re feelings

[Gizmos-mum]

you'll get there.

[trish1109]

I would help anyone  .but i am used to being strong but do not feel that way just now.

[Gizmos-mum]

I'm finding that helping other people makes me feel better, I'm not used to being helped. I'm always the helper, someone said people don't change just cos they're ill and it's true we will continue to try and do what we do regardless.You will find that people want to support you if you let them, but just keep them in check too much help can be tiring!!

[trish1109]

A great idea ,have started a diary which allows my partner  to see how i am feeling especially when  he is at work  . feel life is out of control  ,  maybe when treatment starts it will help  . Thank you xx

[Gizmos-mum]

I started a blog which turned into a web site cos everyone wanted to know the ins and out of it all. It saved me having to tell them all individually. The research helped me come to terms with it.

[trish1109]

Hi Mary  Thank you  ,just found out that another two people including a brilliant wee boy in my street have terminal cancer , know mine is treatable but the families have said to me  that if i need someone ,just to ask  , my friends are organising a fundraiser ,to help raise funds for different cancer charities  ,glad to have them.xx

[trish1109]

Thanks have a fantastic partner ,he is brilliant also know if i need advice i can come here , just found out little boy 5 doors up has ,been told cancer back  ,terminal  , and guy down the road terminal  , so devastated for them  , your mind starts to race.  xx ,

[Dana1]

Yes people are funny. I think that once you've had op and got through that some friends think that's it over sorted. I know they are busy and have own life but it is so easy to keep in touch these days ie Facebook it's just nice to know you haven't been forgotten when you are at home recovering and gearing yourself up for next treatments etc. I'm lucky my mum has been fantastic and I have to say to her - have a day off. She is having a time of it too as partner just diagnosed with cancer too.

Thank goodness for this site and the generous people on here. Xx

[Guest user]

Trish

That's always the way. I am shocked that some of my friends haven't even been in touch since I told them I had BC. It really shows up true friends. Although I do think that some people find it hard - like not knowing what to say etc. And therefore avoid rather than go through the awkwardness. Still no excuse though. I think you have to find inner strength to deal with all of this. And not let little things worry/stress you out. Some people are goiing to say the wrong thing - that's human nature - I've probably done it myself in the past. You just have to get on with it regardless. It's harsh but true. 

Sending you strength !!

L x

[trish1109]

I have started keeping a diary  , and have read the booklets given to me from the breast cancer nurse  ,but still scared  , trying not to cry in front of my daughter ,I know i have a fight ahead of me , but people i thought would be there for me are not  ,and that includes some family that ,i helped out  ,as they needed it  .  I would be there to help anyone  , but feel i now only have a feww ro rely on ..xx

[mary32]

Hi Trish

I am so sorry you are feeling overwhelmed at the moment. And scared that everyone knows and may be looking at you.

All I can say is shame on anyone you see today who looks and doesn't say something kind or reassuring to you. They are only showing themselves up and is no reflection on you whatsoever. Hold your head up high, and if you don't want to talk to anyone just say so quietly and pass them by.

You will start to feel a bit more in control of all this. What helped for me was to research and understand all the treatments and what their purpose was, it made me feel more like it was informed consent and helped me feel a little more in control.

Hope you get through today ok.

Mary

[trish1109]

My mother has told everyone ,in saying that have not seen her for a week   , everybody saying your mum will be there for you and your daughter  ,  her other grandparents who she sees weekly have been on the phone even if just to say hello and check on her  .I am dreading going out today , because i know i will have people staring or coming up to me , which I do not want when they do not normally talk to me  .as the day approaches to start chemo ,i am worrying more   .xx

[4littlecherubs]

I must say ive got all sorts of 'so called friends' coming out of the woodwork! I live in a very small town where everyone knows everyone and I can tell by the look on peoples faces that there is gossiping....sad really! Its true what they say you certainly find out who your true friends are...ive had friends cross the road to avoid talking to me and some older friends that I didnt think would be bothered being very sincere! People act in funny ways....im pleased to say its brought me and my husband even closer but we have sat and talked through everything together and when ive needed space he has understood and left me to it! 

Ive also have ot the dreaded ex that thinks he has the right to know everything as we have s child together 😕

((((Hugs))))

[trish1109]

I know how you feel  , people who normally do not talk all of a sudden want too  , i only have a close group of friends on facebook but are now getting friend requests galore  . I feel they want to know everything I am really scared  ,xx.

[trish1109]

Spoiler

Hello , he is trying to be strong  ,he goes back to work tomorrow ,and is worrying  leaving me  but i need some time to me..xx

[Guest user]

Im feeling weird today too. Two people asking me if I'm having a mastectomy...even after I said I didn't wanna go over the details. Made me quite angry. One is a good friend but she is a gossip and I know she would tell people. The other is my ex who thinks he has a right to know!?! Because we have kids together!!!

Nosiness disguised as concern.

[poemsgalore]

Hello Trish,

I  am sorry that you are feeling this way. It is difficult for partners to understand how a diagnosis and treatment of BC can affect us. Maybe if you download this booklet:

http://www2.breastcancercare.org.uk/sites/default/files/in_it_together.pdf

and read it with your partner, share your feeling with him, it might go a small way  to helping you communicate and feel close again. He may be feeling just as scared  as you are, and feel helpless because he can't protect you from it.

Take care

poemsgalore xx

[trish1109]

Thank you i will phone ,i feel my life is no  longer mine  .

[Janet_BCC]

Dear trish

I am sorry you are feeling this way.  You might find it helps to talk things over with one of our Helpliners when they open again tomorrow.  The opening times are 9-5 on weekdays and 10-2 on Saturdays.  The number is 0808 800 6000.

Very best wishes

Janet

BCC Moderator

[trish1109]

Feeling emotional today ,partner says i am pushing him away ,do not realise i am doing it  ,feel i cannot do any thing right  ,am also sore today .