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newly diagnosed and very scared

43 REPLIES 43
Lakeslover
Member

Re: newly diagnosed and very scared

Hi Loz,

I just wanted to say hello and to offer support.

I was diagnosed in December and had surgery just before Christmas, waiting for radiotherapy now.

I agree with Poppy the waiting to find out exactly what we are facing is a very scarey time, and once you have a better idea of that things do start to get easier. It does seem to be a roller coaster though, I certainly have good and bad days.

Lots of support is available on here, and it really helps to talk to people who are either going through the same thing, or have already been through it and can offer advice.

Lynda

Louise_BCC
Member

Re: newly diagnosed and very scared

Hi Loz

Welcome to the discussion forums, you'll find lots of support and information here.

As you will note from Sam's post above, there are lots of pages of information on this site. I thought I'd also give the link to our Resources Pack for those newly diagnosed. It's filled with information to help you understand your diagnosis and the various treatments:

http://www2.breastcancercare.org.uk/publications/diagnosed-breast-cancer/resource-pack-primary-early...

The pack can be ordered through the link.

Hope you find this helpful.

Kind regards.

Louise
Facilitator

poppyD
Member

Re: newly diagnosed and very scared

Hi Loz I was diagnosed on Mon too> Feel for you. By what I hear from the others awaiting a plan is one of the very difficult times . Whatever happens there are many inspiring people here it doesnt change anything but hopefully they can help with support I am going for further surgery Wed I will be thinking of you and hoping for you and we can hold each others hand if you so wish during this heartbreaking journey Do you have familly and friends to support youtoo

Love Poppy

Guest user
Not applicable

Re: newly diagnosed and very scared

I was diagnosed last monday and have to return for further test results tomorrow,have had 2 biopsies,an mri and a ct scan,have had my ovaries removed and a hysterectomy only 1 year ago as I had a genetics test and had the preventative surgery...sadly not the case,devastated and confused,but I am strong and will fight...hugs to all..this is my first time on here so need some hands to hold please

Sam_BCC
Member

Re: newly diagnosed and very scared

Hi Ratina and Mary May

Welcome to the BCC forums, in addition to the help and support you have here you may find it useful to have a look at the webiste page with information on other support available for those newly diagnosed. Here is the link to the page:-

http://www.breastcancercare.org.uk/diagnosis

Also if you would like to talk things through with someone please do give the BCC helpline a call on 0808 800 6000. Here you can share any concerns you have with a trained member of staff who will offer you emotional support as well as practical infromation. The lines are open today from 9 to 5pm.

Best wishes Sam, BCC Facilitator

Ratina
Member

Re: newly diagnosed and very scared

Oh Foxglove, I can't imagine what you must be going through losing your son so recently.

I was diagnosed on December 21st after core biopsies on right and left breast lumps and a fine needle aspiration on a suspect lymph node. The left lump is a fibroadenoma (ie. benign) but the right one is grade 3 and the lymph node is also cancerous. I'm having surgery on January 17th to have the fibroadenoma removed (it's very large) and a WLE and lymph node excision on the right side.

I still don't think it has hit me, every time I tell people I have cancer I feel like a fraud and I have only cried once and that was when my mum suggested that I should consider rehoming my pets.

Hugs xxx

Guest user
Not applicable

Re: newly diagnosed and very scared

Hi Everyone
Thank you so much for your responses it really helps when others know how I feel. Dear Foxglove please tell your family how you feel as I felt just like you trying to save them from how I really felt but it doesnt work like that they need to know, I told them today and I feel such relief that i dont have to carry this on my own!
Sameelee
I feel sick every day, I wake up every day and the word cancer springs first to mind and please know that my thoughts are with you and sorry everyone but it takes time to be positive. Sameelee I am having a lumpectomy with lymph node removal and yes I am scared stiff about Lymphodema as its in my left breast and I am left dominant but I am going to take it one stage at a time. I am feeling good at the moment as my family have been with me for xmas.
If I had to think about reconstruction I would probably go for it, but as you say your mind is all over the place. My friend who had breast cancer 10 years ago went straight for a reconstruction at the time and is pleased with result as she was only in her 40s at the time but please take your time to think about it and please discuss with your partner/husband hugs to you xxxxxxxx

