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relationships after surgery 22 years old

9 REPLIES 9
carriemitch
Member

Re: relationships after surgery 22 years old

Hi

Have you considered speaking to your team at the hospital about a referral to a psychotherapist who helps you to come to terms with body image. I had a referal and am finding it really helpful, talking through my thoughts and fears for the future. I think anyone with a cancer diagnosis should be able to get easily referred for this type of help. We deserve all the help we can get in coming to terms with our new selves, post treatment. Wishing you all the very best, Carrie

Amy30
Member

Re: relationships after surgery 22 years old

Hi Gemma

I'm 32 and last year I split up with my husband so ended up back in the dating game again. Then only a few weeks ago I found out my cancer was back and I had to have a mastectomy. I was really upset - my boobs now look really different and I thought 'what man is ever going to want me' when there's so many healthy single women around without these problems....well guess what...I joined an internet dating site a couple of weeks ago and have had lots of interest from nice sounding men. There are a couple I have got to know quite well through chatting online & the phone and I could tell they were caring types so I dropped the whole BC/Mastectomy into conversation and whilst they were curious, they were both caring and it definately hasn't put them off - I'm meeting them both for first dates next week! So I know I haven't shown them the scars yet, but should anything develop with either of them I don't think it will be a massive deal cos we've already talked about it and if they fancy you, they fancy you - perfect boobs don't come into it. And clothes don't have to be low cut to be sexy - show off whatever other features are your best assets - legs, shoulders etc!...

Amy x

vertangie
Member

Re: relationships after surgery 22 years old

I'm using a homeopathic cream called Healing Cream which apparently works a treat even many years later.

It's early days for me as I've only used in half a dozen times (only had surgery a month ago) but I think it's working even better than the bio oil was and it was helping so that may help. We're not allowed to post links here but If you google for Helio Pharmacy you'll find the people who do it. Just phone them up and order a jar.

But I agree with the others here the right person won't be phased by it. Consider the scar as a way to filter the time wasters quickly. The freak, you go "Right Next".

Hopefully you'll find the right one quickly or enjoy the journey regardless.

princess18
Member

Re: relationships after surgery 22 years old

Hi Gemma,

I'm older than you (35) but I do understand how you feel. Have you tried anything like 'bio oil' to try help with the scar? I know its a while since you had surgery, but I only discovered it quite a few months after my mastectomy and I found it worked a treat. You can pick it up in any decent chemist for around £8, worth a try I reckon.

Take care,

Kelly
-x-

lilacblushes
Member

Re: relationships after surgery 22 years old

Like Custard I am older than you - I'm 40 - and I too look like an ordanance survey map with my various scars. I had major lung surgery at 23 which left me with a 9" scar curving round my back - albeit a very neat one.

I was married when I had that surgery but the marraige broke up a month later, so once I had recovered and was back in the pulling blokes game I was faced with the same dilemma. Someone gave me the wonderful advice to not consider my scar as a bad thing cos the surgery that gave me the scar also saved my life.

I found telling blokes about the scars ahead of them getting the chance to discover them was a great help - if it freaked them out at the thought of a few scars then they never got to the stage of seeing me undressed.

With regards to wearing low cut tops etc I remember years back someone said that the Red Cross did lessons for ppl with scars where they used cover-up make-up and taught you how to blend the scar - this might be of some help to you.

I also know that a lot of ppl I know who've has c-section births have used bio-oil and they seem to be happy with the results. Not an instant fix but might be worth a try.

Spooks
Member

Re: relationships after surgery 22 years old

Try contacting the surgeon who did your last op. I saw my surgeon a few weeks ago and he asked me if I wanted reconstruction and surgery to remove the horrible scar which is severely indented.

juddiv
Member

Re: relationships after surgery 22 years old

Hi Gemma

Sorry to hear about all the crap you've been through. I'm 30 and have a disgusting scar on my right bap now. My aunt had bc and her scars are very neat and tidy. Looks like we got the frankenstien surgeons lol

the only thing I can say, is that you will hopefully come to terms with it. I know I'm older and don't really care that much about how I look anymore, but you can rest assured that any partner worth their salt won't care about your scars.

Don't worry too much, my mum used to say that if you're with someone and you're getting down and dirty they really won't be bothered by such things. Not sure if this is helping at all.

Good luck anyway and chin up

Love
ang

custard
Member

Re: relationships after surgery 22 years old

Hi Gemma,

I'm a bit older than you (39) and to be honest my WLE/SNB scars dont really bother me, I suppose its beacuse I'm older and less likely to wear low tops anyway but I did have an operation when I was 16 that left me with a scar from the nape of my neck to the top of my bum so I can kind of relate to what you are saying.(I'm starting to look like an ordanance survey map the older I get) I found it was far better to bring up the surgery in general conversation before it ever got to the grappling situation (I have some mobility issues too) I met and married my first husband by 25 but split a few years later and was dreading meeting anyone new. I know its easy for other people to say but honestly if the guy is worth anything it wont be an issue.
Good luck with everything hun and be good to yourself, the scars will fade honestly. S xx

evie9000uk
Member

Re: relationships after surgery 22 years old

Hi Gemma

I wonder if it might be an idea to go to your GP and tell him how you feel. Maybe he may be able to help you. You should not be feeling like this at your age, you need to talk this through with someone.

Good luck with this, my heart goes out to you, you are the same age as one of my daughters and it must be horrible for you.

Let us know how you get on

Yvonne xx

gempez
Member

relationships after surgery 22 years old

hi everyone

This is my first time on here, i was 18 when i got a brest lump i ended up having to have it removed i had two operations and i have two large scars on my left breast.

I went to have a scan done and scan came back that it was a solid lump so had the fine needle test the results came back as 5 so was advised to have it removed as it showed signs of cancer cells, unfortunatly a foregin doc operated on me as the other surgion was ill and he removed tissue from the wrong part of the breast and left me with the ever growing lump still there. a year later when i had come to tearms with it and had loads of tests done and tumor was still growing and still on same grade so had another operation done at 19 years old. the doc who did it was a great breast surgon in the north west he looked after me as much as they could as i was in a bit of a mess as you can imagen.

now im 22 and still struggling with the after effects as i now have 2 large scars and they sore to touch, they look a lot better than they did but im now struggling with relationships at my age im not married and not in a relationship but when i do meet someone i find it so hard to get intimate with them as i dont know how to tell them about the scars like i said they hurt so if they get grabbed its unconfatble!!! also embarressed about it at 22 i cannot go out with the low cut tops on and pull the lads as im totally embarressed about it and i dont want people to see it. Sometimes a girl wants to go out and have some fun but i feel like im been held back by this...

does anybody have any advise please help.

many thanks
gemma
x

its made me very self concious and relationships in the past have not been great.