This is my first time on the discussion forum. I am due to start chemo on 5th Jan and I am really worried about how to prepare my young children for the side effects that will be happening pretty rapidly. I’m really scared that my oldest (11) will be embarassed by the baldness and that my youngest (3) will not realise why Mummy can’t play with her at the moment. Any tips on how to tell them about the months ahead would be gratefully received.
Hi Ayoud and welcome to the forums,
I am sure you will receive lots of valuable support and information from your fellow users very soon.
In addition, I have copied links to three of BCC’s publications which I hope will be useful, a couple of them discuss talking to children about different aspects of breast cancer and treatments. Our helpliners are also there for you if you need a listening ear, the staff are all either breast care nurses or people who have personal experience of breast care issues so do give them a call if you feel it would help. The number for the helpline is 0808 800 6000, lines open Mon-Fri 9am-5pm and Sat 9am-2pm
Younger women with BC: breastcancercare.org.uk/content.php?page_id=671
Talking with children: breastcancercare.org.uk/content.php?page_id=669
Mummy’s Lump: breastcancercare.org.uk/content.php?page_id=12221
Best wishes
Lucy
Hi Ayoud
My son was nearly three when I started chemo. I spent a lot of time explaining to him that I had to have extra-special medicine that would do all sorts of things to make me better. I told him that to help me get better I was going to shave all my hair off and that it would be OK because it would grow back. We made up stories about it and about how I would feel a little bit like a hedgehog.
It was very hard on my son despite trying to prepare him. He woke up after I’d shaved my hair off and was very upset and cried a lot. In the morning, though, he remembered the stories and the simple reasons I’d giveh him for it happening and he was happy to call me a prickly hedgehog. I’m 12 weeks through chemo now and he isn’t in the least bothered by me wandering around the house with my bald head or in a scarf. We make a big joke about wigs and he just accepts them as part of our life. At three, kids are very accepting so long as they have a reasonable explanation, I’ve found. You will still be able to play with your youngest, but it might be less vigorous play.
There are a couple of books available that might be of use to you:
* My Mummy Wears a Wig: Does Yours? by Michelle Williams-Huw (ISBN-10: 1906125112)
* A Pink Wig Will Get You Through It: A Mummy’s Guide to Beating Breast Cancer by Chantal Rosenbaum (ISBN-10: 1905553064)
All the best!
Cat
Hi Ayoud
I was diagnosed jan 08 and had to have chemo during which i lost my hair.
My children were 6 and 11 at the time. I just explained that i had to have strong medicine which would make my hair fall out but would help to make mummy better.
I wore a wig out but at home went without. i kept a turban type thing to put on quickly if someone called. My son age 6 found it amusing to wear my wig and pretend to be a heavy rocker doing his head banging , he also came out of school the first day i wore the wig, shouting that mum was wearing a wig!! bless him, i quickly gagged him and took him home!!.
My hair is now nearly an inch and a half and i am still wearing the wig out, i feel i should go without but still feel self conscious that i have really short hair and people will wonder why. I think we have to get used to looking after no 1 and knickers to what other people will think.!!! Ha Ha
Good luck with your treatment and i’m sure your children will adjust, you are still mummy at the end of the day and they love you hair or no hair.
Best wishes
Sarah66
Hi Ayoud
My children are 9, 7 & 5 so not too indifferent to yours. They did find me losing my hair upsetting but like Sarah I said the same thing about strong medicine making me lose my hair. The Mummy’s lump book was also useful to read/talk through with them, Everyone is different when it comesto hair loss but I admit it was probably the hardest thing for me to cope with. I talked through some ‘wig rules’ with the kids so I didn’t get embarrassed whilst out. I told them 1) Showing mummy’s bald head is like showing your bottom in public so they musn’t pull it or try to touch it whilst out and about, I told them we don’t talk about mummy’s wig in public so I didn’t get a zillion embarrassing questions during the Tesco’s queue but I did make sure they had plenty of time to ask questions/touch and touch my bald head in the privacy of home and you wouldn’t believe how quickly kids adapt to stuff and suddenly it’s all normal again. I think honesty is the best policy and as long as you set ground rules as to what your comfortable with you’ll be fine.