Margaret_May
Member

Re: newly diagnosed and very scared

Great to find this. Had tests today and have already been told will need a mastectomy. I am very frightened and then positive, then frightened again. Had biopsies and results next week but then an op and off I go on the roller coaster, but just wish I could stop feeling so terrified tonight. Thank you for all your encouragement and hope i can be strong and posortive in the weeks ahead. All the best to Peanut and all those in a similar place coming into 2012

Janet_BCC
Member

Re: newly diagnosed and very scared

Dear foxglove

Do consider giving the helpline a call for a listening ear and support. All calls are free and confidential. They are open as normal tomorrow from 9-5. The number is 0808 800 6000

Take care

Very best wishes

Janet
BCC Facilitator

Guest user
Not applicable

Re: newly diagnosed and very scared

I too have just been diagnosed and am booked for surgery on the 17th, cannot tell my family how scared I am, as I only lost my son 12 weeks ago and they are all still grieving from that and do not feel I can worry them anymore than they already are.

Sameelee3
Member

Re: newly diagnosed and very scared

Dear Peanut,
I have been following your posts and replies as I have only just joined the site. I started a post "Diagnosed Dec. waiting for Sentinel Node Biopsy, but the issues you are experiencing are exactly the same as mine, I think. I get my biopsy results on the 4th Jan, and can't help being really sick to the stomach whenever I think about it. I've been really worried about lymphedema too; but Jeannie is probably right that it's not helpful to worry too much about it yet. The waiting is difficult, but it does help loads to know that others have been through it all and come out the other side. My next worry is whether to go for reconstruction or not- and I've been doing research: it's crazy how your mind jumps about with it all. Still can't quite believe that it's happening to me.
Take care.
x

Guest user
Not applicable

Re: newly diagnosed and very scared

Hi Peanut, how are you? I had my results yesterday after my op earlier in the month. My cancer is stage 3 and I will have to have chemo and radiotherapy. However the cancer is oestrogen receptive which is a positive to take from all the horrible news. Hope all goes well with your operation and please stay in touch. Thank you also to all the other ladies, your positive attitude and comments are a great comfort. Wishing you all the very best for 2012. x

Guest user
Not applicable

Re: newly diagnosed and very scared

Dear Peanut 1955

The removal of my lymph glands was not too traumatic. Please, don't get overly worried about the operation - you will be fine. What you have to be careful about is lymphodema. However, now that they can test your nodes beforehand and only remove the ones that are affected, you are less likely to get lymphodema. Lymphodema will become less common now that the procedures are more advanced. Like TTM has said, take one day at a time and try not to let your mind go into overdrive.

Wishing you well.

Jeannie

tommyticklemou
Member

Re: newly diagnosed and very scared

mazzelou, thanks for those great words.

kit20, i know its difficult but trying to take one day at a time is the best way, thats what i try and do but i know its so hard. the sleeping problem will settle down, i was terrible the first couple of weeks but it has settled down. also not having an appetite is a problem which i had as well, but do try to eat something, small and often if you cannot face big meals. its is difficult to force yourself i know.

lots of hugs TTM xxx

Mazzalou
Member

Re: newly diagnosed and very scared

To Peanut1955

Try and take one day at a time and stop worrying about the what if and whys of lymphodema? You may not even have to cope with it, so remember 'Today is the Tomorrow you worried about Yesterday'. Let's cross those bridges IF we come to them, and not put them in our way beforehand.

Everything that lies ahead of you all is 'doable' and, with the support of the rest of us here who are ahead of you in their treatment, you will cope with it. In time you will be supporting those who will be following along behind you, encouraging them to be strong and positive, just like Jeannie who is 6 years ahead of you.

So lets join hands with those in front of us, and reach out to those following along behind, and face the journey ahead knowing that you are not alone on your journey, but that you have a cast of thousands cheering you on.

