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new- just found out about friends bc - how to help?

6 REPLIES 6
Guest user
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Re: new- just found out about friends bc - how to help?

Thank you ladies. Just had text saying shes hope so replied saying will go over and give her a big hug as soon as she feels up to visitors. Was think of buying vouchers for a massage rather than flowers, but don't know if thats even something she can take advantage of right now...

Guest user
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Re: new- just found out about friends bc - how to help?

Hi
One of the first things a lot of us find out when we get bc is who our True friends are.
You are obviousely one of them. Just knowing that you are there for her is pricelous. Having someone you can talk to even if its just a text message, maybe going for a meal or a walk. As she has small children maybe offer to look after them for few hours, especially when she has chemo as for the first few days she may be extreamely tierd.
One of my mates lives 200 miles away and has even told her boss that if I need her shes coming to help me, I will probably not ask this of her but just knowing that she's prepared to do that for me gives me so much strength even when I'm on a downer, she also knows I love natural history and sometimes just sends me a funny animal card or pictures from a magazine that she thinks I might like. Also suggested we 'save up' to do something crazy and fun next year when my main treatment is over. Nothing much but it means so much.

Another just texts 'how you doing' every so often, or 'fancy dinner'.
Another idea is offer to go look at wigs with her (cos we almost all lose hair for a while with this) make it a fun girlie outing, help her have some fun with this horrible disease.
You've already told her your there for her, just ask her what she needs would like from you. I suspect the fact that you've told her this is already helping her, know it did for me.

All the best to you both
g

Guest user
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Re: new- just found out about friends bc - how to help?

Hello...:D

Once she is on chemo it is likely to be a 3 week cycle... generally the first week you have the chemo and feel rough, the second week your immune system is very low and the third week is your good week... so you could suggest that every 3rd week the two of you will do something nice together of her choice... Depending on her side effects (on some chemos your taste buds totally change so eating out is not actually a treat... 😉 and on others walking might be more difficult etc...)

As the others have said try and take the lead from her as you do feel different at different parts of the journey...

Theresa

Guest user
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Re: new- just found out about friends bc - how to help?

Hi
What a great pal you are.
Just be there for her, make jokes treat her normal, she is still the same person. She is a lucky lady to have a friend like you who is looking out for her. Take her lead, she may want to talk...maybe not but being there is great.Ask her if there is anything you can do i am sure she will be grateful. If you need anyone to talk with this is the place to be.

Liz_100
Member

Re: new- just found out about friends bc - how to help?

Hi
I had a mastectomy in June this year. I found my friends have really really helped me get through this. My family were there for me but they were soooo worried themselves. I wanted to talk and talk and I was lucky to have friends who listened.
Perhaps your friend would like to go shopping, or out for a meal. Maybe you could send her some flowers and arrange to meet her when she is ready.
Tell her you have been on this site, that will show her how much you care. Maybe she will find this site helpful too.
She is lucky to have a friend like you who will be there for her.
Liz

Kindensurprise
Member

Re: new- just found out about friends bc - how to help?

She is lucky to have a kind friend like you. I wanted to talk about mine a lot, still do 15mths from diagnosis, but she may not - ask her. If you can think of anything that you can do to help, do it. Has she a partner? She may welcome help with her child(ren) - I know I did, mine were 4 and 2 at the time. The thing is to continue to help and talk throughout and beyond her treatment. I found that a lot of people lost interest once I'd gone through surgery and the first few chemos, but true friends carried on asking, sending cards from overseas etc.

All the best to her and you.
Kinden
x

Guest user
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new- just found out about friends bc - how to help?

hi, as says above, just found out friend has breast cancer. She texted me, and is at her mums, she found out this week and has surgery (privately) early next week. I told her i'm thinking of her and said if there's anything i can do, i will, but don't know what else to do. Want to give her space if she needs it. I dont even know exactly what type/ how bad it is. Shes young, new mum. Its such a shock. I really want to help, but dont know how. She is having mastectomy (but dont know how severe... ) and later chemo. Any advice? Should I ask her more about it or leave it to her to come to me?