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts
Carol
Thinking of you Carol…we each find our own way of dealing with this…you have found yours…Lots of Love…x.x.x
Carol - I am on a similar wave length to you I think. Since my primary dx 5 years ago and especially since my secondary dx last year I have made every moment count and certainly appreciate the smaller things in life now. It’s such a shame that something as awful as BC makes us stop and look around us. I am glad you have your inner peace and your Angel to watch over you.
Nicky x
Hi again Carol…reading your post again reminded me of this saying I heard a few years ago…‘‘the path is the same whether you walk it singing or crying.’’ Take Care…xxx
dear Carol,
I was attracted to your thread because of the title My angel and even though it shocked me as i am new to BC i was so moved. It is very scary for me this new world but reading your post has also calmed me in some way. i have noticed how calm and relaxed i am since dx on march 9th, almost like i don’t want to waste any time on anything negative.
I have a 12 year old son and there is just the 2 of us even though my family has really rallied round me for the first time in my life, most of them life in Ireland and so my friends are my life line now. My husband and i separated last Sep and he has been very supportive even wanting us to get back together.I don’t think that is going to happen as life is to short especially now with a reminder of just how precious life really is. He has been there for me when i had my operation and has offered to be with me next Tuesday for my first chemo session and that is lovely that we can be friends. My son is my best friend and has been so positive for me that i burst with pride every day just being with him.
It was beautiful reading your lovely words and hearing about your amazing accomplishments and i wish you and your lovely family the same gift the other women have, the precious one of time. I also wish you the strength and support of all the angels as since they have come into my life they have made such a difference. a friend introduced me to angel cards 2 years ago and i have been hooked since, they have never let me down and the cards i pick most now are healing and courage so i have the belief that with one i will receive the other.
Best of love luck and light.
xx
Hi Carol
Not really sure what to say, except that your post is very touching and amazing. It is lovely to read and to hear how you have found peace.
I agree that having children is an amazing gift to have been able to have, and I too look at my babies so much more and wonder how long I may have left with them. My aim now is to see my little boy start reception but that is 2 years away!! Least I will see him start preschool in September!! (Well hopefully anyway).
Hopefully you will have a lot more years to spend with your family.
Love
Dawn
xx