Keep smiling

Mazzalou xx

Lucy_BCC
Member

Re: newly diagnosed and very scared

Hi Kit and 30nov66

Welcome to the BCC forums, in addition to the help and support you have here I am posting a couple of links to the newly diagnosed area of the website where you will find further information and support ideas:

http://www.breastcancercare.org.uk/diagnosis

Here are some publications about talking to children about breast cancer covering different age ranges:

http://www2.breastcancercare.org.uk/publications/diagnosed-breast-cancer/talking-your-children-about...

http://www2.breastcancercare.org.uk/publications/diagnosed-breast-cancer/mummys-lump-bcc164

The helpline re opens on 28th at 9am so please feel free to call for further support on 0808 800 6000

Take care
Lucy

Guest user
Not applicable

Re: newly diagnosed and very scared

Hi Peanut
I was told on the same day and similar diagnosis. It's just so hard to get your head round. Although I know all the positives, it's still so scary and the thought of what we've got to go through. I;m trying to get round having to tell my children tomorrow - that's going to be hard! Take care,

kit20
Member

Re: newly diagnosed and very scared

me too. trying to get through christmas knowing almost nothing about the type of my cancer and dreading most of the treatments already being mooted. Feel I am about to be mutilated. The only help has been my gp who has given me tablets so that I can sleep otherwise wakefull all night and eating makes me fell sick. I really do empathise with yo,

tommyticklemou
Member

Re: newly diagnosed and very scared

thankyou chocciemuffin for taking the time on xmas day to say some words of encouragement to those of us just starting out.

its seems even more difficult at this time of year. i have found it difficult to get into xmas spirit but have had quite a nice day today and have managed not think too much about what next steps will be, more surgery, radiotherapy etc after xmas.

merry xmas to you and all the lovely ladies on here.

TTM xxx

Guest user
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Re: newly diagnosed and very scared

Hi chocciemuffin, love the name!
As I settle to sleep in my daughters bunk beds, we have family staying tonight. I want to thank you taking the time to write this.
I was dx on 6/12 and having wle and snb on 28th, 3 more sleeps. So I'm scared and worried. I'm hoping this is the only op but you never know. They have said have to have chemo after as well. I'm not up with all the details yet.
Have had a few emotional weeks but coming to terms with it now, I think.
I've had a fab xmas and my children were brill so made the most of it. Sometimes I think I'm being too positive but that's cos I feel so well.
Anyway just wanted to say thanks for saying there is hope and things will be good in the end.
Much love and happy christmas
Love Fran
Xxx

Guest user
Not applicable

Re: newly diagnosed and very scared

Thank you, thank you lakeslover, choccieMuffin and Jeannie for understanding. I sometimes feel I cant say exactly how I feel because I dont want to upset my family but I am so worried about op on the 19th Jan. Jeannie how did you cope with removal of lymph glands? It worries me as the tumour is on my left breast and I am left dominant so worrying about how I will cope if I get Lymphodema?? I know I am probably thinking to far ahead but cant help it as I need to work to pay the mortgage!!
I am trying not to cry every day but really difficult, trying to be positive ( god I hate that word!)
Hugs to you all xxxxxx

ChoccieMuffin
Member

Re: newly diagnosed and very scared

Hugs to all who have been diagnosed, particularly those over the last couple of weeks.

IT SUCKS.

Any diagnosis is rubbish. I had mine just over a year ago, and couldn't even have dreamt of 12 months later. But I've just spent half an hour trying to type this message because of interruptions and too much wine, laughter, giggles, and NORMAL LIFE!

Even if you get a Dec diagnosis (8/12/10 myself) there IS life outside of cancer, there IS non-cancer fun, there is STILL fun to be had at Christmas. It's just REALLY difficult to see it from where you are.

Yeah, the cancer stuff still freaks me out, but the me that everyone else recognises is still there somewhere. I really hope that those of you who are just starting in the "journey/treadmill/escalator/[other metaphor of choice]" can take a little bit of heart from knowing that those who were last year where you are this year have managed to get there.

