It sounds like you're having a pretty difficult time at the moment. As well as the support you receive here it might help to talk everything through with a member of staff on the BCC helpline. Here you can share your concerns with somone who will offer you a listening ear as well as emotional support and practical information. The free phone number is 0808 800 6000 and the lines are open Monday to Friday 9.00 to 5.00 and Saturday 10.00 to 2.00.
Best wishes Sam, BCC Facilitator