Good luck with it all xx
hi ayoud
my children were 4 & 8 , i lost my hair in the july as phoebe was starting her 1st time at school in september , she could not wait to get to school to shout in the playground for everybody to “look at mummy she’s bold !”, i know everybody is different but i think children are so quick to adapt, my son aged 8 was upset at first but i let them both shave my head which they thought was great fun !! i also made phoebe headscarves to match mine and she loved it , she would tell me which one to wear daily, like you i did worry about telling them but it was not as bad as ithought,
good luck
galen x
Hi Ayoud,
my daughters were 3 and 6 when I had chemo.
I tried not to make a big fuss about it, one day I bought my wig and when they saw the box they wanted to see what was inside, so I showed them and explained why I got and the story about the medicine being killing my illness on one side, but also my hair.
They were both very good about it, and I never wore it at home as I found it very uncomfortable. so they were used to seeing me with and without. The 3 year old was obsessed with it and often she’d ask me to show people my head, but luckily it was always people I knew!
There were days when I was too tired to play with them, and I would just put in front of the telly or ask someone to have them for the afternoon, the eldest was a star as she wanted to help so I’d ask her to play with her sister and once she even made tea for both of them as I couldn’t get up from sofa!!
I wish you all the best, and try not to worry too much, kids are always so much more resilient than we think, the important thing is always answer any questions with honesty.
good luck
Hi there
My kids are 2, 4 and 6 and I’ve explained that my hair is going to fall out which they all think is hysterical. 9 weeks ago I had really long hair then cut it mid length, then 3 weeks later really short Bob (to match the wiggy I bought) then started my chemo on 17th Dec and went for the ,posh crop the day after. booked in to have the concentration camp look tomorrow but suprisingly the posh is hanging on for dear life so might delay next step till after next chemo on 5th Jan.
I think we worry too much about how our kids will cope, in my experience they are taking it all in their stride and my 6 year old even said last week, “hey Mum don’t wowwy too much about your hair falling out, coz i finished the cheerio’s this morning and I’ve decided to make you hat out of the box, so you’ll be fine”!!! Bless him. To be honest the eldest 2 are boys and they haven’t even noticed my drastic image change so far, but the 2 year old girls has! That’s men for you!!
Good luck to us all!
Hi
My youngest son is 15 and my partners sons are 8 and 15. My son found me losing my hair very difficult - he has a quirky sense of humour and when my hair started to fall out I thought showing him my “party trick” of tugging out clumps of hair a bit like the nutty proffesor after an explosion would make him laugh but it didn’t. I think he saw it as confirmation that I was really sick ( I had appeared to the world as well until that point). It may have been worse because he does not live with me and so the difference he saw at each visit was more dramatic. His friends however were very accepting of it all and always asked how I was when they came over to see me with my son - this made a big difference. My partners boys were very different, in fact the youngest was quite curious about it all and had loads of questions about why it fell out - I gave a simple explanantion that the medicine kills all fast growing cells - good and bad, as hair is a fast growing cell thats why it falls out.
Now my hair has started to grow back my son has been giving me all sorts of advice on hair gel etc - and it has become a bit of a game as to how I will have styled my hair each time I see him.
My son did not like me wearing hats, was not too happy about the wig but accepted the styled pasmenas that I wore. All this has taught me is that each child is different and whilst age can play a factor some children deal with somethings better than others - you just have to talk to them and see how they feel too.
Also don’t forget your eyebrows and eyeliner - had to use eyebrow pencil for the first time in my life as I looked blank without them. Try and get a good pencil which matches your natural colour and start using it before you loose your brows as it teaches you where they should be naturally.
Good luck
Regards
Helen