It's not easy, none of us would say so. But with the help and support you will get from here, Christmas 2012 is achievable.

Hugs to all.

CM
xxx

Guest user
Not applicable

Re: newly diagnosed and very scared

I also don't come on the site very often. However, it's Christmas and a time to reflect. I feel for you ladies. I just want to let you know that although things are very difficult at the moment, you will get through this. Take comfort in knowing we are behind you. I was diagnosed at stage 3b, late because my GPs refused to refer. I had 15 lymph nodes with cancer. That was six years ago and I cannot say the road has been easy but I'm doing well and life is good. I can remember when I was first diagnosed I didn't think I would make it to Christmas. Please don't beat yourselves up for crying, it's normal and can often be seen as a release in which you feel better afterwards. Also remember you are No. 1 and try to make time for yourselves and have treats.

Wishing you all well.

Jeannie

Lakeslover
Member

Re: newly diagnosed and very scared

I really understand where you are now, I am the same and randomly burst into tears for no apparent reason.

I was diagnosed on the 15th and had my op (WLE and node excision) on the 20th.

The bubble is a really good description of how I feel.

This site is already helping, to know so many people feel exactly how I do.

I hope we can all support each other through it.

Lynda

Guest user
Not applicable

Re: newly diagnosed and very scared

Hi Croyde
I know exactly what you mean about the bubble! I am still partially in one but getting there. How great is that to have your operation so quick, hope you feeling ok? We all try to be positive but dont be afraid to let your family know when you are feeling down.Let them be strong for you also. I am going for my op on the 19th Jan to have lumpectomy and all nodes removed.
Keep in touch, big hug xxx

Guest user
Not applicable

Re: newly diagnosed and very scared

Hi Peanut, I was diagnosed last Monday 12th Dec and I had my lump removed and one lymph node on Thursday. I know exactly what you going through, I feel like I am in a bubble and its happening to someone else. But I am feeling positive too and determined to be strong for myself and my family. I am 44. Wishing you lots of luck, take care. x

Lulu34
Member

Re: newly diagnosed and very scared

hi peanut

metastatic cancer in the lymph nodes just means there is cancer in the lymph nodes... that the cancer in the breast has travelled to the lymphs but its not normally referred to as metastatic disease its just a term used by pathologists.... metastatic cancer is sometimes called secondaries or stage 4 disease and this means its travelled to other parts of the body like the bones or the liver and they may do scans if you have positive nodes to see if has spread or not... its quite uncommon to have metastatic spread at your initial diagnosis, but its not uncommon to have positive nodes.... good luck with your appt today and Fran good luck with your appt too.

Lulu xx

Guest user
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Re: newly diagnosed and very scared

Thank you all so much your kind thoughts and experiences have helped me so much, I feel so much calmer. I have a grade 2 invasive ductal carcinoma with metastatic ductal carcinoma of the lymph nodes, not really sure what it all means but see the consultant tomorrow so hopefully will understand a bit more.The thing is I feel really well as you do Leeds39 so good luck for the 21st, let me know how you get on. I have decided following major wobbles over the last 2 weeks that I am going to get through this, damn it I will.
Thank you so much Mal,DJ007,leeds39 and mazzalou, will let you know tomorrow.
Reality group hugxxxxxxxxxxxx

Mazzalou
Member

Re: newly diagnosed and very scared

Do you know Leeds39 I really don't think that it ever does sink in and I still seem to say to myself 'has this really happened to me?' You are correct in saying that it is so surreal, especially if you don't feel ill. My consultant said that so many women say this, and I think that this is what makes the reality of it all difficult to comprehend.

Take comfort from Mal, Peanut and Leeds39, when she says that in time you will have no need for this website as you will be too busy out enjoying yourself and getting on with life, but be glad that you are here at a time when you need all the support that you can get.

Remember that you are not alone as we are all in this together. It is fear of the unknown that is the hardest, but trust those of us who have come out the other side for you will too in time.

Keep smiling and thinking positive thoughts

Mazzalou x

Guest user
Not applicable

Re: newly diagnosed and very scared

Hello Peanut,
How are you doing? Probably the same as me. I was dx on the 6th but confirmed dx on the 13th. Now waiting to go back on the 21st for the preop and the confirmation of the biospy and lymph node test.
I'm petrified but keeping a very smiley face. My OH and I have decided to write down all the cliches we keep hearing, and trying to joke about it as its so surreal. I dont feel ill and although everyone i see knows and my children know its still not sunk in.
I just wanted to say hi and let you know i'm here with you girly..so pm me if you want.
love Fran
xxx

DJ007
Member

Re: newly diagnosed and very scared

Peanut

Sending hugs! I was dx 22nd Dec last year with a 5.5cm grade 3 lobular tumour. Since then I've had an mx, recon, chemo and rads. None of it was pleasant, but I'm still here and have been back at work full-time for over a month.

You will get through this and it's far too soon to start planning your funeral! Looking outcritcal illness policies that may pay off your mortgage I'll forgive.

Plan instead for feeling a bit bit rough after your op - put easy meals in the freezer, etc, etc. Take everything day by day. It will all be a bit scary at the moment, but once you know what you are dealing with (however good/bad) and have a full treatment plan you will feel better.

Good luck
Dx

Guest user
Not applicable

Re: newly diagnosed and very scared

I (we) do understand what you are going through - it's horrendous. But I mean it, when I say, that you will get through this.

Just remember that most of the people on this forum are going thro' treatment etc and are looking for support (like you), but also remember that the vast majority of people dx a few years ago, don't come onto this site anymore, they are out enjoying their lives. I only come here to support a couple of cancer buddies.

When do you get your results?

It's scary for our partners but unfortunately we don't have the time or energy to support them, as we need all that support for us. Their needs can get overlooked, and believe me, they suffer too. But for now, focus on you. Everything else will follow.

You're welcome to message me if I can help.
Mal x

Guest user
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Re: newly diagnosed and very scared

Thank you Mal you have just verbalised my feelings totally!! I do feel I have hit the pause button and yes I have been planning things life my funeral and looking at life insurance policies!! Thank you for understanding, it helps to know there is a future.
Thank you also Mazzalou I promise I will keep smiling and hugging. You are right my partner is very frightened, we had a long talk and I didnt realise how upset he was, I was being a bit insular about my own feelings but feeling ok.Hopefully get to the end of that tunnel too.
Best wishes xx

Guest user
Not applicable

Re: newly diagnosed and very scared

Hi Peanut

I don't come onto this site as often as I used to as I'm nearly 4 years since dx, but it is the best place to come for support and friendship.

It's been said before but you really are in the worst possible place at the moment.

I was dx with a 3cm lump in May 2008. After a lumpectomy and node clearance the pathology showed that it was grade 3 and 3 out of 24 nodes were affected. Someone then pressed the pause button on my life!! I planned my funeral and really thought that I wouldn't see another summer. Chemo and rads followed. Chemo wasn't anywhere near what my brain was expecting. It wasn't pleasant, but I marked the dates off on the calendar, made sure I had something to look forward to for my good week, and before I knew it ........it was over. Rads were no problem.

You will get over this, just don't look too far into the future. Just take one day at a time and cross one bridge at a time.

It does take a while to take the finger off the pause button after a BC dx, and to get on with your life, but it will happen.

If I can do it, anyone can. I'm over it and enjoying life again. Although it's difficult to believe, you will get your life back.

All the best
Mal

Mazzalou
Member

Re: newly diagnosed and very scared

Hi Peanut1955

Sorry to hear that you are feeling very frightened, but try and look on the positives in your situation as they are there if you think about it. OK, so we have been diagonosed with breast cancer but it is one of the most common, most researched and most funded cancers there is. We are not alone as 50,000 other women in the UK have also been diagnosed this year too. Every one of them has shed plenty of tears, but they will ease off once you have your treatment plan. Your partner is probably just as frightened as you are so be thankful that you do have someone to help support you through this and who is there for you, so try hugging instead of screaming.

You will have your cancer removed and the rest of your treatment will be your insurance policy against a re-occurence. You will be receiving the best possible treatment there is so take it and be pleased that it is available.

Try to be positive as it really, really will help you overcome your treatment. I found my lump on March 11th and had mx with reconstruction on April 18th, followed by chemo of 3 FEC and 3 docetaxel, and then 15 radiotherapy sessions which finished about 10 days ago. I am also on herceptin every 3 weeks until late next summer. A long old haul, but doable, and I am now on the homeward straight and coming out of the long, dark tunnel at long last.

I know that things are tough at the mo, but they won't always be so try and smile your way through life and you will feel a lot better.

I hope that this helps you and let us know how you are getting on.

Take care and keep smiling

Mazzalou

Guest user
Not applicable

Re: newly diagnosed and very scared

I am trying so hard to be positive but randomly burst in to tears and my partner is finding it really difficult, if he asks me once more if I am ok I think I will scream!!!! No I am not ok! It is so difficult because you want to be upbeat for everyone else but it really is frightening. The only thing keeping me sane is reading this forum knowing I am not on my own so thank you everyone for your thoughts best wishes xxx and big hug to everyone.

tommyticklemou
Member

Re: newly diagnosed and very scared

hi peanut

sorry you find yourself on this site, but you have done the right thing joining and you will get great advice and support on here to help you deal with this. the helpline on this site is excellent, i have used it a few times - you can ask anything you want and they really do help. your bcn will be a great support and dont be afraid to let her support you through it and let her know your concerns or thoughts.

hope all goes well next week and once you get your treatment up and running you will feel a little better.

keeping posting - anything at all you need to get off your chest and we are here.

big hugs TTM xxx

katytc
Member

Re: newly diagnosed and very scared

Hi peanut1955,

It is a very scary time and unfortunately your mind goes into overdrive!!! It is definitely a shock to the system, that is why the forum is so good someone will always answer your questions and it does put your mind at ease, so keep posting and the very best of luck to you for Wed, take care and lots of hugs xx

Guest user
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Re: newly diagnosed and very scared

Thanks Mary see the surgeon on weds so will know more then. What a lovely thought, holding virtual hands, I like that xxxxxxxx

Guest user
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Re: newly diagnosed and very scared

Thanks Clare37
I go back to the hospital next Weds 21st so will know more then.I feel like I am standing on the outside watching a play, so hard to take in.
Thanks for your thoughts xxxxx

Guest user
Not applicable

Re: newly diagnosed and very scared

dear peanut...i'm due for surgery middle of Jan (no date yet) and am also pretty nervous ...as far as they can tell I have no problem with the lymph nodes but am told that wont be certain til they see what's what when they do the surgery....
so let us know when your op will be .....we can hold virtual hands.
Mary

Guest user
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Re: newly diagnosed and very scared

Hi peanut, im so very sorry about your diagnosis but you have come to the right place for info and support, you are not alone in this. It is a very scarey time and emotions will run riot but just go with it. Once u have a plan of action and treatment starts u will find the strenghth to deal with it and it will get easier to handle. Take care of urself and keep posting

Big hugs xx

Janet_BCC
Member

Re: newly diagnosed and very scared

Dear peanut1955

I am pleased you have already found support through the forum during this difficult time. Please also consider giving our Helpline a call for information and support. They are open till 2.00pm today and from 9-5 on weekdays. 0808 800 6000. Calls are free and confidential

Very best wishes

Janet
BCC Facilitator

Guest user
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newly diagnosed and very scared

I was told last Tues that I have Breast Cancer with Lymph node involvement and due for surgery middle of Jan. They say the tumour is 17mm in size. I have not told a lot of people yet as feeling really tearful! I am normally very positive person but this has floored me.
The doctor says they will remove all of my lymph nodes which worries me and lumpectomy. I am told I will need radiotherapy and possibly chemo depending on the histology of the cancer post surgery.
My partner is very positive and supportive but just cant stop crying and now every ache i have in my body feels a threat.
In some ways its comforting to know I am not alone in how I feel when i read previous posts.